


'Till Death

by sigynstark



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Slow Burn, Young Gellert Grindelwald
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:30:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 101,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigynstark/pseuds/sigynstark
Summary: 'Till Death is a roleplay written by forthegreatergoodrp (my friend) and yoursaviourhasarrived (me) on tumblr.The story starts at the Triwizard Tournament in Hogwarts. Loki is in his sixth year and a Slytherin, Gellert is a Durmstrang student who arrived at Hogwarts to participate in the Tournament.The two of them start talking, and a new journey begins.(P. S.: I am shit at writing summaries. Long chapters will come. If you want to see the gifs attached, I'd recommend following the story on tumblr! There is also an amazing artwork that sweetlittlevampire on tumblr created for this roleplay - I'll link it when we get there as it contains spoiler for new readers. :))





	1. Chapter 1

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

If he wanted to be honest, he would’ve said the only interesting thing was that the ship arrived from underwater. On the way back to the castle, he silently stared up at the sky, and wondered what this year would bring.

Summer was terrible. Odin’s lies finally came to the surface, and it took a toll on Loki. He never was a talkative one with his classmates, and this became worse. The past almost two months was spent with him rarely uttering a word except if he was asked.

Silently running a hand in his ebony hair, he made his way back to the Slytherin table with people walking around him. He smoothed his robe and didn’t look at anyone when he sat. For quite a while, nobody sat next to him, and he was relieved. Then, for some reason, someone thought it’d be a good idea to take a seat to his left.

Loki glanced at the other boy who was more interested in the magical ceiling and floating candles in the Great Hall than him, but the Slytherin immediately noticed that this boy was from Durmstrang. He was already getting his thick fur coat off as he observed the interior, revealing his scarlet robes under it, seemingly not minding at all that the black haired boy was looking at him.

Loki slowly turned his head and stared forward, and felt like his face was burning. Did he blush? That might’ve happened… this boy was really, really handsome… and for some reason, he chose to sit right next to him. He smiled to himself when he saw that Krum, the legendary quidditch player sat here as well, along with the other Durmstrang students, making most of the other students in the hall twist around in their seats to just look at him.

Loki silently observed Krum; he might’ve been a great quidditch player, but he wasn’t nearly as handsome as the other student next to him. That thought made him smile again, and he casually glanced to his left, which was obviously a mistake, as the Durmstrang student was staring right back at him.

Loki suddenly lost his voice when their eyes met. He felt like his stomach did a back flip, and his heart stopped, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. The other had mismatched eyes; one of them brilliant blue, the other brown. Loki thought they were beautiful. His hair was combed perfectly, and he had the most perfect nose Loki had ever seen.

He didn’t dare to look at the boy’s mouth._ That’d be too obvious._

“Hi”, he pushed through his teeth with a warm smile.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

_It will be a blessing to finally get off this damn ship_, Gellert thought sullenly. It had felt at least a year since they’d boarded, and now, on arrival, their ensemble of students had been told by Karkaroff to wait below deck. As if he had nothing better to do but **_wait_** until _Albus Dumbledore_ was ready to receive them. 

Gellert’s patience had lasted for a grand total of three minutes. He’d sullenly etched his signature mark into the dark wood beside his bunk: a triangle, a circle, a line. The small circular viewpoint by his head boasted a black lake surrounded by a forest coated with frost, and he wanted to get out and _explore_.

The other students hadn’t spoken a word to him on the journey. He scared most of them. The rest regarded him with either desire, respect, or both. Honestly, he was surprised he’d been allowed to come on the trip at all: Karkaroff had already warned him a few times about his… experiments. If he wasn’t careful, he knew he might soon face expulsion.

When they were finally released from their trappings below deck, Gellert looked up at Hogwarts in awe. They trekked up the hillside to the giant castle quickly, despite their heavy fur coats and hats. The climate was remarkably warmer compared to the northern reaches of Switzerland, despite the cold October wind that whistled around the turrets. Gellert smiled. There would be plenty of lore and mystique to be found here.

When they entered the Great Hall, there were audible gasps among his ensemble: the entire room was lit by thousands and thousands of candles, all floating in midair over four long tables. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Hundreds of faces stared at them like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight; the room hushed with eager murmuring, the air palpable with excitement. _Durmstrang students_, came the whispers. _They teach the Dark Arts there._

Gellert followed his ensemble to the table at the far left, looking upward to admire the velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. _It’s so enchanting_, he thought. It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all. He found an empty seat between a blushing blonde girl and a boy with bright, inquisitive eyes, and quickly shrugged off his heavy cloak and hat, leaving his dirty blonde hair ruffled.

The tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. Impressed, he reached out to inspect them. Then, sensing interest from his right, he looked around at the boy sitting beside him: he had a slender profile, and his hair was long and dark. When the boy looked back at him, he confidently met his eyes.

“Hi,” said the boy, his smile warm and welcoming. Gellert blinked. 

“Hi,” he repeated. “I’m Grindelwald. Gellert Grindelwald.” His Germanic accent altered his vowels, though he tried his best to form his words without it. He held his hand out politely. “Pleased to meet you.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

_He **speaks**. And he speaks** English.**_

Loki wasn’t sure why was he surprised that the boy had a voice in the first place; it should’ve been more curious that he spoke English so well. It made Loki smile even warmer at him as he accepted the other’s hand. Both of their hands were a bit cold; but Loki still felt a jolt of sudden electricity rushing through him as their palms touched.

Even though the boy had a strong accent, Loki didn’t really mind; he was literally beaming when the boy replied to him. Most of the Slytherins kept to themselves, and the other houses didn’t really like to talk to them; though there was that Hufflepuff girl he used to work at one of their classes and she occasionally tried to start a conversation. Not like Loki had much to tell her. Thor — Gryffindor, year seven —, made his life hard on a daily basis here — and Loki made his life hard in turn —, and Loki, despite he only had one more year here, wouldn’t have any benefits of his idiotic brother being away, because it’d be too late then to make any friends.

But then… the thought that the Durmstrang students would go back home this summer after the Triwizard Tournament, though, didn’t bother Loki at all. Shaking hands was a good start, really. Maybe exchange a few polite words. Then it’d be up to the other, he wouldn’t be pushy.

“Pleased to meet you, too”, he nodded as well, still smiling, afraid that the corners of his lips perhaps were permanently glued to his ears. “I’m Loki.” Saying _Odinson_ now felt incredibly stomach-turning, so he skipped that. “How was your journey?”

Loki caught a glimpse of the girl sitting on Gellert’s other side, and felt very amused when he saw her blush. He hoped he wasn’t as red as her, that he appeared calm and — just a bit too — friendly.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He shook Loki’s hand, noting how cold they both were, and mirrored his smile. He was undeniably attractive, and when he smiled, his eyes crinkled in a way that made Gellert’s stomach jolt slightly, like someone had hooked him and given a sharp tug. 

“It was terrible,” he replied honestly, his tone as sharp as his cheekbones. “My bunk is hard and the lower deck is cold. But it’s much better in here… Hogwarts is incredible.” He grinned, taking in Loki’s green-lined robes. “So you are in Slytherin House? I’ve been reading as much as I can about Hogwarts. What year are you in?” 

His eyes glittered merrily, seemingly unafraid to ask so many questions. He was glad of the opportunity to practise his English.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He couldn’t take his eyes off of Gellert’s. They were mesmerizing – especially the blue one –, and when he smiled, Loki had a hard time fighting back that warmness in his cheeks. Then his smile faded a little.

“Oh”, he sighed, “I’m sorry your way here wasn’t good. A hard bunk and cold deck sounds unpleasant.” He let go of the boy’s hand (no matter how much he wanted to hold onto it), and smiled at the other’s grin. He really appreciated Gellert’s curiosity. It was a trait which was often missing from students. “Yes, I am a Slytherin.”

He hoped Gellert didn’t have any negative prejudices about Slytherins, but there was little chance. Books were filled with how many Death Eaters were Slytherin back in the day. Loki didn’t really mind about that, though. Considering Odin himself had a shady past…

“I’m in year six, so I’ll be finishing school next year. And, at least you could find something about Hogwarts”, he chuckled quietly, “because no matter how much I tried to research Durmstrang, I barely found anything. Only that it has four stories and that it’s somewhere up North. Judging by your coat, which looks like you’re wearing it almost all the time, it must be cold there.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert nodded. “Well, I only found a little, too. Just a brief overview of the House founders, and a mention of your Headmaster.” He searched Loki’s expression. “The schools are all very protective of their private domain. We’re not _allowed_ to say where Durmstrang is located…” He smiled and shrugged one shoulder apologetically. “But yes… it is in the north.”

At that moment, the three Heads of the schools appeared; another hush fell over the hall. Dumbledore remained standing until there was silence, and Gellert couldn’t help but admire the clear respect he commanded over his students, and turned to listen to him.   
  
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, ghosts and – most particularly – guests.” The old man beamed. “I have great pleasure in welcoming you all to Hogwarts. I hope and trust that your stay here will be both comfortable and enjoyable.”  
At that, one of the Beauxbatons girls emitted a short, derisive laugh; Gellert’s eyes passed briefly over to her, unimpressed. She clearly fell short in the way of manners.  
  
“The Tournament will be officially opened at the end of the feast,” Dumbledore continued. “I now invite you all to eat, drink, and make yourselves at home!”  
The dishes filled with a great variety of food: Gellert tucked in immediately, starving after his time on the ship. He ate quickly without preamble, trying a bite of every dish within his reach. The food was **incredible**. He could get used to this.

After a few minutes, his eyes went back to Loki. With his reputation at Durmstrang, Gellert wasn’t used to anyone actually being _friendly_ with him… and yet Loki couldn’t seem to stop smiling. He absent-mindedly fingered the silver necklace he wore atop his blood red robes: the mark of the hallows. “What is the library like here?” he suddenly asked. He couldn’t wait to resume his research, and the rumours of Hogwarts extensive library were certainly exciting…

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

They weren’t _allowed?_ Well, Loki already had a few guesses. And that was just the way how Hogwarts was as well. Every school liked to keep their secrets.

He wanted to reply something just when Dumbledore started speaking, so he paid attention as well. The girl’s laugh didn’t affect him at all, he didn’t look away from the headmaster’s face. He was a bit curious about the tournament, but he wasn’t sure he’d try and enter it. Loki was sure though that Thor totally would try to.

When the food magically appeared, he reached out for the nearest golden pitcher to pour himself some pumpkin juice first; and as he did so, he noticed from the corner of his eye how Gellert tried to devour _everything_ which was within his arm’s reach. Loki wondered briefly; he had to sleep on a hard bed, in a cold deck… and had no food visibly in hours? He decided he didn’t really like Gellert’s school. It seemed too strict and cold. Literally.

He helped himself to some fried chicken and potato — and eyed a suspicious looking dish he’d never seen before —, then glanced back at Gellert, automatically smiling again, of course.

“Oh, our library is vast”, he reassured Gellert, “even if we don’t look at it’s restricted section, Hogwarts has a lot of books.”

_Interesting_, he thought to himself, _he just arrived and already asks about the library. I like that._ His eyes involuntarily glancing at the medal Gellert had. It wasn’t familiar to him. He wondered what it meant, but didn’t ask. He’d figure out on his own later. He turned back to his plate to eat some of his mashed potato. Once he swallowed, he looked back at Gellert again.

“It’d be best to ask someone to take you there.” He didn’t want to offer without being asked… he felt like he’d sound too weird and eager. “The staircases are fickle, and you probably would get lost alone. Hogwarts is really big.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

_A restricted section. **Perfect. **_

“I’m glad to hear that,” Gellert replied, picking up his goblet of pumpkin juice. “Perhaps you can show me. Tomorrow - before the Halloween feast.” He purposefully injected a flirtatious tone, maintaining intense eye contact over the rim of his goblet as he sipped.

Just before dessert was served, two Ministry officials joined the teacher’s table. Gellert stuffed his face with cake and cream, then tried some of the French blancmange out of curiosity. He dabbed his lips, feeling warmer and fuller than he had in days. 

Once the plates were wiped clean, a pleasant tension settled over everyone present, and Dumbledore once again got to his feet to speak. Gellert exhaled softly, listening intently. The Tournament was a pleasant distraction, an excuse to visit Hogwarts - not something he actually anticipated being involved in. Karkaroff, despite his warnings, still thought of Gellert as a greatly gifted student and had wanted him to put his name forward, along with Krum and the others. 

He was confident enough that the Goblet preferred **prestige** and **fame** over raw talent. I_ won’t be chosen so long as Krum is here._ The jewelled casket, and the Goblet of Fire it unveiled, were of far more interest to him than any mention of ‘champions’; _what a powerful relic the goblet must be_, Gellert wondered, his mismatched eyes eagerly catching the light of the blue flames. 

When Dumbledore bid them all goodnight, Gellert thumbed at his necklace again, hesitating. He wished he didn’t have to go back to the ship again. He turned to Loki, procrastinating despite knowing that the other students would have to wait for him. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki sipped from his goblet when Gellert replied; and he didn’t miss the signs, either. He glanced back at the boy mischievously, arching a half-surprised but definitely amused ebony brow, and the corners of his lips curved up. _Did he just— **yes, he did.**_

“Tomorrow is Saturday”, Loki pointed it out, “unless you wish to spend the day in that cold ship of yours, we could spend the day in the warm library instead, after breakfast.” It sounded like a challenge, one he hoped Gellert would accept. But he still added a casual shrug, as if it wasn’t a big deal if he said no. He planned going in the library, anyway. “If you want to.”

They better finish before the feast, though. Loki had some surprise in store for Thor for tomorrow morning, and he couldn’t wait to see the reaction, but what he waited for the most were the decorations and the living bats. He really loved the living bats. And Hagrid’s giant jack-o-lanterns. And the pumpkin pie…

He ate _a lot_ of macarons next; they were green and tasted like strawberry, so he immediately took a liking to them. _I could eat a wagon of this,_ he decided as he sent down a full goblet of pumpkin juice.

He barely had any willpower left in him to pay attention; he became too sleepy, that day he got up very early to study before his potions class — not like he needed it, but he was doing a research —, but kept his eyes on the Goblet of Fire and wondered why exactly did it have blue flames. If his mind wasn’t so slowed down with all the food he ate, he actually would’ve given it more thought. He thought of his warm bed in the dungeons just when Dumbledore let them go, but turned to look at Gellert when he heard his question. Loki smiled involuntarily. Gellert’s eyes _really_ were mesmerizing.

“No”, he said simply and shrugged. “I have nothing to prove to anyone, and I want to concentrate on my studies instead of focusing on the trials. There are more important things in the world than fame and glory, don’t you think?” He didn’t yawn. But he wanted to. His schoolmates started to get up around him, but he didn’t want to move unless Gellert did. “What about you?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Fame and glory aren’t on my to-do list, either,” he joked. “But because I’m one of the lucky ones, invited to come here in the first place, I’ll have to put my name forward. I only agreed so that I could see it all.” Gellert smiled lightly, realising he was impressed with Loki’s answer. There absolutely **were** more important things to set your mind to, but he hadn’t yet met anyone else who agreed with that. 

At that point, Karkaroff bustled up to the Slytherin table, his attention focused – as usual – on his prize student, Viktor Krum. “Back to the ship, then,” he told them all, which sent Gellert’s heart into a pit of disappointment. _Back to the cold ship with its hard bunk._ Only Krum had a room to himself_; _the others were expected to share, with three to a dorm on the lower deck. It made Gellert crave his privacy. He wished he could stay in the castle instead, with its warm fires and steady, immovable floors. 

Stifling a yawn, he got to his feet, picked up his fur cloak, and fastened it back around his shoulders. Then he looked down at Loki with a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“I’ll take you up on that offer,” he told him, his accent coming through on the vowels again. “Goodnight, Loki. It’s been a pleasure.” Again, he prolonged his eye contact just a second longer than was necessary before walking away with his classmates. Over the past year or so, he had grown in confidence, and he wasn’t afraid to exercise his unnatural talent for charming people. It was how he had gained willing participants for his _experiments_… some only needed a few choice words whispered in their ear, whereas others required a more… **physical persuasion**. It was all the same to him. 

But with Loki, he was truly intrigued. Gellert knew he didn’t need to _use_ him for anything; at least not yet. _I’ve never met an English boy before_, he thought a little dreamily as he walked away. Just as his party exited through the Great Hall doors, Gellert almost walked straight into the girl in front of him: the others had all come to a halt behind Karkaroff, who was staring at a boy with messy black hair and green eyes. _Harry Potter_, Gellert realised, his eyes widening. He and his classmates all stared curiously, until they were moved on by the new Auror who taught at the castle.

_Yes_, he thought, smiling to himself on the path back to the lake. _This year was going to be a very interesting one._

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

It was strange to hear Gellert’s explanation; most of the boys, especially their age, were thrilled to be able to participate in the tournament, and Loki was surprised he’d found someone else who ‘only agreed’ to 'see it all’. Perhaps he meant he wanted to see the tournament… and Hogwarts, as well. The thought made him smile.

He glanced up at the Durmstrang headmaster, his emerald eyes scanning the man’s outfit and expression. He didn’t expect anything less. **_Cold and hard_**, just as everything else he so far heard from Gellert. His eyes shifted back on the boy and he noticed the expression after the headmaster’s comment, and he felt sad that Gellert had to leave. Surely, they could’ve asked Dumbledore to get them proper beds, in the warm castle. Why take kids out in that ship? This was just cruel. Especially if it was done because of _pride_.

He remained seated as he watched the Durmstrang student getting up and getting dressed, their eyes locking as soon as Gellert looked down at him, sending a pleasant warm feeling down on Loki’s back. He smiled again, unable to stop himself.

“The pleasure is all mine, Gellert”, he replied, his tone calm and gentle, “goodnight.”

He watched the boy walk away, the smile remaining around his lips, thinking that he already missed those mismatched eyes and accent-altered words. He didn’t think for a moment that Gellert would be interested in him in any other way than just being a guide and as someone he could occasionally talk to; but it was nice to play with the idea that Gellert’s looks meant something more than just being friendly.

Loki himself did that on occasion, manipulating others to do his bidding; he’d had several girls steal potion ingredients for him already and he was rather good with memory-altering spells. He never got caught. And his arsenal of potions was _vast_; he’d have one for anything, and he smirked to himself when he thought how he could have anyone do whatever he wanted in his school with only a single drop.

Or from _another_ school…

As he walked down to the dungeon with the other Slytherins, he still had the smirk on his face. Gellert wouldn’t even know. Loki wouldn’t do it, though, not _yet_, anyway… but it was great to know he had the power if he so wished.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As he had predicted, Gellert spent another restless night on the ship. Not only was Poliakoff snoring again, but Karkaroff seemed to be up and about for most of the night, his footsteps occasionally creaking on the ceiling right above his head.

Still, Gellert didn’t really_ want_ to sleep: his mind was reeling with energy. He passed the hours by practising spells non-verbally: by dawn, he had managed _accio ring_ from his own finger, _muffliato_ on Poliakoff’s snores, _diffindo_ (which ripped a small hole in his neighbour’s bedsheets), and by the sound of the sudden crash above their heads, a successful _colloshoo_ on one of Karkaroff’s boots on the floor above. He’d probably pay for that later. 

The knock on the door to rouse them was a relief; Gellert washed and dressed quickly, and followed the party back to the castle, his steps light. He avoided Karkaroff’s suspicious glances, instead focusing innocently on the Hogwarts turrets. The Headmaster probably knew it was him; after all, it almost always **was**. He’d gotten detention again last week, when he’d used _finestra_ to shatter a student’s spectacles. **_He almost lost his eye!_** Karkaroff had yelled, livid. Gellert had yelled right back, incensed that he was being punished for his cleverness. _How else am I supposed to learn whether or not I could do it? _he’d shouted. 

Karkaroff had smirked at him._ Perhaps first, Grindelwald, you should ask yourself whether you **should.**_

Still, his practical experiments on other students had carried his knowledge further than any of the others could hope for. He’d tired out most of the charms, jinxes and hexes - even most of the Dark ones. Now, he was anxious to try **curses**. He wondered if Loki would understand his vicious thirst to keep learning, _to find his limitations_, or whether he’d be afraid of him, like the others. He hoped not, but he was sure he’d find out soon enough. 

As it was Halloween, the Great Hall had been heavily decorated with hundreds of carved pumpkins leering from every corner, the ceiling a skittering cloud of live bats. It was only just past dawn, so the castle still slept: only a couple of Hogwarts students were already up, tiredly munching on toast. It was typical of Karkaroff to want to enter them all to the Tournament when hardly anyone was watching.

Gellert wrote his name on a piece of parchment, and one by one, all twelve Durmstrang students put their name in. Gellert’s eyes reflected the blue flames as he watched the Goblet devour their entries, and the students around him whispered to each other excitedly. _It’s pointless,_ he wanted to hiss at them._ Krum has the upper hand on all of us. And if it ever came down to simple raw talent, it would obviously be **my** name coming from the goblet, not yours._  
  
Karkaroff and most of the others sat down to eat breakfast early, but Gellert went to wait just outside instead, in the Entrance Hall. He casually leaned against the wall, waiting for the pretty dark-haired boy who kept appearing in his mind. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

As soon as he was done with his bath, Loki sat down on the edge of his bed, and removed the shielding spells and curses from his nightstand. One of his roommates out of the four of them spent the first week at the infirmary in their first year because he tried to open his nightstand where he kept his journal. Loki argued his privacy was _almost_ violated, which Snape, of course, didn’t really care about. Loki spent a week in detention for that.

But his roommates never touched **any** of his stuff **_ever_** again.

He’d learned the spells and curses from the books he’d found at home, and he was able to cast them before he even got a wand. He had to. Thor was a nosy prick, and he didn’t have any sense of respect when it came to Loki. Thor himself spent quite a few days in Saint Mungo because of Loki’s magic as well. Odin was livid, not even once, during their upbringing. Loki silently winced as he got his journal out, and tried to shake the bad memories out of his head.

Thor was a bully, but he never got as punished as Loki when the latter was the culprit. He remembered _weeks_ when he couldn’t sit properly.

He got his quill and ink, and started to write about his day. It was a detailed entry, in a tongue only those would be able to read here if they were studying scandinavian runes. He was proud of that; not many here were really interested in such things, so his secrets were safe. Once he was finished, he read it back, noticing that the word he wrote down so many times was ‘Gellert’. He smiled at that, before he drew down the boy’s medal he saw hanging around his neck. _What could this mean?_ He thought with furrowed brows. _Why does it feel familiar?_

He tapped the pages he wrote on with his wand and the ink became invisible. Loki put his things away, put up his spells and curses again on his nightstand, then said goodnight to his roommates and once his green curtains were closed, he silently cast _lumos_ and started reading his potion’s book. After three sentences, he realised he couldn’t concentrate on it. A pair of mismatched eyes always came back in his mind. Sighing, he hid the book under his pillow, then stared up at his bed’s ceiling. He half smiled, then flicked with his wand, murmured _allucinatio_, and he projected the boy’s face on his bed’s green ceiling.

“_It’d be best if you asked someone to take you there_”, he scoffed quietly to himself. “Loki, you’re a bloody idiot…”

He sighed at the handsome face, then flicked his wand again, silently making both the illusion and the light on the tip of his wand disappear, then he turned on his side and curled up under his warm, soft blanket. He thought of Gellert, still; how he complained how he had to sleep. _He surely wouldn’t have any problems here_, Loki thought with a smirk before he fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up relatively early. He got dressed quickly, washed his teeth, combed his hair, pushed at least three students out of his way and hurried up the stairs. He **_loved_** Halloween. The decorations, the feast, the _tricks_. It was a Saturday and he had his doubts Thor would be down here, but he’d get his trick for sure. Loki always pulled a mean one on him every Halloween, and even though Thor always expected it, he never could escape any of them. Loki was just too clever.

Just as he turned around the corner to walk in the Great Hall, though, the sight of a crimson robe caught his attention down the corridor.

_Merlin, it’s **him**. Could it be? Is he waiting for me? _His thoughts spun into excited screeching. _Unbelievable! HE LOOKS EVEN BETTER IN PROPER SUNLIGHT. Okay, you got this, KEEP CALM._

“Oh, good morning, Gellert”, he offered a warm smile, again, feeling like the corners of his lips were glued to his ears. “Have you had breakfast? Do we have living bats again?”

Loki freaked out at least five girls last year with them. He had so much fun until Snape showed up. He hoped he wouldn’t come here early today so Loki could have his _fun_.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert continued his mischievous antics as he waited: _Alarte Ascendare _sent a third-year Gryffindor’s hat soaring high into the air, and a few moments later, _Colovaria_ turned a Ravenclaw girl’s hair a rather fetching turquoise blue. He was just about to heat things up and consider using _Incendio_ on someone’s House scarf, when he noticed Loki appear from around the corner. The Slytherin boy was strangely eye-catching, and Gellert couldn’t help but wonder if he had thought about _him_ at all. 

“Good morning,” he responded, trying to mimic Loki’s smooth accent. “I haven’t eaten yet,” he admitted. “I thought I would… wait for you.”

Smiling, he subconsciously lowered his eyes to Loki’s body, checking out how he looked in his robes now that he was standing beside him. Then, realising what he’d done, he quickly snapped his gaze back to Loki’s face. **Oops.** That hadn’t been particularly subtle. 

“Hmm. Yes. Bats.” He gestured to the Great Hall, his cheeks slightly pink. “Okay, lead the way.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki caught himself smiling wider at the other’s reply, especially when he heard how Gellert talked; for some reason, the accent made every word special for him.

** _Oh, for Salazar’s sake. Keep calm!_ **

“That’s very nice of you.”

Loki beamed, then caught the way Gellert was looking down at him. His brows twitched up; he was just a bit surprised, although his happy little smile turned into a cheeky smirk. He didn’t comment on that look, though. It wasn’t like he didn’t try to check Gellert out yesterday, as he was walking away… it was only fair. Loki nodded, then they walked down the corridor together; the black-green and blood red must’ve looked good together, because a student they bypassed dropped her toast. Loki extended an arm to the Slytherin table.

“Shall we?” He asked Gellert with the same cheeky smirk. “I’d say our honoured guest should choose his seat, first.”

_I’m not flirting._ <strike>He did.</strike> _I’m just polite. Very polite._


	2. Chapter 2

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert smirked when the passing girl looked up at them and dropped her toast. He was no stranger to**_ that_** kind of attention, but in the last six months he’d barely had time to pursue anyone… not that anyone ever truly interested him. Most of the time, if he _allowed_ things to develop, it was usually because he was using them for sexual gratification - or other, more _darker_ motives. He’d tried both girls and boys at Durmstrang, but now he was seventeen he was fairly certain he’d now discovered his preference. 

At Loki’s polite gesture, Gellert suggestively raised an eyebrow.

“Alright~”

Before he chose his seat, he passed close to Loki and very briefly placed his hand at his waist, as though there hadn’t been quite enough room to maneuver. It was a simple enough movement, but one he hoped would send fireworks exploding to his brain. He could almost _feel_ the tension sizzling from the other boy, and it made him want to play…

He quickly grabbed a slice of toast and started chewing, his eyes taking in the options on offer: marmalade, jams, cheese, ham… and… “_Oh wow,_” he murmured beneath his breath, unused to such a range of choices. “_Schokolade…_”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki wasn’t really sure that Gellert was flirting with him yesterday – until the moment he unnecessarily touched him. His usually pale face got some colour because of it, he felt the warmth flooding his cheeks, and he almost squeaked because of it. His stomach pretended it was a frog, jumping up and down merrily in his body, and he inhaled slowly to calm his mind. Of course, Gellert’s scent filled his lungs, which did not help. He was just too close.

** _Keep calm._ **

Loki acted like nothing happened, and quickly willed his blush to subside – he had a technique for that, he’d mastered the act of looking perfectly unaffected by anything in the past few years at home –, then sat next to Gellert and smiled at his comment._ Schokolade_ sounded so natural from him.

“Sweet tooth?” He got himself the usual golden pitcher to have pumpkin juice first. Then, he couldn’t help but show off, silently thinking _accio goblet_, willing the closest golden goblet slid in his open hand across the table, wand unused. He smirked as he poured himself some juice. Then he decided he just needed to say the boy’s name. It felt so special on his tongue. “Would you like some juice, Gellert?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert noticed the wandless magic, and was impressed. It increased his desire to learn more about him - so he pushed his goblet towards the pitcher in answer, a smile spreading across his features as Loki filled it for him.

“Sort of,” he admitted, thinking fondly of Chocolate Frogs. “I like sour or bitter tastes even more, though. At Durmstrang, you could often find me in the library sucking on a Liquorice Wand.” He placed the tip of a finger on his lips as he said it, his eye contact lingering.

“I’m looking forward to spending time with you today,” he said casually. “You can tell me all about what life at Hogwarts is like. Do you have many friends here?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He focused on filling Gellert’s goblet and tried his best not to drop the pitcher as he immediately imagined Gellert sucking on a Liquorice Wand. He’d never look at the damn things the same way ever again.

Loki put down the pitcher — and he caught the way Gellert was stroking his lips, which sent fire in his gut —, then got some scrambled eggs for himself and a toast. He looked like he was completely calm, when in fact, thoughts raced in his mind. _He’s looking forward to spend time with me today_, he thought with a smile, _he sounds honest about it, too. But if he keeps teasing me, we’ll have a hard time concentrating…_

“I’m looking forward today, too”, he admitted with a smirk. “And oh, I can tell you anything and everything you want to know”, his emerald eyes had a mischievous glint in them as he sent down a bite of toast and a bit of scrambled eggs. “Friends? Not really. Allies and enemies, yes.” He sipped his juice, then sighed. He’d have to tell Gellert eventually, and Loki wanted the boy to hear it from him. “I’ll be honest, I am adopted, and I have a ‘brother’… he’s in year seven and he’s a Gryffindor. He doesn’t really make life comfortable and easy for me.” He chuckled after he ate a bit from his eggs again. “But I don’t make his life comfortable and easy, either. Do you have siblings?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert gulped down the pumpkin juice in almost one gulp before helping himself to toast with scrambled eggs and bacon. He ate carefully and listened attentively, his focus flickered between Loki and the food on his plate. He was truly amazed at how… **similar** Loki’s words sounded. It was almost like hearing himself speak. 

_Allies and enemies._ Clearly, Loki had a lot in common with him. 

He was pleased when Loki opened up to him about something so personal. Adopted? He’d never mentioned his surname, so he wasn’t sure what that meant either way; for all he knew, Loki could be muggle born. 

“No… no siblings. I’m one of a kind.” He paused to smirk, then his mismatched eyes narrowed slightly. “What does your brother do to you?” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki ate a few bites himself, but he barely got his eyes off of Grindelwald. He didn’t really feel the taste of the food at the moment. Gellert’s eyes were really extraordinary.

“Just normal sibling rivalry, I’d say”, Loki shrugged. “He doesn’t believe that knowledge is power; he believes his muscle is power.” Loki shrugged with a smirk. “There’s my advantage. He has his little gang, all of them adore him, and they love to insult me. He doesn’t stop them.”

He grimaced and shook his head. There were much more; his stuff, abused, broken, ripped apart. Sometimes he himself had a busted lip or a blackened eye. But he didn’t want Gellert to feel sorry for him, because there was really no need.

“But I always have my revenge for every single word and deed”, he smirked once more and finished his food. “I love to make them feel like I don’t dare to cross ways with them, but sooner or later they find themselves in a very delicate situation when they’re powerless. I like to strike when they least expect it.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert smiled incredulously. _He doesn’t believe that knowledge is power?_ If Loki could have said anything to form a poor first impression of a person, it was that. This Thor sounded like an idiot. _Muggles_ more often relied on their physical strength; an intelligent wizard would realise what his true gifts were. 

“So they all gang up together against you, as a group.” It wasn’t a question; merely an observation from what Loki had told him. “Well, that hardly seems fair. Your brother sounds like a _flachwichser._ We should balance things out a little.”

He grinned, and leaned forwards eagerly: “I’ll help you get revenge.” There was a merry, wild look in his expression. If anything was going to momentarily distract him from his research into the location of the Elder Wand, it was something like this. He didn’t mind. It was refreshing to have a motive for his mischief - **for once**. 

Finishing his food, he then poured himself a hot, steaming black coffee; he sipped it with a calculating gaze in his eye, staring into the nearby fireplace. Already his mind was ticking, sifting through spells both dark and light that he had tested on students in the past. Hogwarts didn’t teach the Dark Arts, so he knew he could bring something **new** to the table. Something delightful. Something entertaining. But just how bloodthirsty was Loki comfortable with getting?

“Perhaps we can come up with a plan in the library,” he suggested with a crooked smile. Loki’s eyes held a warm gleam in them, and it lifted his spirits to see it. Was… was he actually making a _friend_?

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Oh, there can be a hundred Gryffindors against a single Slytherin, and _the Slytherin would still triumph._”

Loki smirked back at Gellert devilishly. He didn’t know what a_ ‘flachwichser’ _was, although the word sounded like an insult, and Loki would agree with any and all insults Gellert would use if he described his brother. Thor was an annoying prick. Odin’s favourite. A bully. Also very popular, which made things only worse, as it didn’t really make Loki popular when he had his sneaky revenge. At least… Gryffindors didn’t really like him. Not like he cared, anyway.

“Thank you for the offer”, Loki nodded as he poured himself another goblet of pumpkin juice. “Although I already scheduled a series of unfortunate events for him today. The first would arrive with the usual morning owl post; it’d be best if we weren’t around.”

He shot a mischievous look at Gellert, and in the next moment, a living bat bumped in his shoulder. Loki remained calm and unmoving, waiting for the animal to gather itself, clutching in his robes with it’s claws, squeaking quietly. He calmly put his goblet down and reached back to hold the bat, then he chuckled as he looked at it. The little bat let out a squeak and Loki tickled it’s belly with a quiet laugh, before he released it back up to the others.

“Do you have a pet?” Loki glanced at Gellert with a smile again.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert watched Loki handle the bat with a bemused smile. He’d not seen a bat up close before. He supposed there was a charm to it, but he scooted slightly away in his seat. 

“No. No pets.” He swigged another mouthful of his black coffee. “Honestly, I’m not really an _animal_ kind of guy…” He trailed away, already expecting the usual response of outrage. He knew that in the vast majority of cases, this indifference to pets was a huge black mark against him; for a reason that escaped him, people seemed to _adore_ animals, especially the smaller, fluffier ones…

He supposed some animals were sort of cute. He liked visiting the owls at Durmstrang’s owlery, but only because he could use them to send his messages to his great aunt. 

Gellert raised an eyebrow, wondering what Loki had already planned, and drained the rest of his cup. “I would normally advocate watching your works of revenge unfold,” he admitted. “But if what you say is true, we’d better leave now.” He indicated towards the Great Hall ceiling; the rafters from the Entrance Hall was suddenly shuffling with a dozen or so owls carrying the morning post, hooting indignantly when they saw they would have to share the airspace with bats. 

He snatched up one last piece of toast, and placed the tip of it in his mouth so he could rise from the bench. “Come on.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Gellert didn’t like animals? Loki could relate. While he occasionally had a cat sitting in his lap during the evenings in the common room — a younger Slytherin lass had a black one with green eyes which took a liking to him —, Loki was just fine without them. When he found out he couldn’t have a pet snake, it was out of the question. Snakes understood him. **_Literally._**

“Well, it seems to me you like to hang around _a snake_.”

He commented lightly, with a mischievous glint in his eye. Loki scared the Hell out of Thor quite a few times ever since he learned how to shape shift. Nobody knew he was an animagus, even if it was law that the Ministry of Magic recorded them. The thought made him smile. One more way to preserve his own life, if he needed it. He’d be mad to tell anyone.

Looking up at the ceiling he smirked, then Loki glanced back at Gellert as he stood up, a rush of excitement filling his veins. He quickly stood up as well and bypassed the Durmstrang student; his index finger _‘accidentally’_ brushing against Gellert’s hand, which made dozens of butterflies flutter their wings in Loki’s stomach. Or at least, it felt like it.

As he led the way outside and up the stairs, he smirked to himself when he heard the screams and shouts erupting back in the Great Hall. He glanced back at Gellert above his shoulder; when their eyes met, it did funny things to him again. Gellert was just so handsome, Loki wanted to do nothing else but to look at his face. All day. And night. And in his dreams, as well.

“Hope you like stairs”, he teased, “we have lots of that.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s seemingly innocent comparison of himself with a snake made Gellert’s smile spread; the Slytherin boy’s tone was light and mischievous, and it made Gellert feel at ease. He’d noted all of the Hogwarts House emblems by now, so he knew the Slytherin banner was a serpent. He’d already planned to research them more by the end of the day. Perhaps it would impress Loki, too…

When he paused to let Loki take the lead to the library, he felt the brush of his finger against his skin - and almost instantly, felt blood rush to his head. He swallowed, but made no sign he had noticed the contact. It might have been an accident, after all. And if not… it had been a very clever, very deliberate sleight of hand. _Just as I did to him earlier. _

As they got to the first flight of stairs (and just as the Great Hall erupted with noise behind them), Gellert wondered if Loki was just being friendly - for all he knew, Loki could be _straight. _He hoped not. He could think of several things that would make their newfound acquaintance much more enjoyable, if Loki was at all willing. 

When their eyes met, he instantly smiled. “At least I can leave at the end of the year with fitter legs,” he replied, half-hardheartedly shrugging one shoulder. “They don’t tend to get much use when you’re sat in a library most of the time.” There was another scream behind them; a high-pitched shriek that seemed to echo around the entire Entrance Hall, and Gellert laughed. “What in Merlin’s name did you do to them?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He briefly wondered if anything he did had any effect on Gellert. He hoped yes; it was fun, but it’d be so much better if Gellert actually liked his little teasings. One of the staircases they were about to step on decided it’d move; and Loki sighed, deciding to use a shortcut just behind some drapes. It was a secret corridor, dimly lit and narrow; visible it was hidden from the untrained eye. Loki spent years exploring the castle and tried to exploit most of it’s secrets; he suspected it still had a lot of those, but he knew his knowledge, compared to the average students, was vast.

“I’m on good terms with snakes”, he replied to Gellert calmly.

Loki smirked back at him with a strange light in his eyes. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t sure he should tell the boy the truth about himself; that he was so close to the snakes that he could easily _speak their tongue._

“I put a few beautiful snakes in a big box, decorated it to look like it had chocolate frogs in, and sent it to him with the message ‘from your secret admirer’. Since he’s dumb, of course he opened it at the Gryffindor table.” He shook his head as he glanced forward again. “He never learns.”

Once out of the secret corridor, he led Gellert up three more staircases (one of them was moody again), and they finally reached the library.

“Madam Pince is in charge in here. We better keep our voices down and be very careful with the books. She’s very strict and will throw us out if we make her angry.” Loki held a hand out towards the door which opened without him touching it or using a wand. “After you, Gellert”, he smirked, feeling tingly that he had the opportunity to say his name again.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He couldn’t help it: he laughed. He had to admit that it was a good prank. “So not only is he a fool, he’s a gullible fool,” Gellert said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not sure the bites he receives will be the kind he was hoping for…”

With every step that Gellert took, he noted down everything: each twist and turn, which stairwells they used - even the location of every portrait and suit of armour. He smiled a little when Loki showed him the secret passageway, and he walked with his head a little higher. The Slytherin had already admitted he had no friends, so it was unlikely that he’d shown many people through it in the past. It made Gellert feel a little… special. 

He’d map it all down later, and include everything he could in his research notes, even if it seemed trivial. His extensive notes had led them this far, and now he was **so close to the first Hallow** \- he could feel it in his bones. 

“Madam Pince?” Gellert echoed, his gaze already drawn into the large, cavernous room. He walked in, almost as though in a daze. Merlin’s Beard, it was huge. He could read a book every day he was here, and still only manage to get through a small portion. 

“And the Restricted Section?” he asked, lowering his voice now that they were inside. “Where’s that?” 

He didn’t intend to use it yet, but he knew it was where the most useful books for him would be. Only there would be likely find any **real** information on the Hallows. _Or some Dark curses developed only in Britain_, he thought excitedly. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He managed to make Gellert _laugh!_ How wonderful that felt! It was almost unbelievable! He smiled to himself and tried to memorize it; so it’d make him feel this happy for as long as possible.

He walked after Gellert and quietly closed the door. He mastered being silent years ago, and he could walk around the boy without a sound, the smile still on his face.

“So eager to study”, he commented quietly, admiring that surprised look on the other’s face. He wondered how big the library at Durmstrang was; judging by Gellert’s expression, it was definitely smaller. “The Restricted Section is off limits for us right now; only a teacher can write a student a paper to get a specific book from there. So we can’t go in and browse now. Although I’m sure you’d find something useful in the accessible area as well. Anything on your mind in particular?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He managed to stifle his bewildered grin into a small, polite smile. Of _course_ he couldn’t just read whatever he pleased: he should have guessed that they’d need permission to look at the more valuable books here. **He wasn’t at Durmstrang anymore. **

“Not in particular… no.” It was only a partial lie. Still, he wasn’t comfortable explaining his Hallows research with anyone just yet. It was his one true passion; a project that had already spanned almost three years. Nothing was more private or beloved to him. And Loki was probably right: there would also be _plenty_ of reading for him in the accessible sections…

Without further ado, he began to wander between the aisles like a sparrowhawk looking for prey. Occasionally he pulled a book from its shelf, checked its contents, then either returned it, or wrote the title down on a piece of parchment for future reference. After about ten minutes, he had two books on his list: _The Marked Earth, a Collection of Duels across Britain_, and _The Compendium of Pure Blood Marriages and Deaths (1848-1988)_. He hoped Loki didn’t think him too strange.

After a while, he sat down with Loki at one of the small tables at the end of a row, his eyes flickering over _Hogwarts: A History_. It was a good start. Still, he couldn’t help but draw his gaze back over to the roped-off section. There were plenty of ways around the problem. He could try asking Karkaroff to fetch some of the books for him - it wasn’t as though the old goat would care **why**. Gellert knew the rumours about him, and he’d be surprised if Karkaroff didn’t have _Magic Moste Evil_ tucked under his pillow at night for light reading…

But then there was Dumbledore. If he asked Karkaroff to fetch Dark Arts books for him, Dumbledore would surely find out and put a stop to it. Gellert knew he could try to break in - and the thought of sneaking around Hogwarts at night was _really_ exciting - but it would take _weeks_ of planning to ensure he wasn’t caught. And if he _was_ caught… then he’d probably be banned from coming into the Library altogether. 

As usual, Gellert arrived at the most innocent and straight-forward solution last: **maybe he could actually** **get signed permission from a teacher.** Or, better yet… 

He turned to Loki, and smiled sweetly. Then he leaned closer, until his lips were only centimetres from his ear. “Would **you** be able to get permission for me…?” he whispered, his accent strangely stronger now that he had lowered his voice. He secretly enjoying being this close to the Slytherin; he smelled of pine, and mint, a sharp scent that made Gellert’s pulse quicken. 

“You’d be doing be a huge favour,” he added, injecting a tone of light innocence into his voice. “…**and I’ll owe you.**”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki smiled fondly when he saw Gellert’s expression, then let him go and browse as he wished. He decided to sit down himself on a nearby chair at a table; he brought his bag he had with himself, hidden under his robes, then got a few books out of it. All of them were potions books; some he had to buy for his class, some others though, were brought from home, and they had a bit more complicated potions in than the ones he had to currently study.

Not like those were a challenge for him, either, but he loved to memorize recipes. He opened the book meant for his class, and searched for the last potion they were studying. Getting a piece of parchment, ink and quill out of his bag, he started to take notes on the parchment about the potion.

That was when Gellert came back. They sat in silence for a while, there was no other noise but Loki’s quill sliding on the parchment as he wrote in his neat handwriting, but the Slytherin could feel the other, and every fiber of him wanted to turn and look at Gellert. There was something about him which drew Loki in; it was strange and a bit scary. He didn’t feel like this excited about anyone before. Not this much.

The words sent a shiver down his spine. _He’s too close, _he realised, and smelled the scent of the sea and wood when he took a deep breath. He settled down his quill and turned his head just a bit, looking at Gellert’s necklace from the corner of his eyes.

“I **_will_**.”

He wasn’t bragging, even if he was one of Snape’s favourites. Hearing Gellert say he’d owe Loki, the Slytherin just smirked. Durmstrang was famous of practicing the Dark Arts, so Loki suspected what was Gellert looking for. Still, he played along. Not for the favour part the blonde hinted at; just because he wanted to help him. He was interesting, and also felt a bit dangerous; Loki liked him.

“We’ll talk about favours later. I need the book’s title, first, then we’ll see if it works out or not.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Instead of a verbal response, Gellert roughly pulled another piece of parchment from his cloak, which he’d removed and secured over the back of his armchair. There was a faint thump of books falling over each other, and Gellert winced slightly; he’d used the extension charm on his cloak pocket, and that had likely been the sound of his research toppling over. 

“Any of these would be **great**,” he enthused, scribbling down a few titles for Loki to choose from in an elegant, cursive hand. When he’d finished, he pushed the parchment over for Loki to take, then leaned back, the tip of his magpie quill resting lightly on his lips.

The Mysterious Force; Unforgivable Curses and their legal implications, Volume 3; The Companion of Curses. Any of them would do _wonders_ for the next stage of his research…

“If it works out, we can definitely talk about favours,” he said quietly, his eyes glancing over Loki’s shoulder to check that Madam Pince was still far away. “Maybe I can teach you a spell,” he suggested. “Or I could buy you a drink somewhere.” He paused. “Are you ever allowed to leave Hogwarts grounds…?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki watched Gellert getting a parchment out of his pocket, and frowned a bit at the noise. He figured what sort of a spell Gellert used to store more things than his pocket permitted, and smiled a bit at it. Not many used it… although it made life much easier, Loki agreed.

He watched Gellert write down the titles, and his right brow slowly lifted up. Yes, these were definitely the books which would be in the restricted section. He took the parchment and read the titles again. No way he’d get these—

** _Wait a second._ **

Loki glanced back at Gellert’s mismatched eyes at his questions, and he half smiled. Placing down the parchment <strike>he’d totally keep, even if he didn’t need it anymore,</strike> he grabbed his green bag with his left hand. His wand slipped in his hand from his sleeve, and he silently _accio_’d a book out of it. His wand slipped back in his sleeve and he grabbed the book; it looked old, it was visible it’d been read a lot of times. It was bound in black leather and the golden letters on it faded, but it still had a gleam to them. Loki gently placed it in front of Gellert, his palm sliding across the words. _Unforgivable Curses and their legal implications, Volume 3, _Loki thought, _Odin definitely won’t miss it._

“Actually, a butterbeer sounds nice”, Loki smirked, “we get to visit Hogsmeade, a village nearby, every year. Maybe you could come with me, if you want.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

When Loki raised his brow, Gellert’s breath slightly hitched: _here it came_. The disapproving frown, the uncomfortable glance up at him, the-

**_Oh_**. To his great relief, Loki displayed none of the expressions that he’d expected. There was no ‘_why do you need this?’_, no ‘_don’t you think your interest in the Dark Arts is a little concerning?’_

There was only acceptance, and a reflection of his own boundless enthusiasm reflected in Loki’s eyes. Without Gellert even needing to explain, Loki had **understood**. Imperceptibly, a small shiver ran up his spine. 

There was something so different about this one.

After Loki _accio_-ed the book from his bag and placed it in front of him, Gellert’s eyes lowered to the cover. He recognised it at once: the previous volumes all looked the same. 

“**_Merlin’s beard_**-” he started, then quickly lowered his voice, remembering where he was. “-_Merlin’s beard_, you already have it?” He immediately opened it to the contents, his fingers expertly skimming through the first few pages. “This is incredible! There were only ever nine copies made in the _whole world_, and most of them were destroyed in a fire in 1703… _this_… this is amazing.” He flicked through some more pages, completely in awe. It was the one on the list he’d _least_ expected to find, and certainly not something he expected to hold on his second day there.

He looked back up at Loki; there was a wild energy in his eyes, like an animal that had caught a scent, and awoken. “**Thank you,**” he said, and meant it; the gratitude in his voice wasn’t hard to miss. “I’ll buy you at least three Butterbeers,” he promised, grinning. As he searched the Slytherin’s face, something softened slightly in his gaze, and his smile faded just a little. “You’re amazing.”


	3. Chapter 3

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He watched Gellert’s face, hoping he wouldn’t think of him any lesser because he had this book. The truth was… it wasn’t his at all. Or, it _wasn’t_, until this summer. Before he came back to Hogwarts this year, he sneaked in Odin’s hidden little secret treasury room and put some things away, including this book. He had some other books and things hidden in his dormitory; he’d need to check if he had anything else from Gellert’s list. If things went well, he wouldn’t even need to ask Snape for a paper.

Loki’s expression softened when he saw how surprised Gellert was, a soft smile appearing on his face. Making this boy happy did incredible things to him. He felt warmth in his chest, his palms and cheeks felt hot, and he had a hard time remembering where they were at the moment. The library felt like it vanished around them. It simply… **_did not matter._**

Then, he cleared his throat and hoped he didn’t look as dreamy as he felt, he glanced at the paper Gellert gave him, again. Just to distract himself.

“You’re very welcome”, Loki cleared his throat again, then shook his head with a chuckle. “But I’m far from amazing. Trust me.”

According to Odin’s words: **_you are a living, walking nightmare._** He slipped the parchment in his robe’s inner pocket, then glanced back at Gellert.

“Three butterbeers? Are you planning to spoil me?” He teased with a smirk.

He liked how Gellert didn’t ask where did he get the book and why did he carry it with him. But with the recent events that happened to him in mind… Loki wasn’t sure he wanted to follow all of the rules adults and ancient people created…

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert hoped that he wasn’t imagining the foggy, glazed look in Loki’s eyes; his smile had already proven to have a powerful effect on some people, but he suspected Loki was just glad to feel _useful_. That was all it was. 

By the time the boy glanced up at him again, his eyes were clear - _normal_ \- so Gellert pushed his imaginations firmly away. Loki clearly wanted to go to Hogsmeade with him **as a friend.**

“Do you not _like_ to be spoiled?” he teased back playfully. He crossed his legs, angling towards Loki. “I’m not sure I can be persuaded otherwise.” He pretended to think. “Hmm. I could even upgrade it to four, I suppose. Or an added Chocolate Frog, if I’m feeling nice that day.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He _liked_ that smile. Okay… perhaps he liked it a bit _too_ much. He liked to leave his eyes on Gellert’s face; he couldn’t deny this before himself. Those mismatched eyes, the cheeky smile… both made him feel unusually warm. He couldn’t actually like Gellert that way, could he? Who knew if the other was just a bit too friendly… or manipulative? Loki met a lot of Slytherins who would’ve done _anything_ for him to do their assignment… it was just another tool in the arsenal of the more adventurous type, and Loki himself used this particular tool many times before. It wasn’t alien to him.

So it must’ve been just that on Gellert’s part. Manipulation. It still didn’t mean Loki didn’t like the boy’s games. Especially noticing the small, little details; the way the boy smiled, how he angled his body to turn to him, even with his knees… if he was truly trying to manipulate, he was doing it marvelously.

“_Everyone _loves to be spoiled”, he pointed it out with the same mischievous smirk, his thin lips curling up, and even though he had his doubts about his own feelings toward this Durmstrang student… the trained eye would notice that his pupils visibly dilated as he played along. “Even three sounds a lot. Make it four, and you drink two of it”, he challenged playfully.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Alright. It’s a date.”  
  
He quickly swept his gaze back down to the book with a smirk, glad that English was so open to interpretation. **It’s a date** could easily mean ‘_it’s_ _for the two of us to get to know each other better’. _It could also just mean ‘_it’s a date in the calendar that we’ll both set aside.’ _

The morning ticked by, interrupted occasionally with the turning of pages and idle whispers from other students. Madam Pince bustled past them a few times; Gellert leaned over his book protectively whenever she did, just in case she noticed what he was reading. 

At one point, he looked up to see two students staring at him from the other side of the nearest bookshelf. They blushed and looked away when he noticed them. He ignored them, but smiled and preened; he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the attention. Amused, Gellert then noticed another student further down the aisle: a girl with long, blonde hair. She kept glancing up from her book - and almost definitely at Loki, Gellert realised. She was _very_ pretty. 

“Shall we get lunch?” Gellert whispered, snapping his book shut and rising from his seat. For some reason, he wanted to take Loki away from her eager gaze. “I wonder if the Great Hall has recovered from your prank yet…”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

**_It’s a date._** Was it a **date**? Loki turned to look at Gellert, his heart doing funny things in his chest, but he was already glancing at the book he got for him. _Nah! _He didn’t mean it like that, did he? But… Loki sort of wished he did…

When he saw Gellert started reading, he returned his attention to his potions book and his notes. He always loved to study in the library; it was quiet, and he could focus better than in the Slytherin common room. Gellert’s presence also made it weirdly better; his mind couldn’t wander to the Durmstrang ship, wondering what Gellert was doing because **_he was right next to him_**.

He felt very lucky that this handsome young man chose him as company.

Usually, when he was studying, he didn’t really pay attention to what was around him, so he didn’t notice what Gellert did; memorising important ingredients got all of his attention. He was just about finishing one of the recipes when Gellert’s voice gently nudged him out of his work; and hearing the question, his stomach immediately agreed with a growl.

“Lunch sounds good”, Loki agreed as he put his inkpot and quill away. He read a few things in his neatly written notes, then rolled the parchment up and put that away as well, along with the book. He offered a smile to Gellert. “I’m certain they managed”, he chuckled, “are you ready?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Yep… just a second.”

Before he fastened his cloak back on, Gellert carefully placed Loki’s book into the inner pocket, taking extra care not to scuff it. So far, it had been a truly interesting read; he was itching to note things down in his notebooks. He loved the Hogwarts library, but the only problem was that it wasn’t quite _private_ enough for him to have his personal notes scattered in front of him. With Madam Pince’s eagle eyes, she’d circle him eventually He’d have to ask Loki if he knew an abandoned classroom, or a secret room, that he could sneak into for a few hours every day. 

“It’s impressive, I’ll be honest.” Gellert told him once they were back in the corridor, his voice returned to normal volume. “The Durmstrang library is much darker, and I think a little smaller. We read everything by candlelight. You can see your breath in the air, and we have to wear gloves. Have you ever tried to turn pages wearing gloves?” he asked, grinning cheekily. “It’s very difficult.” 

The Great Hall was already bustling with students by the time they got there. The fireplaces were crackling merrily, and Gellert briefly closed his eyes, the warmth seeping into him. He would miss this later, trapped back in the damp ship.

“Which one is your brother?” he asked curiously, scanning the table beneath the lion banner. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“The more I know about your school, the more I think it’s more like a dungeon.”

Loki huffed once they were out in the corridor. He noticed Gellert talked about being cold _a lot_. Loki couldn’t help but imagine an eleven years old Grindelwald, wrapped up in fur and scarves, and this thought made him sigh. Were those teachers so cruel that they didn’t let kids get warm by a fire? But why? It was beyond his imagination at the moment.

“You’d never be cold here”, he muttered.

Thinking, he looked forward as they walked down the steps. Fortunately, this time, they could easily walk back down to the Great Hall. Loki glanced up to see if Thor was around, and yes, just as they entered, his adoptive brother shot him an angry look from where he was sitting. Loki smirked at the blonde.

“The blonde who’s staring at me right now… he’s probably plotting his revenge.” He replied calmly to Gellert’s question, then he led the guest to the Slytherin table. “Little does he know that this year’s Halloween is dark and full of terrors”, he chuckled, extending a hand for Gellert to sit first, just like before with a polite smile. “After you.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert followed Loki’s gaze over to Thor, and briefly met his eyes. _Handsome enough,_ he thought begrudgingly. The boy was rugged, and eye-catching in the conventional sense. But obviously a total _flachwichser_. 

“Thank you.” Gellert swept past Loki’s extended hand and went down the table aisle first, purposefully choosing the side where they were facing the Gryffindors. He wanted to study them from afar. He pulled a simple ham and cheese sandwich to him, along with a pitcher of water. The dry, dusty atmosphere in the Library had made him thirsty.

“What else are you going to do to him?” He asked Loki, his odd eyes glittering with eager mischief. “I can’t wait to see what’s next. And have you tried _anteoculatia _on him yet? It makes a human skull grow antlers,” he added, pleased to pass on a spell he’d recently… _experimented_ with. “It’s a _very_ painful removal process, I’m afraid.” He said it with a twisted sense of sarcasm, his smirk widening. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki watched Gellert move, his mind’s instinct to move after him, and he felt suddenly confused how he acted. _Like a **puppy**, running after his master._ This thought made him uncomfortable. He walked after Gellert, still, then sat next to him; his eyes on Thor who seemed confused that Loki visibly made friends with a Durmstrang student.

He could guess what went through his adoptive brother’s skull. Despite the fact Thor often was too thick to understand what was going on around him, he certainly must’ve thought that Loki making friends with someone who came from a school where they practiced Dark Arts — and not _defense against_ them, that is — was a very bad sign.

He turned his head, emerald eyes meeting the blue-brown, and a wicked smirk appeared on Loki’s face. He liked the idea; it was written across his face. But there was something sinister in the way he looked at Gellert. _Potential_, he thought, _lots of potential._

“I’m going to give him an opportunity to help my research.” Loki left it at that as he reached out for the pitcher containing pumpkin juice. Once he smelled it, he just _had to_ have it. “I’m quite good at potion making, you see.” He put chips in his plate, then some grilled chicken breast. He started eating, then hummed. “And there’s something I wanted to try for months by now. Sadly, I won’t be around when it happens as I am certain he’d consume that thing tonight, after the Halloween feast…” He sighed with a sad pout before he grinned again. “But the rumours — oh, the _horrible rumours_ tomorrow will do nicely, too.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert felt the energy pass between them: something wild and chaotic. He understood that Loki wasn’t just a fan of mischief - like him, he sometimes enjoyed the taste of **darker things**. He was someone who could appreciate that there was an **art** to cruelty, a benefit that came with proving yourself. 

_And why shouldn’t they enjoy it?_ Gellert mused, feeling a spreading warmth inside of his chest that nothing to do with the nearby fireplace. He’d never had a friend. Not a real one.

At the mention of research, Gellert’s heart beat a little faster. He made to swig his water, and accidentally spilled a little in his momentary distraction. 

“R-Research?” he said, stumbling on the word. “Research as in, extra-curricular? What research do you do?” _Something in Potions_, he guessed. He’d never been particularly gifted at Potions himself, so he was eager to hear more.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“One can never have enough test subjects…”

Loki mused quietly after he ate a few bites of his food, smiling when he saw how Gellert spilled some water on his crimson uniform. _Now that part really looks like blood_, he thought. He leaned closer to Gellert, his eyes on Thor; and he smirked when he saw his adoptive brother’s judging stare.

“Just a bit of a… special and very hard potion”, he whispered before he pulled away again. “Took me weeks of work. Bribes. Stealth. A trip to somewhere dangerous. But it’s going to be worth it.” He sipped his pumpkin juice, then resumed eating some chips. “Besides. It’s Halloween… tradition dictates we shed our skins and become… monsters.”

He had no idea why did he trust the boy enough to tell him what he was about to do; for all he knew, he could’ve told a teacher and Loki would be in trouble. But, for some reason, Loki knew Gellert wouldn’t do that; and not just because of the book he gave him. He hoped. Desperately.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

_Test subjects._ Unbelievable. Was this some kind of trick? For a moment, Gellert wondered if this was all some elaborate ploy put together by Karkaroff to punish him: first, he’d take him to Britain to keep him out of trouble at the school, then he’d have him meet with someone who pretends to be an intelligent troublemaker, complete with matching morbid curiousity, and then… _what_? _Loki would remove his mask, and I’d get to see just how alone I really am in the world?_

Why else would this boy, this… mirror of himself, just casually walk into his life? Surely it was too good to be true. 

He’d almost have to applaud Karkaroff for the cleverness of that cruelty. But then Gellert remembered that it was **_he_** who had chosen to sit beside Loki. It had just been an entirely random happenstance._ And a lucky one._

Almost as if summoned by his thoughts, Karkaroff suddenly strode over to the table in a displeased manner. 

“Ah, there you are - Grindelwald, you need to get back to the ship. It’s your turn to clean my cabin and do the checks on the ropes and canvas.”

His tone was clipped, and impatient. Grindelwald scowled up at him. Karkaroff definitely hadn’t told him about his chores, but he knew better than to argue the point. Still, he paused: he really didn’t want to leave.   
  
“It’s _Saturday_,” he tried, quickly grabbing a handful of chips onto his plate, trying to look like his plate was unfinished. “I can come back at-”

“**Now.** Don’t make me ask twice, boy. You have all evening to stuff your face with food and…” he cast a steely, disapproving eye down at Loki. “… _frolic_ with your friend. Now, come.” 

Gellert inwardly sighed, doing as he was told and rising from the bench. He leaned down to Loki’s ear. “I’ll keep the book safe,” he promised, his voice as low as he could manage. “And… I’ll see you at the Halloween feast.” He placed a hand on Loki’s back as he moved past him, a gesture of respect. When he and Karkaroff got to the doors, he briefly turned to look back at him. It was incredible really, how fond of the boy he already felt, despite only knowing him a day. 

Even Karkaroff had said it: His **friend**. Heart swelling with happiness, Gellert returned to the ship.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

When Loki glanced at Grindelwald again, he was surprised to see some sort of a shock in the boy’s mismatched eyes. This made him think. Did he think Loki was cruel? That he was doing terrible, unnecessary things? Was Gellert shocked by something else, the fact that he admitted he was bribing and stealing and did something dangerous just because he wanted to play a mean prank on his brother?

DidGellert** _judge_ him?**

The thought made him feel terrible. He didn’t get to ask, though, as Karkaroff showed up out of nowhere. The look Loki shot him was both displeased and disgusted and a bit even angry. He didn’t appreciate the headmaster and his sudden appearance at all.

He’d never know what Grindelwald thought of what he just told him, and Gellert would need to do the job of a house elf — _yes_, Loki started to straight _hate_ Durmstrang for being literally so **cold**. The only good thing about it was that they studied Dark Arts. That, he was curious about. And Gellert. But nothing else.

But then, the way Gellert acted made him realise that the boy wanted to stay there, next to him. His desperate attempt to talk himself out of leaving made Loki’s heart feel unusually warm. And despite he disliked Karkaroff, him pointing out that he was Gellert’s friend… did others, too, really think this? That felt good. Amazing, in fact. He hoped it was true. He never had a friend before. Thor and him always were rather rivals than brothers and friends, and other Slytherins were just as cautious as he was. He rather would assume them betraying him at any moment than trusting them with everything he did.

But knowing the sort of books Gellert wished to obtain… perhaps he _could_ be someone Loki could trust. Maybe. Maybe he’d finally know what’s friendship…

He swallowed silently when Gellert moved; he tried not to feel too disappointed. Smiling a bit when Gellert said he’d keep the book safe; he had no doubts about that. When he noticed how the boy leaned above it protectively every time Madam Pince walked near them, Loki had no doubts about that.

“At the feast”, he agreed, whispering back, his voice only a hiss, which was silenced at once when he felt Grindelwald’s hand on his back.

He felt his hands started to sweat, and he froze, heart skipping a beat. Loki smiled; that hand, despite Gellert’s school, was not cold, and it could definitely set Loki’s senses on fire. He looked after the boy as he walked away with Karkaroff; and Loki smiled at Gellert when he turned to look at him.

For once, he had something to look forward to, something which wasn’t mischief or a class, but a person he was interested in.

He calmly finished his lunch, feeling oddly lonely each time he glanced at the spot where Gellert sat before.

The day went by slow; Loki went back to the library and continued studying, where he casually ignored everyone who was bypassing him. He couldn’t help but wonder how the afternoon went for Gellert. It suddenly became hard to focus on his work.

When the evening came around and he walked down the stairs to the Great Hall again, Loki suddenly noticed that Thor was obviously looking for someone. Loki, by instinct, knew it was him his adoptive brother wished to speak to. The Slytherin had a sly smirk on his face. This area was deserted; most arrived at the feast early that day, because this was the evening the Goblet of Fire would choose the champions.

“_Brother_”, Loki said, once Thor was approaching him, the Slytherin’s voice dripping venom.

“So you’re fraternizing with the enemy?”

That made Loki stop walking. He halted, a few steps away from Thor, who looked straight mad.

“Enemy?” Loki echoed.

“That… Grindelwald”, Thor spat and Loki made a politely confused expression.

“Oh, wow, Thor. You could find out his name, and also pronounce it well. I’m impressed.”

Thor took an angry step toward him but Loki stood cool and calm.

“Have you not heard the rumours about him?” Thor demanded. “Do you not know of the threat which he is?”

This time, Loki’s expression fell in the coldest snarl he could muster.

“He’s the first person who didn’t judge me the moment I opened my mouth.”

“He’s dangerous!”

“So am I.”

They stared at each other. Thor huffed, anger swirling in his blue eyes.

“I don’t allow it.”

Loki blatantly laughed in the Gryffindor’s face, then walked past him.

“I’d **_love_** to see you _try_ stopping me.”

Thor suddenly grabbed his arm and tossed him against the wall. Loki hissed in annoyance; his head hit the brick behind him and he saw stars for a moment.

“One more trick, brother, and I will lose my patience”, Thor threatened and Loki snorted.

“Can’t wait for it.”

“Is everything a game to you?!”

“Mostly.”

Thor’s grip tightened on his arms. It hurt, Loki was sure he’d bruise, but didn’t give a sign of his pain.

“I will keep an eye on you.”

“Do so. I feel bad when I’m not in the middle of your attention.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Karkaroff had made him work hard on the ship, just as he did the rest of the students. Apart from Krum, of course. By the time he’d finished _scourgify-_ing the railings, the sun was already setting. 

A group of students passed by him, all clambering to get ready for the feast; Gellert supposed he ought to do the same. He quickly showered, then re-dressed in a new robe, pulling the soft crimson material over his shoulders and adding a touch of his cologne. He had a small mirror in the narrow drawer beside his bunk bed, and propped it on his sheets as he dried his hair with his wand. Around him, the other two students who shared his room bustled around in various states of undress, toothbrushes hanging from their mouths. 

“What do you think vill happen tonight?” Poliakoff asked the other boy. “I haff a good feeling…” 

Gellert snorted. “It’s not going to be you.”

Poliakoff’s eyes shot daggers at him. “Vell it’s not going to be **_you_**,” he said with disdain.   
Gellert shrugged, adding product to his hair so it fell _just right. _“I don’t care,” he said, but knew the other boys wouldn’t believe him. He preened in the mirror a while longer, checking his teeth; he wanted to look **really** **good**, but he wasn’t even sure why it was suddenly so important to him. He’d always been vain, but there was an edge to it now, a conscious decision to make the best effort he could. And maybe he _did_ know why, but he pretended not to. 

Once everyone was ready, Karkaroff rushed them off the ship, making them walk in pairs. The sky was completely black, but the moonlight was bright as it reflected in beams off the water. The air was icy cold, but none of them felt it beneath their thick cloaks. 

Once in the Entrance Hall, Karkaroff disappeared quickly - presumably to seat himself at the teacher’s table. Gellert instantly broke away from the rest of the Durmstrang students, his eyes flickering from person to person, trying to find his friend. It was then that he heard the snarl from just around the corner, followed by Loki’s calm, collected voice.

“Is everything a game to you?!”

“Mostly.”

Gellert stepped around the corner, anxious to see what was going on. His eyes instantly took in the scene: Thor had his brother pressed painfully against the wall, and it was obvious that his strong grip was truly hurting him, although Loki was trying his best not to look shaken. 

He saw red. Before he even knew what he was doing, Gellert’s wand was pointing straight at Thor, who was tugged violently backwards by an invisible force; Loki was released, and Thor was sprawled across the corridor. Gellert didn’t relent, but instead stepped over Thor and gazed down at him with an icy cold glare. Chillingly, his mind went first to _crucio_ \- he’d done it before, and right now he wanted the boy to _hurt_. Then he considered one of his latest experiments: he’d used an altered, Dark version of _diffindo_, a useful charm often used casually on objects, on human skin. The results had been quite effective. 

“You were hurting him.” His voice was calm, despite the deep fury channelling from his eyes. “**Don’t do that**.”

A few people shuffled away, looking scandalised at the outbreak. Gellert stepped away only to turn to Loki, but his wand remained pointing at Thor. 

“Are you alright?” he asked Loki, concern in his eyes. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki saw something red coming in his line of view; he should’ve looked at whoever it was, but he didn’t look away from Thor’s face, just in case the latter planned to do something he wasn’t prepared for once he didn’t pay attention.

He expected everyone would do what **_he _**_would do _in a situation, and that was **_the worst_**.

His own hand moved for his wand when Thor was roughly pulled away from him, but Loki abruptly stopped the movement at once when he saw it was Grindelwald who intervened. His heart misbehaved; it fluttered in his chest at the scene before him. Gellert didn’t only intervene, but he also moved closer to the knocked over Thor, clearly _physically _threatening him. It was one thing if a Hogwarts student threatened another; it was another thing entirely to see a _Durmstrang_ student doing the same. Loki wondered briefly what sort of Dark spells ran through Gellert’s mind, just when he spoke.

_You were hurting **him. Don’t **do that._

Was that really happening? Or did he hit his head so badly that he was hallucinating? Loki smoothed his robes to look, once again, perfect, his eyes meeting Gellert’s at once when he was asked if he was alright, and he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. _This never happened before._

“Yes, of course.”

_This was the best moment of my life!_ Loki thought to himself as he glanced back down at Thor, who didn’t dare to move now, that a wand was pointed at him. He needed a moment to take it in, to remember it well, then he looked back up at Gellert, still a bit bewildered, but definitely amused._ Why must he look so good? He’s just too handsome. And he **definitely **protected me from Thor! **Unbelievable**. _As a Slytherin, it wasn’t news to see a Gryffindor terrorizing a Slytherin, or vice versa, and normally nobody intervened when it happened. The relationship between the two Houses was tense at best. Ravenclaws just didn’t want to get mixed in trouble, and Hufflepuffs often pretended it wasn’t even happening. So this situation was new, unknown for Loki. Someone actually caring about him being hurt and helping him was so unusual.

“Shall we go to the feast, Gellert?” He asked calmly, as if his arms and the back of his head truly didn’t hurt. He ran a hand in his ebony hair, smoothing it back down; he definitely felt a painful spot at the back of his head, but there was no sign of his pain. He’d mastered not showing it years ago. “You must be hungry after doing all the work for…” He paused, the insult on the tip of his tongue, but even walls had ears, so he didn’t say it. “Your headmaster.”

Ignoring Thor worked best in most situations, and Loki wouldn’t break this habit. The Gryffindor simply _hated _to be ignored, so it was the best solution.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

His wand hand trembled slightly as his anger continued to boil over. Unlike Loki, who seemed to have mastered his outward emotions, Gellert could conversely be a slave to his more baser instincts - and left unchecked, he could be reckless, violent, passionate. His fiery and explosive temper had already gotten him into trouble a number of times, and interestingly, it seemed to be more potent now that it had kindled from an urge to protect someone. 

That was a first.

“Alright,” Gellert replied, trying hard to keep the wolfish growl from his voice. He slowly lowered his wand, the reluctantly turned his back on the scene, following Loki’s lead and walking away as though nothing had happened. 

However, before they entered the Great Hall itself, Gellert couldn’t help but turn to look at Thor. The boy had gotten back to his feet, and he roughly wiped down his robes. He looked thoroughly pissed off to be openly attacked in the hallway like that. For a moment, their eyes met, and Gellert made sure to give a sharpened look of warning: _stay away from Loki, or I won’t be finished with you._

“What happened?” he asked, tone tense. They swept over to the Slytherin table with the rest of the crowd, and Gellert’s eyes went over to the Goblet of Fire. It was back, and it would soon be ready. 


	4. Chapter 4

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki saw that Gellert had slight difficulties managing his temper, which was both incredible and amusing. He definitely must’ve known what he’d been doing – he could get in serious trouble if he actually hurt a Hogwarts student, but still, it seemed he was so enraged he did not care.

At first, this slightly scared Loki. Then it felt **_amazing_**_. _Nobody ever took the pains to protect him from Thor, if anything, people just stood by and watched as they cheered to the Gryffindor and his merry band whenever they insulted and hurt Loki. He felt incredibly touched by Gellert’s reactions, and he wasn’t sure how to handle it right now. He didn’t know what to say or do. Thor could’ve used some knocking down, yes, but Loki didn’t want Gellert to get in trouble because of him.

He felt like he wasn’t worth it.

Still, he felt a bit of relief when Gellert lowered his wand. Everything Loki heard about Gellert, his school and his teachers, the Slytherin was almost completely sure Grindelwald would physically, **seriously _suffer _**if he caused any trouble. When he realised he didn’t want the boy to be hurt, he thought he should check his thoughts and feelings concerned Gellert, because it felt like everything was slowly getting out of his hand.

He led the way to the Great Hall, but turned to look at Gellert as soon as he asked the question, observing the Durmstrang student for a moment before he replied. Gellert still sounded tense. Did he see and hear right that he straight _hated_ that Loki got hurt? But _why…?_

“He just wanted to talk”, Loki shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “When he wants to get a point across, he usually uses physical force to emphasize his words.” _As diplomatic as it sounded, it also sounded terrible,_ Loki realised. He paused, and cleared his throat. “Thank you”, he offered with a gentle smile. “I really appreciate it that you showed up. I would have a black eye now otherwise”, he chuckled, still sounding like it wasn’t a big deal, then held his hand out for Gellert, as usual. “Please, choose a seat.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert’s expression became saturnine at the thought that Loki was used to being treated that way. _Thor’s mistreatment has become normalised to him_, he realised, piecing together everything Loki had told him so far. _And then Loki retaliates in the ways he knows how._ He wondered where it had all began: _who had first antagonised whom?_

He shot Loki a pointed look, recalling his mischief in the hall from earlier. “Well, you’re no damsel in distress,” he joked, feeling his anger begin to ebb away. “I’m sure you’d have had things under control if I hadn’t turned up.” 

It wasn’t just a way to deflect Loki’s gratitude, but also a genuine postulation of his confidence in him. Loki was talented, and he had a quick mind: possibly even quicker than his own, which was difficult for someone as vain and proud as he was to admit. It was definitely in his own interests to have Loki as a friend and ally as opposed to a rival. 

When Loki held out his hand towards the table, Gellert smirked. “Such a gentleman,” he said with a sly glint in his eye, and slid into a seat beside a dark-haired Slytherin girl. From here, they had a good view of the Goblet. There was a definite tension in the room, with everyone chattering about whose names were going to be chosen. Right now, Gellert was more interested in the Halloween Feast.

“Oh, I still have your book,” he remembered as he shrugged off his cloak; it pooled around him on the bench. It revealed his blood-red robes better, this time complete with a silver-buckled belt in the shape of the Durmstrang coat of arms. “I can give it back to you to keep overnight with you, if you like. I know it’s worth a lot.” He was already secretly touched that Loki had trusted him to keep it on him so far. Trust was a difficult thing for him to come by. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki offered a polite smile at Gellert’s reply. Sure, he would’ve had it under control; he knew how to handle Thor, most of the time. He grew up with him, after all. But sometimes he wasn’t fast enough. He lacked physical strength. While he preferred to use his wand, sometimes some muscle would be nice, too. Thor had the muscle. Loki had knowledge. It always had been like this.

When they played as children, Loki would be the monster that Thor had to ‘neutralize’, as he put it. It wasn’t unusual he was covered in bruises afterwards. He hated those games, but played along, because otherwise Thor would’ve told Odin how Loki spoke to animals. Snakes, in particular. He could speak to them in a strange, hissing language which they found out about by accident when they played around in the woods.

Ever since then Thor kept his word. At least Loki hoped nobody knew. It was his biggest secret. He only had to be the _monster_ on occasion… and he got used to it.

Loki smiled at Gellert’s ‘such a gentleman’ comment, thinking that _of course I am, to someone as handsome as you, I’d be **mad** if I weren’t,_ then sat down next to the other, sighing at the sight of the empty plate before him. He didn’t even notice he was hungry until that moment. Glancing at Gellert he realised again that how lucky he was that the boy sat next to him yesterday; the mere sight of the Durmstrang student truly was a remedy to Loki’s restless mind. Those mismatched eyes always calmed whatever troubling thought he had the moment he looked in them.

“No need”, Loki reassured Gellert. Once again, he recalled how the boy leaned above the book, how gently he turned the ancient pages, how happy he seemed to be when Loki gave it to him… the Slyhterin smiled. “I trust you. You can keep it until further notice.”

He’d made notes in his diary of it, anyway, and read it at least twice — he wouldn’t miss it. Odin probably would, but Loki didn’t care about that. His stomach growled and he grimaced as he glanced forward, back up at the Goblet.

“_Come ooonnn_”, he muttered, “I’m starving…”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

**I trust you.**

The words seemed to hang in the air between them for a moment, and Gellert had to pause to consider them. For a moment, he contemplated simply answering: **Don’t**.

He knew what he was, deep down. He was a puppet-master: pulling the strings of people’s feelings and emotions for his own selfish gain. Any trust he had won in the past had been foolishly misplaced. _Sooner or later, I hurt them all. _

But with Loki, something was different. Already, the Slytherin boy had seen glimpses of the _real_ him beneath the polished exterior he wore. Already, Gellert had let down his guard, slipped off his mask. He had already willingly dropped Loki’s strings, and discarded them at the back of his mind. He had no wish to play with this one. 

“Thank you,” he said instead, feeling his chest tighten. “I appreciate that.” He felt his lips pull into a smile at Loki’s hungry grimace. Thankfully, the feast appeared before them only ten seconds later, the golden plates piled high with food.

Gellert had to make a conscious effort not to open his mouth in awe: it was a banquet fit for a King. After the main (despite having already cleared two courses) Gellert eagerly reached for carrot cake and custard. Then he spotted a tub of bright crimson lollipops, and raised a curious eyebrow.

“Are those _blood-flavoured_ lollipops?” he asked, voice torn between amazement and vague disgust. Before waiting for an answer, he picked one up. He was the kind of person who tried everything once. 

“You first, though,” he said cheekily, offering the stick out to Loki with a wicked smile.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_“Yes!”_

He sigh of triumph was quickly drowned in pumpkin juice, meat and veggies once everything appeared. Loki always tried his best to eat healthy, and he occasionally fell for a slice of cake or two and the pumpkin juice, he still managed. He didn’t gain weight easily, and he tried not to overstuff himself. Unlike others.

Once he finished his main dish, he found the macarons again; he was just munching on one when he heard Gellert’s question beside him. A quiet giggle left Loki.

“Maybe we have a few vampires amoung us, who knows”, he teased.

Sending down the macaron’s other half as he watched Gellert pick up a lollipop. His expression betrayed surprise, but only for a split second, as Gellert held his hand out with the treat still in it. His emerald eyes glanced at the candy, then back up at Gellert’s mismatched eyes. This was just a game, and Loki would play along. He leaned just a bit closer, kept the eye contact, and licked the candy.

“Mm, _blood_, delicious, give it to me~”, he purred, then slid his lips around it and pulled gently.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

_Shit._

Gellert realised his mistake as soon as Loki leaned closer, maintaining eye contact. All too late, he understood the innuendo - but it was too late to pull away. 

He had spent his afternoon on a cold, damp ship, with an icy wind blowing across him from the lake - but it was only now, when Loki licked the lollipop, that he felt goosebumps rising down his arms. There was a familiar tingle in his chest; he felt his lips part slightly, and his eyes slightly darken with a different kind of hunger. 

“You like it~?” he asked silkily, his voice soft. His fingers tightened on the stick as Loki slipped the whole thing into his mouth and pulled. _Shit_, he thought again. _I’m actually getting turned on by this._

Even though she’d been pretending not to listen - or look - the girl sitting beside them promptly dropped her fork against her empty plate with a loud _clang_. Her cheeks blushed furiously; Gellert glanced at her, breaking the spell that Loki’s eyes seemed to cast over him. Truthfully, he was glad of the distraction: any longer, and he’d have been in serious trouble. 

Gellert pulled the lollipop away from Loki with a casual grin, then put it into his own mouth instead. _We’re practically kissing_, he thought wildly. Even though they moved past the moment quickly, he felt a sudden surge of shame and guilt. Loki was his **_friend_**.

“Hmm,” he murmured around the lollipop, then removed it so he could speak properly. “Is it weird that I like it? They’re not as sweet as I thought they’d be.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

When Loki noticed Gellert’s eyes darken, the first thought he had was _oh no, I screwed up_. It was only then when he realised what he’d actually done. In the Great Hall. During the Halloween feast.

Somehow, he still did not care. It was just a game, right? But what if he disgusted Gellert? He shouldn’t have d—

That was when she dropped her fork, and the second Gellert looked away, Loki observed the boy’s face, trying to look for clues. He couldn’t find any. Although, as soon as Gellert turned back and pulled the lollipop out of his mouth — his lips making a quiet _pop_ noise —, and the other put it in his own mouth, it was Loki’s turn to turn pink.

Nobody did this with him before. _Right._ Kissing was one thing. But this felt so much _more_. Different. It was just then that Loki wondered briefly that _what if_ they were actually… **_flirting _**with each other?

Loki huffed and made a grimace, still playing the game. It must’ve just been his imagination. Gellert was just playing, he was sure.

“So mean”, he complained, his thin lips in a smile still as he turned and got a macaron for himself again. “Never had a lollipop before?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Oh, I’ve _had_ lollipops,” he clarified, a slight hue to his cheeks. “But never a blood-flavoured one.” Then he shrugged, and continued sucking on it, pushing the image of Loki from his mind. 

It was at that moment that the plates cleared; a deep tone of excitement filled the room, and everyone began to talk in hushed whispers. Gellert looked up to the teacher’s table to witness Dumbledore sweep his wand and darken the room; only the pumpkin light remained, with the Goblet of Fire shining more brightly than anything else. Gellert blinked a few times; the bright flames were almost painful on his eyes. He sucked slowly, the room holding its breath, waiting in anticipation.

Then, suddenly, a tongue of flame; a charred piece of parchment. For one bright, ridiculous moment, Gellert imaged his name being called out. What would he _do_? He couldn’t exactly run away from it all. He’d have to stay, become a Champion, face the tournament.**_ And waste time trying to win a trophy instead of the Hallows._**

When the moment passed, it left him thoroughly disinterested. He almost rolled his eyes as Dumbledore reached out and caught the parchment, reading aloud: “The champion for Durmstrang will be… Viktor Krum!” 

Gellert applauded politely, and heard a few cheers across the room. Everyone was pleased with the result: pleased, and unsurprised.   
Next – Beauxbatons. A _‘Fleur Delacour_’ was called, and Gellert watched as graceful, beautiful Fleur passed into the back room with a delighted smile to join Krum.  
  
Lastly, Hogwarts’ champion was called: _Cedric Diggory_. It struck Gellert that he was a deeply attractive boy, with a smile that disarmed as easily as a counter spell. Continuing to clap with the rest, Gellert turned and exchanged a look with Loki, then leaned closer into him. “Do you know him?” he asked, taking the lollipop out of his mouth long enough to speak.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki wished to tell Gellert that this wasn’t blood, but a mixture of various fruits which made it feel like it was. He could distinguish the flavours. Although, as soon as he finished his macaron and opened his mouth to speak, the Great Hall dimmed down and Dumbledore spoke, so Loki, just like the others, focused his attention on the Goblet of Fire.

When it threw out the first paper, Loki had to squint because it was so bright, and he thought _it better not be Gellert._ How would they be able to hang out together in the future if he got chosen? Loki couldn’t deny that he would’ve hated that situation. Gellert would become famous, and he’d quickly forget Loki and the last two days they spent together. Much more interesting people would come to get Gellert’s attention, and Loki would have no one to talk to, again. The thought was scary; when did this Durmstrang student become so important to him? And why? Relying on anyone or anything brought nothing but sadness after a while. He was certain that the only thing which he could rely on was Death, and nothing else._ I **must** sort myself out, _he decided, heart throbbing in his throat as Dumbledore read the paper.

Then Loki exhaled slowly, in complete, utter relief, which couldn’t be heard as the students applauded Krum. Loki smiled as he watched the boy walk away; _good luck, _he thought, and he meant it. Not like Krum needed any more fame. Most of the students already were ready to lick his boots.

He didn’t risk looking at Gellert, because he was sure his relief was written across his face. The Beuxbaton’s student was a very beautiful girl, and Loki, just like everyone else, followed her until she disappeared behind the door, right after Krum. He chuckled when he saw a boy standing up to see her better.

Then came the Hogwarts student… Loki sighed, sadly, this time, when Cedric stood up. There was only two words which came in his mind concerning Cedric, and those words were_ heart breaker_. He sensed Gellert leaning closer to him, and at his whisper – despite the chaos that erupted at the Hufflepuff table –, Loki nodded.

“Yes. I worked with him quite a few times during a few classes. He’s a good lad.” _And also too handsome not to notice, _he thought to himself. Dumbledore spoke, but Loki continued to whisper to Gellert. “I hoped we’d have a Slytherin champion, but I guess I’m alright with this. Cedric is clever, I’m sure he’ll manage t–”

Then he abruptly cut off, because he saw that the Goblet of Fire wasn’t done yet. Loki furrowed his brows at the sight; the Goblet was spitting red fire and it threw out another piece of parchment. _Impossible,_ Loki thought, _there has to be three, there is three, what’s happening? Can’t the Goblet count to three?_ Loki watched Dumbledore catching the piece of parchment, reading it, then there was a long pause – the Slytherin was sure the headmaster was just as shocked as everyone else in the room –, then Dumbledore cleared his throat and read out the name._ Please, **not **him, _Loki thought in that split second.

_“Harry Potter.”_

The shock was almost touchable in the air. Loki looked away, slightly confused, then his automatic thought was that someone must’ve tampered with the Goblet. He’d felt the students starting to murmur around him, but he didn’t really care. Could this boy put his name in? That had to be impossible, Dumbledore made sure that no underage wizard or witch would be able to do that. This couldn’t be happening.

Loki himself wasn’t angry like most of the school and the guests; he glanced up to seek Harry in the crowd, seeing how McGonagall walked over to Dumbledore, talking to him. He found the boy, who looked just as shocked as everyone else around him.

“He didn’t put his name in”, Loki whispered, mostly to himself.

The Gryffindor student was so pale that Loki thought he’d pass out right there. When he was told to get up and join the other champions, Loki saw him stumble and almost fall in his own robe. The Slytherin felt odd sympathy for the boy; if he truly didn’t put his name in, it must’ve been horror to go through. To Loki, Harry seemed so… _small._ And he _definitely _**lacked **the knowledge to make through the tournament.

Loki felt the anger rise in the Great Hall, but it didn’t touch him at all. If anyone had the eyes and brains they had to know that this wasn’t Harry’s doing, and that this wasn’t a joke. Champions **_died_** in the past during the tournament. It wasn’t a bloody game. Loki glanced back at Gellert, questioningly. He didn’t need to ask; the question was visible on his face. **_What do you think?_**

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As Gellert listened to Loki’s answer, there were sudden gasps as everyone turned to the Goblet, which was spitting fire again. _That’s impossible_, Gellert thought. Loki broke off his sentence; up on the dais, Dumbledore did the same, and reached for the parchment gifted on the tongue of flame. Gellert leaned forwards slightly, much more interested in the Tournament events now than he had been all night. 

“Harry Potter.”

The room erupted into whispers. Nobody clapped; every head turned to the Gryffindor table, searching for Harry. As Gellert watched, the young boy got up, his face as white as a sheet. He passed the teachers, his walk like that of someone heading to the gallows, his expression one of complete shock. 

Gellert stroked his lower lip with his fingers, his silver rings slightly catching the bright blue light. _How very curious._

He silently nodded at Loki’s whisper. “I think we can all agree on that,” he murmured, although the angry buzzing around the room suggested otherwise for many. “Did you see his face? Nobody is _that_ good of an actor. Besides, he’s only fourteen. I can’t think how a kid would have hoodwinked the Age Line… there’s something strange going on.” 

He noticed Karkaroff get to his feet angrily, scraping his chair back on the stone floor. He and the other Headteachers followed the Champions into the back room, leaving everyone else to depart as they pleased. With Karkaroff gone, the remaining Durmstrang students stayed seated, their expressions stony. 

Gellert sucked thoughtfully on his lollipop until it was gone; the heated talk continued around them for a while. “Someone else must have put his name in,” he theorised. “Either that, or he has a death wish.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He was very glad to hear that Gellert paid attention to details and didn’t get angry as soon as he faced this situation. How different this was than his reaction from earlier; when he threatened Thor not to hurt him. Gellert felt _intense_, but he seemed to observe and think before he acted. Loki could admire that.

“Do you think the Goblet is so stupid that someone could put a younger student’s name in? I doubt that could happen. In that case, youngsters who wanted to enter would just ask older students. No. There’s something more. Something darker. And while I doubt Potter has a death wish, there are a few who certainly would love to see him dead.”

Loki watched, too, as Karkaroff angrily got up. A fleeting thought of Karkaroff being a Death Eater back in the day crossed his mind, but didn’t feed it. He could be wrong and that was only a rumour. The Slytherin glanced back at Gellert with a half smile.

“Interesting, isn’t it?”

Loki felt so much better now. The Goblet chose, and it didn’t choose Gellert. Maybe they can continue studying and watching the tournament together. It made the Slytherin happy. Perhaps he wouldn’t lose his new friend so soon.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert nodded again, absentmindedly chewing at the edge of one of his rings. His thoughts were already swirling, wondering what it all meant. 

Because of course it meant something. It was Harry Potter.

Suddenly, Gellert felt a rush of daring. It was _Halloween_, and he felt **great**. His name hadn’t come out of the goblet. Loki was with him, and he didn’t even feel close to tired yet. What’s more, Karkaroff was likely hurling petty insults at Dumbledore at this point, so he wouldn’t come back out to them straight away. Perhaps he’d even take a separate path back to the ship with Krum afterwards - his other students would now be nothing more to him than vague distractions. He had his **Champion**. 

“Hey,” he said, elbowing Loki playfully. His eyes sparkled. “Let’s get out of here. We can walk around the grounds, just us two.” He indicated with a nod to the teacher’s table. “They’ll all be so busy with this, they’ll never even notice we’ve not gone straight to bed.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki watched as a minor chaos erupted — he always loved to watch chaos erupt, if he wanted to be honest —, then he glanced at Gellert when the boy elbowed him. Even that touch made his heart skip a beat. His lips were pulled into a smile at the boy’s suggestion.

“I have a better idea”, Loki said then, excitement rushing in his veins at the idea that he could spend more time with Gellert. “Let’s sneak out…”

He carefully managed to sneak out to the corridors, and hopefully nobody noticed him. Once Gellert followed, Loki started to walk up the stairs.

“There’s this room I’ve found last year”, he explained, “we could be there, nobody would find us. For how long do you plan to stay? I don’t want you to get in trouble…”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert grinned, pleased beyond words that Loki agreed to his idea without hesitation. He reattached his cloak, rising from the table and blending in as well as he could with the Hogwarts students already leaving. Two Durmstrang students, Sophia Allaman and Danica Johansson, sat at the end of the table watching the crowd that passed them, so Gellert quickly jabbed his wand to send one of their remaining pumpkin juices spilling over the table. 

In the distraction, he managed to leave the Hall without them noticing. 

He tilted his head as they climbed the stairs, his curiosity piqued when Loki mentioned a _room - one _where nobody could find them. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted, shrugging one shoulder noncommittally. “A while, I guess. Is… is it an abandoned classroom or something?” he added, pausing to swallow; why would Loki want to show him that? _Unless…_

**_No_**_,_ he thought firmly. _It’s not like that._ He cleared his throat, hating how wild his imagination could get. As the noise of the Hall fell away behind them, their footsteps seemed so much louder in the long, empty corridors, and Gellert couldn’t help but walk a little closer to Loki. The castle was like a giant sleeping beast, keeping one eye open on them; their nerve and daring seemed to grow the further away from the Great Hall they went. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki smiled at the question and glanced back at Gellert above his shoulder.

“No, it’s much **_better _**than an abandoned classroom”, he reassured the other, “it’s a _magical_ room.” He chuckled quietly, it did sound a bit funny. “I sincerely hope you’ll like it.”

He purposefully didn’t say it’s name; in this setting now, the _Room of Requirement_ sounded way too… interesting. Given the fact how they played with each other at the dinner table. Loki looked forward, bit his lip, and felt that his palms started to sweat. An abandoned classroom… he would get Gellert in an abandoned classroom… but it’d look strange… the Room of Requirement, though, on the other hand, would keep them entertained without them feeling uncomfortable… and they wouldn’t need to be afraid that they might get caught. Loki already planned out his request; he’d ask the room to be cozy, warm – so Gellert wouldn’t be cold –, and it’d have lost of books and games, if Gellert was interested in the latter. They almost reached the fifth floor when Loki turned again to ask.

“Do you like wizarding chess?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Magical?” Gellert echoed, his curiosity growing further. “Is this something you discovered on your own, or did you read about it?” He already had to fight back a smile: no matter Loki’s answer, he was already impressed. And to wilfully show it to a foreign student…

He wondered if more Hogwarts students used it - although Loki had specifically said _nobody would find us_, so perhaps not.

Loki’s question caught him slightly off guard. 

“I do,” he admitted, leaving it at that. He actually **loved** playing chess, as it made a pleasant distraction whenever his research overwhelmed him: it was just like playing as a puppet-master, only without real people. He’d become rather good at it.

Still, he didn’t say more. There was so much he hadn’t confided in Loki yet, and he loved to keep people guessing for as long as possible. How else could be maintain an aura of mystery? 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki nodded at the answer, then led them up on more stairs, secret passageways, until they reached the seventh floor. Loki found the part of the corridor he was looking for, and he glanced back at Gellert with a half smile. Sure, showing him the Room of Requirement must’ve been a mad idea, but he really wanted to be in a safe place with him where they wouldn’t be disturbed, where they could have fun, and… he really wanted to just _show off._ Gellert would be gone by the end of the year and if anything went wrong between them, Loki would simply ask the Room to keep Gellert out. It did everything to the letter so far (except one thing, but he didn’t mind that). He saw no reason why it wouldn’t grant him this wish. Besides… he wouldn’t tell the main secret right away…

“I need a moment”, he told Gellert, then started to walk slowly up and down, three times, thinking of what they needed. _A safe place where nobody would disturb us, warmth, cozy chairs, fluffy rugs, books, games, two desks with chairs, Halloween decorations._ By the time Loki walked away from the spot where usually the door appeared, it manifested again, and the Slytherin smirked as he adjusted his bag’s strap on his shoulder under his robe, then glanced back at Gellert. “Come on, it’s here.”

He walked over to the door and he was so curious what he’d find inside; it was always different, depending on what he asked for. He usually came here to study when he was tired of being in the Slytherin common room or his dormitory. He grabbed the golden handle, then opened the door, and he immediately smiled.

The Room looked, as always, _amazing_. There were a few armchairs, beanbags, the fluffy rugs he asked for, a huge fireplace with flames happily cracking in it, above it was a huge Hogwarts banner, there were several bookcases full of books lined along the walls, coffee tables with games on them – cards, chess, Exploding Snap, Snitch Snatcher –, two desks, one in front of the other with cozy chairs and candles to study at, and the Room even made sure to make it look even better with all the orange-black paper decorations and Jack-o-lanterns scattered about. _I love magic, _Loki thought as he dropped his bag in the nearest armchair, then glanced back at Gellert with a smirk.

“This is the Room of Requirement”, he explained, “and I’ve found it on my own.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

When Loki asked for a moment, Gellert watched him from a few feet away with polite interest. The Slytherin boy appeared to be thinking deeply, pacing up and down in the corridor before a large tapestry that was hard to make out in the dim lantern light. Something to do with trolls. And… ballet. _British tapestries are weird, _he thought.

Then the door appeared, and his eyes lit up. He gazed eagerly over Loki’s shoulder as the door opened out onto a sprawling room containing a number of things that set instantly his heartbeat racing. 

He cursed under his breath, completely amazed. There was a **desk** for his research, a range of bookshelves full to bursting with a myriad of interesting titles, armchairs to rest in by the fire, _games_, and -

“Is this a record turntable?” he asked, incredulous, stepping over to the closest corner, where a trumpet-shaped playing device sat on a small table. A selection of records were neatly kept underneath it. “This room has everything!”  
He laughed, walking back toward Loki in a daze. His eyes scanned it all again, noticing the table with a ready set board of Wizards Chess, and his pulse quickened further. _Did Loki… **could this room**…?_

He stepped closer to the Slytherin, his hands coming up to grasp his robe in excitement. “Does this Room give you whatever you ask it for?” he asked, slightly breathless.

He paused, slowly easing his grip on Loki’s robe, and his next words had fallen to almost a whisper. “Does it provide you with… with whatever you want?”

For a moment, he felt something in the air around them, like an inhale of breath before jumping over a cliff. He couldn’t stop his eyes flickering very quickly to Loki’s lips; _oh shit_, he was much too close to him, wasn’t he?

He quickly took a step back, smiling, hoping to indicate that everything was normal. 

“How on earth did you find it?” he asked, wandering over to the bookshelves to study them. 


	5. Chapter 5

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“I didn’t ask for that”, the raven haired boy admitted with a shrug, “just a place to relax and study, as per the usual.”

Loki watched Gellert’s reactions, curious, but also knowing in advance, that the teenager would love this room. Seeing that bewildered expression made Loki smirk wider, then, when Gellert laughed out loud, the Slytherin, once again, had to notice that his stomach was still home to a thousand butterflies… and none of them was staying still.

Making Gellert happy felt great. So great, in fact, that Loki wanted nothing else but to make him happy. _What’s going on?_ He asked himself. _I’ve never had such thoughts about anyone before. _When Gellert stepped so close to him that Loki could see his own reflection in those mismatched eyes, and he smelled nothing else but the other, his heart misbehaved, and he felt a bit dizzy, too. Gellert was _breath-taking_. There was no better word for it. Not a single strand of hair out of line, clever, cunning eyes, perfectly shaped nose… soft looking lips… Loki pretended he was just blinking._ Salazar’s socks_, he thought to himself, _I’m losing it. _Feeling a bit disappointed when Gellert pulled away, Loki tilted his head.

“Sadly, not _everything_”, Loki replied, his tone gentler than usual. “I’ve tried to get various things and some of them worked, some of them did not. Summoning food doesn’t work — I suspect, due to Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration, but I can ask for a goblet, cast _aguamenti_ in it, then I can turn the water into food.” He shrugged. And tried to shake off the feeling that he wanted Gellert to be as close as he was earlier. “I guess you’ll have to experiment with it.”

The thought that maybe Gellert would get the rest of the books he wanted from the Room literally made him jealous of the Room itself. He thought himself stupid for that. He picked up his bag, dropped himself in the armchair and stretched his legs before he opened his bag and picked out his potions book. _Seven floors, bloody Hell._ He’s going to sleep well tonight.

“How?” He half smiled at his book. “Pure luck, at first. Then heard a few rumours, investigated, _bribed_ and… tadaa.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Ah yes, of course. The first of the Principal Exceptions.” Gellert smiled, choosing a book with a gold-plated cover. “Those are some good suggestions to work around it.” Once again, Loki impressed him with his mind. It was that, more than anything else, that drew him in. 

“Bribed?” he repeated, stifling another laugh. “You really do know how to get everything that you want, don’t you?” He collapsed into the armchair opposite, opening the book on his lap but not looking at it. Instead, his gaze remained on Loki, the fire reflected in his one dark eye. 

“I’m not judging, either,” he added quickly. “I think we’re one of a kind, you and I.”

It was one of the highest compliments he could give. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki nodded at the other’s words at first; it sounded like a compliment, which the Slytherin appreciated. Then, he chuckled quietly.

“Precisely”, Loki replied with a smirk, “I get everything I want. Sooner or later.”

Loki opened his robe and slipped it off of his shoulders; it really was warm in here, just as he asked from the Room, and it was just a bit too warm for him. Under his robe, he had a white, long sleeved shirt and a dark green waistcoat. He was wearing a Slytherin pin on his waistcoat, to the left, above his heart.

“Do you think so? We’re one of a kind?” He asked Gellert quietly as he stroked his ebony hair back down on his head. “That sounds nice from you, if you mean it.”

Loki was aware that this had to be another compliment from Gellert; if anyone else said this, it would’ve been an insult in their minds. Showing signs of being similar to a Durmstrang student, well; Loki felt proud.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Yeah. I mean it.”

He followed Loki’s lead in removing his cloak, unfastening the buckle at his shoulder and just letting his own fall from him on the armchair. The comfort, the peace between them, felt like the most natural thing in the world.

He imagined coming back here, to this Room of Requirement, to study in complete privacy, his research strewn all across the desk. But what about Loki? It seemed highly unlikely that two people could use the room at the same time - and it would also mean he couldn’t spend time with his new friend. 

There was nothing for it: **he had to open up to Loki about his research**. After the display of trust that Loki had placed in him so far, it only seemed fair to pay it back. Still, it wouldn’t be easy for him. He always struggled to break down his walls, and the conversation could easily go the wrong way very quickly - but then, if Loki didn’t pass this test… could they ever truly be friends in the future anyway? Wasn’t it worth ripping this part off, like a plaster? 

“Loki…” he started, his eyes taking on an intense quality. “How do you feel about… about the Statute of Secrecy?” He carefully bit down on his lower lip, the only signal that he was at all nervous. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki grabbed his potions book which he still had in his lap, opened it, and turned the pages to where he left off in the library. It wasn’t like he hadn’t read it at least three times, practice couldn’t hurt, he always thought. The calmness in the Room was great, and he sincerely hoped Gellert felt just as relaxed as he did.

When the other spoke, Loki glanced up at him, those butterflies misbehaving in his stomach again. _He said my name, _he smiled at the other, _why does it feel so special?_

“The Statue of Secrecy?”

He echoed, then arched a brow. The question set off various thoughts in his mind, most of them spiraling out of control when he started to think about them further. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, as a sign of his displeasure.

“I have a lot of feelings about it.”

He wasn’t sure how much he should tell Gellert, but he guessed that the basic feeling he had about it was alright to tell. He lifted his book again, but didn’t look in it, his voice now slightly cooler, but it wasn’t directed at the other student.

“It doesn’t protect **_us_**, wizards.”

Even though he said no more, it could be heard that he didn’t agree with it. Especially after this last summer… Loki had very specific thoughts about it. None of them nice.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

At noticing Loki’s expression change, Gellert’s first instinct was to prepare himself for a disagreement. He’d mentioned his views to a few select people, and they almost always disagreed with him - _at first_. He’d become very good at changing people’s minds. But Loki’s next words pleasantly surprised him. 

“No. It doesn’t.” Gellert agreed, then cleared his throat.

“In theory, it seems as though the law would work well for both the wizarding community and muggle societies… and I don’t even deny that it has its merits. But I’m afraid that there are far too many drawbacks, far too many sacrifices asked of our kind. The harsh reality is that it only protects **_them_**. It doesn’t remove their persecution of us, only shields them from the opportunity. And for what reason?” He shook his head, frowning. “So that we can pander to their fear and ignorance. It’s bullshit.”

He glanced up at Loki, and there was gleeful ambition in his gaze. “Have you ever imagined how things could be, if the Muggles knew the truth?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Most of the time, Loki did not speak about his thoughts concerning these things. He’d kept them for himself and observed, finding that nobody was worthy of his ideas about it. Wizards these days were jumpy about such things.

But right now, it felt like Gellert read his mind and spoke those thoughts out loud.

Loki snapped the book closed and leaned forward, elbows resting on his thighs.

“I **_know_** what Muggles do to wizards and witches if they know the truth about them.”

Loki whispered, and this time, there was no smile, no warmth, neither in his voice or in his gaze. The story he’d learned a couple of months ago about his own parents was a _wonderful_ one to prove his point.

“They’re _animals_.” He hissed the word. “Hateful _beasts_ who’d hunt those who’re better than them. And since we’re smaller in number… eventually, if we followed our _beautiful_ policy, they’d win against us. I’ve been reading a lot about them hunting us, and what did we do to avenge our kin? **_Nothing_**.” He shook his head and grabbed his bag to put his book away. “We’re just hiding in the shadows like frightened little mice when we could be **_great_**. We _could **rule** _them. We’re undeniably stronger, magic makes us **_better_**. We wouldn’t need to hide ourselves anymore. If we showed them_ their place_, there would be peace.” He sighed as he closed his bag. “It’d be an ideal world…”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s emotional words seeped into him, the bitterness so potent that he could almost taste it. Gellert gave pause, his fingers tightening around the book he was supposed to be reading. This wasn’t just a lean towards an ideology for Loki. No, this was something personal. 

He listened to him with rapt attention, nodding in agreement at the words: _we’re just hiding in the shadows like frightened little mice_. 

“An ideal world - and one we can create for ourselves,” Gellert added, his voice firm. He’d never let anyone convince him otherwise. It _was_ within reach, and it _was_ attainable.** He would make it so**. That brought him to his next subject of concern - the existence of the Hallows - but first, he wanted to hear more from Loki. There was a raw, honest _openness_ between them, and he was glad to keep it that way while it lasted. 

“You’ve suffered at a muggles hand,” Gellert said in icy observation. “Tell me what happened.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_One **we **can create for **ourselves**, he said. I am not alone._ Loki nearly shivered at the thought. Such a world would be amazing, without the fear of being discovered, hunted, tortured and killed.

Something moved within him. It was a faint idea, a fleeting thought, and it was that he was not, in the end, alone in the wizarding world with his imagines. He felt like he was accepted, just for this once, in his life. The thought made his chest swell with warmth from the inside.

Although, telling Gellert the truth about his heritage was complicated; it was heavy, gruesome and very, very personal. Only three people knew about it, and Loki was one of them. His throat tightened. Could he trust Gellert with that much information? No… not yet. He wouldn’t tell him everything, but the basics.

“My parents lived in a small village”, he replied quietly, then looked away to stare in the fire instead. “There were only two of them who were blessed with magic, the rest of the village was filled with Muggles. My parents didn’t think it was necessary to hide themselves properly, or to live in a magical village; they knew most of the Muggles and there were no problems. However, I showed magic at a very young age; I couldn’t even walk, but things already floated around me.” He half smiled. It was short lived. “I think some Muggles must’ve seen me doing it… because one night, they sneaked inside and attacked my parents when they were asleep. They slit my mother’s throat and bashed my father’s head in.”

He glanced back at Gellert, his green eyes full of emotion; sadness, disappointment and mostly, hatred. So much hatred.

“If they didn’t trust them so much, if they were more cunning, they would be still alive. The Muggles simply left me there to die. Then my adoptive father and sister showed up. They tore the village apart and got me out. My adoptive sister was sentenced to spend the rest of her life in Azkaban for what she’d done. My adoptive father, though, is a very high ranked person of the society and he was spared from prison. He didn’t even tell me the truth until this summer.” He paused, sighing deeply. “That’s my tragic, sad story. But it’s also a good example to what I think; Muggles are arrogant barbarians.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s story buried itself deep inside him, as sharp and cold as a dagger plunged in his chest. He felt Loki’s anguish twist painfully, but knew that he could provide no words of comfort. He wasn’t equipped for that. All he knew how to do was to kindle the embers of Loki’s hatred into something that would be useful for both of them. 

“I’m sorry about your parents,” he said quietly, and meant it. “You’re right. Their trust was their downfall. If you need to take meaning from it, think about what their death has taught you. You will never, ever make that mistake.” 

If they had been standing, he might have clasped the other boy’s shoulder in solidarity. Instead, he hoped Loki could see the empathy and understanding in his gaze. Truthfully, there was something in Loki’s tales that had nudged at his memory: with all his research into the bloody past between Muggles and wizards, it was likely he had newspaper cuttings about it. 

“There is so much Wizard blood on Muggle hands,” he murmured, hoping that his acceptance of the conversation had its own comfort for Loki. “Not every witch or wizard is capable of performing complex charms for their protection – and especially not in the past. The Muggles’ sheer hatred and rejection of magic has caused hostility and violence for **centuries**. I’ve lost count of the hours I’ve spent reading the documented tales from all across Europe.” He frowned, his recollections twisting his gut further. “Just imagine growing up in the worst times of persecution… you would have had to warn your children that Muggles hate them and want to kill them. Imagine letting your child out to play, only to set in motion a riot that ends with them being burned at the stake. Imagine living in a community that_ despises_ you for something beyond your control - a community that outnumbers you ten to one.”

He brought a hand to his face to wearily push his hair from his eyes. He both loved and hated to talk about it. “And there were so few Wizards then…” he continued, his eyes glazing slightly as he stared into the fire. “There was so little they could do to fight against the hatred. Maybe that’s why some of them chose to trust them, like your parents. Witches and wizards were often unwilling to kill the Muggles coming after them. They were kind-hearted, innocent people who put down their wands and asked for mercy… but their ashes were scattered across the land with the rest of the magical folk.”   
  
He swallowed, feeling his emotions simmer up. “Some tried to fight, of course - but if you’re attacked by a horde of twenty Muggles, there’s only so much you can do. Others were ambushed, killed while they slept. And what of the Muggleborn children?” He looked back at Loki, and felt tears in his eyes. “Nobody likes to ask those questions, do they? Just how many infants, how many _babies_, were murdered in their cots, simply because they were caught doing accidental magic?” He shook his head. He knew he would carry this anger all of his life. “That could have been you. The Muggles could have murdered you, and it wouldn’t have made any difference in the eyes of the law.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

It was only one thing to open up to someone. It was another to be listened to, and what’s more, being **_accepted_**.

Odin never let Loki feel like his hatred towards Muggles was justified and righteous. He’d tried to reason with him that he didn’t see clear from grief. But what Odin failed to realise was that Loki could’ve had his family if not for those damned murderers. If the Muggles knew their place and left his parents in peace, this never should’ve happened.

He’d seen Gellert’s emotion written in those mismatched eyes, in that expression, and Loki felt that warmth in his chest again. His anger eased; it melted into sober determination, the thought of _he understands me, I’m not alone_ anymore crossing his mind again. Feeling grateful, he nodded to Gellert’s words a few times; memories of stories about witch hunts flashed in his mind.

“This is _one_ of the reasons I’ll never have a wife and children.” He said as he stared in the fire again. “I don’t want to be constantly afraid _what if._ What if I make a mistake. What if I’m betrayed. What if I’m not strong enough to protect them.” He shook his head. “I’ve seen reports saying Muggleborns were killed by their own parents.” A disgusted grimace crossed his face before he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “They’re human too, of course. But if I had to choose a side, I’d choose my kin.” He looked back at Gellert with a cool expression. “It’d be better for everyone if wizards showed them the right way. If we taught them better. It wouldn’t go smoothly, but with time, they’d get used to their new role. Muggles _need **control**_, which they really lack, I’m afraid. Just looking at the weapons they created makes me _sick_. They’re judging and destroying everything which is different from their ‘normal’ ways. And what do we do?” He chuckled a little and shook his head. “Imprisoning those who teach them a lesson. Enforcing laws to protect them. Watch as they’re slaughtering us and not even lifting a finger. It has to stop. But you can barely find anyone who agrees to all of it. They simply **_can not_** see it as it is… I wonder if it’s plain fear, cowardice or just stupidity.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert nodded, but remained silent at Loki’s mention of a wife and children. He was fairly confident he would never any himself - although he was still trying to figure out what he wanted. 

“It’s because the truth is bleak, and the answers are ugly and dark. It’s human nature to bury your head and pretend that everything is fine.”

He licked his lips, Loki’s words urging him on. “You’re absolutely right. Think about it: if a wizard harms a Muggle, they are arrested and jailed by wizards. But… nothing happens when it’s the other way around. Is it justice for the wizard and their family to simply obliviate a Muggle of his crimes? Because of this law, we have had to stand aside and do **_nothing_**. There have been some truly awful events in history that were left to unfold, events we could have _stopped_ had we had the freedom to do so. How many more wizarding murders, how many more wars will we allow, before someone says **enough**?”

He sighed, shutting the book on his lap; there was no way he’d be able to concentrate on it now. Loki had stoked his ambitions, and now that he had started, it was getting easier to continue. He leaned forwards in the armchair, closing some space between them. 

“That brings me to what I wanted to tell you. I… I’ve always felt deeply affected by these issues, and a few years ago, it led me down a path that… well, some might say it’s a waste of time. That it’s a fanciful dream, and I’m only chasing ghosts and fairy tales.” He paused again, not meeting Loki’s eyes. “To tell you the truth, I’ve never shared this with anyone.” He swallowed again, his fingers subconsciously coming back up to twist his silver necklace. 

“…Have you ever heard of… the deathly hallows?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

It was definitely not Loki’s nature to bury his head and pretend that everything was fine. Not since he’d discovered his true heritage. Not since he’d learned the truth.

But he remained silent.

He watched Gellert; how he kept his gaze low, how he licked his lips — and Loki automatically mimicked the motion himself. He was sure that he would never have a wife and children, and not just because he was terrified of losing them; somehow, he was more drawn to boys. Dating boys was simple. Loving them was easy, the emotions were raw, less complicated. For him, it was better, this way.

Not that he’d tell anyone openly. Those he dated in the past treated it as a secret as well; as if they were ashamed or scared of it, or thought they’d get over it. Perhaps they thought it was just a phase. Perhaps it was just a phase for Loki, too. But he wasn’t sure of that.

He tried to figure out now, what drew him to Gellert. He was undeniably handsome, and those mismatched eyes, in particular, were beautiful. Each time the Durmstrang student looked directly in his eyes, Loki felt incredibly special that he was worthy of Gellert’s attention. And then there was the aura about him; confidence, strength, vitality. His mind was amazing; their thoughts clicked almost all the time. And there was the scene, burned in his mind, when Gellert stood above Thor, hand trembling with his wand in it; _threatening_ the bully who’d made his childhood a nightmare to not hurt him **or else.**

He definitely was more drawn to Gellert than a friend. But he wouldn’t make a move. He wasn’t sure the other would appreciate it.

Still, he was sure, whatever Gellert would tell him, it’d be interesting, and he would listen, even if most would say it was a ‘waste of time’. _To tell you the truth, I’ve never shared this with anyone_ — the Slytherin wondered what did he do to deserve such trust, but he was over the moon that he did. Loki watched the boy fishing for his necklace, and the sign resurfaced in his mind; the triangle, the circle and the line.

“The deathly hallows from the tale?” He asked then, slightly surprised. “I’ve heard the story a few times.” Frigga was fond of reading bedtime stories when the boys were younger, and Loki loved that tale. Probably because it was a bit gruesome. He nodded, wondering why did Gellert bring this up, although he had an idea. “Death and the three brothers, I remember it.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert nodded, his expression serious. He fumbled in his cloak for another spare piece of parchment and his magpie quill: it would be better to show Loki rather than just explain it. 

“It’s a very old folk tale, but what people don’t realise is that it’s based on **fact**. I read a study on violent deaths in the 11th and 12th centuries, and I just couldn’t get the idea out of my head that the wand mentioned in the stories _was the same one_.” He located some parchment and pulled it out to examine it. It was part of an old Transfiguration calculation, and it was covered in mindless doodles. He flipped it over quickly, finding a blank space and positioning it on his knee.

“I’m not the first to suggest it, but the historian community has always shunned the idea. So I started to track this wand throughout history, and it all started to fit together - like a jigsaw puzzle. I’ve got some research on the other items too, but my stuff on the elder wand is the most in depth. I’m close now. It’s the most powerful wand in the world, **and I’m going to find it.**” He frowned, still fumbling in the pocket for his quill. “_Verdammt,_” he hissed under his breath. “Where the hell is my-” He stopped, _accio_-ed it instead, and grabbed it. 

“You see, I’ve made the symbol my own. It’s… it’s my purpose. The elder wand…” he murmured, drawing the line. “The resurrection stone… and the invisibility cloak. And together… they become the deathly hallows. And I’ll use them to change the world.”

He didn’t look up straight away, afraid of what he might see. Derision, perhaps. Pity, for the boy chasing dust and dreams. Maybe even concern - he was sure he was coming across as quite mad. 

He bit his lip, still staring down at the page, hoping against hope that Loki wouldn’t damage his delicate pride and laugh at him.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki remained quiet as he watched Gellert talk. His gaze was intense, although the other didn’t see as he did not look up at him.

It all made sense, now. Why Gellert wanted to get in the library, why was he so interested in the restricted section. He probably wasn’t interested in all the Dark spells and knowledge those books taught, _he was searching for a wand from a children’s tale._

This made Loki curious. Gellert certainly did **_not_** come through as someone who wasn’t intelligent; even their topic earlier proved that he saw further than the average wizard, that he saw the bigger picture. Why wouldn’t he try and search for the strongest wand in existence if he had ambitions like that? Even though Loki thought that the wand was one thing, the wizard who wields it has to be extraordinary, too, he did agree to an extent that the Elder Wand probably would make a difference.

_If it exists._

Gellert seemed anxious now to him, and Loki knew, why; he didn’t even look up from his parchment, and Loki wondered what he should say now. Voicing his obvious doubts wouldn’t sound good, besides, if Gellert did his research there was no reason for Loki not to trust his word. All of this couldn’t be a Halloween prank put together by those who hated him; he couldn’t see how this story would be turned into a joke, and Gellert looked too sincere. He already knew there were people theorising about the Elder Wand, the Resurrection Stone and the Cloak of Invisibility being real. So, it was more than possible that Gellert wasn’t chasing ghosts.

Besides. If these were real… Loki would definitely like to use the Resurrection Stone. At least once. The thought made him shudder. It’d give him so many answers **_why_**. As Loki was wondering what to say, he glanced at the parchment before he glanced up at Gellert again.

What would be the sentence Gellert needed to hear right now? With how tense he looked, Loki had a a few ideas. He remained serious as he finally decided, and wondered if anyone told him that sentence to the other before. With how he’d said he never shared this with anyone before, probably not.

“I believe you.” He paused for long enough to let that sink in. “And if you need help… I’d be happy to offer you mine.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert held breath was released in a sudden short, breathy laugh. The relief of telling someone felt bizarre and euphoric; he smiled across at Loki with clear gratitude in his expression. 

“You have no idea how hard that was,” he said, depositing the quill back into the cloak and scrunching the parchment in his fist. “I’ve imagined telling someone before, but never actually done it. I know it sounds crazy, but you’ll see - when I show you my research, it all makes sense… I just **know** I’ve found something incredible. Something worth chasing.” He put the book aside and got to his feet so that he could throw the parchment into the fire. 

“I would value your help,” he told him, running his fingers delicately along the mantelpiece. He’d done it now: opened his deepest, most private wound, and there was no going back. “Can I trust that you’ll keep this between us?”

He looked over his shoulder at Loki, and there was a heady mixture of warm hope and cold warning in his eyes. _Divided, there’s only room for one leader_, he thought. Yet, when words came to his lips, they were different.  
  
“Together, I think we could be unstoppable.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Seeing how relieved Gellert looked like, Loki knew he made the best choice. He proved to be a good ally; a bit impulsive, but charismatic, a good talker and clever, and most importantly, someone who listened and saw the problems as they were.

Perhaps, if all worked out in their favour, wizards and witches wouldn’t need to live in fear anymore. All of what they were talking about were for a _good_ cause. Loki felt a rush of adrenaline, one which made him stand from his armchair as well.

“If my past is safe with you, then rest assured, your research will be safe with me. I give you my word.”

Reassuring his sincerity, Loki nodded with a serious expression. However, he did not wish to lead; even though he was ambitious and loved power, he decided he’d rather remain in the shadows. Not because he was afraid of anyone, but it’d be definitely better if nobody, not even Thor and especially Odin caught wind of this.

“The idea is yours, and I _will_ follow it.” Loki held his right hand out. An offer. A promise. A pledge. “I will follow **you**.”


	6. Chapter 6

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

That seemed fair to him. They both had information on the other, and now they were at an equilibrium. Besides, they were both on the same journey here: learning friendship. Learning _trust_. 

Gellert accepted his hand, and shook it. 

“I can’t put into words what that means to me.” The handshake lingered slightly before he pulled away, the touch oddly personal. He felt a strange bubble of happiness, and swept his gaze around the room. “We can continue the research, _here_, where nobody can find us… but is it safe to leave it here? It would be useful if we can come and go to it as we please, but not if there’s a chance someone could find it…” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_Salazar’s toenails!_ He’d imagined how would it feel to actually hold Gellert’s hand, but he didn’t expect it to feel _that_ special. He felt warmth in his cheeks, his heart skipped a beat again, and he couldn’t lie to himself that he… didn’t want to let Gellert’s hand go.

_This is going to be difficult for me, _he realised, as he — even though reluctantly — let the boy’s hand go. Loki cursed himself for missing those warm fingers wrapped around his hand.

“I’m not sure it’d be a good idea to leave your research here”, Loki decided. “Anyone can use the Room of Requirement if they know how to enter it. I’d need to be very specific, but I’m not sure it’d work as we want it to.”

He realised Gellert basically said that his things on the Durmstrang ship weren’t safe. He frowned a bit as he thought.

“I’d offer my nightstand where I keep my personal things in my dormitory. They’re locked away and the nightstand is also cursed, so if anyone touches it, they’d be in the infirmary for a few weeks. My roommates wouldn’t touch it. But I don’t trust even that place. Teachers can enter and remove my spells. Perhaps it’d be best if you kept your notes to yourself.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He truly appreciated Loki’s honesty about the security of the room. He’d continue to keep the notebooks safe in his (illegally extended) pocket of his cloak, then. The cloak itself had hexes on it, and when he didn’t need it, he’d planned to transfigure it into something innocuous - like a scarf or a hat - that he could leave with the rest of his things in the ships cabin. 

Nobody could even begin to guess what he was up to, anyway. 

“I’d better get going,” he started, his eyes darting to the sleek watch on his wrist. It was now getting close to ten o’clock, which meant the Hogwarts curfew was dangerously close. He hoped Karkaroff hadn’t noticed his absence, although if the other students had returned to the ship, they definitely would have. Maybe he could quickly use the confundus charm on them. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“I wish I could go to the Slytherin common room with you,” he said wistfully, eyes lowering so he could fasten his cloak. “Or stay here, in the warmth. When we find the cloak of invisibility, I wouldn’t have a problem coming straight back here,” he added with a smile. He was sad to be leaving him. It felt very strange: he’d never cared enough for anyone to actually _want_ to be around them. 

He paused with his fingers on the door handle. “If you never see me again, know that it was Karkaroff who killed me,” he joked. “Would you mind if I send you an owl? We’ll know when to meet again that way.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki checked his own watch — one which was decorated with a Slytherin crest, of course —, and nodded. He barely could keep his face not showing through his disappointment in how little time they had to talk, although he had to admit, the saying (which he didn’t understand until now) _“time flies when you’re having fun”_ was true. He totally lost the sense of time. This rarely happened to him.

Then there it was; hearing Gellert saying what he was thinking, **wish I could go with you or stay, **and it became even harder to keep a straight face. Loki got his robe back on his shoulders and fastened it as well. He had an idea how to solve the _get in the Slytherin common room_, although he had no idea how to make it look like Gellert was on the ship at the same time. That would be a problem. If only they had a nice teacher who could persuade Karkaroff to let Gellert stay… **if_ only_…**

“If I never see you again, Karkaroff will lose his head”, he replied with an arched brow, half smiling, although he was dead serious.

He finally had a friend he could trust with his past and also opened up to him. He wouldn’t lose him right after this. He grabbed the strap of his bag and almost carelessly threw it up on his right shoulder, his left hand smoothing his raven hair down as he glanced back up at Gellert with shining emerald eyes._ This was just an excuse he just made up, _Loki thought with a smirk, _we’ll meet at least three times a day because they’re eating in the castle, we could plot whatever we want there and then. No, he wants to keep talking through letters._

“Actually, yes, you can send me an owl”, he nodded, “they’ll find their way around the castle. I’ll be waiting for it, then.”

_And tomorrow morning, when I see you again,_ he added in thought.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

True to his word, Gellert wrote Loki a letter the very next day. It arrived at breakfast time via a northern hawk owl: no doubt one that had travelled with the ship from Durmstrang, likely belonging to one of the other students. The letter enclosed was abrupt, and written messily, as though Gellert had had to rush it. 

_Loki,_

_Can’t make it to breakfast. Got to scourgify blood from the upper deck of the ship. Meet me outside the Great Hall for lunch just before 12:30? _

_\- G_

Just after midday, Gellert freshened himself up and made the trek up to the castle, alone. It had been a gruelling morning, but now he had the rest of the day to do with as he pleased. He couldn’t wait to share his research with Loki. 

Before entering the castle, he paused to look out across the grounds. It truly was beautiful here. From his position on the steps, he could see the Durmstrang ship moored peacefully beneath the chilly November afternoon, reflected blankly in the still water of the lake. He eyed the Durmstrang symbol fluttering on the sails, and wondered whether he would grow to miss it. _Probably not._ He’d already fallen in love with Hogwarts.

It looked like it had been a quiet Sunday morning, as the Entrance Hall was almost deserted. Apart from a group of Hogwarts fourth-year girls - who all glanced over at him and giggled - there wasn’t anyone else there. He supposed he _was_ five minutes early.

He went to stand by the giant glass sand-timers that displayed the house points, noting his reflection in the blue one and starting to mess with his fringe. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He woke up early to make it to breakfast way before it even started, only to be found by the northern hawk owl. He sighed after he read the letter, then offered a toast for the owl, who happily ate some of it.

“Are you thirsty?”

He asked the animal softly, then decided to pour some water in a goblet for it. He watched the bird drink and nip at the toast before he wrote a reply for Gellert. _Blood?_ He asked himself for the hundredth time as he got his quill and inkpot out of his bag. _What the Hell happened…_

_Gellert,_

_I’ll be right there._

_Loki_

Half smiling, he tied the letter to the calm bird’s leg, pet it, then watched it fly away. Loki had his breakfast and felt painfully alone. _How weird… being alone wasn’t a problem before…_

He had almost four hours before their meeting, so Loki decided to go back in his dormitory and have a nap. Waking up that early made him sleepy. He set an alarm on his watch, then curled up under his blanket and quickly fell back asleep.

The watch, of course, woke him up in time, but as he was yawning, stretching and ruffling his hair up, he felt like he only slept ten minutes. Still, he quickly got ready, made sure that not a strand of hair was out of place, then walked up to the Great Hall. He quickly noticed Gellert in his different robes; Loki stopped next to him and crossed his arms as he glanced up at the Slyhterin sand-timer.

“Blood on the deck?” He asked quietly, voice a mere hiss.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert quickly stopped arranging his hair when he recognised Loki approaching him in the reflection of the glass. He turned nonchalantly, leaning casually against the display. 

“Oh, yeah.” He shrugged, trying to downplay it. “It’s nothing. But, when I arrived back to the ship last night, one of the other students saw me… she was just coming up from the rec room on the lower deck, so she saw me before I could sneak into my dorm. She asked me where I’d been, I made up something, persuaded her it was nothing worth mentioning… and everything was fine.” He smiled, then leaned away from the display to start walking into the Great Hall, Loki beside him. 

“_Then_… this morning, her boyfriend cornered me when I went up on deck. He was pissed at me because he’d heard us whispering in the hallway. We… kinda used to date, me and Stefanie.” He led the way to the Slytherin table, and offered his hand out for Loki to sit before continuing. “I don’t know, I guess he thought something was going on, because he thought it was a good idea to stick his wand in my face and hex me.”

Gellert cleared his throat, piling food on his plate. As he’d missed breakfast, he was even more hungry than usual. “How did you sleep?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_I just **knew** it._

Loki was so glad he could hide his face in subtle ways. Walking next to Gellert, he could lower his head as he listened, and when the Durmstrang boy offered him to sit, he did; moving forward, he could allow himself to have himself a painful grimace when he was out of Gellert’s line of view.

_He’d never look at me the way I look at him._

He didn’t know what he was thinking, really. Why did he even think that Gellert would be _different_ in that sense, like him? He should’ve known the other was ‘normal’. Loki felt so wretched. His throat tightened unpleasantly, and despite the vast amounts of food in front of him, his appetite suddenly was gone.

_Why did I get my hopes high? I never should’ve done that. I never should’ve started to even **think** about it._

“Which one was it?” Loki asked quietly, looking back at Gellert with a neutral, almost empty expression.

_I’ve got to get the entire idea out of my head,_ he thought,_ I **must**. Or else every minute with him will be painful._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Oblivious to Loki’s initial discomfort, Gellert busied himself with pouring them pumpkin juice. It was only when Loki didn’t answer his question, his attention still on his recount of the morning, that he reflected on his own words. 

“Oh, he won’t be up and about for another day or two,” he replied with a wicked smile. “I was scourging out his blood from the planks for a solid hour, remember?” He winked. “I’ve got better things to do than worry about Elias Hoffman. If he hadn’t been so impetuous, he might have listened to me saying I don’t even want to date girls any more. I wonder if he’ll get angry all over again when he learns that Stefanie let me use her owl?” He took a sip of juice, his eyes glancing all around the room. Now that Halloween was over, the energy in the room just wasn’t quite the same. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He was too occupied with his feelings and too focused on Gellert saying who it was to even notice what the boy was actually saying. Loki picked up the goblet Gellert filled for him, his mind already searching through his personal arsenal of his hidden, potent poisons, thinking which would do the job. He had a few ideas. Even if Gellert mentioned it was this… Elias’s blood he had to clean up…

“You could’ve used an owl of the school”, Loki frowned, then sipped his pumpkin juice, but he didn’t feel the taste of it. He still felt so bitter. He glanced in his goblet and wondered if all of this was even worth it. But he’d promised already. Sighing, he put his goblet down in a slow, calculated movement, then glanced up to check what the weather was like. Cloudy. Just like his own mood. “I have some treats they love. I’m sure any of them would be happy to carry our letters all day long, as long as I give them some of those. Just tell them you’re sending the letter to me. I believe they’d even fight each other for the opportunity.”

Professor Moody just walked past the Slytherin table and Loki furrowed his brows when he saw the teacher’s blue, magical eye stare at him. Loki stared right back at him as he walked away. He’d remembered the classes this man taught, and thought of them as fun. They inspired him, to say the least.

“What’s your plan for today?”

He realised he still needed a few minutes to gather himself back up from this… hollow feeling of rejection. He piled some chips in his plate, then picked one up and started to munch on it as he forced his mind to recall a potion’s recipe.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert nodded. “Good to know. But I accepted her offer on purpose: I wanted to add insult to injury… literally.” He smiled, disturbingly proud of his own pettiness. “Hoffman is an idiot though. He deserves it.”

Stefanie had asked Gellert out on a date at the beginning of the year. He’d turned her down, and a week later she’d started to date Elias. I suppose it can’t be easy, being second best, Gellert thought smugly. He glanced up at the Hogwarts professor with the strange eye, unnerved. It felt as though he was looking right through them all, and he frowned in consternation after him. 

“I was really hoping we could go back to the room,” he started, making sure the professor was far enough away not to hear him. He looked back at Loki, his heart jumping at the sudden eye contact. “Maybe we can take some snacks with us, and l show you all of my research. A lot of it is in German, but there’s just as much that’s in English. I was practising.”

He smiled, tapping his ringed fingers on the table in his elation: he’d been looking forward to it ever since he’d left the castle the night before.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_I should tell him I’ve changed my mind._ Loki munched on his second chips, wondering to himself. _I shouldn’t cause myself more pain than it is absolutely necessary. I could easily turn him against me and he’d remain on their ship, we wouldn’t meet, except during meals. I could endure that._

But then, Loki looked in those beautiful mismatched eyes, and he sighed. _No. I can’t do that. We both told each other things that we shouldn’t have. It’s too late for that. **I gave my word.** Goddamnit! He’s just too beautiful. I couldn’t fall for him so soon, could I?_

“The Room and snacks — sounds perfect to me.”

Loki finally smiled, and he thanked whatever powers existed that it did not look forced at all. _What’s wrong with having **feelings**, anyway? For as long as it doesn’t interfere with my studies and the research I agreed I’d help with, it should be fine. _Loki got some fried chicken — as per the usual —, and started to finally eat. He glanced up when he heard cheering; and saw Cedric arriving at the Hufflepuff table. The Slytherin’s smile turned gentler. _To the memories,_ he thought as he lifted his goblet to his lips and drank. **_May you win_**_, Cedric._

“I’m glad to learn German, and you could help me with pronunciation”, he offered a smile to Gellert, too, ignoring his misbehaving heart as he reached for the pitcher with pumpkin juice in. He just noticed in that moment that Gellert actually paid attention to what he preferred to drink… or it was just a coincidence? “How do you conceal your research?” Loki glanced back at Gellert after he refilled his goblet. “Invisible ink? Cipher?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As the cheers erupted across the Hufflepuff table, Gellert followed Loki’s gaze and studied the Hogwarts champion - well, the first one. There was vague pride in Loki’s eyes, and it unsettled Gellert slightly. Loki had said he _knew_ him - past tense - so what had happened to change that? He bit into his toast with a heavy crunch, trying not to imagine Loki and the handsome boy spending time together. 

Karkaroff had been a living storm cloud this morning, his mood as black as ever. He had definitely thrown things across his private room in a tantrum - all the students had heard the violent crashes above their heads as they’d dressed for the day. Clearly, there’d be no changing of the Triwizard rules for poor Harry Potter. After what had happened at the World Cup, wizards all across Europe had been starting to whisper about the Dark Lord, and Gellert had to admit the timing was… intriguing. 

He finished his pumpkin juice with a flourish, his eyes bright over the rim when Loki spoke to him. Hearing the Slytherin boy take an interest in his mother tongue was disturbingly heartening, and a pleasant warmth spread across his chest.

“You’ll see,” he replied to Loki’s question, finishing his meal as quickly as he could in his anxiety to get back to it all. It had already been too long since he’d had the chance to pore over his work. And now he had a **real**friend to share it with.

The walk up to the seventh floor was as gruelling as the first time; in his haste to get there, Gellert was slightly out of breath by the time they reached the corridor. “Could you show me how to do it?” he asked, his words light with exhilaration. “I’d love to give it a try…”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki didn’t push it, he rather ate his lunch and glanced up from his plate from time to time; mostly to avoid looking at Gellert, his eyes searched for Cedric’s at the other table, but the boy was too occupied with his friends and his girlfriend.

_He moved on_, he thought, _I should, too. Perhaps that’d heal being rejected by him and… the one beside me._

As they walked up the stairs, Loki noticed that Gellert remembered the route. At his question, the Slytherin smiled; a bit out of breath, he stroked his raven hair back down.

“Alright.” _He probably already plans to come here alone or… with someone else_, he thought bitterly, _though if that’s the case, then I’ll only need to endure it until summer…_ “Think of what you need, and bypass the spot where the door appeared yesterday, three times. Be very specific; ask the Room to remain locked for anyone else, for example.”

_Now, would he throw me away that he doesn’t need me? _Loki wondered. _Why did I even show so many things to him? Gosh… I’m so stupid. I’m never this stupid. I should stop overthinking everything and keep to myself, as always…_

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert narrowed his eyes as he listened, intent on getting it right. He briefly clasped Loki’s shoulder when he moved past him, giving him a small squeeze of _thanks_. Recalling Loki’s steps from the previous evening, he started to walk slowly up and down - three times, as Loki had specified. He softly inhaled, cleared his mind, and projected his thoughts as clearly as he could. 

_The room provided to us last night_… a_ space of safety, where nobody can disturb us… a cosy room with armchairs by the fire… books…games… and two desks with chairs, for studying._ At the last part, he’d closed his eyes, willing a similar room into being. By the time he opened them again, the door had materialised right beside Loki. 

“Here’s hoping I did it right,” he said, feeling a jolt of excitement at using such ancient, wonderful magic. “After you, darling. I promise there’s not a pit of sharks waiting for you in there.” He smiled teasingly.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He had to close his eyes when the other squeezed his shoulder, feeling a rush of adrenaline coursing through him again. He couldn’t help it, no, but at least he could convince himself that it just felt good to be touched. It’s been so long… several months, in fact. He was just touch starved. Right?

As he watched Gellert walk up and down, Loki couldn’t help but memorize his face even more; the sharp cheekbones, the piercing eyes, and that perfect, oh, so _perfect_ nose. It definitely started to get warm in that corridor. Loki huffed. _Calm down, _he scolded himself, _damnit._

“**Hah**”, he smiled when the door appeared… then nearly choked on his breath when he heard Gellert called him ‘darling’._ **Insult to injury**_, he thought, and that thought painfully was echoed in his mind just the way Gellert said at the table earlier. “I can handle anything thrown at me.” Here it was, his Slytherin pride, definitely shining through. Loki opened the door and walked in to find mostly the same room like yesterday. He glanced back at Gellert. “Perfect!”

Walking in, he put his bag down in one of the armchairs, then started to get his robe off, too, just like yesterday. It was warm again in here. He was wearing a new, crisp shirt and a waistcoat in darker green, but the Slytherin pin was at the same place like yesterday. Loki looked at the books nearest to him, looking for anything related to potions.

“I wanted to ask”, he muttered, “what’s your favourite subject?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

There it was again: **trust**. He’d joked, but perhaps he truly could have asked for something nefarious or unkind - and Loki had walked through the door without hesitation. Normally, when he reached this point with others, he’d know he’d done a good job pulling their strings. _Nicely done_, he’d think. _Now you’re mine. _And then he would use them, some for good and some for ill, until he no longer had use for them.

But with Loki, the mere idea of _pulling strings_ disgusted him. Loki was different, worthy of his respect and admiration. Any strings he might pull would be for mutual benefaction only - and besides, Loki had similar talents that he could use whenever he wanted. They’d both see right through each other if they attempted a dance of persuasion and lies. It was better that they direct those talents to everyone else who wasn’t them, and show their real faces only to each other. _True equilibrium. _

At Loki’s glance back at him, his face lighting up with the word **perfect**, Gellert couldn’t help but smile. _Almost perfect_, he thought, closing the door firmly and shutting them both in. _Perfect would include a bed too._  
  
He cleared his mind quickly, ashamed of his own train of thought. “My favourite? Oh… probably Dark Arts or Defence. I’m excellent at them… although I do have a penchant for History of Magic and Ancient Runes too,” he added, surprised that he’d never really thought about it. “I started Divination last year and even though it-” he cut off, momentarily and alarmingly distracted by the newest reveal of Loki’s form beneath his cloak. 

“… and - it, um… even though I had a slow start, it really started to get interesting. That’s a nice waistcoat,” he added, without even really meaning to. He cleared his throat. “How about you?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki was adjusting his waistcoat as he listened to Gellert and kept his eyes on the other’s face. Perhaps if he looked long enough, Gellert would lose some of his charm, he theorized. So far, it did not work. He felt even hotter than a moment ago. Locked in this small space with such a dashing lad…

Again, memories of last year came in his mind. Most of them were pleasant, and Loki instinctively smiled at them. His fifth year was the best. He thought he knew who he was, he thought he had his family, he had his love interest… then he promptly lost it all in a matter of few months. He was surprised he could open up to Gellert so much, but then again, his past was heavy on his shoulders and he wanted to share it with someone who wasn’t Odin, Frigga or Thor. Gosh, Thor. He barely could stomach Loki’s relationship last year, too…

“Oh, this? Thank you”, Loki smiled, glancing down on himself, hoping he looked smart, “I always liked waistcoats, myself. And my favourite? Definitely potions”, he admitted with a smirk. “I can cook up _anything_, and I’m really good at what I do. We don’t have Dark Arts, but I bet I’d love it. We do have Defence Against the Dark Arts though, and it is good, although it’s taught by a different teacher each year. This year, it’s been really good, so far. History of Magic would be interesting if it wasn’t taught by a ghost who can put anyone asleep with his voice”, he grimaced, “but I like the subject, so I learn it on my own instead. I like Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. The latter is really weird this year.” Loki shuddered a bit when he thought of the creatures Hagrid managed to… **breed**. “And now that you mentioned Divination, well… the teacher insists that I’m going to ‘die a gruesome death’ when I was in my third year”, he chuckled, “so I haven’t studied it ever since. It felt like a waste of time to me. I’ll worry about the future when it becomes the present.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

_Potions._ Yes, that suited him somehow. Gellert walked over to one of the desks and trailed his heavy cloak over the back of the chair, then reached in and removed the collection of research from his extended inner pocket. Whilst Loki spoke, he sat down and opened all of the blank notebooks before him on the desk. 

He listened to the other boy speak with rapt attention. It was clear that he was passionate about his subjects, and Gellert unwittingly looked across the room at him with stars in his eyes. 

“Yeah, Divination isn’t for everyone,” he replied diplomatically. “It’s… a delicate art. I think to think that the future isn’t written out for us. Everything is open to interpretation - even our futures, if glimpsed.”

He swallowed then, recalling the night a few months ago when he’d suffered from dreams and nightmares so vivid that he hadn’t been sure what was real and what wasn’t. He’d… _seen_ things. Moments, flashes, all of seemingly random, mundane things: a Durmstrang student stirring a mug of cocoa, an owl fly across a window in the thick, heavy snow… a lake, glistening at the edges with ice. And all of those moments had since happened - the latter being his first vision of the Hogwarts lake. 

Each time the visions had happened in reality, the realisation had raked across his mind like sharp and painful _deja vu_. He didn’t like that he didn’t understand it, but at least it hadn’t happened again since. He fought off a shiver, and pushed it out of his mind for now. 

“Alright, so, if ever I’m not here for whatever reason… here’s how you do it.” Gellert retrieved his wand from his belt and waved it over the seemingly blank pages. “First, be sure to remove the protective charms and hexes; there’s usually no more than two or three. With them active, if anyone but me touches the pages, they’d be blasted off their feet… amongst other things.” He fought off a smile, and cleared his throat. Then he traced his wand over the pages in the shape of a triangle… then a circle… then a line, going down. With each movement, he whispered: “_Propter… major… salus_.”

The words rippled out from the wand tip like ink in water; his writing shaped and curled until each open book was full to burst. Loose pages and maps, diagrams and calculations: all were revealed. Gellert reached out to one notebook on his left, his cheeks colouring in excitement. “You can read as much of it as you like,” he said. “This one focuses on the Cloak - I haven’t gone back to that one in almost a year. Oh, and _this_ one contains records of Pure-Blood marriage - I’m certain the wand was passed down through certain bloodlines for many years.” He stopped, trying to contain his excitement. Who knew that _sharing_ this with anyone could feel so good? He felt like how he imagined most young kids felt on Christmas morning.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_…so, if ever I’m **not **here for whatever reason… here’s how **you **do it._

That sentence was so strange to him that he couldn’t help his lips parting in slight shock. First of all, he sensed how important this was to Gellert; secondly, he couldn’t imagine how come he **_truly _**trusted Loki with all of his work. Silently, Loki walked over to the other, stopped next to his desk, just when Gellert’s magic started to work. He tilted his head.

“Incredible”, he said, slender fingers tapping twice on the desk next to Gellert’s notebook closest to his hand. Not yet touching it, hesitating. “This… really looks like a lot of work.”

He didn’t look at the other’s face, although this was the moment when he _definitely _realised how obsessed Gellert was with the hallows. Loki had done quite a few researches in his life, but none of them was so detailed, so in-depth. Gellert was dead serious about his plans. The Slytherin could value his ambition.

“Perhaps all of the hallows were passed down through generations”, he murmured, then frowned. “But if I recall correctly from my history books, wizards believed the wand could only be obtained through killing the one wielding it. Even in the original story.”

Which led to the conclusion for Loki that there was a really high possibility that he and Gellert might will have to kill someone if they finally found the wand. What was alarming about this realisation… that it did not bother Loki at all.


	7. Chapter 7

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert was uncomfortably aware that Loki’s hand was so close - if he wanted, he could move his _ever so slightly_, and touch his fingers with his own. He’d normally not think twice about doing such a thing, but he wasn’t sure how Loki might react, so he stayed put. 

Still, he could feel his stomach doing somersaults, especially as Loki was now standing close enough for him to catch the familiar scents of pine and mint. 

Gellert nodded. “That’s what most believe, yes: it’s why so many historians call its passage through time as ‘the bloody trail’.., sons killing their own father for ownership, that sort of thing. To obtain it, murder of the previous owner is necessary… at least, it seems all the evidence points that way.” Gellert dared to look up, meeting Loki’s deep green eyes. The interest in them spurred him on. “I was hoping that the book you lent me will answer some questions I have about the unforgivable curses… I might have to do something I can never take back.”

His hand moved then of its own accord, his fingers tightening on the wood. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to imagine how he might feel. If it came to it, he would **have** to do it. But he’d never actually _killed_ anyone before.

“I’m not completely sure that murder is the answer though,” he added, opening his eyes and hoping he didn’t sound like a coward. “I theorise that many people were killed for no reason… and a simple stunning spell may actually suffice in order to win its allegiance,” he suggested, the corner of his lips stretching into a tired smile. “Either way, it’s _here._ I believe someone in Hogsmeade - or Hogwarts itself - is currently in possession of it.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki subtly leaned down to observe a diagram, and realised too late how much of a mistake that was. He smelled various scents which definitely did not come from the Room but Gellert; the scent of autumn rain, peppermint, smokey wood and parchment… the mixture was straight pleasing, even if it had some sort of a bitter, darker tone to it. As someone who worked with potions, Loki could distinguish most of them and now linked them all to Gellert.

_Intoxicating_.

Then Gellert chose that exact moment to look up, those mismatched eyes locked with the emerald ones and Loki felt like he was punched in the gut. Yes. He knew how getting punched in the gut felt like. And yes. It felt like that.

Still, he chose to ignore his instinct and did **_not_** give in to it. Otherwise he would’ve started kissing Gellert right there, right then… and their friendship would be over in a blink.

“_Win_ it’s allegiance? You mean… the wand’s?” Loki arched a brow, then hummed as he had a flashback from just before his first year. “I guess you’re right. The maker of my wand, Ollivander, kept repeating that **_the wand_** **_chooses the wizard_**. It’d make sense. Perhaps death is considered defeat, but what if you defeat someone _without_ actually killing them? Hmm…” His hand reached out for a notebook, but then stopped with a frown and glanced at Gellert again. “_Here?_ Why do you think it’s around here?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

In answer, Gellert waded through some papers that he pulled from the back of a glossy black notebook. “19th century… _Gregorovitch_… 20th century… _wo ist es_…?” he murmured under his breath, frowning. “Here.” He picked up a piece of parchment and held it out for Loki to hold. “At first, I thought the trail had run cold. There was a gap here, after this person-” he leaned closer to Loki to point it out, his eyes disconcertingly level with his midriff from his sitting position. “But here is the newspaper cutting about his suspected murder. So, it was in Scotland only sixty or so years ago. I can’t prove it, but… I have a good feeling about it. I’m so close.”

He leaned back in his chair and waved his hand over his work. “If you see anything I’ve missed, please tell me. That one’s in German - _sorry_ -” he leaned over and took it away. “But here, these are all in English. I hope you can read my writing. I get messy when I’m passionate about something.” He smiled mischievously, handing over a stack of the notes. 

“It’ll probably take a few weeks for you to catch up completely. I won’t be offended if you take breaks and read a book instead. Or, you know. Lose a game of chess against me~”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki couldn’t help his grin when he heard Gellert speak his mothertongue; it sounded strange and unusual. Loki got used to the boy’s accent by now, and hearing words Gellert was familiar with sounded nice. Almost… _cute_.

He already started to read some of the notes and hummed a few times at Gellert’s words, but when he mentioned losing chess against him, the Slytherin snorted.

“You _wish_ you’d win against me”, he teased with a chuckle as he walked away from Gellert’s side with the notebook and sat down at the other desk, leaning back in the chair. “And no. I wouldn’t need breaks, but I probably won’t be able to think about anything else. Next week’s going to be dull.”

He grimaced when he thought that he’d need to look at how that Hufflepuff girl and Cedric looked **_so_**_ happy_ and _perfect_ together during some of their classes. On others, he’d need to keep himself calm not to do anything rash with the Gryffindors who teased the Slytherins during other classes. The only good House was Ravenclaw. Loki liked to work with them. They were determined, clever and ambitious.

“I’ve done my homeworks way before, anyway”, he added, turning a page, and hummed again. “I like your handwriting”, he glanced up at Gellert. “Easy to read.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He grinned at the banter that Loki threw back at him about his chess skills: it sounded as though their first game would prove to be highly competitive. Loki’s comment of _I probably won’t be able to think about anything else_ gave him pause. Did he truly mean that? Gellert had long ago resigned himself to the fact that he was on a desperately lonely path, a path of death and darkness. On his quest to find the Hallows, he had thought he would always be alone. 

But now he would walk that path with a friend by his side. At the very end of it all: **glory**. _Someone_ had to sacrifice their soul for the greater good of all wizards… and he would be ready. He would make a better world for Loki, and those like him - a world where he didn’t have to live in the shadows like a rat in the gutter. 

The two of them settled into a comfortable silence again. There was only the sound of pages being turned, of rain hammering down from somewhere beyond the walls, and the crackling of the fire. Occasionally, one of them would move to change their sitting position, or stretch. A few times, Gellert had looked over to his desk, and they had momentarily made eye contact, and smiled. It was peace and companionship like he’d never known. 

As it drew past four in the afternoon, Gellert took out the crisps he’d taken from the table, along with some chocolate he’d taken from the rec room on the ship, and placed some on Loki’s desk too. Then he walked around the room to stretch his legs, prising open a Chocolate Frog with his finger. “Ah. Andros the Invincible,” he read, turning the card over as he munched on the frog. “I’m pretty sure I’ve got a few of these already.” 

_This Ancient Greek is alleged to be the only known wizard to have produced a Patronus the size of a giant, _he read. Gellert uncomfortably remembered the tale of Illyius and Raczidian. Illyius had conjured a powerful mouse Patronus to protect his village from the Dark wizard, but when Raczidian had tried to summon one to ward off Illyius’s, only maggots had shot out of his wand, devouring him completely. _Only the pure of heart can produce a Patronus,_ Gellert recalled from his Defence textbook. _And that’s what can happen when a competent but unworthy wizard attempts the spell. _

He turned to Loki, wiping his mouth quickly to make sure there was no chocolate on his lips. “Have you ever managed to produce a corporeal Patronus?” he asked, suddenly curious.

“I haven’t. Only incorporeal, which I suppose is a huge achievement in itself.” He looked down at his feet, despising his own shame. “I can’t help but wonder whether I’m… I’m not… _pure_ enough.” He bit his lip; here was something else he’d never spoken aloud to anyone, but apparently, he now told Loki everything. “Using the Dark Arts… it makes it that much more difficult.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki usually lost his sense of time when he was studying something, and it wasn’t different with Gellert’s notes. Time flew by really quickly as he turned a page occasionally, or glanced up at Gellert – unable to hold his smile back. He really felt great here; it was warm, quiet, just as he loved.

The research really was in depth; Gellert seemed to gather information from more than one book, and he wrote each and every title and author up as well as the quote. It seemed to Loki that Gellert really must’ve spent a lot of time researching the path of the wand, and Loki had to come to the conclusion that if the other thought it was near Hogwarts, then he just **had to **be right about it.

That was when Gellert made the comment about his Chocolate Frog card, and so Loki placed the notebook down and stretched with a sigh, his mind full of countless violent deaths for a piece of wood. But what a piece of wood that was! According to the notes, the wand was able to do anything as long as it was in someone’s possession.

Loki had the uncomfortable thought in his head that the wand was right there before his eyes but he simply couldn’t see it.

At Gellert’s question, Loki thought a bit. He couldn’t recall Lupin ever saying something about _‘one’s heart has to be pure’_. For Loki, that was bullshit. Even Odin could produce a corporeal Patronus, and he certainly did not have a pure heart.

“Someone has to be really bad to the core to not be able to produce a Patronus. Even incorporeal.” His voice sounded honest and gentler than usual. “I know someone who’s definitely a terrible man and even he can produce a corporeal Patronus, Gellert. And an incorporeal Patronus is already a huge achievement, yes”, he nodded reassuringly. “I **_could_** produce a corporeal Patronus last year.”

That woke some slightly unpleasant memories in him. The happy memories Lupin required of him could be linked to someone here in Hogwarts, and because of that, his Patronus was a golden retriever… just as that person’s. Loki wasn’t quite sure what it would be now.

“I’m not sure I can do one these days”, he admitted softly with a sigh, his eyes wandering back on Gellert’s notes. “But I can help you with it, if you wish.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He took in Loki’s viewpoint with a calculating look. He made a good point: the fact he had already produced an incorporeal Patronus surely meant there was _something_ there for him to draw on. A light to nurture into something truly powerful. _Sei nicht so ein Feigling, _he thought, frustrated at his own hesitance. He knew he was many things - but he wasn’t a coward. 

He felt a flicker of jealousy at hearing that Loki had managed it; yet at the same time, there was also fascination. This was **useful**.   
  
“I do wish it,” he said quickly. “I’d be honoured if you could help me.” There was an eager light in his eyes. “Could you set aside half an hour every day? With your tutoring, I’m confident I’ll have mastered it by Christmas.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Of course we can practice.” Loki offered Gellert a smile, then he glanced back down at the notebook, memorized where he was, then stood up and pulled his waistcoat further down on his form, fixing it. “We could do it right now; we still have time until dinner.”

Since he wasn’t sure what his Patronus would look right now, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to search for a happy memory which didn’t wake unpleasant ones in him. He’d spent as much time with that other one as he could, and all good memories he had used during his practices could be linked to those times. But that did not mean he wouldn’t be able to teach Gellert just as Lupin taught him last year, even without producing one himself.

“We have enough room here”, he looked around, thinking he managed to summon one even in his dormitory. “Do you want to try?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert had secretly hoped he would offer to start now; his sly smile said as much. “Ja. We might as well.” He retrieved his wand from his robe and casually twirled it with his fingers. 

“I’m ready.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Seeing him now with his wand out, Loki had a sudden flashback of Gellert protecting him from Thor. The thought sent a shiver down his spine; the boy looked so determined, so threatening, he wasn’t surprised Thor remained on the floor when Gellert got closer. This made Loki feel unusual warmth. _I think I **would **be able to produce a Patronus, after all…_

“Alright. I’m not sure what you’ve been reading about it, because various books say various things, but if you can produce an incorporeal Patronus, then you’re on the good path.”

Loki clasped his hands behind his back and walked in a circle back behind Gellert, to give him space. He also did so as a snake would circle it’s prey before swallowing it. Loki smirked.

“The only trick about it that you must use a powerful happy memory to be able to make it corporeal. Search for a memory you deem the most powerful, then try and cast the spell.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert nodded. He knew he was on the right path, but it had been difficult taking the next step. He trained his gaze on Loki as he circled behind him, and allowed him to move out of sight, staying still. 

When Loki’s mellifluous voice drifted across to him, Gellert tightened his grip on his wand, then held it out before him determinedly. _Right. A happy memory._

He shuffled through his mind, trying to bring up a familiar scene to the surface. As always, he imagined his mother, wearing her favourite teal dress that matched her eyes perfectly. This time, they were sat before the grand piano, and he was five. _Es ist ok, Liebling_, she said to him gently. _Nochmal versuchen. _

_It’s ok, darling. Try again._

Focusing on her gentle words, the memory of her patience, Gellert allowed the warmth to grow in his chest, and he uttered the spell. 

A light, bright enough to make him blink, erupted from his wand; it grew in size, expanding like a star - but then, it started to fade. Trying to hear his mother again, Gellert’s hand shook with concentration, but it was no good: another voice cropped into his mind instead, thundering over his mother’s. 

The light disappeared, and Gellert fought off a shiver, cursing under his breath in German. “I can try again,” he said quickly, wanting to impress Loki. “I want to make it last longer every time I try, even if it’s only for a few seconds.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki knew Gellert wasn’t lying about him being able to cast an incorporeal Patronus, but he was still stunned by the sight of it. The Slytherin was aware that the other came from Durmstrang, which taught Dark Arts, and which probably didn’t require the Patronus charm to be known, just like Hogwarts. It was astonishing that Grindelwald, one who easily admitted he’d hurt a schoolmate so bad they bled, wished to know how to cast such a spell.

He watched the light and squinted a bit – it was bright, as always, and Loki nodded when it faded. He’d heard Gellert’s curse and half smiled at the quick revert back to English, and he walked a few steps to stand beside Grindelwald, with his hands still behind him.

“That was impressive”, he reassured Gellert, wondering a little why the other sounded a bit anxious, “don’t rush it. Perhaps the memory you’ve chosen isn’t strong enough; maybe you could give this a try again, then try another happy memory. It has to be _really _strong.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

At sensing Loki close in behind him, Gellert felt a tingle at the back of his neck. His concentration wavered, but he tried again. In his mind’s eye, his mother crouched beside him to tuck his hat onto his head, her breath misting before her in the cold. “Du machst mich so glücklich,” she told him, beaming. _You make me so happy. _

The light re-emerged, wavering like a hazy mist, spreading across the room. It wasn’t as solid as the first time, but it did last longer, growing until the entire room was lit. 

When it faded, Gellert sighed. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t banish the image of the glistening lake behind his mother. It was as though every truly happy memory he possessed was tainted with something else. Something icy cold, and painful. 

He knew that none of the other Durmstrang students could even come _close_ to what he had achieved; but still, his failure prickled. He was so **sure** that he had chosen a strong memory this time. There was nothing and nobody else in the world who had made him as happy as his mother. 

He glanced sideways to see Loki in his peripheral vision, and all of his senses seemed to catch on fire when he realised how close he was.   
  
“Perhaps it is my grip?” he wondered aloud, twisting his wrist around so that Loki could see how his fingers splayed along the dark wood. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki kept watching Gellert when he cast the spell again; his concentration written on his face, the Slytherin wondered if the other was trying a bit too hard. Maybe the memory was half good; maybe it had wasn’t as happy as it seemed to be for Gellert. Loki himself was struggling with it, until…

Swallowing, the raven haired smiled at Gellert; knowing perfectly well what the other was playing with him. He’d done it so many times.

_“Help me”, he whined, the laughter right at the back in his throat, but he forced it back as much as he could. “I can’t do it! I must hold my wand the wrong way.”_

_“No, it’s good. Try again, it’ll work!” Replied the other reassuringly._

_“No it’s totally not! Please, check it!”_

_And the other walked over with a dramatic sigh. He must’ve known Loki was up to something, but the laughter still broke out of him suddenly when the Slytherin tackled and tickled him._

_“Cheater!” The other boy cried between fits of laughter, “you tricked me!”_

Loki shook his head to come back to the present. It was not a happy memory anymore. It made him sad.

“If your grip was bad, not even an incorporeal Patronus would appear, Gellert.” His tone sincere, he ran a hand in his hair. “Perhaps try another sort of memory? Maybe linked to success, when you felt proud of yourself?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert lowered his wand and ruffled his hair in agitation, unknowingly mirroring Loki behind him. The failure wasn’t because of his grip. It wasn’t his pronunciation, his stance or his wand movement. No - he had long ago perfected those things. 

Deep down, he knew he wanted to find another excuse for **why** he couldn’t do it, in order to ignore the truth that remained. The truth that yawned, black and horrible, at the back of his mind: _he had no pure, untouched, happy memory._ Like his memories now, he’d had a childhood of inconsistencies: a cold, unloving father, and a mother who overindulged and praised him at every opportunity. Any memory of his estate was tainted with the horrors that had transpired there. And the last four years since, at Durmstrang? Those days had only been filled with lonely snowfall, a cold library, and the never-ending fear that he was becoming his father. 

“When I felt proud of myself. Right.” Gellert bit his lip, in deep thought. He felt proud of himself _most _days, if he was being honest with himself. His research had been there to keep his mind occupied, born from writing on a grave he had discovered at his great-aunt’s house in Godric’s Hollow. _And look how far I’ve come since then._

He raised his wand again, ready. He imagined his research, and the immense pride he felt when looking upon it all. At the things he knew he would do once the Elder Wand was **his**. 

The Patronus shot out of the tip, powerful in its own right, a force that would surely have knocked a few Dementors down. Gellert exhaled slowly, feeling his disappointment burn. It still wasn’t corporeal. He crossed his arms, and frowned.

“That’s enough for now.” His words came out a little more sharply than he’d intended. It was quite a draining spell, not to mention the effort it took him to go back to the past. _I’ll get there soon_, he thought furiously._ I will. **I’ll do it.**_

He stepped back to lean against the wall, feeling too emotional to sit down. His eyes searched Loki’s, wondering what the other boy was thinking. “Will you show me yours?” he asked, his mismatched gaze running down his form, wanting to etch every detail into his mind. It would definitely be useful to see how Loki did it.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki hoped his idea would work and help; although, he would be patient if it did not. What Gellert chose not to see was his already huge success; it was such a difficult spell, and most kids couldn’t even get where Gellert was. Most **adults** couldn’t cast even _that_ much. He knew that with time, the other would be able to cast one, and it’d have a solid-looking shape. Hearing the boy snap, he nodded in agreement, then furrowed his brows at the question. He thought about it for a moment.

_“Show me!”_

_“Right, here goes… _expecto patronum_!”_

_The Patronus was a golden retriever. Loki laughed as it ran across the room and around his legs. The other boy laughed, too, before he turned to Loki._

_“Let them play.”_

_“Okay.” He lifted his arm up and smiled back at the boy. Loki didn’t even need to remember a happy memory; he was very happy in that moment as well. “_Expecto patronum_!”_

_And then, there were suddenly two golden retrievers running around in the room._

Loki’s throat tightened. This was just back in May… a few months ago… why did it all have to go so wrong? And why did he fancy now another boy who visibly wasn’t even interested in him that way? Loki, once again, felt painfully alone.

“I don’t think I’m capable of it right now”, he admitted quietly. “I’ve went through a lot of things this summer… none of them good. Most of my memories are bittersweet now. And bittersweet memories aren’t good enough.”

Right now, he truly had his doubts he’d ever be happy again. Yes, he was young… but he still wasn’t past his first heartbreak, no matter it’d been months.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

** _Bittersweet memories aren’t good enough._ **

That was **it**. Loki had put it into words perfectly: bittersweet memories were simply not powerful enough, and if he couldn’t filter out the bitterness from even one of his memories, what good were any of them? Choosing a new memory would need some serious thought.

“I understand. Don’t worry about it,” he replied, his voice softer. He stepped away from the wall towards him, his arm reaching out to clasp Loki by the opposite shoulder in solidarity. “It sounds as though you had a rough summer. It can’t have been easy to find out you were adopted.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

I took Loki a considerable amount of willpower not to give in and pour his heart out to someone he’d known only for two days. There were so many things that happened, so many of them were difficult to deal with, so many of them indicated that he was much more, and much different than anyone else. He could’ve heard the truth when he found out by accident that he was speaking parseltongue. He could’ve known it for years by now. But no. Odin calculated he was big enough **now**, as he’d reached seventeen, Odin thought he’d be able to handle this **right now** the best… when the one he loved broke up with him, just a few weeks prior the talk. Effectively crushing him in every way possible.

He lowered his head with a sigh at Gellert’s touch, his stomach doing a backflip at it. The other was so close… he could feel his scent again, a wonderful mixture, one that made him want to hug Gellert and remain like that for a while. Alienating himself definitely did not work. He was so touch starved, he seriously _craved_ it. He entertained himself with the thought that he would just do it, despite he knew what sort of a reaction he might get for it. But he forced himself not to. He knew he shouldn’t. He was Salazar Slytherin’s descendant, for Merlin’s sake! He wouldn’t appear weak in front of **anybody**.

“It was not.” He agreed, then glanced back up at Gellert with a half smile. “But at least I’m alive and I can make things better.”

_With you, _he added in thought.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He gave Loki’s shoulder a brief squeeze of reassurance before letting go. The other boy’s smile was like catching a glimpse of the full moon: it didn’t happen very often, but when it did, the world seemed that little bit brighter, and he found it hard to look away. 

With both of them eager to take their mind away from work and spells for the last hour, they started a game of chess instead. It started out badly for Gellert, who told himself it was just because his mind was occupied (not that he kept getting distracted by the way the tip of Loki’s tongue would appear between his lips when he was in deep concentration… no, definitely not that). 

After dinner, they retreated back to do some more reading and continue their game - the room had helpfully ‘saved’ their progress, as Loki had predicted. Once again, when the time came for Gellert to go back to the ship, he felt his stomach sink with disappointment. He tried his best not to express it though: they’d spent most of the day together, and he wasn’t sure Loki would appreciate it if he appeared overly-keen. Perhaps it was best that they part at the end of the day, for the sake of their friendship; Gellert wasn’t sure how he’d handle it if he had been a Hogwarts student, sleeping in a dorm bed next to Loki. 

That night, and for the nights that followed, he had to continually push that particular fantasy out of his head. He became accustomed to staring at the empty bunk above him in the dark and the silence, his hands tightened into fists at his sides, refusing to acknowledge the shameful truth. Every morning, when they met for breakfast, Gellert would feel a rush of **guilt**. _What would he say if he knew I had trouble sleeping for thoughts of him?_ he wondered, casually watching him drink his morning pumpkin juice. Still, whenever they caught each other’s gaze, he’d just grin and bear it, giving no outward sign of his feelings. _It’s just a crush. It will pass._

The days seemed to pass in a blur: if they weren’t having to study in class, they were spending every moment together. The Room of Requirement was their own private haven (and Gellert fumed for an entire morning when he ultimately lost their first chess match), but they often went back to the library too. Madam Pince would appraise them with an arched eyebrow as they entered, and the same groups of girls would giggle and stare at them through the rows of books. They did the same with Viktor Krum too, who seemed to appear in the library every second he could spare. Gellert supposed he was preparing for the First Task, which was only three days away.

Sucking on a Liquorice Wand, he glanced up from his book on _British Wizarding Villages of the 1900′s_ and caught Loki’s eye. The library was an enjoyable and useful pass of the time, as both of them had made progress with the Hallows research, but the giggling girls were starting to get on his nerves. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” he asked, keeping his voice low. He still hadn’t explored any of the grounds or Quidditch Pitch, and the sound of afternoon rain against the window had stopped. “I think I need some fresh air.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Rest assured… it did not get better.

He’d been telling himself that this was just because he’d lost his sweetheart. That he felt clingy because he was missing the company. Loki kept reminding himself that Gellert was, by far, the worst choice he could make. Each time he left his eyes too much on his friend when he was concentrating on something, Loki told himself that this boy will go back to Durmstrang, and even if they could keep in touch through owls, their friendship would wilt and die. Perhaps they could meet during the summer, yes. Maybe Frigga would even allow them to spend the summer together. But what then? Loki would need to come back here, Gellert would be thousands of miles away, and Loki was just sure the boy would move on.

Just as everyone else moved on.

So, to make things better for himself, he concentrated as much on his studies when they were separated as he could. He was still working on an assignment Snape gave the class; he had already written quite a few inches on Amortentia and how to make it, and Loki felt weird when he thought of the potion; for him, it had the scent of books’ pages, parchment, ink… even the scent of pumpkin juice… but there was something else he couldn’t decipher, some sort of odd mixture that he couldn’t identify when he tried to figure it out what it was… it was bugging him to no end. It was bugging him so much that day that he didn’t even notice the girls, Viktor Krum, or anyone else apart from Gellert, for that matter. He noticed the girls _just because _Gellert shot them glances in the first place.

Then Gellert leaned closer to him on that day in the library. And Loki’s hand immediately froze with the quill still in it. **_It’s Gellert,_**he thought, his heart shattering at the thought. _Damn it, it’s **him**. Stupid heart. Stop trying to make me reach out to the unreachable. He’s definitely **not **into boys. He kept checking the girls all afternoon._

“Do you? I could use a stretch, too.” He muttered back before he finally moved, settled his quill down, then rolled up his parchment and glanced at the other. Loki looked pale; green eyes a bit bloodshot from the amount of sleep he missed last night – and also the pathetic weeping in his pillow, both because his ex looked **_so _**_happy_ with his girlfriend and because Gellert was just a friend and nothing more –, but he looked alright otherwise. He quickly packed his things away. “Let’s go, then.”


	8. Chapter 8

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Whilst waiting for Loki to pack his things away, Gellert leaned against one of the rows, his arms crossed and his gaze wandering. He accidentally caught the eye of one of the girls, and winked playfully; her cheeks promptly turned a deep shade of crimson, and she smiled at him. He looked away, feeling nothing.

Flirting was second nature to him (he barely even registered he was doing it half of the time) - but with Loki he couldn’t help but reign it back most of the time. Still, after the two had left the Entrance Hall and started a casual, slow-paced stroll around the edge of the lake, their shoulders occasionally knocking against each other, Gellert fought back a mischievous smile. They’d both been working so hard all week, but now he felt like having a bit of _fun_. He playfully nudged Loki in the waist with his elbow, interrupting the end of his sentence about Potions ingredients. 

“Truth or dare,” he said conversationally, a boyish smile spreading across his face. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He’d been preoccupied with his silly internal monologue about **stop acting so detached** — he still didn’t look at the girls, not even when they bypassed them —, so he didn’t notice Gellert’s attempts at flirting. It could’ve just made his day worse. He let out a quiet grunt when Gellert elbowed him, then finally stopped what he was doing and glanced at the other… heart beating in his throat, as per the usual. Those mismatched eyes always seemed to do that to him. Loki hoped they’d lose their charm, but they obviously did not.

“What do you mean?”

Furrowing his brows, Loki swept through his thoughts to get a clue of what did Gellert talk about, a few memories resurfaced in his mind.

“**_Oh_**.”

He bit his lower lip, then grew a bit anxious. He knew now why he didn’t remember it right away… because he did **_not_** want to. Thor was using this excuse of a ‘game’ to cause Loki very, very bad memories. The Slytherin cleared his throat.

“Ah well, okay. Truth”, he decided, running a hand in his raven hair a bit nervously.

_I **could** lie,_ he thought without even batting an eyelash, _he’d never know if I told him the truth._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The energy from Loki wasn’t the fun or relaxation he’d hoped for - only hesitancy. Gellert bit his lip, feeling slightly disappointed but not at all discouraged: he still had to admit that he _enjoyed_ Loki being more difficult to read than other people he’d met. It was why he was so eager to get to know him better. His mind ran over the typical _do you have a crush on anyone_ and _how many people have you kissed or slept with_, but he didn’t want to lead with either of those, as it might seem suspicious. Besides, Loki’s love life was clearly a sore subject for him at the moment. The last thing he wanted to do was upset him. 

“Okay. I’ll start easy,” he said, grinning. He wanted to see that smile again. “Who would you rather walk in on naked… Karkaroff or Dumbledore?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki slipped the strap of his bag further up on his shoulder as they walked down the stairs; when he saw from the corner of his eyes that Gellert was thinking, he tensed a bit. What sort of a humiliating question could possibly Gellert ask? Loki pushed his memories of this game away from himself. No… Gellert wasn’t like Thor. Right?

Then he heard the question and Loki felt so much relief that he laughed. His tense shoulders relaxed a bit. He imagined the scene.

“Probably Dumbledore. He has a beard long enough to cover certain…” He giggled again. “_Parts_.” He shuddered a bit. “I hope though this never happens. I’d go definitely blind. Now.” He smiled at Gellert. “Truth or dare?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The sound of Loki’s laugh was like music to his ears; instantly, he felt the familiar bubble of happiness expand inside his chest. He couldn’t help laughing alongside him, and at his answer, he turned and gently tapped the side of his head. “You’re not just a pretty face, are you?”

He inhaled slowly, dramatically, preparing himself. A dare would be easier, as he’d always struggled with opening up to people. Truths were often so much more **personal**. And yet with Loki… he found he didn’t mind.

“I’ll go with truth, too,” he decided, pulling his thick cloak higher as a cold wind swept across the lake. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

_Pretty face? _Was that an actual compliment? Or just a playful tease? Loki decided it was the latter, remembering how he looked at those girls… Loki reached in his bag and fished out his Slytherin scarf and as he wrapped it around his neck, he grinned. He had an idea. He remembered the face Gellert made when Loki had a bat in his hand at Halloween.

“Would you rather pet a bat or a snake?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

In answer, Gellert smirked and raised his arm to pat Loki on the head. He couldn’t help but note how soft his hair was. “Snake.”

He laughed under his breath, his eyes looking up to the thick grey blanket of cloud above them. It had started to drizzle, but Gellert felt like nothing could dampen his spirits. They continued in that way for the rest of their walk around the grounds, which led them to the edge of the Forbidden Forest (which inevitably led to _I dare you to touch that tree over there_, and _I dare you to throw that rock as far as you can_). 

By the time they approached the Quidditch stands, the drizzle had turned into a heavy downpour; Gellert conjured a barrier above them, but with the high wind some of the droplets still managed to trickle into their robes and hair. Grinning at his own terrible judgement - but not regretting a single second - Gellert pulled Loki closer, his arm entwining with his. His gaze swept across the hill to the castle before them, and snorted. “Are we the only ones crazy enough to be out in this?” he asked, still slightly breathless from laughing. “Maybe we should head back to the Great Hall. Maybe they’ll have hot chocolate…” 

As though summoned by the sound of voices, someone leaned out of the changing room stalls, wearing a black and yellow scarf and a handsome smile. Gellert recognised him immediately: the first Hogwarts Champion, Cedric Diggory.   
  
“You can shelter in here if you want!” he called over. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

It wasn’t hard to notice that in the past few days Gellert touched him much more often. Loki didn’t think anything of it; it must’ve been just a friendly gesture to stroke his head — which made him smile — and entwining his own arm with Loki’s — which definitely made him blush and made his heart misbehave.

_I can’t be **that** attracted to him, can I?_ He asked himself when he realised how close Gellert actually was. _I could hug him. Kiss him. God! I **want** to kiss him. I want to feel his lips against mine… _the thought made him shiver._ I’d dance with him in the rain and kiss him like nobody kissed him before. I wish he preferred boys… I would love to run my fingers in his hair and hold him close and—_

Gellert’s laughter made him smile as well, forgetting himself, he donned a dreamy expression as if he was wondering about something. He did. _I am insane, _he thought as he pulled his scarf up to cover half of his face. _He’s bad influence,_ Loki smirked to himself.

“If I catch a cold, you’re dead”, he murmured just before he heard **_that_** voice.

Loki’s automatic reaction was to turn around and run. Then, his other automatic reaction was to join Cedric and chat with him. He imagined Cedric and Gellert in the same room and blushed furiously.

_If I didn’t have a hard time already!!! But… it should be fine. He’s done with me anyway… and Gellert only looks at me as a friend… so why not…?_

“Hello, Cedric”, Loki pulled his scarf off a bit to free his mouth, and smiled warmly at the Hufflepuff boy… hoping his girlfriend wasn’t nearby. “How are you?”

Sweet Salazar, how many times they snuck out here together… just to be away from prying eyes. The memory stung a bit, but Loki still pulled Gellert in the warm changing room. Loki’s discomfort be damned; he didn’t want Gellert to be cold. He spent enough time feeling cold on that terrible ship.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He only smirked at Loki’s playful threat, and let himself be pulled through the door and into the changing rooms. Cedric seemed very pleased to see Loki, he noticed.

“I… I’m very well,” Cedric nodded, his eyes twinkling with warmth. “Nervous about Tuesday, but otherwise good.”

Sensing a tone of awkwardness, Gellert gazed over Cedric’s shoulder to see a small group of Hufflepuff’s who must be Cedric’s friends, huddled together around a jar of fire. They smiled over politely, but then continued talking amongst themselves.

Gellert met Cedric’s eyes. He could remember Loki’s words of_ I don’t have friends, only allies and enemies_, and a suspicion took root in the pit of his stomach.

“Hallo. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Cedric.” He confidently held out his hand for the other boy to shake. _Merlin’s beard, he’s even more handsome up close._ “I’m Gellert Grindelwald. Congratulations on becoming a Champion. Loki tells me you two are classmates?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki didn’t mind the other Puffs; they seemed to tolerate him last year (better than Gryffindors, anyway), and they didn’t appear to be nasty about him showing up now. Loki suspected Cedric remained as kind and loyal to his own wishes, as always; he surely didn’t say anything bad about the Slytherin, despite the two of them visibly not being together anymore. And Loki was glad he also couldn’t see Cho with the group. Which was good for him.

Loki smiled at Cedric, and made a half movement to introduce Gellert, who, to his surprise, introduced himself instead. The Slytherin appreciated how confident the Durmstrang student was; it radiated off of him, and warmed Loki’s cheeks when he wondered how confident he’d be… in _different_ circumstances…

His emerald eyes met Cedric’s, and the Hufflepuff’s smile set off fireworks in his stomach. **Shit.**_ No,_ Loki realised, _I’m totally not over him. He should be arrested for looking so handsome._

“Yes, classmates”, Loki nodded, mirroring Cedric’s smile. And _friends_ to **best friends…** to **_lovers_**. And eventually to **exes**. If one wanted to be perfectly accurate. “And, well… I wished to introduce you but you beat me to it.” Loki ran a hand in his hair as he shot a playful pout Gellert’s way, then retrieved his wand from his robe’s inner pocket to dry himself with a murmured spell. “You needn’t be nervous about the first task, Cedric. You’re clever, I’m sure you’ll handle it, whatever it is.”

He just couldn’t help to remain loyal to himself and reassure Cedric when he needed it the most. Now that he thought of it… he was a bit nervous as well, as to what the Hufflepuff must face only a few days after, remembering the tasks to be designed dangerous. But he wouldn’t say or show his worry… he’d appear to be calm and cool. As always.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert’s trained gaze went from Cedric to Loki, and stayed there while the Slytherin spoke. His eyes were wide, polite, eager; his pale fingers quick to straighten out his bedraggled hair. _You’re clever,_ Loki said. A bitter warning seemed to go off inside Gellert’s mind - a sixth sense that prickled at the back of his throat.

As soon as the Hufflepuff released his hand, Gellert folded his arms defensively.

“Well, you have good taste in friends,” he said, giving Cedric a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “If you’re as clever as Loki says, you’ve nothing to worry about.”

He didn’t like that he suddenly felt like the outsider he knew he was: he was a Durmstrang student, so he would be expected to support Krum, whereas Loki and Cedric were on the same side. He swept his wet fringe from his eyes, and stepped back towards the door.

“We were just about to get back to the Great Hall,” he said pointedly. “But it was good to finally meet you.” He looked to Loki, wondering if he would come with him - or stay. If he preferred to catch up with Cedric, he wouldn’t hold it against him. _He would just have to try very hard not to seethe with jealously on the walk back._

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

What was the reason of this sudden retreat?

Loki half turned and glanced up at Cedric’s face, then looked at Gellert, then back at Cedric. And smiled. _If I stay, _he mused, _the good old days won’t come back. I’ll only look and feel pathetic. I’ve got to move on. Cedric doesn’t want his future with me; I would only hurt myself with this situation._

“We can talk some day, if you want”, Loki offered to Cedric before he turned properly and walked after Gellert. “They better have hot chocolate”, he smirked, “I really want one, ever since you mentioned it…”

_But_, Loki thought, _he said ‘you have good taste in friends’… why did he say it that way? What does it mean??_

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

When Loki followed, he felt a sense of relief - peppered with satisfaction, of course. He bid Cedric **good luck** (but he wasn’t sure if he truly meant it, if he was being honest) and willingly went back out into the rain. He knew he was being ridiculous, but there was something about Cedric and Loki’s interactions that felt _unpleasant_ to him. Like acid burning in his chest.

He wasn’t even sure what he’d say if Loki actually _asked_ him what had happened - he could barely explain it himself. As long as he internally denied his inappropriate crush, pushing it away until it stopped, he had no reason to feel any kind of romantic ownership over Loki. _I’m not jealous_, he told himself sternly. _I’m **not.**_

The castle loomed over them, promising the end of what had been a thoroughly pleasant walk, and Gellert found himself wishing - despite the rain - that they could just go back to the beginning and do it all over again. He realised too late that he’d forgotten to cast his barrier spell in his haste to leave the changing rooms, and sighed as he felt rain trickle down his neck and into his robes; at this point, his hair was already a sodden mess. He shivered.

“If there isn’t any hot chocolate after this, at least we still have some Chocolate Frogs left,” he reasoned, trying to sound as gleeful and upbeat as he had been earlier. He didn’t want to ruin an otherwise perfect day.

They paused to catch their breath from walking so quickly up the steep hill, just at the base of the Entrance Hall steps. They’d both managed to get mud all up their robes, and Gellert laughed at how saturated they both were. “You should see your hair,” he teased, trying to peel his own out of his face. “We look like we swam in the fucking lake…”

They laughed at the same time, and it suddenly struck Gellert that there was something almost _romantic_ about standing so close to Loki in the rain - especially as there wasn’t a single soul out there with them. A strange energy seemed to snap into place between them, and their smiles slowly faded at the same time. Gellert swallowed, continuing to look back into Loki’s eyes with nervous trepidation.

For a moment, it seemed that Loki felt it too. Did he just glance down to his lips? The movement was so quick - maybe he imagined it.

He tried to fight back the overwhelming urge to reach out and trace a finger over Loki’s bottom lip. Slowly, cautiously… he moved his hand… his fingers raised towards Loki’s chin…

But then his nerve failed him, and his hand fell limply back to his side; a second later, and the moment snapped away again, their eye contact mutually broken. Gellert cleared his throat and smiled, as though nothing strange had happened at all. He led the way up the steps, his heart beating so hard that he was sure it was visible through his skin-tight sodden robes and cloak. _It’s a good thing I didn’t_, he thought. _I could have ruined everything._ If Loki had rejected him, he’d probably have just lost the only true friend he’d ever had.

After they’d both helped each other to magically dry enough to stop them from dripping water all over the floor, they went in to the Hall for dinner; Gellert tried to act as normally as possible, but not even a second helping of the chicken and potatoes could quite settle the butterflies in his stomach. After the meal, he poured some hot chocolate for them, and raised his cup in a toast as though it was a flute of champagne.

He knew his hair would have dried in curls by now, and he wished Loki couldn’t see it. “To long walks in the rain,” he said, mischief back in his eyes. “And to friendship,” he added quickly, tapping his cup against Loki’s. “I had a really good time with you today.”

As he drank, he glanced over the rim at Loki. His black hair was still slightly damp, his skin pale and glistening. _In another world, I kissed you tonight,_ he thought.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He felt Cedric’s eyes in his back and Loki knew the boy was wondering if Loki himself moved on as well… and Gellert was his new, well… **_friend._**

_I wish,_ he thought to himself as he grumbled and pulled his robes tighter around himself, hiding his face in his scarf again.

_But why was Gellert so eager to leave?_ They could’ve just said no when they were invited in the changing room. Did Loki do or say something which brought this reaction out of the Durmstrang boy? No, Loki was careful not to do that… neither Cedric nor him liked to show how close they were to each other publicly last year. It was frowned upon. It wasn’t really allowed. Cedric was quite famous amongst the Hufflepuffs, everyone loved him, and Loki didn’t want to taint his reputation and image by openly dating him. And Thor… he never would’ve approved of it, either. He would’ve told his parents and Loki suspected Odin and Frigga would’ve been livid with anger if they knew. So it was _hush-hush. _And it suited them both. Although, Loki knew Cedric told at least some of his friends, but they were loyal to their given word that they wouldn’t tell anyone.

Hufflepuffs were great. Really great. Loki always felt almost… accepted and understood by them. When he showed up near Cedric and his friends they always called him over and shared their sweets with him. And he occasionally helped with their potions homework.

But it was over. He lost Cedric, and his friendship with the Hufflepuffs. And suddenly, now, Loki felt very, very alone. He sniffed in his scarf and forced his tears back, although they wouldn’t be even seen in this blasted rain. He was so lonely until Gellert showed up, and he’d be gone, too. Everyone was in a rush to leave him. Loki rubbed his face to get his wet hair out of his eyes along with the tears, then glanced at Gellert when he spoke of the Chocolate Frogs. He sniffed again, then forced himself to focus, to make himself just as cool and collected as always. He quickly smiled under his scarf and thought that this might be a great opportunity to show Gellert the kitchens, if dinner isn’t ready yet.

Then, he had to laugh at Gellert’s comment about how they looked like – the other was right, they could’ve just hopped in the lake to check out the giant squid as well at this rate. Suddenly, as they simultaneously stopped laughing, Loki felt that tingling sensation in his chest again, and just as before, he thought of what he was thinking of on the way out to the quidditch pitch. _I wish I could just kiss him._ His eyes, very quickly, wandered on Gellert’s lips and then back up, hoping the other didn’t see him do that, then he realised he was seeing the exact same thought written across the other’s face.

His mood quickly shifted, then promptly spiraled out of control. Gellert was handsome enough when he was perfectly dry and his hair and robes looked pristine condition, but there was some sort of wildness in the boy now that he was soaking wet, a wildness which Loki really, **_really_** liked. It just felt like if Loki did what he was thinking about, Gellert would totally kiss him back, without so much as a hesitation or a second thought. His brows twitched in confusion when Gellert raised his hand – for a moment he didn’t know what the other wanted to do, then he quickly realised. Gellert was about to **touch him. **Where and how, he didn’t know, but his eyes remained on the other’s, waiting like a deer in the headlights.

Then, for some reason, Gellert changed his mind. Loki looked away, the moment was gone, and he furrowed his brows. _Maybe he just wanted to fix my hair,_ he mused,_ or fix my scarf._ He still felt his heart was beating fast in his throat, and his gut was tight, and deep down he knew Gellert’s intention wasn’t just to do what he was thinking about.

After they cleaned and dried themselves and checked out the Great Hall, Loki was just a bit disappointed to see that dinner was ready. He sat down and ate whatever was within his reach, and tried very hard not to think of anything at all. _Potions,_ he thought, _let’s just recall a list of ingredients…_ but that didn’t work either, because the last which came in his mind was Amortentia, and Amortentia, for him, smelled mostly like Gellert. Especially now that they were soaking wet just ten minutes ago and dried themselves, Gellert’s scent became even more potent._ Everything and everyone today wants to torture me!?_ He asked himself just when he saw Gellert raising his goblet. He raised his own and smiled. _Yeah, to friendship… too bad I have a crush on my only **one **friend, who’s going to go back to who knows where in a few months… thanks for nothing…_

“To long walks in the rain and to friendship”, he smiled at Gellert instead, echoing the words. He found Gellert’s curls adorable, and if it was possible, the boy looked even more handsome. _You’re just here to make my life Hell. _He sipped his drink, then sighed as he put his goblet down. “Me too, although I’m tired”, he mused with a pout. “I even **_feel _**_like_ I swam in the lake.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“_Have _you ever swam in the lake?” he asked, with a slightly evil grin. “That would be a great dare.” Then, unbidden, a memory came to the surface of ice-cold water, filling his lungs as he struggled for breath… water so cold that it burned. He pushed his thoughts aside, concentrating instead on his hot chocolate. He sipped some more. It wasn’t quite as good as the kakao or heiße Schokolade that his mother used to make him, but it still felt **amazing**, warming him up from the inside out. Still, he shivered.

“How would you feel about making us some Pepper-Up Potion in the Room of Requirement before I have to go back to the ship?” he asked, leaning slightly closer to Loki with a hopeful expression.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“No, I haven’t swam in the lake yet, and I’m not planning to”, Loki snorted att he very idea. “The giant squid we have in there creeps me out. Just imagining being touched by tentacles – _yuck_.”

Loki playfully acted like he shivered, then sipped his drink again before he shot Gellert an almost annoyed look. It was really hard to act like that. Every time Gellert smiled he wanted to do silly things.

“You’re just friends with me just because I’m good at potions, aren’t you?” He teased, still playfully, not meaning it at all as he reached up to ruffle Gellert’s now curly, already messed up hair. _Merlin’s beard, so soft and fluffy, _he thought. “Why not, I’d love to see how you’d smoke at your ears.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert pulled a face, as though he’d been found guilty. “Ah… you got me. You’re right: that’s the **only** reason I’m your friend.”

He laughed when Loki messed with his hair; he felt heat rise up on his neck. He _wished_ that was the only reason. Life would be easier right now if it were true. Loki would just be another pawn in his game, like most of the Durmstrang students he’d ‘befriended’. But no: Loki brought something else to the table for him to covet. Cleverness, ambition, charm, a kindred soul… _attraction_. Something **real**.

“Do you have all the ingredients, or do we need to go on a stealing spree?” he asked casually.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Stealing?” Loki snorted. “How dare you. I’d **_never _**steal.”

That was a blatant lie, and they both knew, and Loki was glad he didn’t have to hide this part of himself before Gellert. In fact, Cedric wasn’t really fond of the knowledge that Loki occasionally made some things disappear from Snape’s stash… and now here was Gellert, who pretty much was a partner in crime. Loki drank the last of his drink, then settled the goblet down and glanced at the other. _Would you **stop **being delicious for **one **single second?!_

“I have everything. I have everything _so much_ that I actually have the potions themselves.” He shot Gellert a playful look, almost a challenge. _Now, you have no real reason to get up there with me, would you still come? Perhaps if I lured you into a clever **trap**…_ “But you can still come with me there if you want to be beaten at chess.” A pause. “_Again._”

He’d found Gellert so cute when he was fuming about his latest loss at chess against him. Loki lost with dignity – he’d lost countless times against Thor, and suffered much worse than just a lost chess game –, but Gellert totally was missing that trait. He simply _couldn’t _lose. And it was so entertaining for Loki. _I’d make him feel better about it… if only he let me…_

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“Of course you do.” He smirked, more impressed than he cared to admit. Loki was so prepared, so ahead of the game. At Loki’s direct challenge, Gellert met his gaze head on, sending fireworks exploding inside him again. This was a different kind of moment from before: now the air between them wasn’t soft and uncertain, but was charged with something **demanding** and confrontational.

It was dangerous, really. But Gellert knew he couldn’t back down. He leaned closer on the table, his eye-contact bold, and crossed his arms in a confident, almost cocky way.

“Oh, you’re _on_.” He reaching out to playfully tug at Loki’s Slytherin scarf, his fingers wrapped around the part that lay against his collar bone. He still wished he could tug Loki straight into him for a kiss. “Let’s make it interesting. If I win, I get your scarf for a week. It’s prettier than mine. If you win… well, that’s up to you.” He smirked.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki realised at once that his little game backfired, but he didn’t mind it at all. Gosh, Gellert could turn everything upside down with a single damned look, and Loki felt like the Great Hall just got hotter. A lot hotter. Especially when the other tugged at his scarf. _I should just lean even closer and peck his lips_, he played with the idea, mirroring Gellert’s cocky smirk, _what would he do if I did? Would he call me crazy? Would it cost our friendship?_ He decided it wasn’t worth it… no matter how soft Gellert’s lips looked like…

Thousands of ideas ran across his mind what he’d like if Gellert did in return. Many of them just were **wild**;_ try and spend a night in the castle, come to my dorm with me, hug me, **kiss me**, take me on a date…_ but he said none of them. He hummed, then arched a brow, having an idea.

“Oh, I thought of something, alright”, he teased back, usually pale cheeks pink from how close but how far Gellert was yet again, “I’ll tell you when I win. No _if_, because I **will**. Hope you know.”


	9. Chapter 9

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“**Deal**.” Gellert released Loki’s scarf from his grip, letting the back of his fingers graze Loki’s robe. Every touch, every linger, was like an electric shock to him.

Once they’d finished their drinks and arrived back to the Room, Gellert headed straight for the fireplace, swiftly and unabashedly removing his cloak, robes and t-shirt. Most of his clothing had dried from the heat spells, but his black t-shirt underneath was still slightly damp, and he didn’t like how the fabric kept sticking to his skin. Besides… he was more than comfortable enough.

He stepped close to the mantelpiece, fanning his shirt carefully to let some of the heat in. The silver Hallows necklace reflected the yellow flames, resting against his chest. “Sorry,” he said, turning to look over at Loki and the chess table behind him with a sly smile. He wasn’t sorry at all, though. In fact, he was enjoying the opportunity to preen. “I’ll only be a minute. My shirt wasn’t dry. It was driving me insane. You can set the board up…”

Mischief swam in his eyes, but only as he turned back to the flames where Loki couldn’t see it. The heat from the fire had nothing on the inferno that raged inside him; the unpredictable uncertainty of their interactions just made things so much **worse**. And yet, better.

He only wanted to give Loki a small, quick glimpse. Tease, then hide. It was a simple cat and mouse tactic, and if Loki realised it for what it was, he surely could guess that Gellert was - just _maybe_ \- testing the waters. He turned his t-shirt over to check it. Perfectly dry. He pulled it back over his head.

“No cheating,” he warned with a grin, quickly turning to watch the Slytherin. He pulled the fabric back down over the waistband of his trousers, stepping closer. When he sat down, the sly smile was back, and he licked his lips. “Alright. Take me for your best ride.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki was mostly prepared for everything. Mostly. Gellert removing everything above the waist though, was not calculated up front. He’d thought the boy had dried properly, just like he did.

Loki needed several moments of pause before he could even move from the entrance. He himself dropped his bag at the door, removed his robe and straightened his emerald green waistcoat, which, right now, was a bit crumpled as it dried with a spell, not properly laid out as usual. Loki cleared his throat and tried his best not to look at Gellert when the latter was watching.

But oh, did he look when Gellert wasn’t paying attention.

The Slytherin wanted to slither up behind the other, press soft kisses on his shoulder, up to his neck… tracing a line up on Gellert’s spine with his fingers and whisper sweet nothings of how much he appreciated the time they’d spent together…

Loki forcefully shook his head. **_No_**, he told himself fiercely, _control yourself. This happens because he’s comfortable around you, not because he’s flirting. He said himself not long ago that what we have is a **friendship**. Nothing **more**. No matter how much I wish…_

Loki moved, hesitating, to the table, and prepared the game, then sat. He chose to be the dark, this time… reflecting his overall mood.

“**_Cheating_**?”

Loki echoed, looking a bit stiff, as he unbuttoned the sleeves of his shirt and started to roll them up on his arms. When he was done with that, he leaned back in the chair as he chuckled.

“I _never_ cheat.” Again, a lie. He did. But not when he played with Gellert. “You start.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert made his first move without pause: “Pawn to E4.”

He raised his eyebrow at Loki’s statement. “Never?” He echoed, smiling across the table at him. “Hmm. Surely only a liar would say such a thing…”

He watched Loki’s moves intently. As they were stuck for time, they played quicker than before; it seemed to work in Gellert’s favour, at least at first. The Castles went down quickly, as did one each of their Knights. By the first half hour, rubble from the pawns littered the board in complete carnage. When Loki took Gellert’s second Knight, he pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers in frustration.

“_Scheisse_,” he hissed under his breath. Loki’s methods were clever. He combated it with a series of his own clever moves - he even managed to check the black King at one point, but Loki blocked it with the Queen just in time.

“Do distraction tactics count as cheating?” he asked idly, reaching out his leg to playfully poke Loki. He was completely frustrated with him, but it was a fond gesture nonetheless. “Maybe I should take my shirt off again,” he added, trying not to laugh.

He tried to imagine what his penance would be if he lost again. Loki’s mind was deliciously dark, after all.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki carefully started to take down Gellert’s white pieces. He giggled at Gellert’s curse — he always found it funny when the other cursed in his mothertongue, it sounded so funny and alien to his ears.

He arched a brow at the question and the playful poke; that was already enough to distract him for a split second. He narrowed his eyes as he glanced up at Gellert.

“I’m perfectly in control, distractions would not work.”

Of course, if Gellert took his shirt off, he’d have some difficulties below his belt. **_Damn it._** He watched as one of his dark pieces mercilessly slaughtered another one of Gellert’s whites, and as he looked up in the other’s eyes, he smirked devilishly.

“Unless you wish to part ways with your necklace for a week, I’d get myself together if I were you, Gellert.”

That was the perfect choice. He was wearing it visibly _against his skin_. Loki wouldn’t settle for anything less. He hoped though he didn’t go too far with it, but he just couldn’t resist. Gellert seriously wore it on his _bare chest_ — Salazar’s sake! — he was just shown. **Of course** he’d ask for **that**.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Instinctively, his fingers reached up to grasp at the cold silver. Aside from his research, his hallows necklace was his prize possession, and his first instinct was to refuse. But - a bet was a bet. He playfully glared across the table at Loki’s taunts. There’s no way he could win _again_. When his Queen took Loki’s last pawn, he looked up smugly, ready to gloat, but then-

Loki’s Queen smashed through his own with her black sword, decapitating her. “_Was zur Hölle?”_ Gellert hissed, momentarily putting his face into his hands. That was pretty much game over. How could he have been so reckless? “I can’t believe I just let that happen,” he murmured into his hands. “Fuck. _Fuck_.”

It didn’t take long for Loki to steer to his victory. Gellert inwardly seethed, his eyes moving from the board and back up to Loki. **Checkmate.**

“Sohn einer Hündin,” he said, shooting another glare over to his friend. The glint in his eyes was good-natured, though, and he tried and failed to fight against the upturn of his lips: Loki’s green eyes were too bright, too happy. His frustration ebbed away. He’d made the deal, so now he had to stick to it.

Slowly, he grasped his necklace above his shirt and gave it a sharp tug; the catchment released, and he held it up for Loki to admire. “I’ll put it on for you,” he said, his eyes twinkling.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He felt a bit of satisfaction each time he could draw a curse out of Gellert. For some reason, perhaps because of the obvious tease Gellert performed earlier, Loki really enjoyed taking down more and more of the white pieces. And he’d also put a lot of effort into winning; this day was like a rollercoaster and it definitely would make it better for him. Especially if he got something from Grindelwald which belonged to him.

When his Queen executed Gellert’s, he tried hard not to smile, although he was five steps ahead already, and his predictions of his victory came into fruition quite quickly. He raised a brow at the newest curse; he definitely did know what ‘scheiße’ was, but that sentence was too long, and Loki sensed it involved something more vulgar.

Still, he waited patiently to see if Gellert truly would give him the necklace or not. He was just a bit surprised to see the other cooperated, and managed to make him smile with his comment. Loki nodded.

“Sure, I’ll just stay here”, he replied calmly, turning half sideways in the chair and scooting a bit forward to make it easier for Gellert.

The thought of letting the boy behind himself made him anxious; knowing, especially, that he was about to put something around his neck. Still, he remained like that. Calm, collected, proud in his victory.

“You’re really good at chess”, he said then with a small smile. “Most students in the school hate to play with me… I execute them in under five minutes. Playing against you is a challenge for me”, Loki admitted, “I rarely lose, and you’ve beaten me a few times. Astonishing, really.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert rose from his seat and knelt beside Loki, reaching out to place the necklace around his neck. His hands were steady, but at the brush of his fingers against the cool skin on Loki’s neck, he let out a small exhale of breath. The silver snapped together, and he gingerly twisted it around so that it lay, glittering, above Loki’s waistcoat.

“Are you trying to butter me up?” he asked, smiling, making no immediate effort to move. “Because it’s working,” he added.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Again, Gellert came too close. _Dangerously _close. Loki swallowed silently when he felt the touch of those warm fingers, his mind immediately having _certain _thoughts again. If anyone asked him to count how many times he thought of kissing Gellert that day alone, he would need more hands than two to be able to do so.

A lump formed in his throat when their eyes met. Loki smiled; and forced his eyes not to glance down at Gellert’s lips. The tension he’d felt earlier that day when they were outside was back. He fought it. He tried to deny it was there. It must’ve been his own mind playing tricks with him._ I’m ridiculous, _he scolded himself. _Just stop it! _But he couldn’t.

“No”, he replied softly, wishing Gellert would stay like this, this close to him, just a bit longer. “I’m not _trying_ anything. Just telling you the truth.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert tilted his head slightly, looking deeply into Loki’s eyes. They made him think of moonlight on surface water, of the shimmering hues of the lake outside. “I **am** pretty astonishing,” he answered confidently, that same sly smile on his lips. “Although I won’t think I’m good _enough_ until I’ve beaten you a few more times.”

Then he blinked, removed his hand from the necklace, and stood up. The gap between them didn’t feel like a mere step - it suddenly felt like a chasm. He wished he could close it again: every inch, every negative space, until there was nothing more between them. _Enough_, he scolded himself, taking another step back instead.

He looked down, admiring his necklace being worn by another person for the first time. It _did_ look good on Loki, he had to admit. _Especially with that waistcoat._

“I propose an exchange of goods,” he said, swiftly moving to where his cloak lay over one of the armchairs by the fire. He quickly _accio_-ed a book out of his pocket before returning to where Loki sat. It was _Unforgivable Curses and their Legal Implications, Volume 3_. “I’ve copied over everything I need,” he told him, holding it out. “Thank you again for lending it. I accept brewed Pepper-Up potions as payment,” he joked.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

“Hah!”

His playful huff successfully hid how disappointed and almost sad he was when Gellert pulled him out of that tense moment. As the other pulled away, he half smiled, watching him move so quickly, then he looked a bit surprised when he saw that Gellert wished to give the book back. He gently took it, then reached for his bag to put it away and also get some of the aforementioned potions for Gellert.

“You better **not** be ill”, he mused as he put the potions on the table nearby, then he got up as well. “I’d like to give you this, for a week, too.” He picked up his scarf he was wearing while they were out, and placed it around Gellert’s neck with a smile. “Green looks good on you.”

He couldn’t stop himself from polishing Gellert’s ego further, besides, the other’s dirty blonde locks looked _really_ good with green. He let one half of it lie on Gellert’s chest, the other half wrapped around the boy’s neck, protecting it from cold. Loki smiled as he glanced back up in Gellert’s mismatched eyes.

“This will keep you warm on your way back to the ship.”

He fought hard not to sound sad. Every second spent without Gellert was exceptionally boring. Everything he enjoyed before felt so dull.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He found Loki’s gesture with the scarf oddly heartwarming, despite knowing it defeated the purpose of their chess match. He’d _lost_, fair and square: yet Loki had still made the decision to give it to him. For a moment, head clashed against heart, logic against feeling, and Gellert didn’t know what to say.

When the other boy glanced up at him, speaking words of consideration, his heart physically stuttered. Loki truly _cared_ for him, Gellert realised. Without encouragement, without manipulation, Loki had fallen into his world an honest connection. It felt… strange. A _good_ kind of strange, but he knew he had to remain wary. He’d only relied on himself for such a long time.

“Thank you,” he said softly, raising his shoulders a little so that he could feel the softness of Loki’s scarf on his skin. He knew there would be surprise in his eyes - surprise, gratitude, and probably even a hint of affectionate warmth.

He’d never been _warm_ before, not to anyone. Not unless he was pretending to be.

Once Gellert had collected his potions and exited the room, the two split off in the Entrance Hall with promises of another meet up the next day at breakfast. It had become customary for them to write each other most evenings - especially during the week, when it was more difficult for them to spend all day together. Gellert would lie in his bunk, reading, but his mind would be heavily distracted, waiting for the owl to tap at the small round window next to him. It made the evenings he had to spend on the ship that little more bearable.

He swigged one of the Pepper-Up potions just as he was boarding the ship; he leaned on the railings as he felt the steam pour from his ears. _Merlin’s beard_, the after-effect was good: he felt like his entire head had been cleared, and the shiver in his bones had been replaced with a simmering heat. By the time he slipped into his bunk (as quietly as he could so as not to wake the others), his eyes were drowsy with sleep. He pulled the covers up, thinking back to the day he’d had with Loki… and then he slowly pulled out the edge of the scarf from where he’d hidden it, underneath his pillow. Eyes closed, he inhaled softly.

_Mint, and pine trees._

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

It really was silly, he realised. This wasn’t what they agreed. But ever since Gellert said he wished to win his scarf, he couldn’t help but imagine him in it. Now, he felt an odd sense of satisfaction. As if his scarf really would help Gellert to feel warmer.

He half smiled when he heard Gellert’s thanks, noticing that he looked surprised. If he wasn’t such a disaster, Loki would’ve cupped Gellert’s face gently in his hands and would’ve given him a soft eskimo kiss. When he pulled away he was smiling wider because he imagined doing that, and as he gathered his other things, he couldn’t help but feel utterly _gone_.

_Do I love him?_

Once they parted ways, Loki had his shower, then he made his way in his dormitory. The others were still awake, the common room was full, so Loki in the dorm was alone. He had a thought, and retrieved his wand from his shirt.

_Is he just a crush, or more intense, like Cedric…?_

“_Expecto patronum_!”

He felt disappointed when only white, shiny mist left his wand. He sighed and tried to think of a happy memory. He recalled his day with Gellert; when they got so covered in rain and mud that the other pointed it out they looked like they swam in the lake. Loki chuckled as he charged his spell again.

“_Expecto patronum_!”

It was brighter, felt more solid, this time, but still no animal form. Loki reached under his pyjama shirt and retrieved Gellert’s hallows necklace. He glanced down at the medal, moving his thumb over the triangle, circle and line. _This was against his heartbeat all day,_ he thought, then, without thinking, he gently put the medal against his lips, closed his eyes and imagined he kissed Gellert each time he had the opportunity that day. Each time he felt like it (which was a lot). He imagined there was no barrier which he always felt around the boy; that he had the courage to do what he wanted to do the most.

He tried to feel the utter happiness of not being alone, he tried to imagine it was real; he imagined he’d kiss Gellert tomorrow morning when he greeted him, and what’s more and even better, the other would return his affections, that he wouldn’t be grossed out because of it; and as he let that sink in his bones, he muttered the words again, against the hallows medal still to his lips.

He knew it was a success even before he opened his eyes. Squinting, he saw his true patronus for the first time, and it was not a golden retriever but the very same venomous snake… _which form he…_

“Oh he’d be so mad if he knew…”

He smirked against the medal, and watched the snake as it curled up and hissed at him.

“_What do you need?_”

“_Nothing, not now_”, Loki softly hissed back in a tongue nobody apart from him and the snake would understand. “_You may leave_.”

He stopped the charm, then sighed and hid under his blanket after he pulled his curtains in tightly. He curled up and brought the medal back to his lips.

_It’s not just a crush_, he decided, feeling bittersweet, happy and sad at the same time. _And I can never have him._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The day of the First Task was a typical, gloomy November morning: Gellert made sure to wrap Loki’s Slytherin scarf around his neck extra tightly when he disembarked from the ship. He was aware of the curious looks the other Durmstrang students had given him over the past week, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t as though none of the others hadn’t made friends too - Nicholai Varga and Anton Aleksov had both made friends with a group of Slytherins, and Poliakoff would often be seen in the Library with a Ravenclaw boy. With his keen observational skills, Gellert was certain that even cold, abrupt Lina Becker had found love in one of the Hufflepuff girls.

_Our behaviour with the Hogwart’s students makes Karkaroff uncomfortable_, Gellert thought with a smirk. The Headmaster reminded them at every chance he could that they were to hold their tongue on Durmstrang’s secrets.

It wasn’t as though he and Loki ever wanted to talk about Durmstrang; they were still too busy trying to locate the Hallows. Loki had made a groundbreaking discovery on the hallow that Gellert had often neglected the most: the Invisibility Cloak. It turned out one of the leads he’d been following had been fabricated, and Loki had spotted the lie immediately. It had opened up a new and exciting prospect: that the Cloak may have literally been on his doorstep the whole time. He’d wrote a letter to his great-aunt, but she hadn’t responded yet.

“Hallo, fellow Slytherin,” he joked when he joined Loki at the Slytherin table for lunch, somewhere around half-past eleven. He eyed his necklace above Loki’s clothes, and smiled. “Sorry I’m late… I had to finish off that Ancient Runes essay.” He picked up a jug of pumpkin juice and glanced around, noting the nervous, excited energy buzzing around them. “Have you seen any of the Champions?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

On the morning of the first task, Loki met with Thor with whom he had a rather heated argument about Gellert having a Slytherin scarf wrapped around him all the time, and why did Loki have that “ridiculous necklace”. It did not go well. There were certain words Loki uttered which made Thor lose his patience. There were no witnesses, of course.

When Gellert sat down next to him, he still had the left side of his face hidden with his hand. He didn’t have time to go to the infirmary, or to fetch his potions from his bag – he didn’t bring it now, because after lunch they’d go with the schools to the quidditch pitch where they’d see the first task, and he didn’t want Gellert to miss him or worry about him. He swallowed nervously when he felt Gellert sitting down next to him, his right eye glancing at the boy at his question.

“Hey. It’s alright”, he reassured Gellert gently, “I have seen them”, he replied quietly, “all of them are too nervous to eat.” He paused, and didn’t move at all, still hiding his left eye. “I had a thought”, he muttered, “there’s an obvious step we’re not taking in the research. If you want books, you go to a bookstore. If you want food, you go to the market… we want a wand, right?” He paused again. “Why don’t we check out a wand maker? I don’t know when or how, yet. Probably during the summer. But… what do you think?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert swigged at the pumpkin juice and nodded. “Hmm, I’ll bet they are.” He grinned. All he could think right now was how glad he was that he wasn’t involved. He was free to do what he liked, and that was better - especially as he rather enjoyed _not being dead_.

Which was more than he could say for the Champions, judging from his readings on the last Tournament.

At Loki’s suggestion he raised his eyebrows, listening while he started on some toast and eggs. “It’s worth a try. Most of the wand shops tend to get passed down through family generations… maybe one of them has an old family legend that’ll give us clues.” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. What had really set his mind ablaze was the unspoken assurance that they could - and would - meet during the summer. That Loki had thought that far ahead, and expected to still be his friend. He imagined being away from Hogwarts with him, dressed in their own clothes and free to do as they pleased in their own environment. Perhaps he would be invited to stay wherever it was that Loki was from… or maybe _he_ could invite him to stay at Godric’s Hollow for a week. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, the idea taking root and blooming into nervous excitement.

“Are there many wand shops in Britain? I got mine from Gregorovitch when-” he cut off, his eyes noticing the other side of Loki’s face; he instantly reached out and clasped his wrist to pull his hand away and get a better look. “_Sheisse_, Loki, what happened?”

His butterflies were quickly dying, only to be replaced with a gripping anger that felt like the warning snarl of a wolf. This looked **_deliberate_**.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

It felt so good to hear that Gellert didn’t push the idea away. That the fact Loki hinted at that he wished to continue their search during the summer, and Gellert immediately went with it. That felt good. Amazing, in fact. His bruise was suddenly throbbing with pain less.

He was just about to answer when Gellert noticed what was up, and he grunted when the boy removed his hand, grasping his wrist. His happiness quickly melted into panic. He’d checked his injury in a goblet before Gellert arrived and he knew well how it must’ve looked like; dark blue, or rather, black and blue, all around his left, swollen eye. He knew it was visible that he took a tough, hard hit. Because he gave his scarf to the boy he liked, and he had the boy’s necklace on himself. He went paler with the realisation. If he told Gellert the truth, the boy would most definitely curse Thor so badly that the Gryffindor wouldn’t stand up for weeks. If he lied, Gellert would probably be mad at him. Still, he couldn’t let the Durmstrang student get into trouble because of him. He couldn’t stand the thought of Gellert being sent home just because Loki couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Thus, he was quick to reply.

“I fell off the stairs.” It sounded genuine, even if it was a lie. He lied all the time to everyone on a daily basis – especially about his own physical and mental condition –, and even though he rarely lied to Gellert, now it was definitely the time. Loki couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t bear the thought. “Funny, huh? I tripped in my robe and hit myself. I couldn’t fix it yet… my potions remained in my dorm…”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert knew that it was difficult to remedy your own eye injury with a charm, so he turned to grasp Loki’s face by the chin, keeping him still. He swiftly removed his wand and delicately pressed the point against the swollen bruise of Loki’s eye.

“You fell.” He repeated it flatly, trying to quell his temper. His next question held a tone of incredulity. “Did you hit the banister several times on the way down?”

He muttered a charm for minor injuries; the magic immediately eased the swelling and returned Loki’s skin to a healthier shade. It wasn’t a cure-all, but it would be much less tender now. It seemed probable that Loki was lying, but he liked the Slytherin enough to appreciate that he must have his reasons for doing so. Whatever it was, he trusted his judgement. Perhaps using the entrail-expelling curse on Thor - or whoever had done it, but he couldn’t help but turn his suspicions there - was not the best course of action, now that he thought about it. He breathed out slowly, his temper dwindling away. Loki kept him calm; leashed his wilder side. He liked that.

He released Loki’s chin slowly, his fingers lingered for half a second longer than was necessary. “Be more careful next time,” he warned, a small smile beginning to spread on his face. “Do you need me to hold your hand on the way down to the Forbidden Forest?” he teased.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

_Ow ow **ow**_, he thought as he grimaced – but uttered no noise – as Gellert slipped his hand on his chin and turned him properly. Loki complied. He wasn’t sure what the other would do, but there was this certain trust that the other wouldn’t hurt him at all. Feeling ridiculously safe in Gellert’s hold, Loki almost immediately relaxed. His one good eye observed the boy’s expression, thinking of what he was thinking every day, again. It should be a punishable offense to be this handsome.

“No, I hit it once”, he muttered softly and squinted with his one right eye to hide how a tear gathered in it at the touch of Gellert’s wand.

But the pain was there only for a split second before the other started to heal him. A few seconds it took, and he felt much better, and was able to see with his left eye as well.

“Thank you”, he said quietly, genuinely grateful.

He bit his lower lip when Gellert told him to be more careful. If he heeded that advice, Loki would need to stop being friends with him, and that was out of the question. Gellert was the first to notice his injury. And he was also the first to care enough to heal it. Loki swallowed nervously as he chewed on his lip, and looked away at the playful tease, rolling his eyes, pouring himself pumpkin juice.

“I don’t think your headmaster would approve if you… _‘befriended the enemy’_ so much”, he joked, “did he notice you own a piece of clothing which definitely does not belong to you?” Loki mused before he sipped his juice.


	10. Chapter 10

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert rolled his eyes. “There’s been a definite increase in the number of glares he’s sent my way. He just _hates_ the idea of us fraternising with the enemy, like some sort of forbidden love story.” He grinned. “In _his_ mind, it’s wrong of us to make friends with Hogwarts students - let alone anything else.”

He casually popped a mint into his mouth, noticing that most of the students were starting to move out of the Hall to the forest. The First Task was finally happening.

The walk down was quite slow, as everyone huddled together to talk excitedly. There were a lot of shouts and orders of _‘no pushing!_’ from the professors, and Gellert felt his patience running thin by the time they got to the stands. Some students were selling sweets, much to the disapproving glare of Professor McGonagall. Gellert already had some Liquorice Wands in his robe, so he pulled them out once they settled along one of the benches. They had a pretty good view of the forest clearing: he could see the Champion’s tent, the judges panel, and a path that led through to another clearing that looked a little like a very large paddock. And beyond that… cages, chains, and a dozen or so handlers with their wands out, shouting instructions.

“**_Dragons_**,” Gellert gasped, eyes wide with curiosity. He’d only ever seen one with his own eyes before, and that was when he had been five years old. One of the maids had taken him for a walk around the estate grounds, and pointed it out - _there, circling the snowy mountain_, she’d whispered. His mother had been exceptionally annoyed that she’d missed it.

“This is _amazing_,” he murmured, his attention too diverted to think about what it might feel like to know and care about any of the Champions. “I wonder what they have to do… just get past them? Injure them…?” He was cut off by loud applause as the judges appeared, signalling the start of the event.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki laughed at Gellert’s ‘forbidden love story’, perfectly covering the fear he felt that nobody would approve if Gellert was even interested in him. Thor, Odin, Frigga, the headmasters and professors, Loki felt like the entire world was judging him, and he was terrified of thinking Gellert would judge him too if he knew. This broke his heart once more. The Slytherin wondered how many times it can be broken until he became completely stoic to everything.

He ate something — what, he didn’t know —, then he joined Gellert and the others to the quidditch pitch. He didn’t mind the crowd and the misbehaving students; instead, he liked the fact that there were so many that his upper arm touched Gellert’s much more than usual. He was in a good mood even when they sat down, up until the second he noticed what Cedric must face in a bit.

**_Dragons_**, his mind echoed Gellert’s word and he completely lost all of his calmness. His happy thoughts were now replaced with gruesome injuries a dragon could cause, and Loki suddenly became very aware of the fact that dragons’ skin was so thick that spells and curses barely could get through it.

For the first time, his mind caught up with the fact that Cedric **_really_** could die during the tournament. And this thought made him so tense that he couldn’t even hear what Gellert was saying. This was a first. His hands gripped his robe in his lap so tightly that his knuckles became white, and he clenched his teeth.

How could grown up adults bring dragons for the Champions to fight?? They were only seventeen! (And Potter was even younger!) And yes, Cedric was clever, he was very good with magic, but how would he handle this? One wrong move and he could… he’d…

Suddenly, Loki felt sick. He felt like he’d throw up at any moment. Cedric couldn’t be still this important to him, could he? Loki watched Ludo announce that the first Champion would be Cedric… and he’d face the Swedish Short-Snout. Watching Cedric struggle with the beast had Loki on the verge of passing out. He leaned forward and covered his mouth with his right — mainly to stop himself from throwing up —, and silently, unmovingly, **prayed** to whatever gods were listening to keep Cedric alive.

The Hufflepuff used a Transfiguration spell to transform a rock into a dog so he could retrieve the golden egg — the prize they had to get in order to win. The dragon was distracted, and Cedric almost could reach the egg when the beast suddenly turned back and scorched him with dragon fire.

Loki’s guts twisted unpleasantly as the crowd around him gasped in shock, and while the Slytherin uttered no noise and didn’t move at all, his face looked as white as a sheet of Muggle paper when he saw how bad Cedric’s injury was. He still got the egg though, and while the crowd cheered for him, he was helped out of the arena.

Loki’s mind automatically shouted at him to get up from where he was sitting and check up on Cedric as soon as possible. He was totally, utterly disinterested in the other Champion’s fight with their own dragons, all he wanted to know was to see if Cedric was alright.

He turned to look at Gellert and lowered his trembling hand. He’d need to lie to the Durmstrang student for the second time this morning. He didn’t try to smile.

“This was terrible”, he grunted. He still felt sick. “I… I don’t feel good. I-I… I’ll… be back.”

He quickly moved, stumbled in his own legs, and walked back to the stairs to catch his breath, a hand on his stomach.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert leaned forwards, watching coldly as the handsome Hufflepuff student emerged from the tent with his wand at the ready. _Let’s see how clever he is_, he thought, a little poisonously. He pulled at his Liquorice Wand until it snapped.

He briefly wondered how he might feel if the Swedish Shortsnout ate him. At least he’d have nothing more to be jealous about. 

Cedric’s plan with the transfiguration spell seemed to execute itself perfectly: the dragon whipped her head around and snapped at the dog, leaving her eggs unattended. Gellert bit his lip, torn between his morals and his thirst for a little fun at Cedric’s expense.

When the dragon changed her mind and lunged for Cedric instead at the last second, Gellert found himself grinning with excitement - around them, the _oohs_ and _ahhs_ from the crowd turned to gasps. There was a burst of fire, and for a split second it seemed that Diggory was going to be burnt to a crisp… but then he was running past the paddock, his robes smoking, clutching the golden egg. The handlers rushed in to restrain the roaring dragon. He’d done it. 

“I wonder if Diggory knows that smoking is bad for him?” he smirked, about to elbow Loki in the side at his bad joke. But then he realised that Loki was already looking at him, and he was as pale as a ghost. He wasn’t smiling either - rather, he looked like he was about to be sick. 

Before he could answer, Loki had moved away towards the stairs; other students let him pass, too busy applauding and cheering for their Champion’s victory to notice his expression. Gellert looked back to the paddock as a Common Welsh Green was moved into the arena next. He felt a strange ringing in his ears, almost as though someone had cast _Muffliato_ on him. Should he follow? If Loki needed to be sick, he wasn’t sure the other boy would appreciate him coming after him… but then, staying here didn’t feel like the right thing to do either. _That was terrible_, Loki had said. Nobody else seemed to agree, though: everyone was already clapping for Fleur, ready for the next battle. Any excitement Gellert had felt had flat-lined, and it felt as though a dark cloud had descended over his shoulders. 

It had been the fight that had affected Loki. The fight, and the fact it was _Diggory_. 

Gellert waited, his mind ticking. Only when Fleur appeared from the tent did he curse under his breath and get to his feet, moving past the row of students as quickly as he could. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

_I’m acting irrationally_, he told himself when he was finally alone at the top of the stairs. He lowered his head to hide his face in his hands, trying to block the noise out and get his body under control. _I shouldn’t be this upset. They must’ve made sure it’s totally safe and I’m… I don’t love him like that anymore._ He leaned against the wall with his shoulder and took a deep breath. _Besides. Madam Pomfrey will take care of him. And Cho is probably already there with him to cry at his bedside. So he’s 1. in good hands, 2. not alone. I’m not needed there at all._

“**Fuck**”, he muttered to himself, then gently pat his face with his hands. “Get yourself fucking together.”

Given the fact he barely cursed and this situation called for it, even he had to admit he was in quite the state. _Gellert’s fine, at least_, he tried to cheer himself up a bit, but it suddenly made it a thousand times worse for him, **_and I left him there alone._**_ He doesn’t even know anyone else around himself. I’m ruining it all for him._

“**_Fuck_**”, it broke out of him again, then finally turned and he was ready to go back when he saw Gellert right behind him.

Loki froze. He looked genuinely surprised to see Gellert followed him. He felt guilt stabbing him in the heart, and his expression betrayed it as well. Was Gellert worried? Did he look that bad? And… was he so important to him that Gellert actually realised how it affected him and also came to investigate?

“You’ll miss the tournament”, he pointed it out, his voice heavy with guilt and self-hatred. _I fuck up everything, I’m a fucking disaster! **God damn it!** _“I’m…”_ Just admit it. Tell the truth!_ “I just wanted to say that I’m…” _Say it. **Say it!!**_ Loki sighed and lowered his shoulders. “I’m sorry.” _I’m fucking** weak.**_ “Let’s go back, I don’t want you to miss anything because of me. I’m okay.” **_Lie. _**_I wish you’d hug me, and say everything’s going to be alright._ “Promise.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

After turning the corner inside the stands, Gellert paused: Loki was only a few steps away, right at the top of the stairs.

He quietly leaned against the wall, crossed his arms, and listened to his new friend swearing to himself. _Well, at least he wasn’t being sick._ It would almost be **amusing** to catch him like this if not for the fact that he was clearly distressed. When Loki finally turned around to face him, he met his gaze with a curious raised brow that said, _are you quite finished?_

“I don’t care about the tournament,” he responded firmly. Outside, there was tumultuous applause and synchronised gasps. _Maybe Fleur is toast,_ he thought mildly.

“I didn’t come here today to cheer on Krum or watch Potter get torched. I came here because… well, _one_, I had to,” he admitted, knowing all students were expected to attend. “And _two_, I wanted to spend time with **you**. If that means sitting on the bottom of these steps while you throw your guts up? So be it.”

He sighed and stepped closer, his arms unlocking so he could grasp the other boy by the arms. He invaded his space, searched his eyes. He was still as white as a sheet. “Cedric is going to be alright,” he murmured, his voice betraying him: it sounded as though he was disappointed to say it. “If… if it were you down there, fighting a dragon… I wouldn’t be able to handle that either. You must really care about him.”

_Even though he’s a complete dummkopf_, he thought pettily.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He was anxiously fiddling with his sleeves’ edges as he waited for Gellert to react. At first, Loki’s automatic thought was that the other would yell at him for _being such a pussy_ — something Thor surely would say. Thor would think he felt sick because of the injury itself, not the fact that… that it… **_no._** Cedric’s not… but…

He was about to just walk Gellert back to their seats when the other talked, and that froze Loki yet _again_. He didn’t expect the boy to say “I don’t care about the tournament”, because **_by Salazar!_** This is the first tournament after two hundred years! Anyone saying they’re not interested must be lying. He listened to the cheering and the gasps roaring around them and his guilt made him nauseous, this time.

Then Gellert confused him completely by saying _“I wanted to spend time with **you.**”_ And he even emphasized ‘you’ in a way that Loki felt the blood rushing back in his face. _No, he didn’t mean it like **that**_, he scolded himself at once, and he let out an exhausted sigh and looked away and wanted to say, _just stop being ridiculous, let’s go back,_ when Gellert shifted closer to him and grabbed his arms and…

Apparently, he gave it away that he knew Loki was worried sick for Cedric, and also gave it away that he wouldn’t be able to handle it if he was down there and suddenly it was too much — the swirl of emotions took him by surprise. He seriously thought that a person who felt this many emotions should explode at this rate.

He purposefully stopped thinking; he’d practiced this a lot during the summer, and it was useful right now. He tried to empty his mind as fast as he could, and as he did so, he pushed away Gellert’s hands from his arms… and throwing caution to the wind, Loki hugged him tight. He closed his eyes and smiled, now that his face was hidden. _This is good._ Gellert was thin, but solid, he felt real, and Loki needed something real and solid right now. And most importantly, the Slytherin felt Gellert’s scent more like this, grounding him in ways nothing else could. Loki finally felt better, his stomach settled, and even though his heart was beating fast, his mind cleared.

“Thank you”, he whispered, hands slipping up on Gellert’s back a bit. He didn’t want to deliberately caress the other, he was sure that’d be strange for Gellert, but he let himself relax with his chin on Gellert’s shoulder. “This… this is really… nice of you.”

Loki imagined that Gellert was fighting that dragon, and got that injury… he’d probably be halfway back to the castle already. Other Champions and the rest of the school be damned.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The hug caught Gellert completely off guard. For a split second, he tensed, unused to the gesture. The last time someone had embraced him like this, he’d been ten years old: held close by his mother, before she had lost her mind and forgotten who he was.  
  
Since then, an embrace given or received from anyone else had felt shallow. Every touch, every kiss or caress - even every_ fuck -_ had been nothing more than a game in his quest to **use** people, to make them **adore** him. And every touch he had received from those people had felt the same: a lie. Those he used only loved a projection of him, a facade - nothing real.

But Loki’s touch - _that_ was real. Gellert had shown him some of his darkest truths, and yet the other boy had still grown to care for him. Gellert relaxed into him, his arms sliding up Loki’s back and holding him tightly. The scent of his hair and skin was almost overwhelming; he marvelled at the heady power it had over his senses, like he’d drunk five Firewhiskey’s. He may as well have joined Fleur or Krum in the paddock: every nerve in his body caught fire.

“I’m not sure anyone has ever described me as ‘nice’, but I’ll take it,” Gellert replied, smiling into Loki’s shoulder. He couldn’t help it; he breathed him in, and then let his fingers trail across his back when he released him. _Merlin’s beard, that had felt good._ Alarmingly good, if he was being honest with himself.

He cleared his throat, slightly awkward again now that their bodies had parted. It was a good kind of awkward though: the kind that left him slightly breathless and smiling, and a heart that kept stammering. _He’s the only person in the world who does this to me._

“We can go back to the castle, if you want,” he offered, truly not caring what came next. “Or we can see whether or not we still have four Champions.” He grinned, unable to prevent his dark humour. “Whichever you prefer.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki appreciated Gellert hugged him back, and that they remained like that for a bit before they pulled away from each other at the same time. _I can’t believe I did this_, he panicked, _I hope he doesn’t think I’m creepy. I embarrassed myself. I’m so needy. **God!**_ Loki bit his lower lip as he observed the other’s face, but in Gellert’s expression there was no judging, no feelings of disgust. Just a smile and an honest offer that he was willing to leave this behind with him if he chose so.

That was highly unusual. Cedric was the same back then, he cared about Loki, he noticed if something was wrong, and he helped him with everything which was difficult for him. But he forgot already how being cared for felt like. At first, his automatic reaction was to dismiss it entirely; but it didn’t feel right. Loki decided he’d learn how to accept Gellert’s help. It seemed the boy really wanted the best for him. He smirked at the dark comment, and his bad feelings dissipated.

“Let’s go back”, he said, “as you said, he’s gonna be fine. And he’s surely not alone; I’d bet his girlfriend is already there with him.” There was no sadness in his voice, he stated that matter-of-factly. “I want to see what Krum comes up with, anyway”, he grinned now, definitely teasing and challenging Gellert and his school.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He was glad to see Loki’s eyes flash wickedly: there was the spark that had drawn him in in the first place. The cleverness and wit.

“Krum’s an idiot,” he responded evenly, walking side by side back to their seats. Fleur’s turn had finished, and the next dragon was being positioned by the handlers: a Chinese Fireball. “But Karkaroff has been schooling him for the past few weeks,” he said, sitting down comfortably close to Loki. “There’s no doubt in my head that he’ll have been fully prepared for something like this.”

Despite his personal feelings towards Karkaroff, Gellert realised in the moments that followed that he _did_ still hold a sense of loyalty to his school. When Krum appeared, looking for all the world like a brooding vulture, he found himself clapping harder. Come on, he thought. Don’t make a fool of Durmstrang.

The Conjunctivitis Curse was a truly genius idea: the dragon didn’t have any time to attack Krum before it roared in discomfort, its eyes tightly shutting. Krum ran for the Egg, and there were deafening cheers all around - but then -

The Chinese Fireball roared again, rearing and losing its balance; Gellert and the rest of the crowd cringed as she trampled across her own nest, breaking some of her eggs. Some people in the crowd booed - probably the animal lovers, aghast at the prospect of broken eggs. Krum pumped a fist in the air regardless, knowing he’d still done well, before vanishing from the crowd’s view.

“He’ll lose points for that,” Gellert said, but he was grinning: Krum hadn’t been injured at all, which meant the accidental damages wouldn’t hurt his score too much. The handlers were trying their best to rectify it now; perhaps some of the damaged eggs could still be saved.

When the Hungarian Horntail was brought up next, the crowd went a little quiet. Harry Potter would be up against one of the most dangerous breeds? Surely the boy would be killed. Gellert had a very strong stomach, but he glanced in slightly concern at Loki. If he didn’t know or care for Potter, perhaps it wouldn’t affect him at all.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

“Karkaroff really wants to win”, Loki pointed it out as he thought of the headmistress and his own headmaster. “I can’t say I blame him. Everyone wants their own school to win.”

He saw from the corner of his eye how Gellert clapped, though, and Loki mimicked it; now with his mind focusing on the boy next to him rather than what happened to Cedric helped him actually _see_ what was happening down there. Loki had to give it to Krum that the curse he’d used was a clever one; up until the point the dragon stomped on her eggs. Loki hissed _Salazar_ under his breath, then nodded to Gellert’s words.

“Definitely. As Cedric will lose points for getting burned.”

A slithering feeling of guilt that he did not go after the boy. But then, Loki glanced at Gellert and smiled. _I’ve made the right choice_, he thought, _I am at the right place._

When the next dragon was brought out, Loki slipped to the edge of his seat to see better.

“Oh my God!” It slipped out of him in the sudden quiet, “look at this big bastard!”

_“Odinson!”_ Snapped Snape somewhere behind them and Loki cringed as he glanced back.

“Sorry, professor”, he apologized, then turned to look at Gellert. He paused for a moment when he saw the boy’s expression. Was that… what was that? Worry? Loki didn’t understand, why. “I’ve always loved dragons but this one is surely too big, don’t you think? I wonder what Potter will do. He definitely lacks the knowledge to distract a dragon. I didn’t even ask, what would _you_ do?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

At Snape’s admonition at Loki, Gellert snorted. Hearing a friend getting reprimanded was never _not_ funny. It occurred to him that Loki had never actually told him his family name; neither of them had really spoken about their bloodlines, despite them both having such strong views on Muggles. He stored it away, just in case it became relevant.

“What would _I_ do?” He bit his lip, thinking hard. Merlin’s balls, he had no idea. Or more accurately, too many: his mind had already spider-webbed into all the possibilities at his disposal. His talented tongue was by far his greatest weapon, but he couldn’t exactly talk a dragon down. Perhaps subterfuge and trickery was his best chance. He could perform an exceptionally powerful impervius charm, of course, to repel potential flames; perhaps _nebulus_ to cloak the area in cloud, coupled with disillusionment charms to hide himself from sight and smell. A clever interference to draw the dragon’s attention, then a quick, quiet getaway.

“Probably something similar to Diggory,” he admitted. “Distraction and defence, as opposed to offence. I don’t mind getting my hands dirty when I have to, but I’d rather avoid it if necessary… besides, blood is so difficult to clean.” He smirked, once again appreciative that he could be honest about his darkness with Loki.

Potter’s entrance onto the paddock had everyone in hushed tones. The Horntail eyed the young boy like he was her next meal. Gellert held his breath along with everyone else when Potter waved his wand and seemingly nothing happened. A few people in the stands started to laugh, but Gellert just continued to watch.

“I didn’t see that coming,” he murmured to Loki when the broom bolted into the paddock. “Do you think Krum is watching?” he added, mainly to himself. He laughed, amazed at Potter’s obvious skill, and didn’t even cringe when the long spikes of the dragon’s tail ripped open the boys arm. _That must sting_, he thought drily. By the time it was all over, the crowd was roaring in celebration: the Champions had all survived, and they’d put on quite the show.

As the students all began to mill around, talking of Butterbeers in the Common Rooms, Gellert leaned close to Loki’s ear. “Do you want to escape with me to our room?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki couldn’t help himself but look down at Gellert’s lip as he bit it, and a thought, before he could even stop it, rushed through his mind.**_ I_**_ want to bite it for him. _He cleared his throat and glanced out at the dragon again, smiling when he heard Gellert admitted he’d do what Cedric did and nodded in agreement. If he couldn’t use his potions, Loki would’ve done that, too. A part of him was glad to hear that Gellert would avoid to ‘get his hands dirty’. They had more in common than he thought, then.

Harry seemed impossibly small compared to the dragon, and even compared to Krum before him. Loki was still sitting on the edge of his seat, then furrowed his brows when he saw what the boy tried to do. Not so quick to come to conclusions yet, Loki broke out in a smirk when he saw Potter’s Firebolt fly right to the boy, and the smirk remained on his face the entire time as he watched the Gryffindor literally _play _with the dragon.

“He does what he knows best”, Loki laughed at Gellert’s question, “he’s a bloody good seeker, I’ll admit. Shame it’s not your schoolmate who came up with this idea”, he elbowed Gellert playfully, but didn’t look at him.

Once Harry retrieved the golden egg, Loki was cheering and clapping with the others; it was _amazing_, despite the boy’s injury, and Loki was glad he remained here – if someone told this story to him, he wouldn’t believe it. This was something he had to see with his own eyes. He basically _beamed _when he glanced at Gellert.

“Yes! Let’s get lost in the crowd”, he chuckled, feeling light-headed.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

They heard the scores being called out as they descended the stairs: Potter and Krum were tied in the lead, followed by Diggory, and then Fleur. Gellert was pleased that Durmstrang had done so well, but he had to admit he couldn’t begrudge Potter the tie, as he had put on the best show by far.

Being some of the first students to leave, the walk back from the clearing across the grounds was much quieter. He had the strangest urge to talk about Diggory with Loki, but he wasn’t sure why, as the subject almost always twinged unpleasantly at something in his chest. Thankfully, the thought was interrupted by the return of the large eagle owl he had sent a few days ago to his great-aunt. The bird landed on the branch of a nearby tree, a parcel tied neatly to its leg.

“Hi. Looking for me?” he gently called out to it, an uncharacteristically sweet tone to his voice. He wouldn’t hold his arm out: the bird’s claws were long and sharp, and he was only wearing a sleek black shirt and jeans beneath his cloak today (complete, of course, with Loki’s Slytherin scarf). Instead, the owl fluttered down to the grass with a few beats of its wings, and Gellert swiftly removed the parcel - complete with letter.

“Here,” he said, handing the parcel to Loki. He opened the letter with a quick slash of his finger, unfolding the parchment with slightly shaking fingers._ This couldn’t be… this surely couldn’t be it. _He read the letter as quickly as he could. His mouth almost dropped open. _Almost._ Instead, he swore loudly.

“Well, _fuck_ me.” He paced across the grass for a few steps, his senses completely diverted from the applause still ringing from the stands behind them. He handed the letter out to Loki so that he could read it.

_Dear Gellert,_

_I know I keep telling you to write me during the year, but I didn’t truly expect you to. What a pleasant surprise! I read about the Tournament in the Daily Prophet, and was as shocked as you. Please be careful._

_I would love to hear more about this boy you’ve met. He must be special, because this is the first time you’ve ever mentioned a friend to me. I know you haven’t decided what you’re doing next summer, but remember that you are always welcome here - and so is your friend!_

_I’ve enclosed the cloak you asked about. You’re right, I’ve had it for years. You used to use it to build a fort when you visited as a boy, don’t you remember? Dear Lily and James gifted it to me before they died. I’m not sure if they meant for me to keep it indefinitely, but I have kept it safe all these years. Perhaps you should pass it on to their son, now that you are at Hogwarts._

_I would love to hear from you again soon. Keep in touch!_

_All my love,_

_Aunty Bat xx_

“This is **it**, Loki,” he murmured, looking down at the parcel in wonder. “You said the connection led to the Potters. Well… there’s our proof.” Only then did his usual wildness and excitement rush back to his eyes, the shock dying down. “Would you do the honours?” he asked, smiling.


	11. Chapter 11

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki felt a bit sad that he missed out on Fleur’s performance, but at least he could confront himself about his feelings and his wishes, figuring out what he wanted the most, and he counted that as important progress. As they walked back to the castle, Loki enjoyed the cool air, and glanced up at Hogwarts; thinking, with a smile, that he was really satisfied with how that afternoon turned out. If he would finally be able to move on from his heartbreak, all the better; and even though if Gellert wasn’t interested in him like _that_, Loki still could hug him without being judged, which, by the way, felt amazing. It was great not to feel alone anymore, and Loki appreciated Gellert in his life, and it never would change, even if it hurt that he had no chance.

As he was thinking about that, he suddenly noticed the big bird landing nearby, and he glanced at Gellert when he called out to the animal. The way the other spoke, made Loki smile; he rarely heard Gellert speak like that, and it sent warmth in his chest. He silently took the parcel from him, then furrowed his brows a bit. It was a bit big package, but it was very light.

He waited as Gellert read the letter, looking at the boy’s face for clues as to what did it say. His brows shot up on his forehead at the other’s outburst, then silently moved the parcel under his left armpit and took the letter to run it through.

The letter was an emotional rollercoaster. First of all, it was strange to read that Gellert never wrote about a friend before – why? He never had any before? –, and that he was, even though the lady didn’t know him, already invited to stay at her place next summer. It was months away! The butterflies evolved into birds in his stomach, and he had to bite his lip not to say something stupid as he read further. That was when the shock hit him.**_ The_**_ Invisibility Cloak. _He stared up at Gellert’s face, his expression almost blank.

“Can’t be”, he muttered back, then grabbed the package and held it out to stare at it with a frown. He hesitated, then glanced back at the quidditch pitch. “Not here”, he bit his lip again, “if this is **_it_**, nobody should know, and they’re on their way back. Let’s open it in the Room.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

It was difficult for Gellert to contain his emotions, but he knew Loki was right: Invisibility Cloaks were rare to begin with, and it would certainly be for the best that nobody else spotted it in their possession. 

And of course, if this truly _was_ the Cloak - and it **had** to be - he had no intention whatsoever of passing it on to Potter, even if it _did_ rightfully belong to him. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d walked this quickly. For fear of looking suspicious to any other students or professors who had left the stands early, he lessened his pace; only when they reached the seventh floor did he actually break out into a run. The exciting possibilities stretched out before him: _with this, I can go wherever I want, whenever I want,_ he thought. 

“I can’t believe this is the same old thing I remember,” he said, holding back from ripping the parcel paper off so that Loki could do it. The finishing touch of the research had all been his doing, after all. As he thought: they made a truly formidable team. He leaned against the fireplace and swept his hair back from his face, grinning. “I’d build a fort with blankets and cushions, and the cloak was my ceiling. I always assumed she’d gotten rid of it… invisibility cloaks don’t usually last longer than a year or so…”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki was just as excited as Gellert, and he hurried just as the other did, with a smirk stuck to his face. As soon as they were in the castle and out of view, he ran up with Gellert, literally, to the seventh floor to the Room of Requirement.

Panting, he brought the parcel in front of him again, and finally opened it; his slender fingers shaking as he did so.

“If this is truly the Cloak”, he murmured as he gently and carefully touched the material within the paper, smiling as he imagined a child Gellert building a blanket fort with this very same thing he held in his hands, “then it should make _you_ still **completely **invisible.”

Loki touched the cloak; it felt like water against his fingertips. He smirked at Gellert, then grabbed the boy’s collar and pulled him away from the fireplace. Once he released Gellert, he moved the cloak around the boy’s shoulders, then slipped the cloak’s hood over Gellert’s head.

“Well, **_this is it_**”, Loki smiled, his heart beating in his throat as he pulled the hood down. Once he did that, Gellert completely disappeared from his view. “Now, you’re hidden from Death.”

There was a wild moment when he thought that the boy should always wear this. All the time, so he’d be safe from all harm. And there was also a realisation; the relics were real, the Elder Wand and the Resurrection Stone also must exist. Their research was not in vain.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Their shared energy felt thrilling, _infectious_, like an electrical surge in the air around them. It was the kind of energy that made people bold, reckless. It was why, when Loki pulled him by the collar, time seemed to stand still for a second: for one wonderful millisecond, Gellert thought that he was going to kiss him.

But it passed just as suddenly, and Gellert had to blink away the stars in his eyes for a moment. Loki placed the cloak over his shoulders, and lowered the hood.

_Now you’re hidden from Death._

Beneath the cloak, Gellert smiled. With the cloak now in his possession, roads he had considered were now open to him. With this, he could travel easily - and safer. He could leave the grounds, apparate, and start to spread the word. Just for a few hours, perhaps every week. He needed to begin his movement, to make it known to others across the country that the world needed **change**. 

Still hidden, he walked close to Loki, unable to stop his fingers ghosting across his waist as he passed by. It was hard to believe that the other boy truly couldn’t see him; it was almost exhilarating.

“Let’s go somewhere we shouldn’t,” he whispered, close to Loki’s ear.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

For a few seconds, he couldn’t help but smile at the spot where Gellert was a moment ago, only for his gaze to be diverted as he felt the fleeting brush against his waist. Loki shivered. It was weird that he knew Gellert was there, but couldn’t see him.

He realised just then how useful the cloak was. Gellert could go anywhere and nobody would know. It was sort of scary, but also amazing. Loki shivered when he heard the whisper, and thought for a moment where they should go. It was still very early; the first task of the tournament ended only an hour ago, everyone probably remained in their common rooms and chat away about it… it could be a wonderful idea… or a terrible one… but really, Loki couldn’t help himself. He wanted Gellert to see where he was spending his every day. Even Gellert said he wanted to see it. And the other already knew much more about him than anyone else in the school, Loki really did trust him, so why not?

“Have you ever wanted to see the common room where the great Merlin himself spent his days when he attended Hogwarts?” Loki asked casually with a smile as he glanced down at his sleeve to tug it. “He was a Slytherin, you know. And I can show you now, if you wish. You definitely_ shouldn’t _be there, but nobody would know, only me.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The Slytherin common room. It was an excellent idea. It occurred to Gellert that Loki had no idea just how intently he studied his features in that moment. He _almost_ felt guilty. There was definitely a heady, potent power that came with invisibility - one he already looked forward to exploiting.

“I would** love** to.” He grinned, and it was audible in his tone. “Show me the way… and I’ll stay beside you at all times.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki chuckled at the reply, and didn’t even try to look at Gellert; he wouldn’t see anything of him, anyway. The thought that the legend was real was intoxicating a bit. That there really was a wand which was more powerful than any other.

“Alright, follow me”, he replied quietly, then walked out of the Room.

Loki could only hear Gellert following him, but even that sound was drowned in the noise the Slytherin made. He led the way down the stairs, right to the lower parts of the castle; to the dungeons themselves, through a door and down a staircase. The Slytherin led the way to a bare stretch of stone wall in the dungeons, where Loki murmured the password – ironically, _Liquorice Wand,_ the treat Gellert loved so much –, then the wall let them pass through.

Just as Loki suspected, those who were in the common room now were sitting all around in the greenish chairs under the green lamps, discussing the first task. The fire happily crackled in the fireplace, above it, a giant Slytherin banner; all around the common room there were tapestries of medieval Slytherin heroes’ adventures; skulls were scattered about the place, some on the dark wood tables, some others on the bookcases; there was a set of Wizarding Chess on one of the tables. Loki walked over to one of the two empty chairs in the far corner, and sat down. He wondered if Gellert liked it. It was a bit chilly, but he was sure it wasn’t as cold as the Durmstrang ship.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

It would take some getting used to, but Gellert found it was surprisingly easy for a human being to just _disappear_. Of course, he had to be careful when someone walked close by, as the cloak only shielded him from sight. He kept close behind Loki, who helpfully parted any group that might have gotten in the way.

He’d not had a reason to go to the dungeons before; the cooler air, and the darker, flickering lamp-lit quality reminded him of Durmstrang. The password made him smile, and once he slid through the gap in the wall after Loki, it almost felt like coming **home**.

_Beautiful_, was his first thought. _Haunting_, was his next. Green velvet and black leather, dark walnut and silk drapes, skulls and books: all shimmering beneath the greenish glow of the lake from the windows. Gellert cast his eyes over the oil paintings, following Loki over to the chairs in the corner. His first instinct was to sit on the chair next to him, but he paused, imagining how awkward it would get if another Slytherin chose to sit there too.

Instead, he perched right beside Loki, half-sitting, half-leaning near the top of his chair. Quickly, when nobody was looking, he snatched up a nearby book with a bound cover so he could glance over the first page. He could get used to being here: there was an atmosphere of quiet study, or quiet contemplation.

“Impressive,” he hissed, as quietly as he could manage. He checked out the nearest group of students, wondering if he could get away with any mischief.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Once he sat down, he waited patiently; and even though he wanted to see where Gellert would go, Loki _felt_ instead the shift on his chair’s right side. He silently smiled and nodded to the boy’s comment, seeing him snatching a book from the table; Gellert was so close… but then again, he was always close…

Even though Gellert would probably notice anything he did, Loki sighed as he leaned back in the chair. Guilt was eating at his heart; he should visit Cedric… they weren’t together, not anymore, sure, but Loki still cared about him.

It was a problem. For him. A serious one.

Then there was the matter of the Durmstrang boy, just next to him. Loki licked his thin lips and sighed. Perhaps he should solve the problem with another person. Someone who was reachable, understanding, but preferably good looking and smart. Loki grimaced a bit when he realised how impossible his needs were.

“Hey, Loki”, a voice sounded from his left side and he furrowed his brows. It was another Slytherin, a blonde girl. “Can I sit?”

**_No_**, he wanted to say.

“Well, you can”, he decided. A few minutes wouldn’t hurt, Gellert probably wouldn’t mind. “But make it quick please, I’d like to be left alone.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert’s attention diverted to the newcomer immediately. He recognised the girl from the library: she was one of the girls who often sidled closer and closer to their table over the course of the afternoon. Occasionally she would ask them _is this seat taken?_ and then perch at the end of their table.

Over the course of the last few weeks, there had been a lot of stolen glances cast their way - and now it became painfully obvious to Gellert that the girl was obviously drawn to Loki like moth to a flame. In fact, right now, she seemed to find it difficult _not _to look at him. 

He sighed imperceptibly. _He_ had shared stolen glances with Loki too - and often. It all came down to whether Loki had read the look in his eyes for what it was. And if it turned out he was straight…

“Thanks!” she said, sitting on the edge of the seat beside Loki, her eyelids fluttering. “It’s rare to see you without your new friend,” she observed, and Gellert licked his lips slightly, trying not to smile.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki picked up a book – ironically, Bathilda Bagshot’s _A History of Magic_, which made him smile for a moment when he remembered that the old witch actually invited him for summer before she even knew who he was. Just because he was the friend of Gellert.

_Friend,_ the smile disappeared from his face, then he glanced up at Sophie when she noted that he was rarely seen without Gellert, remaining completely oblivious to how the girl looked at him.

“It’s a shame he’s not allowed in the Slytherin common room, really”, Loki pointed it out, a hint of mischief in his eyes and tone, knowing well that even though this was true, he brought Gellert in anyway. “He’s good company.” _And handsome. And I love his smile and laugh. And his scent. And his voice. **Damn it. Stop!**_ “What did you want to talk about?”

He remained polite, although he really wanted to be left alone. _“Alone”_ alone.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert almost snorted at Loki’s obvious sarcasm. He couldn’t help but feel satisfaction upon hearing himself being described as good company. _He wasn’t wrong. _

“I wanted to thank you,” the girl almost shyly tucked her long blonde hair behind her ear, and briefly licked her lips. “I really appreciated you helping me out in Potions class the other day. Snape might have even taken points if I’d messed up again.” She paused to smile, and Gellert purposefully looked back down at the page before him. The tone of her voice made the back of his neck prickle - and not in a good way. 

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something too.” The girl continued, sounding nervous. “I was wondering if you’d like to go with me on the next Hogsmeade trip. As a thank you… and maybe we could get to know each other better-”

She broke off as the book Gellert was holding slipped from his grasp and landed with an audible **_thud_** on the stone floor. He froze, hoping it just looked like it had fallen off the sideboard. The girl recovered quickly, clearly too nervous to care about the source of the sudden noise. She continued, pulling at her hair a little: “Um- so I thought it might be nice if we could go together. What do you think?” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

This was definitely the reason he preferred the Room and not the Great Hall, library, common room in the first place. Because talks like this made him uncomfortable. Loki didn’t look like he noticed the book falling down next to him, though; he was too occupied with the sudden realisation that he utterly, completely forgot about the Hogsmeade trips. He leaned back in the chair; still looking a bit confused.

“You don’t need to thank me at all”, he reassured her…

…while his mind started to buzz with all of the opportunities about a Hogsmeade trip. Gellert and he could have butterbeer! Or something even stronger, if one knew where to look… they could check out Honeydukes! Loki would totally buy some sweets for his sweet toothed friend. He smirked at the thought. _Gellert would **love** Hogsmeade,_ he decided, _and we could also check out that haunted house, too! It’d be so much fun!_

“And as fun as that sounds”, he added, “I’m afraid that since I forgot Hogsmeade trips existed for some reason…” **_Some_**_ reason._ That **_reason_** was sitting on his chair’s armrest right now, and heard every word he said. “It really would be best if I brought my friend there first. I’m sorry; I have a feeling he’d like it there, and, as you know, he’s going to leave at the end of the term.”

Saying this hurt tremendously, but he had to come up with an excuse to lose her. Loki didn’t understand why did she seek his company so much.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert felt like someone had hit him around the head with a broomstick; not only did Loki politely turn the girl down, he then went on to say that he’d rather take **him**. Beneath the cloak, he wore a self-satisfied smirk.

He sat as still as he could, his gaze lowering down to Loki beside him. _Okay,_ he wanted to say smugly. _I’ll go with you. _He had, after all, promised to buy Loki three butterbeers for lending him his book before Halloween. By the sounds of it, Loki had been too preoccupied with all of their research, and missed a trip.

The girl seemed a little put out at Loki’s mild response; some of the light seemed to go out of her eyes, and her eyebrows contracted back into a concerned frown. “Oh… alright, then. Well, you’ll let me know if you change your mind, won’t you? I’ll see you in Potions on Monday.” She seemed to force a smile. Then she reached out her hand and briefly squeezed Loki’s, before going to rejoin her friends closer to the fireplace.

Gellert watched her leave with a calculating expression.

“So… don’t you like blondes?” he asked quietly, leaning down to Loki’s ear.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki felt just a bit of guilt when he saw how his words affected her. He shouldn’t have said that; but if he didn’t, she wouldn’t stop chasing him. Only when she grabbed and squeezed his hand did he realise what was actually going on, and he nearly snorted in disbelief.

_Dear Sophie_, he wanted to say, _I’m so sorry, you couldn’t possibly know, but **I am gay.**_

He imagined himself telling her that; the shock on her face, almost entertaining… then he imagined the aftermath, too. She’d tell her friends. And those friends to their friends. Slytherins to other Hogwarts houses. The word would spread until it reached Thor, who already punched him just because he spent “too much time” with Gellert. What would he do when he realised his brother wasn’t at all what he considered ‘normal’? He’d be mad. And even though Loki could handle that, he didn’t want to go through it yet again.

And Gellert? Their friendship would end in a blink. Who’d want to be friends with a boy who was attracted to boys while girls… left him unbothered?

**_No._** He mustn’t tell her the reason. And he’ll have to turn her down over and over and over until she understood he’s not interested. She was pretty, yes; but it was just a different kind of pretty for Loki. He could adore her beautiful face and flowing blonde hair, but butterflies never would make home in his stomach and his head would never spin when he saw her smile. Not the way it always did when he was around Gellert, and even a little, around Cedric. He didn’t feel anything when she squeezed his hand, while each time Gellert purposefully or accidentally touched him, he was positively drunk on happiness.

Nobody would understand. And he hated it. It caused him so much pain. Sometimes he wished he wasn’t like this, that he was normal like everyone else, but he couldn’t help it. He was this. Different.

At Gellert’s whisper, he sighed. _Of course I love blondes, I actually hopelessly love a certain blonde, so much it **physically hurts**_, he wanted to scream, _but that one’s not a **girl.**_

“I do. But I have my eyes on someone else”, he decided to say quietly as he leaned down and picked up the book Gellert dropped.

Loki was careful so he wouldn’t smash his head in Gellert’s knee. He placed the book back down on the table, close to Gellert, so he could pick it up again if he wished.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

If they had been alone in the Room of Requirement, Gellert wouldn’t have been able to rein in his curiosity: he’d have instantly asked him **who**. But they were surrounded by people, and Gellert was invisible, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared to deal with the answer either way.

_It’s Cedric_, Gellert thought moodily at first. It was a truth he felt he had already swallowed that morning, but he couldn’t stop that hopeful, vain part of his mind from sending butterflies into his stomach. _But it could be me._

Unwilling to pop his hopeful, happy bubble, he instead elected to save the question for when they were somewhere private. It was a personal matter, after all; one that Loki might not even wish to share with him yet.

“That’s too bad,” he whispered instead, a smile in his voice. “All’s fair in love and war.” He appreciated Loki picking the book up, but he mischievously slid it away from himself with two fingers. He couldn’t help it: he wanted to see more, to listen and watch as only an invisible person could. “I’ll be right back,” he said, moving away from Loki’s chair to follow in the steps of the blonde girl. The heat from the fireplace washed over him as he trailed past the back of their black leather sofa.

“What did he say, Sophie?” Another girl, a small, petite brunette, leaned to Sophie with a concerned expression.

“He wants to take his Durmstrang friend with him first.” Sophie shrugged, trying not to too bothered - but Gellert could see the disappointment in her eyes.

“Then maybe he’ll go with you the time after?” another friend suggested.

“Has it not occurred to any of you that Odinson might have… other, _particular_ tastes?” A narrow-faced Slytherin boy joined in the conversation, his voice lowered as though what he spoke about was something taboo. Gellert narrowed his eyes. In his new world, it would **not** be taboo. Love - of all kinds - would be **celebrated**. Perhaps even with Muggles, if that was what a wizard or witch truly wanted. Having the freedom to _choose_ was important.

“I don’t listen to those rumours,” Sophie replied firmly. Gellert moved on, not wanting to hear more. He would protect his friend in any way he could, but invisible, here, he was useless. He slid his pale fingers across a row of books by the far wall, then gazed out at the lake. He could get used to a view like this. He wondered, not for the first time, how different his life might have been if he’d attended Hogwarts. _Would I have been put in the same house as Loki?_

“I’m back,” he hissed a moment later, leaning on the side of his chair again. “Will anyone be in your dorm?” he asked, realising there was still more to see.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki swallowed to himself as he pretended to read the book in his hands. _All’s fair in love and war_ — perhaps. If the boy wanted a girl. If a boy wanted another boy, well… that was frowned upon at least.

Knowing the truth that he was the descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself, Loki felt like the fate played a cruel game with him. He couldn’t continue the bloodline. He wondered briefly if Salazar would be mad at him. He was mad at _himself_ for a while when he found out the truth about his particular tastes; when he’d failed to go through with his manipulations when they involved a girl. Anyone could kiss. But if one wanted to _upgrade_ his game, he’d need to do _something else…_ which never worked, only with his own gender…. weird.

He cocked his head when Gellert said he’d go and explore, then actually started to read Bagshot’s book until his friend gave the signal that he was back. Loki hummed.

“No”, he muttered softly, feeling Gellert near, “they’re all in here. Wanna see?”

Imagining Gellert in his dorm made his heart flutter in his chest. Imagining Gellert _on his bed,_ well… Loki blushed, cheeks turned pink, as he turned a page.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert had to fight back a smile, imagining what people might think if they noticed Loki’s lips moving.

“I wouldn’t want to miss out on the full experience,” he replied. “I’ll follow you…”

This was, after all, only the communal area of the common room: there had to be more. Besides, he couldn’t deny that there was a sense of curiosity twisting inside of him: there was something vulnerable and intimate about seeing someone’s bed, the place where Loki slept and dreamed and…

_Well._ He was a hot-blooded teenage boy, after all, just like him.

Annoyingly, Cedric came back into his mind. The one saving grace was that Cedric was in a different house, so if anything _had_ ever happened between them - and he still wasn’t entirely sure of the situation - then surely they’d have had to meet elsewhere.

_Like… the Room of Requirement?_ Gellert thought, frowning. He hoped not.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki closed the book, pretended he had enough, then got up on his feet and walked to his dorm. His heart was beating fast in his chest as they bypassed more paintings on the wall; some of the people in them looked after him. He opened the dark door to the room where he’d spent so much time in; and let Gellert come in after him after he walked inside.

“Lock the door”, he said quietly, just in case, “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

Each one of the four four poster beds had their owner’s trunk in front of them; Loki’s was closed, and his bed was neatly made, unlike the other three. Each bed had a desk and chair next to them, above them, a window to the lake, letting in green light. Loki had left his potions books on his desk, and parchments, quill, candles and inkpots — he visibly studied there a lot. He walked over to his bed and sat down on it.

It was unbelievable Gellert was there with him. He never could bring Cedric here, or any other who wasn’t a Slytherin. And each and every one he _did_ bring here, mysteriously forgot they ever were there. Gellert would remember… and he’d be the only one. Loki’s brows twitched at the thought.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

At hearing Loki’s words, he couldn’t help but smirk: _lock the door_ sounded wonderfully suggestive to his ears. As was quickly become customary, he berated himself afterwards for the path his mind took, and cast a quiet _colloportus_ and _silencio_ on the door. He’d have enough time to put the cloak back on if they heard someone coming.

“This is… this is quite something,” he commented, pulling down the hood and sweeping his gaze across the dormitory. It was sleek, clean, open. The swirling greenish tinge made him think of ghosts and whispers and memories, yet at the same time it was oddly comforting. It made Gellert realise there was a special kind of peace that could only be found beneath the water.

“I love it.” He said it honestly. “And I’m jealous.” He reached up to aimlessly fiddle with the cords that tied back the drapes around Loki’s bed. “You sleep like a king compared to what I have on the ship.” He smiled down at Loki on the bed, unfastening the cloak around his shoulders so that it at least opened at his front. “May I sit?”


	12. Chapter 12

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki glanced up at Gellert with a half smile, seeing the other looking around, although he had to pretend he didn’t shiver at the sight when only the boy’s head could be seen. He’d need some time getting used to this.

He snorted at the ‘like a king’ comment, although it made him pause and think to imagine how it really was like for Gellert on the ship. He pat the bed right next to himself.

“Of course you can”, he replied calmly. “Is the ship that bad? I’m really sorry. Maybe you could sneak in the castle now”, he smirked, “if nobody noticed you went missing, that is. You have access to the Room of Requirement, after all.”

_And also here, in my dorm, for at least an additional week, until the password changes,_ Loki thought, and this thought made him feel particularly naughty. His heart skipped a beat when he realised Gellert now could come in here without anyone seeing him if he had the cloak on… freely, right in this room where he slept. But it didn’t make Loki feel afraid. If anything, it felt strangely comforting.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

At Loki’s suggestion, he nodded. The idea had already taken shape in his mind: if he could convince Elias and Petyr that he had gone to bed earlier than them, and close the drapes around his bunk (and that wouldn’t be particularly unusual behaviour), then he could potentially spend an entire night in the castle without anyone knowing. All he had to do was ensure he returned to the ship before dawn so that he could appear from his bed like normal in the morning.

“I’m sure it can be done,” he agreed, allowing his voice a little more volume than before. For a short time, they were safe here. “I’ll stay one night a week, to limit the risk. You’ll have to let me know if there’s anything I need to watch out for, after curfew.”

He’d nestled right beside Loki on the bed when he sat down, but now he leaned a little further back, one of his hands absentmindedly stroking the emerald green coverlet. Loki was close enough for him to count his eyelashes, and the faint scent of Loki’s cologne teasing the air around him was enough to set his insides on fire. He knew that eye contact was dangerous; the emotions in his gaze would surely betray him.

Idle chat was very far down on the list of things he’d like to do on this bed, but even the idea of _that_ was precious to him. The conversation from the fireside still on his mind, Gellert decided that if ever he were to have an intimate talk with Loki, it was now, with them alone in a private space that - to Loki, at least - was familiar and comforting. Perhaps, in the matter he wanted to talk about, Loki needed a friend.

“So, earlier…” he started, breaking eye contact every few moments to look outside at the lake (both to admire the view, and also ensure that Loki couldn’t pick up on his swirling emotions), “… you said that you had your eye on someone else.” He quickly held his hand up in defence, understanding the need for delicacy. “I’m not going to ask who. But I just wanted you to know that… that if this person happens to _not_ be a girl…” He paused to swallow, thinking of Cedric. “Well, that I don’t care. I know that wizards can be just as prejudiced as the muggles… but I want you to know that it’s okay. In the world I want to make, we’ll all be free to live openly. **Love freely**.” He couldn’t help it: he made eye contact again. “Sometimes, love works in mysterious ways.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

There was something very intimate in the way they sat next to each other. Loki could feel his heart beat in his throat wildly, both at Gellert’s scent in the place he felt safe, and the fact that the boy radiated heat which seemed to draw him in.

It was wonderful, and, in a sense, very painful. Gellert was so close and yet… he was so far away like the stars.

He nodded to the plans to stay a night in the castle every week; it could work, if Gellert had the cloak on. Even though the only problems were Filch, his cat, Peeves and the patrolling teachers, none of them would see under the cloak. The only problem was the others on the ship around Gellert; Loki had no idea how the boy would make them believe he was there when in fact, he was not.

But then, his mind full stopped with terror as Gellert started to speak again. He couldn’t help but glare at the boy, panicking someone told him a suspicion of theirs. Worry creased his forehead for a few moments before he realised…

_Nobody told him anything. It was **his** fault._

Gellert wasn’t as stupid as the rest of the school. And Gellert paid attention to him all the time. He was the only one who noticed how Cedric’s injury affected him; it wasn’t hard to _assume_.

Of course, his automatic defense was to laugh a bit as distraction and lie. If he hadn’t spent so much time with Gellert and didn’t adore him and their friendshipso much, he would’ve done so. But instead, he let out a quiet sigh. _It’s **you**._ He wanted to say. _I love **you**. Is that accepted, too? You’d care then, wouldn’t you? The first thing you’d do if I told you this… you’d jump to your feet and leave and I’d be completely alone again. I wouldn’t survive that. Not yet, not now. _It completely went over his head how Gellert was looking at him. He was too preoccupied with his panicking emotions.

“It’s unrequited.” It broke out of him finally, neither confirming, nor denying what Gellert implied. His tone was too soft. “So it doesn’t really matter. It won’t happen.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert watched, with careful calculation, how Loki’s emotions began to untangle. Over the weeks they had spent together, he’d noticed just how masterfully Loki cloaked his emotions with other people; it only seemed to slip occasionally when Loki was with **him**. Gellert considered Loki’s honesty a benefit of their friendship - but he could also appreciate how difficult it might be to admit to something you consistently lie about.

Loki’s answer steered the topic in a slightly different direction. _Perhaps that’s a confirmation in itself_, Gellert thought. _Perhaps he likes both girls and boys, but he’s never felt this strongly before about a boy… so it frightens him. _Gellert had never dealt with unrequited feelings before - until now, at least. He’d been lucky, or he had won over whomever had captured his interest. Imagining Loki’s heart going unanswered made his chest tight with frustration. Jealousy, yes - but also frustration. Loki deserved to be with someone who cared about him.

“How can you be so sure that it won’t happen?” he asked, gently. “I mean… look at what you have to offer. I find it hard to believe that someone could be dumb enough to reject you.”

As the words left his mouth, his chest physically ached.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

His throat felt as tight as a drum, and his lips went dry; Gellert’s words meant to comfort him, but they only caused him agony. Of course, the boy never would know where Loki’s heart was, but it was terrible to hear that Gellert thought this. It would’ve been easier to avoid this topic altogether. He shook his head and looked away, feeling sad.

_If you didn’t always look at the girls all the time, in the library and the Great Hall, maybe then I’d tell you how I feel. And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be so terrified you’d hate me for it._

“He’s not… he’s interested in girls.” This sentence made the back of his throat and his eyes burn. “It's—”

He cut off, because he heard steps approaching. Loki got to his feet and glanced back down at Gellert, saying without words _hide_, before he walked over to the door to listen.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Despite what he’d told himself earlier, Gellert now couldn’t tear his gaze away: he studied his friend’s sad expression, feeling it wrench at his heart. He was **so close** to getting Loki to open up to him. So close to answers - or closure. His heart was beating wildly, building towards a moment that would probably feel like the world crashing down around him.

Preferring pleasant surprise over disappointment, Gellert steeled himself to hear the words _it’s Cedric_, but before Loki could finish what he was about to say, the sound of footsteps reached his ears.

Loki quickly sprung to his feet, and Gellert met his warning glance with understanding. He rose from the bed, refastened the cloak, and pulled the hood over his face just as someone knocked twice on the door.

“Can I come in?” A male voice drifted through the dark wooden door. “I just need to fetch my quill so I can send a letter.”

Behind the cloak, Gellert stepped back to lean against the wall beside Loki’s window. He sighed quietly, unable to contain his disappointment. _It has to be Cedric_, he thought moodily. He’d noticed Diggory in the courtyard a few times now, holding hands with a pretty Ravenclaw girl. At first, the sight had delighted him; a grim sense of satisfaction. Now, he felt guilty. Loki seemed absolutely heartbroken.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki pulled his wand out of his robe’s inner pocket, then murmured alohomora and opened the door, seeing his roommate. At first glance, he was sure the boy didn’t hear anything. Gellert’s charms worked.

“Of course”, Loki replied calmly. It was a bit scary how quickly he could switch from mood to mood. “Come in. I just wanted to study; the common room was too loud for me at the moment. Too many chatting people.”

He stood away from the way so the boy could come in, his mind’s eye still seeing Gellert’s curious, clever mismatched eyes. Loki entertained himself, for a moment, that he’d softly cup Gellert’s cheeks and kiss his forehead, saying without words that he’d never betray him, that he’d always carry the other in his heart, no matter who he chose. No matter how painful that’d be.

But deep down, he knew he wasn’t capable of seeing Gellert with someone else. Anyone else. It’d break his heart.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Thankfully, Loki’s roommate seemed completely oblivious to Gellert’s presence: he simply strolled in, opened the top drawer beside one of the other beds, removed a quill, then left the room again with a half-nod to Loki. _I hope that damn letter is important,_ Gellert seethed, glaring after the roommate. _You interrupted **our moment**, Vollhorst._

Suddenly, Gellert was certain that he had already seen this happen before, in one of his recent dreams. The knock, the quill, the expression on Loki’s face. He closed his eyes for a moment and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He felt like a headache was on its way, and the certainty of his vision rushed back to the forefront of his mind. _What the hell was going on?_ The more he tried to remember now, the more it seemed to slip away, like trying to cup water in his hands only for it to seep through his fingers.  
  
“I should get back to the ship,” he hissed near Loki once the room was empty again. “Thank you for this. I’ll see you at dinner.” Not only did the interruption mean the moment had passed for open truths, but he felt oddly _empty_ the more he thought about the revelation that Loki’s heart was already taken. He needed a little time to think.

Once back on the ship, the Invisibility Cloak tucked safely away, Gellert drew the drapes around his bunk and **_brooded_**. With two different aches in both his head and his heart, he ended up missing dinner completely. He wrote Loki after he heard the others leaving the ship, explaining that he didn’t feel well.

_I’m sorry,_ he wrote. He paused, his quill hovering over the parchment. _I hoped it was me,_ he wanted to say. Instead he wrote: _hopefully see you at breakfast tomorrow._

Recently, their daily letters to each other had become more personal, with less sentences focused on the hallows research. Gellert knew his attraction to Loki had somehow deepened into something more, but he wasn’t even sure when or how it had happened. All he knew was that his heart still skipped a beat when he saw an owl at his ship window, and that every letter Loki had sent him was now tucked safely under his bed.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki was a bit mad that their moment had passed; for a brief second, he imagined Gellert would admit that he himself was interested in his same gender, then perhaps, Loki could’ve confessed to get it off of his chest. But no. There was no hint, and no time.

_He doesn’t judge me, _he thought,_ that’s at least something. I would’ve hated it if our friendship ended because of this, because I just can’t change this about myself._

With a heavy heart, he nodded to Gellert, although Loki couldn’t see him anymore. The time until evening passed by in with a weird emptiness, one which he felt during the day when he had to sit in class and pay attention, only for his mind to always wonder back to Gellert. He wished to be with him, even if they did nothing but read next to each other in the Room. He resisted the urge to write him a letter if they should meet earlier. And then, Gellert didn’t even show up at dinner. He was very worried; perhaps the boy said that Loki’s interests were alright, but he didn’t mean it for real? What if it was a lie? The more he thought about it, the more he panicked._ I should’ve lied to him I don’t fancy him, _he wondered as he ate his chips, brooding,_ now he’ll be afraid of me making a move towards him. I’m disgusting. I’m a monster._

The owl caught him in the dorm when he returned, and Loki sent back a letter stating he hoped Gellert would feel better soon, with an additional potion to both banish physical pain – headache, for example – and troubling dreams.

He couldn’t stop caring about Gellert, no matter how hard he tried.

And even though his life wasn’t as bad as it seemed to others, he often cried himself to sleep as he was holding Gellert’s medal in his hand, wishing every night it’d somehow just **change**. That he’d finally love **_out _**of the Durmstrang student, or someone else caught his attention… or they could get together by some divine miracle…

That particular morning he felt gloomy. The Slytherins gathered in the common room, checking out the bulletin board with something new and shiny on it. Loki seemed uninterested as he read the words. And those words were, in fact, that this year, there was about to be a Yule Ball at Christmas. This revelation made Loki straight agitated. He was still biting his lip as he walked with the others to the Great Hall for breakfast. He was ashen with worry.

Gellert probably knew, and he probably already had someone to go with. He was so handsome, girls in the library always checked him out and giggled when Gellert shot them looks. Loki felt literally sick as he sat down at the table, his hands cold, fingers shaking.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s potion definitely helped: when he finally managed to drift off, it was to a peaceful, dreamless sleep. He woke early though, somewhere around four in the morning, and got up, washed and dressed with the help of a few _silencio_ spells. His headache had gone, but not the one in his chest. He suspected that one would linger much longer.

_If nothing else, I still want his friendship._ That had been his resolute decision as he’d lay staring at the empty top bunk. The idea of pulling away from Loki seemed needlessly cruel and selfish. They’d both admitted they struggled to make friends, to create an** honest **connection with another. In their worlds of manipulation and persuasion, wearing masks at all times, they needed each other like a ship needed an anchor. Something _solid_ and _real_ to hold on to.

_It would be a waste to throw that away over temporary feelings, _Gellert thought as he wandered across the dark grounds alone. He wasn’t one to wallow in self-pity or despair - he knew he’d get over it eventually. But until then, he’d do his best to remain Loki’s good friend.

He sat in one of the nearest empty quidditch stands (a Ravenclaw one), and read the first of three books on Occult Philosophy by Cornelius Agrippa, one of his favourite authors (illuminated, of course, by _lumos_). He was so engrossed that he didn’t hear the footsteps or sobs at first.

“Who’s there?” someone murmured, and he jumped slightly, turning to sit properly on the bench. He’d been sitting with his back to the wall, his legs casually resting on the seat.  
  
“Stefanie?” He marked his book and closed it, slipping it away in his cloak pocket. “It’s only me.” Even in the dim, early morning light, Gellert could see that the Durmstrang girl had been crying. “What’s wrong?”

Stefanie sniffed, her dark eyes carefully taking him in. “Oh, it’s nothing. Elias and I had a fight just now. I needed a moment before I went to breakfast.”

Gellert said nothing. He hadn’t spoken to Stefanie since the night he had met her outside of his room. She’d smelled of drink (no doubt stowed away on the ship without Karkaroff’s knowledge), and had been _much_ too familiar with him. He’d rebuffed her, but then her new boyfriend, Elias Hoffman - one of the boys who shared his dorm - had _attempted_ to curse him. Gellert had been quick to act: he could still remember the blood spurting from the gashes on Elias’ arms, along with Karkaroff’s displeased expression. Funnily enough, Elias hadn’t spoken to him since, either.

“That’s a shame,” Gellert said, a poisonous tinge of sarcasm in his voice. He got to his feet, ready for breakfast himself. He’d been looking forward to seeing Loki for the last hour or so. When he passed her, Stefanie reached out and took his arm.

“Here,” she said, sniffing again. She held out a small piece of parchment. “Karkaroff left these outside our rooms this morning.” Gellert silently accepted the parchment, and studied it as he made his way to the castle. _A Yule Ball?_ he read, his insides twisting curiously. _He had to take a **date** to a **ball**? _He looked up in the Great Hall to see Loki, pale and beautiful and fucking _unattainable_. He made his way over to him, biting his lip uncertainly. _Wonderful._

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

It’d be best to play dumb. That he didn’t notice the poster in the common room. That he didn’t hear that the girls five meters away from him were talking excitedly about it. That he didn’t see them staring at him, only to turn away giggling when he returned their stares.

Loki wished that girls stirred something within him. _Anything._ He tried to feel at least a little bit excited, but it did not work. He sighed and poured himself his usual pumpkin juice, looking straight forward to see Cedric over at the other table laughing with Cho about something. His stomach clenched unpleasantly. Cedric would go with Cho, he was sure. At least he knew this much.

Then, from the corner of his eye, he saw the familiar blood red uniform approach the Slytherin table. Early, alone. Loki’s heart started to beat faster way before he glanced up at Gellert, a smile already spreading on his face. The Durmstrang boy looked amazing, as always, and he started to feel hot when those mismatched eyes met his. _I want to run my fingers in his hair._

“Good morning”, Loki said, drunk on happiness, as always, each time when he realised Gellert truly was not a dream.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert had gone over the words on the parchment at least five times before he entered the Great Hall, and some sentences still flashed across his mind as he approached the Slytherin table. _An opportunity to socialise with the foreign students… open only to fourth-years and above… dress robes are to be worn… **8 o’ clock on Christmas Day**._

It was almost the end of November, but once Gellert reached the seat beside Loki, he had to remove his cloak and scarf quickly. His face felt strangely hot.

“Good morning,” he echoed, the familiar butterflies fluttering inside his stomach at seeing Loki’s smile. “Your potion worked perfectly. Thank you.” He sat down, and casually fixed his hair with a sweep of his fingers. He was fully aware that many Hogwarts girls had noticed him enter, and as always, he enjoyed the attention. Some of them would clearly jump at the chance to attend the Yule Ball with one of the foreign boys.

“I take it you heard the news?” he asked, trying to inject a casual tone into his voice as he poured himself pumpkin juice. “Do you realise we only have four weeks to find a date? That’s nothing. _Nothing._” He sipped some juice, then leaned closer, conspiratorially.

“We can ask boys to go with us if we want… right?” He sipped some more juice, as casually as if he’d asked Loki what the weather was doing.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki pretended that he was completely unbothered by Gellert’s question. Of course he’d heard the news. He wished he didn’t.

He lifted up his goblet and sipped at his pumpkin juice, choking on it for a moment as Gellert asked whether they could ask boys to go with them. Loki coughed before he grabbed a napkin and hid his beet red face in it. **No?! **Now it’d be a teasing topic for Gellert to use on him?? If the other thought it was funny, then he was wrong, it was not! He had enough problems as it was.

_I won’t go, _he wanted to say. There hadn’t been a ball like this for over two hundred years and Loki seriously was thinking he’d rather miss it. Anything, to avoid seeing Gellert laughing and dancing with someone else. The thought made him want to cry.

“I don’t know”, he replied finally, lowering the napkin, running a hand in his ebony hair. “I’m not sure”, he furrowed his brows. “I’d bet you already know who’s going to be your date…”

Loki tried his best to prepare himself for the inevitable, sharp pain. He was a hundred percent sure he’d have one Hell of a day that day.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He tilted his head in mild concern at Loki’s coughing, ready to help him if he needed it. Perhaps the conjured image of dancing with Cedric was too much for him. His eyes flickered over to the Hufflepuff table, where the first Hogwarts champion sat with his girlfriend. They looked happy together. It was too bad, really.

“I was thinking of asking your brother,” Gellert said drily, letting his jealousy and dark humour get the better of him. “Settle our differences, you know. Maybe all he needs is a good kiss.” He smirked to himself, knowing the joke was in bad taste, but inside he felt as though his insides were being twisted around with Polyjuice Potion. He wished he could just lean close to Loki, with no barriers or walls between them, and whisper in his ear how much he wanted **him**.

But there was no way he would ask someone who already had their eyes diverted by someone else. If he was to be with someone, he wanted to be the only thing they saw; the only one they wanted. _And there are plenty of those to choose from,_ he thought stubbornly, cracking open his boiled egg a little more violently than was necessary.

“Do you know of any hot boys who might be interested?” He licked his spoon to get the yolk off it. “Or girls.” He shrugged. “I’m not picky.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Mentioning Thor in this situation made Loki snort in disbelief.

“Very funny. If you want a broken nose and a few broken ribs, do ask out Thor. And this, my friend, is **_not_** a joke.”

His dark growl was muffled with the sound of him biting into a toast. He didn’t feel anything but burning pain in his throat and chest. _Damn it_, he thought angrily, _I won’t burst into tears at the breakfast table._ But he was close to that. Gellert’s completely emotionless comment that he wasn’t picky rubbed off of him the worst possible way. It felt like he was mocking; that it didn’t matter to him with whom he attended the ball, he wouldn’t feel anything anyway. And that he also knew now that by Gellert’s standards, Loki didn’t get in the ‘hot boy’ category. Otherwise, Gellert would just ask him, right?

Hot tears gathered in his eyes at the thought. Maybe he was wrong earlier, maybe Gellert was open-minded… maybe he’d spend time with a boy in a different sense than being their friend… but Loki just wasn’t **_good enough_**. Disappointed, hurt, **beaten**, Loki grabbed his goblet again and downed the juice to drown his sorrow.

“Well, good luck to you in your quest”, he said as he raised his goblet once he refilled it.

_I won’t go_, he wanted to add, when Sophie suddenly stopped in front of the two of them as she walked by with her friends, shooting a warm smile at Loki.

“Hello Loki, would you like to come to the Yule B—”

“Yes”, Loki lied, without even waiting for her to finish her sentence. “I will.”

** _I won’t._ **

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

It was Gellert’s turn to choke; when he heard the words _yes I will_, he sucked in breath so quickly that the pumpkin juice he’d been sipping shot straight into his lungs. He grabbed a napkin to cough into and hit his own chest, hard, until it had subsided.

He didn’t understand. Loki had turned Sophie **down **already… so why would he agree to go with her now? But it was done - it was already _done_ \- and there was nothing he could do. He looked up at Sophie, his mismatched eyes taking her in like a wolf sizing up another predator. He hadn’t thought of her as competition as he’d invisibly watched them in the Slytherin common room, but now he saw her in a different light. Her delighted expression made him_ sick_.

On the outside, he forced a shaky smile. “That… that was quick,” he said, still slightly breathless. He tugged at the neck of his robes. There was white noise in his ears, and his limbs felt like static. “The ball has only just been announced, and you two are…” He looked at Loki, perturbed. He realised he didn’t have a point, and shut his mouth. For once in his life, he was lost for words.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki watched Sophie walk away with a beaming smile, then he looked at Gellert, completely concerned as he was coughing violently. He nearly moved to pat the other’s back to help him, but as fast it came, it was gone, then the comment literally punched him in the face.

He? And Sophie? Oh, no. He didn’t. She didn’t actually ask if he wanted to— suddenly, Loki went pale. For a moment he wanted to call after Sophie to tell her it was just a misunderstanding, a mistake, and that he didn’t mean he’d go there with her.

But then… Gellert’s hurtful observations came in his mind and he erased his emotions from his face. He had **_no chance_** with Gellert. The other never would look at him as someone he’d go on a date. They were **_friends_**. And they wouldn’t be anything else, wouldn’t be something more. Gellert made it **_very clear_**.

“Well”, Loki donned a little shit smile he saved for Thor usually as he pat Gellert’s back, “you know, if I were you, I’d hurry up before the **hot ones** are taken”, he teased lightly, but he was screaming on the inside. He finished his juice — barely ate anything, and even what he sent down threatened to come back up —, then gathered himself on his feet. “I’ve got to do some homework. Catch you later, friend.”

He pat Gellert’s shoulder a few times again, and walked away. Once he was back in his dorm, he fell face first in his bed and let his pillow absorb his tears.


	13. Chapter 13

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

_I’d hurry up before the hot ones are taken._

_Catch you later, **friend**._

Perhaps it was only his imagination, but Loki’s last word seemed to carry an almost cruel inflection. It carried a weight it never had before, and it grated on Gellert enough for his fists to clench.

“Right. See you later.” His carefree tone was almost convincing, if not for the way the words seemed to catch in his throat. He was vaguely aware that Loki had walked in the same direction as Sophie. Would he do his homework with _her_ from now on? He couldn’t bring himself to understand the unpredictability of Loki’s sudden change.

The static in his limbs seemed to spread to his face, and he stared down at his plate, his breakfast forgotten. The early hours of the morning he had spent waiting for dawn - _waiting to see Loki again_ \- now seemed like a distant dream.

He didn’t need any more confirmation: he had **lost**. He had lost, and he needed to move the hell on. His subtle investigation into Loki’s feelings had rendered him with nothing more than suspicions and ideas, and none of them seemed to slot together. Loki wasn’t straight… but he wasn’t necessarily open about being in a relationship with a boy. He was interested in _someone_… but he had been sure that person didn’t feel the same way. Cedric may or may not be involved, but it had been clear enough to Gellert that there was something strange between the two. The situation had all become too convoluted, and he’d been left with more questions than answers.

He quietly finished his pumpkin juice, then stood. He threw Loki’s scarf around his neck almost angrily. _I don’t need this,_ he thought. _I don’t have time for broken hearts and regrets. I have research to do and rallies to prepare for._

He had the Cloak now: he could sneak from the grounds and Apparate wherever he wanted - he’d learned how to do it in his previous year at Durmstrang. That night, he sent out enquiries: a dozen or so owls from the Owlery. There were people out there, people in positions of power, that he could sway. It would take time, but he would **make** them listen. And then he would keep on making people listen. _Like Loki,_ he thought. There was still a glimmer of hope… if he could just _tell_ Loki how he really felt, then maybe it would change everything.

Not caring that it was past midnight, he donned the Cloak again and went to the Slytherin common room (and had to avoid Filch, who shuffled relentlessly down the corridors with a lamp). He whispered the password. The main room was dark, silent, except for the hiss and sway of the lake, crushing against the window. His steps were light as he wordlessly opened the dorm. Inside, the bed drapes were all shut, but as Gellert stepped beside Loki’s, he heard it.

Sobbing. Unmistakable, quiet sobbing, as though muffled into a pillow. The noise ripped through his heart, and for a moment he had to fight an overwhelming urge to draw back the curtain and whisper _it’s ok. I’m here._

But then his stubbornness returned, and won. What the hell was he doing here? What did he imagine would happen? That Loki would be **glad** to see him? He’d be _mortified_ to know that Gellert had heard him - and besides, Sophie would be in the opposite dorm across the way. Loki wanted _her_.

He left as quietly as he’d come, feeling like a ghost of ill will. He wouldn’t go back there again.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

The next morning he woke up with a new sense of purpose.

He could avoid Gellert if he wanted, and at the moment, he **wanted to**. _Desperately_. As he examined his face in the mirror, he decided he looked bad enough with his eyes red and puffy that nobody should see him in this state. He swallowed, hard; and discovered a solution.

“Drake”, he muttered as his roommate got his robe on himself.

“Yeah?”

“Would you tell Grindelwald that I’m not feeling well? I’ll meet him later.”

Drake stared at him, saw how he looked like (Loki realised he must’ve had his suspicions), then nodded without a word. Loki sighed and watched the other boy leave, then he packed stuff in his bag as well, and walked out of the dorm.

He chose secret passageways to avoid the Great Hall, but decided to go dangerously close to the Hufflepuffs when he saw them. Cedric smiled at him, and Loki, just as with the girls around him, didn’t feel anything, this time. That was when he realised that what he felt for Gellert was much more real, and much more true. Cedric left his friends for a moment to talk to him, and Loki appreciated it.

“You look—”, the first Champion started, but Loki shook his head.

“I know. Can I ask for the password?”

His green, pleading eyes stared up in the boy’s, unblinking. Cedric hesitated for a moment.

“Pine Fresh”, he replied quietly. They stared at each other for a few seconds. “Loki… are you alright?”

“Yes, yes of course.” He forced a smile on his face and looked away. “You should go. Your friends are waiting. Thanks for the password. Have a nice day.”

“Loki—”

But he didn’t listen. He walked straight for the kitchens and tickled a pear in a bowl of fruit on a painting. The pear giggled and turned into a big door handle, which Loki grabbed and he disappeared behind the door. The house-elves, as always, were nice to him. He asked for food which they gladly gave him, then he was on the way again, this time, to the fifth floor.

Just in case, he used secret passages again. He had his doubts Gellert would try and look for him — why would he, really? —, but even if the boy did, he wouldn’t find Loki. Not without the password in the Prefect’s bathroom.

Once he was inside, he got his robe and bag off, dropped them without care, then leaned against the door. He felt it coming again… he couldn’t stop it. He sunk to the ground, pulled his legs up, then hid his face in his knees and started to cry again.

He couldn’t get Gellert’s mismatched eyes out of his mind. How they looked as he was talking about finding a date. How easy it sounded for him, and in fact, it was easy for him. Loki couldn’t help it; he imagined each and every girl they’d seen in the library, and tried to figure out which one of them would Gellert choose. Despite the mocking comments about not being ‘picky’, Loki suspected that was just a lie to mock him. And then… there were at least two dozens of girls Gellert easily could ask out for the ball…

He’d spent hours on that Saturday, trying to cry his misery out. When he calmed down a bit, he got some food out of his bag. The pumpkin pie was delicious, but it wasn’t as good as it usually felt like when he ate it in the Great Hall with Gellert sitting next to him.

Somehow, the entire world felt like Loki didn’t have any contact with it. He studied potions and herbology all day, missed breakfast, then lunch, then also the dinner, and only went back in his dorm just a bit before curfew.

His _friend_ was avoided successfully.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Once back in his own bed, Gellert tried to sleep… but the headache was back, and without Loki’s potion he tossed and turned for hours, fighting off a new set of bizarre, random visions. He saw soft snow falling onto his hair as he walked to the castle at dawn… then a letter being unfolded, and a newspaper cutting… was that Loki?… _dancing_ beneath a chandelier.

When he’d been a boy, he’d chalked it off as an overactive imagination. Only when he’d started to study Divination in his previous year had be begun to suspect the truth. _I’m a Seer. Uncontrolled, unpractised… but a Seer nonetheless._

Despite his terrible night - and his thoughts swirling about his discovery in the Slytherin dorm - his first instinct upon waking was to see Loki. He couldn’t admit that he had heard him, but he had a duty as his friend - and _Merlin’s Beard_, he truly still wanted to be his friend - to check that he was alright. Had Thor done something to him? If so, he could offer to listen (and then hex Thor to an early grave, if he had his way), or at the very least, ask Loki if he could take his mind off whatever had upset him. No matter what, he knew he never wanted to hear the sound of Loki’s sobs ever again.

Once in the Entrance Hall, he hesitantly tucked the Slytherin scarf around his neck. There was only a vague scent of pine and mint now, but he took a deep breath before entering the Great Hall. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, seeing Loki again after what had transpired, but his steely determination kept telling him that _things had to move forward_.

Only, Loki was nowhere to be seen. He poured a goblet full of pumpkin juice ready for him, considering all the things he could say. He hoped a new day in the Room of Requirement, sat companionably before the fire, would be enough to cheer Loki up. At some point during the next hour, when Gellert looked up from his book, a different Slytherin appeared to greet him. The one who had interrupted them yesterday, looking for his quill. Gellert waited politely.

“Hi,” the Slytherin boy said, appearing slightly nervous. “We’ve not met. I’m Drake.” He held out his hand, and Gellert took it to shake.  
  
“Gellert Grindelwald.” He didn’t feel like smiling today, and he hoped the boy wouldn’t sit down in Loki’s usual seat. “Can I help you?”

“Oh- sorry,” Drake grinned, a sheepish glimmer in his eyes. “I just wanted to pass on a message from Loki. He asked me to tell you he’s not feeling well, and that he’ll meet you later.”

_He probably didn’t sleep well either_, Gellert reasoned. He nodded at Drake, thanked him, then made his way to the Library. Loki would no doubt find him there at some point: _later_ was quite a vague estimation of time. But then lunch came, and went, and by the time the evening meal had ended, Gellert couldn’t help but wonder if _later_ meant a much longer period of time.

After dinner, he visited the Room of Requirement. Just to check. When he discovered that Loki wasn’t there either, he sank into one of the armchairs with a sigh. The day had passed by like so many days before: peaceful, alone, with his research and his books. But now that he had been spoiled with Loki’s excellent company, with them laughing together and sharing in their interests and excitement, it all had felt rather… _mundane_ in comparison. He had eight months left at Hogwarts… and unrequited crush or not, he wanted to spend them with Loki. His jealousy would make him bitter, but his days with Loki had been some of the happiest of his life yet.

In was with that thought lodged in his mind that he aimlessly directed his wand into the room. _Expecto Patronum._ He thought about the way Loki’s eyes crinkled when he laughed… the way his hair would sometimes spill onto his forehead, and then wave it away in irritation… the sound of his laughter. _Expecto Patronum. _The Room itself seemed to grow warmer, the firelight a beacon of hope. It had been here they had discovered the location of the Cloak._ Expecto Patronum. _Suddenly, something large and four-legged burst from the tip of his wand; Gellert immediately sat up, his heart beating wildly. A wolf. A Siberian wolf, with one eye glowing much brighter than the other - just like him - tilted her head to one side as if to say _hello_. 

“I did it,” he whispered to himself. He reached out his hand, and at contact, the wolf started to fade. _I wish Loki was here._

Just before curfew, he decided to visit the Owlery again to write a letter: short and to the point.

_Loki,_

_I heard that you weren’t feeling well. I hope you feel better soon._

His quill paused above the parchment. He thought about telling him about his Seer abilities, about his Patronus. Instead, he added _I missed you today,_ and included one of his Chocolate Frogs with the letter before sending it out.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

The letter found him as he was lying in his bed. He was exhausted; he hadn’t cried this much before, not even when Cedric told him their relationship — as they were —, was over. He gently stroked the owl, then gave her from the special treat he had saved for them, which she happily ate while Loki opened the letter. The Chocolate Frog fell in his lap as he did.

His lips trembled again as he read the last sentence. Gellert certainly didn’t make it easy for him. _He missed me **as a friend,**_ he told himself, he told his _stupid, **idiot,**_ hopeful, heart. Sniffling quietly, he still had the letter in his hand as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. When he gathered himself properly, he shuffled over to his desk and wrote a letter in reply.

_Gellert,_  
I’m sorry, I had minor difficulties I had to sort out. I’ll be at the Great Hall tomorrow morning.  
Sleep well.

Loki sniffled again as he folded the letter, then thought about the way he tried to persuade himself to make up his mind. He made two lists. **_Stay friends _**and **_Break contact_**. Then he started to write down things to both lists. Ironically, the passage _I love him_ was present on both lists, and eventually, **_Stay friends_** won. He just couldn’t bring himself to never see Gellert again, and not just because he promised he’d follow his lead. It was so much more. Loki shook his head as he tied the reply to the owl’s leg. She sat unusually still, and Loki knew she wanted another bite of his special treat. He smiled at the blinking owl, pet her, then gave her one more peace of what she wanted before he let her go on her way.

He then sat on the edge of his bed, listened to the other boys’ snoring and mumbling in their sleep, with Gellert’s hallows medal in his hand; his thumb stroked the circle over and over again as he stared forward. A Slytherin rarely was loyal to someone else; they usually put themselves forward, and they were their own best companion… but when a Slytherin happened to decide to be loyal to_ another…_ they were loyal to the bone. And Loki knew what he needed to do, because there was no way he’d break his given word.

He’d help Gellert find the hallows. **_Then, _**he’d break contact.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He heard the gentle tap against the circular window just as he was about to drift off to sleep. He unlatched the window only briefly enough to take the letter, then shut the window again. It was freezing outside. The owl hooted softly and took off over the lake, presumably back to the shelter of the Owlery.

He waited, listening. He could still hear Elias and Petyr’s soft breathing; the sudden cold draught hadn’t woken them. Carefully unfolding the letter, he nestled into his pillow to read: he could just make out the words in the moonlight. _Minor difficulties?_ He wondered what that meant. Again his mind went to Thor. If he’d injured Loki again, there was no force in the world that could stop him from getting revenge. He slotted the letter against the wall to fall down the side of his bunk, to join the others. He’d put it in his bag with the others tomorrow.

The next morning, after he’d washed and dressed (this time in sleek silver-grey robes that strangely matched his lighter eye), he walked quickly up the hill to the castle. It was Sunday, and the sky was as gloomy as ever. As he approached the stairs to the Entrance Hall, his pulse quickened. He could remember standing on the bottom step with Loki, drenched with rain and laughing. He had almost kissed him. _What would have happened if I had?_ he wondered. That was a vision that had frustratingly escaped him.

“So reading in the quidditch stands was just a one time thing, then?” came a voice from behind him, and he turned to meet Stefanie’s eager, dark eyes. She was wearing make up, her lashes appearing much longer than usual. He smiled, his hand coming up to his hair (as it always did when someone looked at him like **that**).

“Not intentionally,” he answered, struck with the idea that Stefanie might have been waiting for him in the stands. “I’ll likely go back at some point. Did you have another fight with Elias?” he asked, allowing her to walk beside him.

“No,” she answered, although she didn’t sound certain. “We kind of broke up after the last one. He’s not speaking to me.” She paused to look over her shoulder, and waved. Lina Becker, her best friend, was catching her up from the ship. Gellert raised an eyebrow, sure he knew what was coming next.

“I’d be surprised if he asks me to the ball now,” she added, none too subtly. “I’m honestly not sure who I’ll go with.”

Gellert couldn’t help it: he grinned. “I’m sure you’ll find someone, Stef. A beauty like you?” He winked. “Good luck.” And he melted into the crowd of Hogwarts students before Stefanie’s blush reached her ears.

The breakfast tables seemed unusually crowded this morning, as though everyone had woken at the same time. He nudged his way to the usual table, his eyes searching. **There.** Without preamble, his heart jumped at Loki’s eye contact.

“Oh look… it’s the suffering patient,” he joked with a soft smile, and slid onto the bench, adjacent to Loki. _It’s so good to see you_, he wanted to say. His chest twinged with the same bitter-sweetness that always accompanied his butterflies. He unwound the scarf from his neck. “How are you feeling?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki made extra sure he looked as good as possible. He told himself he was over it all; he’d be able to separate his feelings from his _Project Hallows_. He washed and combed his hair backwards, and made sure his uniform was perfect.

He would **_not_** let his feelings get the better of him.

This determination, of course, lasted until he saw Gellert come in. The boy was simply breathtaking, and Loki had to realise that missing an entire day out didn’t fade his affections… it **_enhanced_** them. And the sight was nothing compared to what he felt when Gellert spoke. _I missed his voice_, he thought desperately, then he felt Gellert’s scent, and his heart skipped a beat, _fuck’s sake, **why?!**_

“Better.”

He nodded curtly, feeling tense all of sudden. Did he need to explain? No… he still had his privacy, he hoped. He grabbed his goblet to sip from his juice.

“How was your day yesterday? Did you do anything fun?”

He figured it’d be best to avoid the topic of the ball altogether.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert waited for Loki to elaborate, but it became clear pretty quickly that he wasn’t going to share anything further. He selected a few slices of toast and butter, slightly stung.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said, but his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He wasn’t sure why Loki would shut himself off now, especially as they’d already shared so much to each other. Opening up had been the one thing Gellert had struggled with above all else, and Loki’s sudden emotional walls made him want to build his own back up.

_I shouldn’t have asked such personal questions the other day,_ he thought, frustrated at his own misreadings of the situation. If Loki preferred their friendship to be based strictly on business from now on, he would follow suit.

“Just the usual,” he admitted, his fingers unconsciously going towards his necklace - only to realise it wasn’t there. “Although I did manage to conjure a Patronus,” he admitted, allowing himself a moment of pride. “I’m not sure I’d have managed it as quickly without your help… so thanks.” He held back, unwilling to touch Loki even though his instincts were screaming otherwise. He cleared his throat, his eyes going back to his plate. He felt like something had broken between them, somehow. Like a _light_ had gone out.

“Will you be researching with me today, or do you have more homework to do?” His question was slightly abrupt, but sincere. His mismatched eyes still met Loki’s with unconcealed warmth.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

_Conceal, _he thought,_ think of something else and just smile. Like everything is okay._

“You managed to produce a corporeal Patronus?” He echoed, surprised, “that’s wonderful! And you’re welcome, I’m glad if I helped. How does it look like?”

He felt a painful stab at his heart when he thought that Gellert probably didn’t have a snake as he did. There was no link between them which would change either of their Patronuses… why did he even think Gellert’s would be like his in the first place? Loki got himself some bacon and omelette instead. _Food,_ he thought desperately, _concentrate on the food._

“Mm”, he hummed when he started to eat his bacon. The food definitely tasted _better _here, and he wrote it up to the company. “Research sounds good, yes. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I think I’m missing something which is right before my eyes, I just don’t know, what.”

He furrowed his brows as he quickly devoured the food. He didn’t want to be here when Sophie finally got up, because he’d be forced to think about that damned Yule Ball again. He wanted to lock it **_out _**of his mind. So far, he wasn’t successful. He wanted to ask Gellert so badly who’d he choose; to see if the boy’s tastes were really _that_ far away from Loki’s looks. The thought that Gellert didn’t think of him as ‘hot’ still hurt tremendously. But he’d cope… he told himself. _I am the damned descendant of Salazar Slytherin,_ he picked up his goblet and raised his chin in defiance,_ I **can **and **will **move on!_

“Thank you for the Chocolate Frog, though”, he added and smiled at Gellert again, his heart skipping a beat when he saw that one blue eye that always took his breath away, “Salazar Slytherin was in it. I keep it in my robe’s inner pocket. Oh, and I’ll give you back your necklace, it’s been a week already”, he added, noticing a minute before how Gellert reached for it instinctively.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He only smiled. “I’ll show you when we get up there.” He vainly thought his Patronus was _pretty cool_.

He ate his breakfast alongside Loki, noticing that Stefanie and Lina kept looking over from the other end of the table. He’d already had his fun with Stefanie last year, but she clearly wasn’t over him. _Could_ he go with her to the ball? She was beautiful, and quite smart, but her banal gossip had quickly tired him. He supposed there’d be no surprises, at least: he already knew her, and she hung onto his every word with minimal effort. Although he doubted Elias would be too happy with him.

Thoughts of the ball instantly left his head when Loki spoke to him again. His soft voice had an almost hypnotic effect sometimes, like a snake charmer enchanting him into a trance. Late at night, he’d already imagined what that voice would sound like if they were together, alone, close… afterwards. A slight blush crept into his cheeks as he remembered himself.

“Oh. Yeah, I suppose it’s been over a week now. Thanks.” He accepted his necklace graciously, then handed back the scarf. It probably smelled more of _him_ now.

“It’s a shame, really,” he added, unable to stop himself. Even in the midst of heartbreak, his flirtation skills refused to die. “It suited you.” Inwardly, he thought about getting another one made for Loki as a gift. _It would make a good Christmas present_, he thought, biting his lip. _A purely professional present,_ he corrected firmly.

“So are you telling me,” he started as they climbed the stairs to the top floor. “That I accidentally gave away a rare card?” He pretended to sigh in disappointment, then reached out towards Loki’s inner pocket. “Maybe I should steal it back,” he teased.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

There it was again. Gellert was looking at girls **_again_**. Loki started to feel terribly jealous. It was worse than sadness, because he glanced up at the — **_two!_** — girls and already swept through his potions arsenal in mind what to use on both of them.

Perhaps one which made them vomit? Or the one which would give them a nice diarrhea…? Perhaps his Potent Pain one… even one drop would make them suffer for hours as if they’re under the effects of the Cruciatus curse, except the potion itself was so strong it didn’t wear off easily and had no cure _at all_. If he gave it to anyone, they’d have to wait for it to be over.

He caught himself with these thoughts and he wasn’t happy about them at all. He felt suddenly ashamed. The girls didn’t know… how much Loki wanted to be in their place. He wondered if he was a girl, would Gellert like him more? Because, despite his careless sentence that he wasn’t picky, Loki only saw him checking out girls all the time.

He gently removed the necklace from around his neck and offered it to Gellert; and accepted his scarf after. He placed the latter in his lap and felt momentarily bad that Gellert would need to go back to his ship later with a bare neck.

He already missed the necklace. With it, at least he felt like he had a piece of Gellert with him all the time — he didn’t take it off, not even when he had his baths —, and now… there was nothing. Just him. Nothing special.

As they walked up the stairs he nearly snorted at Gellert’s tease, and playfully swatted the other’s hand away.

“Nu-uh! It’s mine”, he placed a hand over his own heart, where the card was. “We’re both Slytherins, you know. And a family sticks together, no matter what.”

Of course, he was joking, but he also was serious… since he really was Slytherin’s descendant. But Gellert wouldn’t know, he wouldn’t even suspect. Would anything be any different if he told the other who he was…? Loki shoved the idea away. No, he wouldn’t want anyone to like him because of his bloodline…

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert felt his heart simultaneously swell when Loki swatted his hand away: even that minimal contact was enough for him to crave more. If he could only slip his hand inside his cloak, feel the heat from his skin, push him into an empty classroom and-

_No,_ he thought, furiously. **_Enough!_** This friendship - personal or professional - would never work if he kept allowing his imagination to wander.

“Family. Right.” Gellert couldn’t help but sound bitter at that word. His own family had turned out to be a great disappointment. He supposed Aunty Bat was alright, but it was hard to keep his patience with her sometimes. He realised he still hadn’t replied to her letter, and made a mental note to. It wasn’t like she had much company these days.

The Room seemed to have made the fireplace slightly larger this time, as if it somehow knew that December was just around the corner. The corridors at Hogwarts were definitely getting cooler. Gellert removed his cloak and took out his research as usual; he whispered his unveiling spell so that it all came to life before him.

“Here, look,” he said, stepping into the middle of the room and brushing down his silver robes. He closed his eyes and concentrated for a second, imagining that feeling he’d had when he realised he’d found the Cloak. Loki’s awe; their combined excitement. Companionship and purpose and wonderful _belonging_.

“Expecto Patronum!”

His wolf bounded around the room in a great circle, leaving blue trails of magic in its wake. She stopped by the fireplace, threw back her head, and _howled_, sending shivers down Gellert’s spine. He glanced at Loki. With his attention diverted to his Patronus, it allowed Gellert a moment to admire him with a small sigh. Had he ever seen someone so attractive before, and with such an incredible mind too? As though the Patronus echoed his feelings, the wolf approached Loki and seemed to bow her head._ It knows_, Gellert thought with a smile. This light within his soul, given form - **_it knew he was falling for him_**.

The wolf vanished instantly; Gellert had dropped his wand, his face suddenly ashen pale. _I love him_, he thought, a strange terror coursing through his body. Only now, having had the thought occur to him entirely by accident, did he realise it.

He quickly recovered his wand from the floor, then stepped over to his desk, looking anywhere but at Loki. _Smooth, Gellert_. “I’ve got a slight headache again,” he lied, feeling his hand shake slightly as he put his wand away. “It’s throwing me off a bit.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki huffed at Gellert’s reply to the ‘family’ topic; apart from Frigga, Odin, Thor and himself, Gellert was the one and only to know that Loki didn’t have a proper family. He didn’t really belong anywhere… but Hogwarts was his home and his House was his family. The others, who wore the Slytherin emblem proudly. The snakes. _Allies._

Loki realised that this is the only form of family he’d ever get.

Upon reaching the Room, Loki dropped his bag, scarf and robe on the nearest armchair, as per the usual as he stared in the merrily crackling flames. He imagined, for a brief moment, how would it feel to be around Gellert when he married a woman. Perhaps that one he was looking at during breakfast. How Gellert would kiss her, hold her, smile at her… the thought made his eyes burn. He blinked quickly and glanced back at Gellert, smiling when he conjured his Patronus.

_He’d found a happy memory_, he thought to himself as he watched the wolf gracefully walk around in the room. _I’d bet it’s connected to that girl._ He’d found the wolf exceptionally beautiful, just as her caster, and all he could do was to let the smile spread on his face as he oberved her walking around the room. At the howl he quietly chuckled, then, when the wolf made her way to him, Loki reached out to touch her. Of course, he wouldn’t be able to. But the wolf’s mismatches eyes — just as Gellert’s — burned in his mind when they met his own.

Then, it disappeared. Loki blinked, confused; he didn’t know what happened, only saw Gellert walking over to the desk; his back to him.

“Your Patronus is amazing”, he said softly. _As beautiful as you are_, he wanted to say, but instead, he smirked. “I’ve told you that you can produce it. See? You have a pure heart.” He wanted to walk over and at least pat Gellert on the back for his achievement, but instead, he remained where he was and clasped his hands behind his back. “You have every reason to be proud of yourself”, he added, saying with these words _I’m so proud of you._ “Do you need a potion for your headache? I have some spare with me.”


	14. Chapter 14

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He tried his best to regain his composure, and look up at Loki with clear eyes. 

“Thank you, but I’ll be alright. It’s only a minor one.” He rubbed his forehead for effect, an entire string of German curses running through his mind. When he sat in his seat, he thought again about their _almost-moment_ in the rain, and swallowed uncomfortably. 

This was a first. Gellert had never loved anyone before. Not even close. _Pretending_ to love someone? Oh, he was excellent at that. He’d carelessly left behind a string of broken hearts throughout his teenage years. As soon as his lovers became needy, he would discard them. But nothing could have prepared him for this. Now **he** was the one with the broken heart. The one discarded. 

To take his mind off it - and pretend the moment had never occurred - he launched into his research with new resolve. The hours flew by (enjoyed mainly in comfortable silence, but the afternoon also included an hour-long enlightening discussion about Rappaport’s Law) and before they knew it, it was time for them to part again. It was always Gellert’s least favourite part of the day. After Loki bid him goodnight in the Entrance Hall, he walked outside into the cold night air, leaned against the castle wall, and sank down onto the grass. 

He felt like he needed to do something insane, like jump into the icy lake. He’d almost drowned in one once before, and maybe a quick, sharp shock was what his heart needed. 

On the ship, on his way back from the showers with his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, Sophia Allaman almost walked into him. She apologised to him in German, eyes downcast in embarrassment. It was the first time she had ever spoken to him; Gellert had always known that she held a candle for him, but had never brought himself to _use_ her like he had some of the others. There was something about Sophia’s shy quality that he found endearing. For a moment, he considered asking her to the ball. _What do I have to lose?_ he thought, a little fiercely. _The one I want is already taken. Stef can find someone else, and it’ll make Sophia happy. _But then-

“Gute nacht,” he said instead, brushing past her. It would have been a cruel act, not a kindess. Besides - it didn’t seem right to ask on the same day he realised he loved someone else.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki allowed himself to leave his eyes on Gellert as the other was concentrating on his books and notes. He figured this was the only thing he could do now; observe and admire him from afar.

Perhaps he could have that much.

The hours, of course, flew by, and it wasn’t hard to notice that Gellert truly had to have a headache, as his usual jokes and their banter were missing. He was worried, but Gellert said earlier he didn’t want his help, so he tried not to push it.

Although, once they bid each other goodbye, he just couldn’t help it. He wrote a short letter.

_Gellert,_  
I hope these will make your sleep better.  
Loki

He asked another Slytherin to let him use their barn owl and attached the letter and a few of his usual potion — the one to ease pain and grant a calm sleep —, then sent the owl on her way. He himself also used one of his brew; although his potion wouldn’t fix his broken heart, maybe he’d sleep better, too.

Time seemed to speed up. Loki had to practice dancing with Sophie for the ball, and he had to realise that the girl was really not his type. She kept chatting, gossiping, giggling about things and it didn’t take long for Loki to wish to be away from her. He seriously thought he wouldn’t survive the ball, especially if Gellert truly came with someone. They didn’t talk about it; Loki thought it’d be best if they ignored the topic altogether, but it was hard, as he was wondering, each time he looked at Gellert, that who might the boy choose. But all the time he couldn’t help but think how differently he’d wait for the Yule Ball if they went together, if Gellert was his date. He’d feel much more happier.

On 25th December, he woke up particularly gloomy. The box, wrapped in green paper with silver stripes on it, sat neatly on his desk. He stared at it as he was sitting on the edge of his bed. He thought about the mischief he had to perform in order to get everything he wanted for Gellert; the secret trip to Hogsmeade, disguised as Professor Snape, was a fun one. He chuckled quietly to himself when he remembered the surprised face of the cashier when he asked for a big box of Liquorice Wands. Perhaps she thought Professor Snape liked them. Or that he had a secret sweetheart he bought them for. Nevertheless, he kept Snape’s personality top notch all the time as he was wandering Hogsmeade for other gifts… he risked being caught just for Gellert. _I am insane,_ he decided as he got up, washed and got dressed, then put the rather big box away; his bag mysteriously swallowed it. As he bypassed a few windows he was thinking about finally asking Gellert to just _let’s go out and have a snowball fight_ for once. All this time, he didn’t dare to ask, as Gellert looked too focused on his research. But maybe today, he’d make an exception. He smiled to himself as he imagined that he wouldn’t play nice… and that he’d definitely tackle Gellert so they’d both fall in the snow. He literally could hear the boy’s laughter, and it made his cheeks pretty pink as he walked in the Great Hall.

_“Wow”_, it escaped him when he saw the decorations.

He always went home for Christmas with Thor, but not this year, obviously; and the tree, the decorations on it the hanging magical icicles, _everything — **everything **_was just perfect. He was still staring at the ceiling as he sat down at the Slytherin table, waiting for Gellert, a smile permanently stuck to his face.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The first week after Gellert’s revelation was the hardest. He took Loki’s potions every other night to keep himself well rested, but even then, the pages beneath him would blur with tiredness during the day. His mind kept switching off, and he kept making mistakes in his work, which led to him having to redo an entire four scroll essay on Ancient Runes. He took a break from his research, letting Loki continue alone for a few days, blaming Karkaroff for his absence. He was determined to appear as normal as he could for Loki’s benefit - and for his own pride. And yet, he spent much more time lying aimlessly in his bunk, rubbing his dark-circled eyes.

_I am no fit person to love,_ he’d thought vehemently. _What use is love when all it does is harm?_

The start of December brought wind and sleet to Hogwarts, matching the ice in Gellert’s heart. The fires and thick walls of the castle were a blessing compared to the icy draughts on the Durmstrang ship; it pitched in the high winds, creaking and groaning, and the sails billowed loudly and often in the night. He spent his first night in the castle (his plan had been executed perfectly) and awoke the following day filled with new purpose. He was glad to have something else to turn his attention to; it was much more difficult to wallow in self pity when he had a world to change.

He returned from dinner one day to find several letters for him on the ship. Responses from his contacts: all eager to hear what he had to say. He’d shared the letters with Loki, of course, and explained his scheme: that he was to leave the grounds for the entire day at the weekend, and Loki was to cover for him if needed. The support the other boy gave him was like a flaming beacon, showing him the way and keeping him moving forwards. _We’re still in **this** together,_ he kept reminding himself.

His first rally went so well that he organised another the following weekend - and by the time he slipped back onto the ship’s deck beneath the stars, mist sparkling across the frozen lake, he’d almost completely forgotten about the Yule Ball. **If he could gain the love of his followers so easily, did he truly need love from anyone else?**

“Where have you been all day?” a voice had suddenly asked, making him turn and lean against the railings. It was Stefanie, of course. The girl had taken to sitting on his table in the library every time he was there, and sidling up to him at odd, random moments. He could teach her a thing or two about subtlety, about wearing a mask and playing a part. She was very bad at hiding her intentions.

“I was looking for you,” he lied, smoothly. Stefanie laughed uncertainly, enjoying his answer despite knowing he was lying to her face. “It’s beautiful at night, isn’t it?” She turned to look up to the castle, pulling her cloak tight against the biting air. “Do you think you’ll miss it, when we have to go back?”

Gellert followed her gaze. There was a cold look in his mismatched eyes as he studied the turrets of the highest floors. “No,” he lied again, his voice silky. “There’s nothing here that interests me.” _Apart from one person. The rest of what I want is beyond those walls, outside, in the world._ His future was calling to him like never before.

Stefanie misunderstood his words; the look in her eyes as she turned back to him was of hope and relief. _She thinks I’m telling her I’m not romantically interested in anyone at Hogwarts._ In that moment, he almost felt sorry for her. She looked at him, how he had looked at Loki. She was blind to the truth: that when he looked back into her dark eyes, he felt nothing.

“You really do have… very… pretty eyes,” she said, breathing out in a small laugh at her own daring, and blushed. Gellert gazed back at her, unsmiling, but brought his fingers to her chin to tilt her face to him.

“I know.” He said, then leaned down and kissed her. His pulse quickened slightly, his body touch-starved after months of pining for Loki - but his chest remained hollow, the butterflies in his stomach dead. Stefanie pulled him into her, her fingers in his blonde hair, and Gellert could feel her heart beating against him. For her, this was a dream come true. For him, it was only a study of his own character. _Am I still able to puppet-master when in love?_ he wondered. _Can I still live a lie when my soul knows the truth?_

In the days leading up to Christmas Day, snow began to fall thickly upon the castle and its grounds. The Durmstrang ship’s portholes glazed with ice, and the rigging turned white with frost. The kitchens were serving rich, warming stews and savoury puddings at dinner - almost served hot enough to warm Gellert’s cold heart. _Almost_. He avoided Stefanie whenever he could, but ever since he had finally given in and asked her to the Ball, she wouldn’t shut up about it.

_What colour will you be wearing? I want to match. Will you style your hair the way I love? Do you think this necklace will match my shoes better, or this one? I’ll wear the bracelet you bought when we dated. Do you think it’s true that the Weird Sisters will play later on?_

“_Bitte die Klappe halten…_” he murmured on Christmas Eve as they sat together in the recreation room on the ship. Thankfully, Stefanie was Bulgarian, and only knew Bulgarian and Russian. He excused himself early, and drew the drapes around his bed (blocking out Elias’ glare from the opposite bunk, who most certainly had **not** forgiven him for agreeing to take Stefanie to the Ball). Loki’s gift had arrived a few days earlier: a sleek silver chain and a new hallows icon, the circle a snake with an emerald eye. It was enclosed in a dark green velvet pouch, and Gellert placed it safely in his cloak pocket the following morning.

The Great Hall had gone the extra mile with the Halloween decorations, so Gellert wasn’t surprised when he saw the glistening icicles and sparkling decorations. His eyes were instead drawn to the boy at the Slytherin table, whose childlike expression at the enchanted ceiling stuttered his heart. He walked over, a smile growing on his lips.

“Merry Christmas.” He unfastened his cloak with a flourish, the velvet pouch already in his hand. He held it out for Loki to take. “You’re not about to burst into carol singing, are you?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

The wait was pretty short, and Loki almost wished he had the time to still watch the magical snow fall up in the ceiling (just as it did outside) for a bit more, but then he looked at Gellert and his smile widened at once.

_Why did my heart choose him?_ He wondered for the billionth time. _The room is full of others, I could have anyone if I really wanted, why him? Why the unapproachable, unreachable, unattainable? Love is cruel._

“Would it bother you?” The smile evolved into an evil smirk, and he couldn’t help it. “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year~” He chuckled quietly and glanced up at the ceiling again, with beaming eyes and smile. “I’ve never stayed here for Christmas before. I really love the icicles, and the tree and the decorations…” He glanced at Gellert, still beaming. “At Durmstrang, do you have decorations like this? With trees and magical icicles?”

He had his doubts that at the school where they taught Dark Arts, they’d sing Christmas carols, but who knew? Loki wouldn’t judge. He poured himself hot chocolate, and for Gellert, too, offering the other mug for his friend.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As always, Loki’s smile seemed to brighten the entire room. The simplicity of it was unsettling: the notion that Loki wielded power over him. He sat down on the bench beside him, surprised at just how many students were already there, dotted about the tables and enjoying breakfast with their friends.

“You’re a dork,” he said, but the fondness in his tone was unmistakable.

The Slytherin was so busy singing (at which Gellert snorted in laughter), that he failed to even notice what Gellert was offering out to him. Instead, he placed the velvet pouch in front of Loki’s mug of hot chocolate.

“Here. This is for you.” He pulled his own mug of hot chocolate closer, warming his hands on it. “We have decorations, but nothing too extravagant. I’m not sure our professors would put in as much effort as this,” he admitted, anxious to keep talking while Loki opened his present. It felt easier to distract himself. “Although we did have frost enchanted across the walls one year, all crafted in delicate patterns… with glowing lanterns in red and green… and, um, mistletoe. Holly. The usual.”

_Stop rambling,_ he berated himself, taking a sip of his drink instead.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Oh?”

Loki looked puzzled at the little, green, velvet pouch. He honestly didn’t expect Gellert to buy him anything; and now, he felt a bit bad because what he prepared was, well… a bit too much in comparison. He hoped Gellert wouldn’t feel bad because of it. He picked up the small pouch with a smile nevertheless, and hummed at Gellert’s replies, completely missing the fact the boy felt nervous.

“I didn’t know we’d give each other gifts”, he lied, but mischief was shining in his eyes as he pulled out the necklace. He looked briefly surprised; how quaint… their minds ticked the same way… “Sadly, I can’t give anything in return, but I really appreciate the gesture, Gellert.”

He smiled at his friend before he pulled out and saw the medal. His heart skipped a beat. The hallows seemed to interest Gellert the most (and girls, after), and seeing how he’d managed to get Loki’s **_everything_** into it was brilliant. The Slytherin let the medal slip into his hand, and for a few seconds, he went very, very quiet.

The snake was shaped in a way that it represented the Resurrection Stone according to Gellert’s symbol. This was so very fitting, as Loki wanted the Stone the most, so he could finally meet his parents. And the snake, for Loki, was everything; his House’s animal, his Patronus, his… animagus form… linked all back to Salazar Slytherin…

“I love it”, he said quietly before he donned the same beaming smile and glanced at his friend. His eyes held the unmistakable emotion of gratitude and appreciation. He opened the necklace and put it around his neck; letting it sit on the top of his robes. “I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

He hesitated for a moment, his hand twitching before he reached for his mug. Loki swallowed and banished the wish of wanting to just hug his friend, hold him close, and tell him what he truly felt.

_In a different world I’m kissing you right now,_ he thought, and his smile turned sad.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert shook his head with a small smile, not minding that Loki hadn’t got him anything in return: it was enough to see his friend’s face light up with delight. He’d put a lot of thought into the gift, and had specified the details as much as he could in the letter to the bespoke jewellery maker.

“It’s bewitched,” he told him, leaning in close to hold up the icon now hanging from Loki’s neck; the emerald eye of the snake seemed to almost glow. “It carries a special defensive charm which helps protects the wearer from physical and magical attacks.” He let it drop back to his chest, his eyes flicking back up to meet Loki’s. “Your brother will have a nasty shock the next time he tries to hit you.”

He smirked, taking a victorious sip of his hot chocolate. This was all he had wanted: Loki’s smile, and his company, sat comfortably before a roaring fire. It would only be a matter of time before the moment would be interrupted though: he could see Petyr Poliakoff and Lina Becker lingering with a Ravenclaw student by the Great Hall doors, which meant Stefanie wouldn’t be too far behind them.

“Do you have any plans for today?” he asked Loki, turning all of his attention back to him. He wished everyone else would just disappear. “I mean… before the Ball.” He held his mug slightly tighter. It was the first time in weeks that either of them had even mentioned it.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

When Gellert leaned closer and held the medal up, pulling on the necklace, Loki, for a moment, thought to himself… **_fuck_**_ the consequences, he drank hot chocolate and his lips are so inviting I just have to—_

** _Stop this._ **

Loki’s tongue quickly swept across his thin lips when Gellert said it was bewitched. Funny thing, huh… how very funny… someone from **_Durmstrang_**, where they knowingly taught **_Dark Arts_**, someone many others thought dangerous and ‘definitely better to avoid’, charmed the necklace of his friend to protect him.

_He’s attached to me_, Loki realised. He should’ve known by Gellert’s letter a few weeks ago (“I missed you today”), but it came as quite the shock; Loki never tried to manipulate Gellert… how did this happen? _He **wants** me safe._ He felt warmth in his cheeks at the thought.

“I’ll be in the Come and Go Room”, Loki decided as he smirked at Gellert, perfectly covering how nervous he became at even the mentioning of the ball. He had no idea who did Gellert pick, but he had his suspicions. His ex he talked about… or one of his ex’s friends… logical assumption. “I was planning to take some sweets with me, listen to some Christmas songs… and if you come, I’ll win at chess again”, he challenged with a chuckle.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert grinned, even at the taunt. “That sounds perfect.”

To his relief, they finished their breakfast and left the Great Hall before Stefanie had even made an appearance; Lina cast him a glance as he passed her on the bench, as though she disapproved of him spending time with Loki on Christmas morning, and not with her friend.

“Merry Christmas!”

Some young Gryffindor students passed them, calling it out to everyone they passed. Gellert couldn’t help but smile at their infectious joy. The entire castle seemed warm and merry - and they even passed Professor McGonagall with some tinsel decorating her hat. Gellert caught Loki up with the events of the last rally, including some letters that had arrived from more interested parties. Slowly but surely, it was beginning to feel like a real movement.

But today wasn’t about the hallows research, or the rallies: Gellert knew they could both do with a day off.

The Room of Requirement - at his own request for Christmas decorations - was glittering with tinsel and lanterns; a giant tree stood in the corner, adorned with baubles made of every colour of the rainbow. Holly, berries and ribbon all dangled from the ceiling, like a grotto. Most importantly though, were the armchairs and pillows, complete with a chess table between them.

“Are we even?” Gellert asked, shrugging off his cloak as usual. He wore his festive red robes today. “Or is it 12-11 to you?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki smiled at the Gryffindors and returned the wish, ruffling up the hair of a boy before they started walking up the stairs. He listened to Gellert with curiosity; it seemed that people agreed to his ideas, and it was definitely a good sign.

He let Gellert ask for the Room; he liked to be a wee bit surprised at how the boy would make it look like, and he wasn’t disappointed today. Perhaps Gellert should’ve attended Hogwarts; he definitely liked all the decorations and everything else, the shiny things and — **_AHA!_** A _tree!_ Now he’d just… need to… slip the box he had for Gellert under it…

“Even??” Loki snorted as he got his robes off and put the bag surprisingly gently next to his armchair. He had a crisp white shirt on as always, but above it, his waistcoat was bottle-green, with golden snakes embroidered on it. Oh, but there was a twist; the snakes slowly _moved_. Loki loved it, and he put it on very rarely. Knowing that he’d spend today mainly with Gellert, he donned it. Just for him. Just for today. “You **_wish_** we were even!” He sat down and unbuttoned his sleeves to roll them up on his arms. It was a bit too warm for him at the moment. He turned the chessboard, so he was with the black figures. “The Light starts… and falls, as always”, he teased Gellert with a smirk.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Whilst Loki was distracted with unbuttoning his sleeves, Gellert cast a glance towards him. He always admired how Loki always appeared so efficiently dressed, so elegantly fashionable; he was sure he’d never seen that particular waistcoat before, and it was exceptionally eye-catching. It brought out Loki’s eyes to a startling hue, and coupled with his new necklace, he’d reached a whole new level of _tempting_.

But Gellert knew he had to control himself. Spending time with Loki was like casually sipping poison from a vial: he knew it would hurt him, but he still chose to do it. He only hoped (as was the nature of attraction) that his feelings would gradually fade before the close of the year; surely the novelty of those beautiful, captivating eyes would dissipate, and the sound of Loki’s smooth, eloquent voice would cease to set his blood on fire.

Gellert swallowed, and quickly managed to control his imagination before it went to the place it often went to at night. Loki hadn’t noticed his flirtatious appraisal, so there was no harm done. Once he was sat across from him, Gellert sculpted his own expression into one of mild scepticism.

“Those are bold words from someone who’s been beaten by the light side a number of times,” he shot back, matching Loki’s smirk. This is how they worked: there was a competitive energy between them, but it was mixed with playful teases and genuine awe for the other’s talent.

After about ten minutes of concentrated silence, Gellert cast his mind around for conversation. He had already vowed to steer clear of truly personal questions, per Loki’s reaction to it last time._ Strictly professional,_ Gellert kept reminding himself. But he wasn’t exactly fond of small talk either. It occurred to him that he’d never asked Loki about his wand.

“You mentioned the idea of us visiting wandmakers in the summer,” he started, his thumb trailing over his bottom lip. “Where did you get yours from?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Darkness always wins in the end”, Loki teased lightly as he watched the other starting the game as soon as he sat down.

Loki loved how they spent time together; how he could forget himself for a few seconds as Gellert was thinking and focusing on the problem before him. The Slytherin admitted to himself that the fact he’d lost a few times happened because he was lost in Gellert’s mismatched eyes. It was a lovely thought how Gellert himself was made of light and dark; even his eyes, as his Patronus’s, was chocolate brown and sky blue. When the others were asleep he'd in his dorm he’d play with the idea how those eyes would look at him if Loki lay beneath, vulnerable, and very, **_very_** _naked…_

The Slytherin swallowed. It’d never happen, he knew, but it was good to imagine. He suddenly found the Room much hotter. At Gellert’s casual question, Loki placed one of his pieces forward, then hummed. He hadn’t planned that far. If things proved to be too painful for him, he’d do anything to break contact with Gellert. He didn’t want to do this… but a Slytherin would always look at the pros and cons, and if it was possible, they always protected themselves from pain. After all… it was only himself he had in the world. He couldn’t count on anyone else, in the end, it seemed.

“I bought it from Ollivander at Diagon Alley”, he replied calmly, his emerald eyes lifting back up to look in Gellert’s mismatched ones. He had to force his sigh back. Why was this boy so breathtaking? “If you ask me, he’s a little bit odd, but he might have a clue, it’d definitely worth a look.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

“That’s rather grim and fatalistic of you,” he observed, but he grinned. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

At Loki’s answer to his question, he nodded. Ollivander - of course. He’d read that name hundreds of times before; the family name was renowned as being the best wandmakers in Britain for hundreds of years. Gellert would definitely be interested in speaking to the current Ollivander in the future.

“Gregorovitch didn’t do too badly for me,” he said, pulling out his wand to coolly twirl between his fingers. It was an unusual colour - almost silver-white. “But he doesn’t have the same reputation as Ollivander.”

_Dragon heartstring, silver lime, 12 and ¾ inches, rigid_. The words were imprinted in his mind. His wand was powerful and loyal, and looking at it now, he felt a flicker of guilt for knowing how quickly he would discard it once he won the Elder Wand.

As lunchtime neared (and at least half of their pieces had been taken), Gellert pulled out the food he’d brought in preparation so they could take a break. It was difficult to say who was winning. He tossed Loki a pumpkin pasty, then turned sideways so that he could stretch his long legs out over the armrest. _It may be mundane,_ he thought, _but if he’s with me, mundane doesn’t seem so bad._

He vaguely wondered what Stef was doing. It was possible she’d already start getting ready for the ball in another hour or so. His stomach twisted unpleasantly at the thought. His own dress robes were ready for him back on the ship, along with the new belt and adornments he’d purchased at the same time as Loki’s gift. He’d need a good hour or so himself to prepare. Despite not taking his first choice to the dance, he still wanted to impress: he had a reputation to uphold, after all.


	15. Chapter 15

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki eyed the wand Gellert pulled out of his pocket to show it. The Slytherin found it a bit alarming that his own wand, as well, was just as light as Gellert’s. He reached in his waistcoat’s inner pocket and pulled out his own as well with a smile. Dragon heartstring, aspen, 13 inches, springy.

“I want another one made”, he commented lightly with a smile. “I love my wand, but I want one which has horned serpent horn as a core.”

The reason behind that was that with horned serpent horn as a core they’d be sensitive to Parseltongue and also would warn it’s owner by emitting a low musical tone. Loki found both very useful in his case. He was also thinking of shedding a scale himself in his animagus form and put _that _in a wand; perhaps one day, he’d be able to try how that would work.

As lunch came around, he saw the path to his victory, although he was thinking about letting Gellert win. He battled with both sides for a while; letting Gellert win would be considered cheating, but if he lost, Loki would be able to cheer him up with the box. The thought made him smile as he thanked the pasty and ate it.

“I’ll have to go at six”, he muttered as he finished eating, “I have to get ready.”

He didn’t want to go; if there was no stupid ball, he would’ve spent the day in here with Gellert. But he promised Sophie and she’d never forgive him, which in turn would make half of his class angry at him. It’d be best if he went as well. He guessed he’d be able to survive it… maybe.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert tilted his head in curiosity at Loki’s admittance to wishing for a new wand. He’d researched deeply into wand core lore in his quest for the elder wand, and had read about the connotations associated with horned serpent horn. _Useful for Parselmouths._ He looked down at Loki’s waistcoat, and let his mind tick on its own. It was a fantastic idea, but he wouldn’t ask outright - and Loki would probably lie to him anyway. Everyone had secrets, after all.

After their lunch, the game became much more intense: Gellert almost let the white queen be taken by one of Loki’s castles, purely because his gaze had been too intent on studying the way a few strands of Loki’s hair would slowly fall in front of his face whenever he frowned.

_Concentrate,_ he thought firmly, his gaze always returning to the chessboard before Loki noticed. Still, the firelight continued to flicker attractively on Loki’s sharp, pale features, and Gellert quietly admired him every time it was Loki’s turn. The moments felt almost… _lonely_… as though he were looking through the glass of a shop window at something much too exquisite and expensive for him to ever capture.

He took his time contemplating his next move. Normally, he’d reach a point where he’d become overconfident and reckless; this time, he took a leaf out of Loki’s book and took an extra few minutes to check. _Then check again._

He smiled, slowly, then reached out to nudge his remaining bishop beside his queen.

“Checkmate.” He said. He felt a rush of satisfaction, but it was followed by a strange terror: with their game now over, the Ball suddenly loomed, large and dark, at the edge of his mind. _Now we’re even,_ he realised. They were so well matched, in many ways. The even ground between them felt like the constant ebb and flow of the tide; a force between ocean and shore. _And like the ocean, I keep on coming back to him._

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

It was hard to concentrate with the thoughts of the oncoming ball and also the fact that Gellert won’t attend it with him. But then, a bitter thought ‘why would he’ crossed his mind, and he doubled his efforts to win the game instead.

He couldn’t have Gellert. Perhaps in another life, he’d be luckier.

The other’s efforts though made him realise that he wasn’t in the right mind to notice the steadily approaching lose immediately; only at his last move did he lean back and thought to himself, **_fuck_**_. He beat me. **Again.**_

He hummed, though, at Gellert’s checkmate, and glanced back up at the boy with a mischievous smirk.

“Well, then. We’re even, friend. Congratulations.”

He leaned forward again and grabbed his bag, then _accio’_d the box he had prepared for Gellert the night before. The emerald green, silver-striped paper looked shiny in the light of the Room as he offered it to Gellert with both hands.

“I guess you’ve earned it, then”, he teased, hoping the other knew he would’ve gave it to him anyway, even if he lost; as a compensation of sorts. “Merry Christmas”, he chuckled.

The rather big box in his bag contained various gifts; as Gellert took and opened it, the first thing he saw was a leather-wrapped, thick, empty notebook with lots of pages. Secondly, there was the box of Liquorice Wands; a hundred of them was in the box, so Gellert could eat them for quite a while. And last, at the bottom of the box, was a brand new Slytherin scarf; charmed, so it’d radiate more warmth than a normal scarf. Loki didn’t want Gellert to be cold all the time on their ship, and this way, he tried to help.

“The notebook has a twin”, he commented then, a bit nervously that he went too far, “I always felt like the owls were too slow, so I did a little research and made these. If you write something in yours, I’ll get the letter in mine. Just tap the ink with your wand and I’ll see it.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As soon as he caught sight of the green and silver wrapping paper, Gellert’s heart missed a beat - Loki had got him a Christmas gift after all! He eagerly accepted the box, the characteristic wild gleam in his eyes. He was used to _giving_ presents, not receiving them, so for a moment he almost felt like a young boy again.

Upon opening it, he noticed the notebook first, then the sweets and the scarf - and a wide smile spread across his face.

“You _didn’t_.” He plucked out the scarf and kneaded the wool with his fingers, amazed at the warmth seeping from it. Words failed him: Loki had already told him that his Hogwarts house was like his family, and offering this to Gellert - as though he were an honorary member - meant more to him than he could say.

Loki’s explanation about the notebook made him laugh. He’d **made** them. With his clever, brilliant mind, he had made them. And there were only two notebooks. This was a unique gift… for _him_, and only for him.

“I…” Gellert started, placing the gifts beside his chair and standing. “Thank you,” he tried again. He needed Loki to stand, because there was no way he couldn’t **_not_** give the boy a hug.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki still was nervous, even as he saw the utter joy on Gellert’s face, and the look he loved to see so much. That happiness, which he hoped only he could witness.

_Fat chance_, Loki thought. _His date will definitely make him happier in a few hours._ His emerald eyes followed Gellert’s movements as he got his hands on the scarf, smiling a bit at the gasp.

“Oh I _did_”, he purred. “That’ll keep you warm. And, besides, green looks very good on you. Especially with your blonde hair. And the silver stripes bring out your blue eye…”

Loki had a lot of time to look at Gellert in his scarf, and he memorized every amazing thing about it. It definitely suited the boy. He trailed off though as he watched Gellert stand up. He was confused for only a split second and he stood up as well.

“It’s really nothing”, he offered with a smile, still, fidgeting with his new necklace. “Nothing I’ve given you is really expensive or precious. Although it’s been fun acquiring them.”

He chuckled quietly at the memory of spending time as Snape in Honeydukes. _Definitely worth it_, he decided.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As soon as Loki stood, Gellert pulled him close and enveloped him in a warm hug.

He knew he shouldn’t breath him in, but he did it anyway. _This_. This was why Gellert didn’t wish to lose Loki as a friend. It was painful to know they could never be **more**, but when he’d imagined the alternative, he had felt even _worse_. He’d found something special in Loki, and he didn’t want to let that go.

When he pulled back, he briefly squeezed Loki’s shoulder.

“I’d wear the scarf tonight, if it didn’t clash with my outfit,” he joked. His hands dropped back down, and he fumbled nervously with his rings. They should probably leave soon. The preparations for the Yule Ball in the Great Hall would likely begin in another hour - and they still had to eat dinner before then.

The Durmstrang students had all planned to eat their evening meal together on the ship, so as to keep out of the way until it was time; Stefanie had already asked him to meet her there. Gellert wished he could renege on his promise, but there was no point in running forever.

“The other eleven students are having a sort of… pre-party get together on the ship,” he explained. There had already been talk of firewhisky, butterbeer and elf-made wine, all smuggled onto the ship. “Hopefully I’ll still be able to stand by the time the Ball actually _starts_…”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He did not want to let go.

The hug was as perfect as it was the last time, what felt now it was ages ago, when he was worried for Cedric. He closed his eyes and lowered his chin on Gellert’s shoulder, his arms snaking across the boy’s upper body to hold him as well. He didn’t even think, but breathed Gellert in. And didn’t want that moment to pass.

He wanted to stop the time, to freeze it, to end reality and to be frozen into that perfect moment. But it wouldn’t happen. Gellert would leave, and he’d need to deal with the ball and everything which came with it. The lingering, dancing, all the **_pretending…_**

He already hated it.

When Gellert pulled away he had a solemn expression on, one which melted into a smile as soon as the other explained how things would go.

“You better _stand, **proudly**_ for your school”, Loki cocked a brow. “This is the first Triwizard Tournament Yule Ball in two hundred years. Don’t miss it.”

He wanted to stroke Gellert’s perfect chin, but fought himself not to. The Slytherin rolled his sleeves back down.

“We better leave, then. Wouldn’t want you to get into trouble because of me”, he smiled a bit, even though he felt terrible that Gellert had to go; each time they parted, it felt like Gellert took a small piece of his heart with him, and Loki was afraid he’d become a hollow husk in the end.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

When Gellert left the Entrance Hall, his new scarf wonderfully warm against his skin, he hoped the night ahead wouldn’t be too difficult to withstand. He knew he’d have to greet Loki and Sophie at some point, but he hoped there would be enough entertainment to distract him. He even hoped Stefanie’s presence would help to steal his thoughts away - _anything_ to make it easier seeing Loki in the arms of another.

He survived the ‘pre-party’ with the other Durmstrang students with no trouble: after his second firewhisky, he even dared to **enjoy** himself. He wasn’t _real _friends with any of the people present - especially not Elias Hoffman - but he settled back into playing pretend very easily. As he laughed with them, he could almost convince himself that everything would be alright. _So what did it matter if his best friend had found someone who made him happy?_ He thought, letting Stefanie kiss him on the cheek as she left to get ready. He could handle it. He was _Gellert Grindelwald_. He could handle anything - especially something as soft and sentimental as a broken heart.

He left the recreation room soon after Stefanie, determined to make a memorable impression. Karkaroff had warned them all that Durmstrang **had** to shine tonight, and despite Gellert’s earlier misgivings on the Ball, he was still incredibly vain. He had always enjoyed the sensation of all eyes on him; perhaps that was why he felt _destined_ to be a leader, with followers hanging on to his every word. Tonight, he aimed to impress like never before.

All too soon, it was **time**. An area of lawn right in front of the castle had been transformed into a grotto full of fairy lights, with hundreds of living fairies sitting in the rose bushes conjured there. _How quaint,_ Gellert thought, smirking. He imagined there would be dozens of couples out here before too long, hidden away between the roses.

As was customary, the foreign students arrived moments after the Hogwarts students had been allowed inside the Hall. When the oak front doors to the Great Hall opened to emit the Durmstrang students, everyone turned to look. Krum and his pretty date entered first, and Karkaroff followed with the other students in tow. Stefanie held Gellert’s arm tightly, her head held high with pride.

On a normal day, Gellert was attractive. Tonight, his beauty was _aggressive_. It demanded a second look, and then perhaps a third and fourth; with the enchanted ballroom glow illuminating the planes and angles of his face, he was statuesque in a cold, almost terrifying way.

There wasn’t a single blonde hair out of place, and the strands almost shimmered, as though enchanted. The blood red tunic and cloak brought out the rose of his lips, balancing the almost militaristic appearance of the black trousers and boots. He wore his usual silver necklace and rings, and had matched them with a silver buckled belt. Stefanie, meanwhile, had chosen to compliment rather than match, and wore a shimmering silver dress that choked her body in all the right places. Her dark hair was entwined atop her head, her dark eyes subtly outlined in auburn, and a red sash trailed down her back. _If only I felt anything beyond the superficial,_ Gellert had mused when he’d seen her. Still, when the students began to mingle, he leaned down to press a cool, tender kiss to her temple. She smiled.

“You look stunning,” he murmured, and guided her through the crowd to where they could watch the Champions begin the Ball.

“Not as stunning as you,” she shot back, the corner of her painted red lips upturned.

Gellert pretended to think about it, then grinned back wickedly. “Well, yes, _obviously_.”

Before Stefanie could poke him in the side for teasing her, the two turned their attention to the centre of the ballroom floor: the Champions were ready. Gellert focused his attention on them - and on Cedric in particular, looking as handsome as ever. He was glad he hadn’t yet seen Loki within the crowd yet. Not that he was really making a real effort to _look_… he didn’t particularly want to rush the inevitable feeling of his chest tightening, like a snake had wrapped itself around his heart.

_And in a manner of speaking, one **had**._

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He wanted to listen to his inner voice and either get wrecked before the ball or not attend it at all.

If he hid in the Prefect’s bathroom he’d spent so much time last year, nobody would know. He could excuse himself, craft a pretty lie… or maybe he could just gently poison Sophie to have a mild tummy ache, so she wouldn’t be in the condition to attend it with him.

With deep sighs, Loki discarded every idea and just prepared himself. The mood of the others just didn’t want to stick to him. He remained cold and unaffected by the others’ excited chit-chat, the hint Gellert made revolving in his mind.

Perhaps he should have some alcohol, too? To ease his mind? Loki sighed as he tied his emerald cravat around his neck. **_No_**, he told himself firmly, _a clear mind, that’s what I need the most tonight. I might lose it much faster if I see Gellert otherwise._ His instincts told him Gellert would take an extra mile to look exquisite at the ball.

He smoothed down his pitch black shirt before he slipped on his emerald, silk taffeta waistcoat; he missed the Slytherin pin tonight, but instead, it was embroidered close to his heart to the left. He just couldn’t miss having the crest of Slytherin on his clothes; after all, if anyone had the rights to wear it proudly, it’d be him. The hallows medal he’d received as a gift from Gellert had been attached to the end of the chain of his pocket watch; he put it on in a way that it hung from the button of his waistcoat. It was shining with a mysterious light, and as Loki glanced at it, he stroked the snake with a smile. Last, he slipped up a dark green, velvet coat; as he buttoned it, he smiled when he noticed how _green_ he was. He combed his hair back so it’d look perfect, and glanced down at his black, shiny shoes, complete with his black trousers.

_I don’t want to go_, he thought to himself as he was nervously waiting for Sophie. She didn’t make him wait for so long; her white, delicate silk dress was adorned with tiny, shiny stars, so each time the flames kissed her dress, she looked astonishing. Her long, blonde hair was pinned up in a perfect bun, her makeup was simple, but well made.

She was beautiful. Loki noticed that all of the boys were staring at her when he offered her his hand.

“Shall we, ma'am?” He put on a dashing smile.

“Yes”, Sophie was already blushing when she saw him, but as her hand slipped in his, even her ears became as red as blood.

Loki felt ashamed for not being able to feel anything at all in her presence. She was beautiful, really, but it didn’t wake anything in him. The sight of her left him completely unbothered.

They made their way up the stairs to the Great Hall, and Loki realised he’d never felt so nervous in his entire life before. Ironically, all he could think of was how Gellert would look like, and he’d noticed the Durmstrang student much faster than the other could.

It wasn’t hard, of course. Gellert wore red and silver, which really stood out well. His stomach did a backflip at the sight of the other; Gellert looked heartbreakingly handsome, and Loki could feel his throat tighten to a painful extent as soon as he saw Stefanie literally beaming on his side.

Forgetting himself in such a situation was a terrible idea; they were surrounded by hundreds, and any and all could see the expression Loki donned before he looked down at his feet in his pain and shame. He wished to excuse himself and run away as fast as possible, to seek a quiet, lonely place to scream out his suffering. If he only had been born woman… if he only just could be interested in women, like every other boy around him…_ if only, if only, if only._

But **this **was the situation. **This **was what he** had to **face, and **this** was the truth he **couldn’t** run away from any longer. He’d need to bear the thought of **this**. Because **no matter **how brilliantly their minds clicked together, **no matter** how talented they both were, **no matter **how they believed in a better future they were aiming to bring to wizards and witches — **_Gellert never would be his lover._**

“Loki?”

Sophie’s voice sounded like it came from the end of a thousand miles long, dark tunnel, and Loki realised his ears were ringing so badly he couldn’t hear the music. He felt Sophie’s fingers under his chin, and she moved his head. At first, he didn’t want to let her pull him out of his distraction, but then, he moved his head and looked in her eyes.

“Are you alright?”

Sophie sounded worried, and Loki immediately put on a smile to reassure her.

“Yes, of course. I’m just nervous a bit. Shall we dance?”

She beamed a smile up at him and he realised that it was too easy to distract her. She didn’t see behind his mask he was wearing all the time; nobody did.

“Your hand is so cold”, Sophie gasped when he offered it to her, and he smiled apologetically as they made their way out of the crowd.

_Let’s just get this over with,_ Loki thought desperately, _maybe if I dance a bit with her, I can leave earlier…_ he turned to face Sophie, and placed his hand softly on her waist; barely even touching her, her grip much tighter on him, they joined in. Loki tried his best not to even glance in the direction where Gellert stood.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert clapped politely with the rest of the students as the Champions finished their brief opening dance; almost immediately afterwards, dozens of other students joined them. Krum wasn’t the most elegant of dancers, but he’d done a fine enough job representing the institute; Potter and Diggory had done admirably too, but Fleur Delacour had clearly taken many dancing lessons in the past, and stole the spotlight. Her partner, a dark-haired Ravenclaw boy, couldn’t seem to stop looking at her.

“May I have this dance?” Gellert asked Stefanie, offering his hand with a smile. It was the one thing about the Ball he didn’t mind partaking in: dancing was a guilty pleasure. In his youth, his mother had insisted he learn many traditional pastimes expecting of an upper-class gentleman; his secret talents for dance and piano simply never cropped up in conversation.

He confidently steered Stephanie through the dance, the red cape of his tunic flowing behind him whenever they turned. _She looks so happy,_ he thought reflectively. Then he wondered,_ do I look happy too?_

He wasn’t.

Even the soft curves of Stefanie’s body, her slim waist beneath his gentle grip, had next to no effect on him; once her body had set him on fire, but now it left him cold. He wished his fingers weren’t entwined with hers. He wished he could breath in the scents of pine and mint, not jasmine and rose. He’d felt attracted to Stef once - or at least, what his memory could recall as attraction - but that had been over a year ago. That had been **_before_**.

Before a number of boys had caught his eye. Before he’d seduced Nicholai Varga, and come to terms with his sexuality. Before he’d arrived at Hogwarts, and fallen deeper for an English boy than he had for anyone else in his life.

Gellert made his excuses after their second dance together. _Merlin’s beard, I need another drink._

He led the way through the edge of the crowd to the other side of the Hall: a feast had been prepared as part of the ball, no doubt on offer for those who preferred to eat later in the evening. Gellert noticed both goulash and stew being served, along with several snack tables set up against the wall, all featuring decorations that represented both Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. He appreciated the effort that Hogwarts continued to put in to please their foreign guests, but he still couldn’t help thinking, _I’d still be happier eating Liquorice Wands on the seventh floor with Loki._

Just as he thought it, he finally saw him - and his heart momentarily stopped. Loki and Sophie had been on the edge of the crowd of dancers, and now Gellert watched as they stepped in tune, their hands clasped together and their eyes trained on the other. Sophie looked radiant in a dress that looked as though it were made of stardust; Loki, meanwhile, was so beautiful that he reminded Gellert of a painting. Noble, dignified, and _alluring_. An ugly twist of jealousy gripped at his insides, and he glared in their general direction.

“What do you want to drink?” he asked Stefanie, his tone a little more snappy than he intended.

“Oh… a gillywater, please,” she replied, her hand coming up to stroke some hair away from his left eye.

Gellert caught her wrist gently, stopping her. “I’ll get it for you,” he said, trying his best to sound normal. He hoped his smile was believable. “Why don’t you find us a seat?”

As Stef turned to find them a suitable table, Gellert’s smile instantly vanished. Perhaps the selection at the drinks table would be enough to stop his eyes from wandering back to Loki.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

“What’s on your mind?”

Sophie’s question caught him off guard. He glanced up in her eyes as he led the dance, each second causing him more agony. He wanted to look at Gellert, but he chose not to. The duality was maddening. He wanted to see the other, because he looked amazing, but each time he thought he would turn and glance, he was afraid he’d see Gellert holding that girl in his arms.

“Nothing”, he replied quietly as he gazed back in her eyes. He just noticed he wasn’t looking at her, but behind her. “Just… my imagination carried me away.”

“Your imagination”, Sophie laughed. “And where does your imagination take you?”

_It takes me to the Room of Requirement with Gellert Grindelwald_, he wanted to say. _You do not have a place in my visions, Sophie, and even if you do… you’re just a fellow Slytherin._

“Away. With someone”, he replied, voice merely a hiss.

“Oh, really?”

Sophie’s smile and sudden blush made him frown. It took him a few seconds to realise she definitely thought he was talking about her. He didn’t want to crush her dreams. He could’ve.

“I think about something a lot, too”, she added as he finally stopped the dance and he led her to the table where the drinks were.

He very carefully avoided the area where Gellert was for a reason; he was literally on the verge of confessing. He needed to get it off of his chest and try to figure out a solution with Gellert himself, so he could finally stop feeling terrible about it. Perhaps that was the way; they’d still have their friendship and… and maybe if Loki told him, it’d stop hurt so much…

“What do you think about?”

Loki didn’t even look at her when he asked this, and he was completely caught off guard when Sophie in turn suddenly kissed him.

He felt like a ghost floated through his body. Loki’s hands automatically moved to her shoulders to push her away, with a bit more force than needed, and his emerald eyes were burning with fury.

“What are you doing?” He demanded coolly.

“Showed you what I was thinking of. Did you like it?”

“No!” It broke out of him.

“Oh come on”, Sophie pushed his hands away from her shoulders and frowned up at him. “I know I’m not the best, but—”

“You don’t understand anything”, Loki snapped harshly.

“I know I love you, isn’t that enough?”

The boy stared at her face for a few moments. Then he snarled.

“Do you want to pluck your own eyes out when you see me with someone else?” He hissed angrily. “Do you want to carve your heart out with a dull knife because you know that would be easier to withstand than what you feel?” His thumb and index fingers gripped her chin and turned her head up, a bit roughly. Her eyes were shining with fresh tears, but she didn’t reply. “You can’t possibly feel what I feel. And for you, Sophie, **_I do not feel anything_**.” He clenched his jaw. “I look at you, touch you, you kissed me and there’s nothing. Do you understand? Can you even **_begin_** to understand?!”

“Just give me a chance, Loki, please”, she whispered, her voice barely audible in the noise and music.

“Forget me”, he released her chin instead, “go and find someone who can make you happy. Because **_I can not_**.”

With a final glare, he stepped back, turned and walked away. He didn’t even see, where.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

When he arrived at the table, he quickly reached out for a firewhiskey, and downed it in one gulp. Like acid, and poison, and his feelings for Loki, it burned the back of his throat.

His instinct pulled at his gaze, wanting him to look back at the dance floor, but he fought against it. _So what does it matter if my best friend has found someone who makes him happy, _he’d thought earlier. _I can handle it_. It surely couldn’t matter enough to him that it would make him **fail** at the one thing he’d mastered: playing pretend.

Then he glanced up, and his breath stilled. Loki and Sophie had moved closer, and were standing at the other side of the long drinks table. _Has he seen me?_ Gellert wondered, his fingers automatically coming up to check his hair. _Will he-_

**They were kissing**. Perhaps it was his imagination, but for that moment when the realisation hit him, the world around him slowed down: the dancers, the music, the voices. Instead, there was a roaring in his ears, as though he were back underwater, drowning in the icy lake of his estate on the continent.

When he reached for the gillywater, he realised his hand was shaking. He turned and nudged himself through the crowd of students, his gaze slightly unfocused from the potent mixture of alcohol and the powerful emotions swirling around in his gut.

“Excuse me,” he murmured, gently pushing people aside so that he could approach the table where Stefanie sat waiting for him. In his mind’s eye, he could still see the kiss; it seemed branded against his eyelids.

“Here,” he said unceremoniously to Stefanie, placing the gillywater in front of her. Some of it spilled over the side, and she looked up at him with amusement.

“Thanks. Are you drunk?” she asked, beginning to giggle.

“No,” he lied, sitting beside her. His gaze wandered from her eyes to her lips. _Feel something_, he challenged himself. _Feel **anything**. Please._

He trailed his fingers around the side of her neck, his thumb gentle across her collarbone. Her skin was so soft.

“You are, aren’t you?” Stefanie looked back at him with a dreamy expression. “I told you not to have that second-”

“Shut up and kiss me.” His demand was abrupt, his expression haunted. She always did whatever he asked her, and this time was no different. She bit her lip, then closed the gap between them, her lips opening against his in a soft, but passionate, kiss.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

His legs automatically carried him that way. He followed his instinct, mind going crazy with wild thoughts. He was ready to do something completely nuts, something absolutely reckless. He’d find Gellert, grab him, and take him out to talk, he'd—

He stopped walking. And he wished his heart stopped beating, too.

Just as Sophie’s eyes were gleaming with tears, his own were quickly filled with them, this time. He watched, silently, completely broken, as Gellert was kissing her. _Very_ passionately. With quite a lot of tongue involved.

The Slytherin changed his mind. He couldn’t stop his tears from escaping his eyes, but he still managed to spin on his heels and make a fast escape. He felt like he just drank hot, burning lava; he choked on his tears he tried to hold back, and when people didn’t move quickly enough, he angrily held his hand out and swept them out of his way with a gesture. Nobody fell, but they were staring at him as he walked out to the corridor.

He breathed in and rubbed his tears away as he thought which road he should take. Up or down? If he chose the Slytherin common room and dorm, nobody would bother him, for at least a while; the password was changed, Gellert wouldn’t be able to come in, and his roommates were at the ball, anyway. But he wanted to be somewhere where he wouldn’t be disturbed. Where he could think. And cry. Gellert was too occupied right now… he wouldn’t come up there to spend time with him… why would he? He’d have _fun_, all night long…

“Fuck”, he rubbed his face and angrily slapped his cheeks before he went up to the Room.

He paced for ten minutes straight in the Room, up and down, going through the words he must tell Gellert tomorrow. Or whenever he’d next see him. Then he dropped himself in an armchair and stared in the fire, letting out his broken sobs, finally. The Room was now almost bare, and dark; he only wanted a fireplace and an armchair.

He was alone, anyway. As always, all he had was himself. What else would he need?


	16. Chapter 16

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert’s eyes closed for the kiss. He knew it was only an act, a mechanical reaction to his own pettiness and urgent desperation for an emotion that made sense to him. He didn’t know what he was doing. It was like trying to quench his thirst from an empty glass.

He pulled away after a moment, meeting Stefanie’s eyes with regret. _You only love a shadow, _he wanted to say._ And you’re caught up in something I can’t decipher, something unfair for all of us._

But before he had a chance to form his thoughts into words that would cause her the least pain - and retain any semblance of respect for himself - he heard an outcry close to the Entrance Hall doors. He turned to look.

He recognised that walk, just before the student disappeared around the corner. **_Loki?_** Without saying a word, Gellert stood.

“What’s wrong?” Stefanie asked, her hands closing around her glass of gillywater. He glanced down at her; he’d smudged her lipstick.

“I’m sorry.” They were the only words - and probably the most important ones - that came to his mind. He quickly followed the gap that had been made in the crowd; there was a strange energy to the air, and judging from the expressions on some of the students faces, Loki had forcibly removed them from his intended path. Gellert’s heart beat faster: something wasn’t right. But what could have possibly happened in the space of two minutes?

He hastened his steps as he left the Hall, his red cape sweeping behind him as he turned the same corner. And didn’t look back once.

Loki had already disappeared by the time he entered the Entrance Hall. First he checked the garden outside, then contemplated fetching the cloak from the ship - perhaps Loki had stormed off to his Common Room?

_No. He’s gone to **our** Room_. The thought slotted into his mind like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Without fully understanding how he knew it, he set off on the usual path to the seventh floor. He only heard his own breaths as he stepped quickly, the sound of his boots against the stone floor, and the pounding of his pulse in his ears.

He walked past the tapestry of the trolls three times, his fingers balled into fists. _Give me our room_, he thought. _Our private room with the fireplace and the books. Take me to Loki._

When the door materialised, he paused for one second, his hand outstretched towards the handle. _There was no rejection in my silence,_ he thought, the firewhiskey making his head swim. _But now my silence hurts even more. I’ve got to **tell** him._

He opened the door.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

If there was anything he didn’t anticipate, it was that someone would come in right now.

He’d retrieved his kerchief a minute ago to dry his tears, but there was too many of them. He swallowed, hard, and forced himself to stop it as soon as he heard the door click. He wiped his face as best he could; hidden from view, he could do that calmly, because the door was behind him. He sighed deeply; why was Gellert here? Loki knew it was him, it couldn’t be someone else. He put his kerchief away and his expression darkened. Perhaps Gellert brought his date here? Dark thoughts spinned around in his mind. _Oh, **of course.**_ He wouldn’t be able to bring her to their ship, or anywhere else, no place would be safe enough…

It was painfully **_logical_**.

Loki stood from the armchair and stepped sideways to face Gellert and her; but he was alone. The Slytherin controlled his expression, and he remained coolly stoic. Showing emotions wouldn’t be beneficial for him right now.

If Gellert so much as noticed a crack, he’d work on it to break him completely. His emerald eyes fixed on the mismatched ones, and he braced himself. The sooner he’s done with the talk, the better.

“I’m not your friend anymore.”

His tone was cool, calm, collected, determined. Loki’s sentence was **_not_** up to negotiation, to discussion. It was a simple, fast fact, one he decided on his own. If Gellert wasn’t standing in the door, he’d leave as soon as possible, so he guessed that even though his cold statement, Gellert surely would try and persuade him not to break away.

But it was too painful to see him with her. It was too painful to _continue_ seeing him with her. This **thing** he felt for Gellert became too intense, and he couldn’t control it anymore.

“I’m going to help you with your… _quests_”, he added, tone icy cold. “But I’m not going to see you anymore.” He clenched his jaw; these words were painful to say, too. But he had to. This was the only way. “Whether you understand this or not, this is what’s **_going to happen._** And **no**. I’m **_not_** changing my mind.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert closed the door behind him with a quiet click. At first glance, the room might have appeared empty - but Gellert could sense Loki’s presence within the confines of the armchair facing away from him, towards the fire.

He opened his mouth, a million and one words stuck in his throat. _My endurance is at its end. I’ve lost sleep for thoughts of you. **I think I love you in a way that I shouldn’t**_**.**

Then Loki stood, facing him. His friend’s lips were drawn tight, his expression detached. It was too difficult to determine what emotion swam in his eyes. Something close to anger, perhaps. Gellert had been expecting something like this after seeing the manner of Loki’s exit from the Ball, but he was still clueless as to why Loki had seemed so furious.

_I’m not your friend anymore._

That took Gellert aback. His fingers twitched at his side, the tone in Loki’s voice triggering the impulse to reach for his wand. But that was ludicrous. This was** Loki**. He would never fight Loki.

The remaining cold words left Gellert’s mind reeling with hurt and confusion. Loki spoke with such focus - such dispassionate, unconcerned resolve - that it almost seemed impossible that Loki was the same person who had given him a box of gifts several hours earlier.

The words Gellert had intended to say seemed to lodge further down his throat. How could he offer words of confession, how could he tear himself open, _raw_ and _real_, to someone who never wanted to see him again? _Perhaps this is a well-timed answer to my problem_. Still, hearing it made his stomach knot with sickness, and he placed a hand up against the wall, feeling dizzy. When he spoke, his voice was raised; on edge.

“What in Merlin’s name are you talking about?” His frown deepened, his emotions spilling out of him in complete antithesis to Loki’s stoicism. “What could I possibly have done to warrant that?” His mismatched eyes, both filled with the sting of betrayal, looked up to meet with Loki’s across the room.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki remained blind to the nature of Gellert’s shock. He believed the other was taken aback because of him ending their friendship; he didn’t even take it into account there might be something else, something more. Because, after all, Gellert kissed Stefanie not even an hour ago, and the Durmstrang still had her lipstick on his mouth.

His heart shattered when he saw the other’s honest reaction. It angered him; how could Gellert even be so attached to him he reacted as such? Why was it such a big deal? He could charm **_anyone_**. Why be so emotional about a Hogwarts student breaking their relationship?

Loki, though, could easily manipulate this to his benefit. He looked even more beautiful than ever, so much that Loki hated himself for making him feel like this. If Gellert was visibly shaken, then it can only mean Loki truly meant something to him, and no matter how much it hurt the Slytherin, he purposefully pushed the cruel words out of himself. A snake always found a weak spot, and he’d bite there until it reached the desired effect.

And his desire now was to chase Gellert out of the Room, so he himself could be alone and remain here to cry himself to sleep.

“You didn’t do anything. I’m simply bored of you.”

Loki moved his arms across his chest. Gellert was vain, he was proud, and Loki would use this knowledge in order to undermine and destroy.

“Oh, don’t be so _stupid_ like all of those who can’t take a hint. I _thought_ you were **cleverer**. Would it turn out you need further explanation?” Loki raised a brow, appearing to be poisonously sarcastic. “**_You’re so pathetic_**.”

He didn’t want anything else in the world right now but to take back any and all insults and terrible words, but for the sake of his sanity, he knew he mustn’t. In the long run, it’d be beneficial for both of them. Gellert could be with that girl, and Loki could wallow in self pity and hatred for the rest of his life.

Perfect future for both of them. Fitting.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Again, the fingers of Gellert’s right hand twitched; he could feel his pain turn to defiance, and then to outrage. He wouldn’t stand to let anyone talk to him like that. Not even Loki.

His temper clawed up from his gut, and there was a tight, gripping sensation across his chest as he tried to control it. Had he really come into this room with compassionate intention? With an offer of truth, of _love_?

There was nothing for him here. If Loki wished for their friendship to be over, what use did Gellert have for him? He was too clever for manipulation, and he already **knew too much **to cast him out. In one sweeping moment that crashed around them like rubble, Loki had proven himself _unworthy_ of his affections.

The words _stupid_ and _pathetic_ continued to flash across Gellert’s mind, and for one moment, he almost felt like _laughing_. He trusted in his own self far too much to believe those words held any inkling of truth, but that it was _Loki_ that had said them to him - **that** felt like a dagger in his heart.

He’d thought his silence would render him free of rejection, but it had still somehow crawled across the room and into his bones. It stung like nothing had before. **_This_**_ is what love does to people_, Gellert thought, his heart becoming icier with every beat that followed in the wake of Loki’s outburst. **_This_**_ is what neediness grants you._

Gellert inhaled shakily, just managing to hold on to the last vestiges of his composure. If it had been anyone else, he might have already cut out their tongue.

“Nobody gets bored of me.” His tone was confident, arrogant - but his voice was unsteady. “People clamber over themselves for my attention. I gave it to you freely because I thought you were different.” He briefly smiled, but it was cold and short-lived. “But I see now I was wrong. That’s disappointing. If you can’t appreciate me… I’ll gladly bow out of your life.” Theatrical to the end, he even physically _bowed_, as though ending a performance. Then, much to his horror, he felt his eyes begin to prickle. He hadn’t shed tears since he was a young boy.

He had to leave - **now**. But just before he reached for the handle, he looked across the room one more time. There was _something_ in Loki’s eyes that made him remember the first time they’d ever spoken. A softness present during their countless hours together, lingering in his laughter and in the feel of Loki’s arms around him. Deep within his cold fury, Gellert felt a small tug of regret for the person that had been a beacon of light for him in the last year.

Once he’d left the room, he would never look back. Loki would be nothing more than a ghost, a stranger. When the door closed… Gellert knew he would never get the chance for honesty ever again.

He suspected satisfaction was in Loki’s nature, so as one last parting gift, he would give it to him. Besides, unleashing his _disgusting_ feelings would make it so much easier for him to move on from them. He had bottled them up, and they had slowly poisoned him; now, there would be power in the release. His mismatched eyes lowered to Loki’s pocket, where the deathly hallows symbol hung from his pocket watch.

“I spent the whole evening trying not to look at you.” It came out quieter than he intended, only a few decibels above a whisper. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you dancing with someone else. I haven’t been able to stand it for weeks.” He paused, his pulse fluttering. He looked back up, into his eyes. “I don’t… I didn’t want you to be anyone else’s. Only mine.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Gellert’s words left only more pain in him with each syllable he uttered. Loki could feel his throat tightening to the point of choking, but he kept his composure. Even as his eyes began to sting, even as he felt a rush to take everything he said back.

_I appreciate you, _he wanted to cry,_ I appreciate you **too **much. You **can’t **understand. **Nobody **does._ His lips trembled and his mask cracked; his eyes filled with fresh tears and he begged to whatever gods listened to him to make Gellert leave already, so he wouldn’t see this was all just a pretending. _I do this for your sake,_ he wanted to whimper, _I can’t look at you any other way. I’ve **tried**. But I **can’t**. I’m too **weak**._

Only when Gellert said his last words did he break down. He could hold himself back until that second, but the last two sentences shattered everything he so carefully and logically planned out. He was right about himself, at least. He **was **weak.

“D-don’t s-say that”, he managed to push through his sobs that broke out of him.

He couldn’t escape the Room; Gellert still stood in his way, so he did what he could to keep the last of his dignity. How could he let Gellert see him cry?! How could this happen?! He hid his face in his hands.

“Y-you ca-can’t say that. Y-you’re just m-mocking me.”

He turned away and his shoulders shook with the effort to force his emotions back behind their barriers he’d set up, but he couldn’t do it completely. He took a few deep breaths, and stared in the fire, letting his tears fall as he did.

“That’s cruel. Y-you’ve done this the day when we first heard of this-this stupid ball after I’ve– hinted at **it**. You don’t even know how much I suffer when I’m near you and you kept joking about it when I know-I saw how you didn’t **mean **it.” He slipped a hand on his chest and gripped his waistcoat over his fast beating heart. “I wanted you to be my date today.” He admitted. “I wanted to make you smile and laugh, but I know you’re not…” Loki couldn’t bring himself to say it. “You’re not like **me.**” He paused and sobbed again. “And I accept that.”

He felt so wretched, so broken, so abnormal for what he felt, that he was seriously thinking about stepping into the fireplace and simply burn away. It couldn’t hurt any worse than this. The thought was very tempting now. Or, to climb up to the way of the astronomy tower and… just jump. He sighed and ran a hand in his ebony hair; his throat still tight, but his tone felt like venom.

“So, just go and laugh at my misfortune, my idiocy, my weakness. Do spread the word while you’re at it. I don’t care about anything anymore, anyway.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

When Loki’s stoicism gave way to tears - like a dam finally breaking after weeks of holding back a river - Gellert’s cold fury began to dissipate like mist in the morning sun. He’d expected antipathy, perhaps even revulsion and fear, not this. He froze with his hand still on the handle of the door, and the Room seemed to suck in a breath.

_What are you going to do now?_ it seemed to ask him. _Are you going to run away, or are you going to face the truth?_

For a split second, he almost did it: he almost left. The abhorrence of his own feelings was powerful; almost enough to drive him away. Yet Loki’s sudden and emotional reaction completely reversed the power his confession had offered to him.

Loki thought he was mocking him. He thought his honesty was nothing more than a cruel joke… _but the only way it could be read as such, was if_-

Gellert felt the shards of his heart come back together, only to explode in his chest. **Was if Loki had feelings for him too.**

Again, he felt the sensation of puzzle pieces coming together in his mind. His hand dropped to his side in disbelief. _You’re not like me_, Loki said, and his insides twisted with guilt. Out of discomfort and shame, neither of them had offered enough of a surety to the other, and now they had landed themselves here: spitting poison and opening wounds, breaking a friendship without realising the true object of their hearts affections stood right before them.

Gellert stepped closer, until he was right beside Loki. He reached up and slowly, gently, wiped the tears from his cheek.

“I’m not laughing at you,” he whispered. His eyelashes fluttered as he lowered his gaze to Loki’s lips.

“I hadn’t felt anything real in a long time. Not until I met you.” His breath caught slightly with nerves. Loki was so close, and there was no masking the feelings in his eyes now. The scent of mint and pine overwhelmed him, taking him **home**. He felt only strength now, and purpose. No wonder Loki had tried to push him away.

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” he admitted. “But… it was you, Loki. **It was always you**.” Slowly, carefully, he closed the gap between their lips, and kissed him.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki knew that this was the first and last time he’d opened up so much to someone else. He’d kept up his cool exterior all the time when he’d dated Cedric; his affection was real, but what he thought never got out of him.

He waited for the sound of the door opening and then being shoved closed behind him, and he let his right to still clutch at his cravat. So much for nothing. He hated himself. Swallowing hard, he hung his head in shame. Everyone would know of it now, and his life would become Hell.

But the door did not open. Quiet footsteps approached him, and Loki panicked inwardly. Did the other want to come over here and look in his face before he ridiculed him? Would he be mocked one last time?

The gentle touch against his cheeks had him tremble. He closed his eyes, only to have more tears run down and against Gellert’s thumbs. The next he looked in those mismatched eyes he loved and hated so much, he could see his pale reflection in the dark one.

_I’m not laughing at you. _Gellert was so beautiful from this close; he’d never been this close to him before. Loki watched the other’s eyes shifting down to his lips, and suddenly, he felt like he was set on fire – despite he did not step in the fireplace. He swallowed nervously, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he did so. This couldn’t be happening, could it? He’d never seen Gellert look at him like this. There was no way this was real.

**I didn’t know how to tell you. **His heart skipped a beat and his blood rushed up in his face. **But… it was _you,_ Loki. It was always_ you._**

No. This definitely wasn’t real. Perhaps he fell asleep in the armchair and this was just what his mind and heart wanted so desperately. But he did not pull away when Gellert leaned dangerously close. Loki could feel his scent; that dangerous mixture that made his head spin every time he felt it near him. He couldn’t help the new tears rolling down his face… even as he kissed back.

That was what he’d wanted for weeks. If he was honest, **_months_**. And it was perfect. _Almost_ perfect.

If he didn’t feel the lipstick still on Gellert’s lips.

That brought him out of the moment he’d been imagining over and over again when he was lying awake in his bed for so many sleepless nights. He turned his head, just a bit; their lips parted, but Loki couldn’t pull away properly to look in Gellert’s eyes. He’d waited too long for this. His forehead gently stroked Gellert’s.

“Then why did you kiss _her _so lovingly?”

He tried to hide the burning jealousy from his voice, and he almost succeeded. He swallowed and reached up to take Gellert’s hands in his own, then Loki tilted his head a bit and pecked the other’s left brow. He was strangely attracted to Gellert’s eyebrows. And eyes. And nose. And lips. And cheeks… and _everything._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As soon as his lips met Loki’s, the world fell away; a smouldering heat ignited deep within him as he felt Loki return his kiss, and he tilted his head to the side to deepen it. Warmth radiated from his body, slowly spreading through the rest of him - and _Merlin’s breath,_ he couldn’t fight against the thoughts that were going through his mind. The fire in the grate beside them had nothing on the one that had ignited in the pit of his stomach. 

Gellert had imagined this moment a hundred times, but nothing could have prepared him for the reality of it. It was actually happening: he was kissing** Loki** \- and to his disbelief, his friend was kissing him back. 

When Loki parted them, Gellert mirrored his movements, remaining close enough to press their foreheads together. He kept his eyes closed for a few moments longer, completely dazed and love-drunk. Only when he felt the dampness on his cheek did he realise Loki had shed further tears during their kiss. Loki’s question had a sharp edge to it, and Gellert felt the corner of his mouth curve slightly in the ghost of a smirk. It wasn’t that he found the question amusing: only the idea that Loki had any reason to be jealous. _So **that** was why he left the ball so suddenly_, he realised.

Before he answered, he allowed Loki to take his hands in his own. He turned his wrists and tenderly entwined their fingers together. It felt like an anchor, grounding him to the moment. It still almost didn’t feel real. He supposed it was normal to feel a little strange: they were crossing an entirely new threshold after all the time they had spent together as friends. 

“You’re a talented liar… and I’m a talented actor.” His voice was silky soft. “What you observed with Stef is posture and performance… as it has been with the others. _Die Kunst der Verführung - _the art of seduction. I’m sure you know of it.” He tilted his head slightly, his eyes flickering to Loki’s lips, then back up. “It’s a very useful little game. And it’s allowed me to understand what my tastes are.” 

The look in his mismatched eyes became dark and teasing. To avoid any and all doubt, he knew he just had to say it plainly:

“I’m gay, Loki. And you don’t need to worry about anyone else. Especially Stef.”

He softly kissed the corner of his mouth, then carefully studied Loki’s face, taking in every detail: his eyes were soulful, _so_ _beautiful_, even whilst red from crying, and his pale skin was painted with the red glow of the embers nearby, his cheekbones deepened with black shadow. His black hair, still neat from the Yule Ball, made Gellert want to run his fingers through it. 

But he held back, instead only gently tightening his grip on their entwined fingers. He didn’t want to rush this; he wanted to _relish_ it. Whether tonight or another time, he wanted to seduce Loki’s senses one at a time, building and building until he could no longer think straight. 

They had all the time in the world to learn one another. 

“Loki…” he whispered slowly, prolonging each syllable as if to savour them. He thought he’d never have the chance to say his name like that. “How long have you known?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Just as Gellert entwined his fingers with his own, Loki could feel his heartbeat quickening to the point it almost **hurt. **He closed his eyes for a few moments; the electricity that shocked him each time Gellert touched him before now was stronger than ever. Loki felt understanding in the touch, affection and such gentleness he’d missed in his life so much. It was stronger than he remembered. He knew his mind would need much more time to even begin to understand what happened exactly in the past few minutes; he felt it unbelievable he was actually holding Gellert’s hands in his own, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat.

And then came the greedy need. To have _more_, to feel _more_. When Gellert spoke, he smiled and glanced back in those eyes that made him feel so alive. His thumbs stroked Gellert’s hands as he listened. Lashes flickered at his confession, and his jealousy eased a bit. Especially after, when Gellert said his name, he felt like his bones turned to liquid. The other never uttered it like this before. He softly kissed Gellert’s brow again, then pecked his forehead as well. He knew he wanted to kiss him any and everywhere he could reach… and some day, he knew would know Gellert’s body as well as his own. He smirked at the thought, lips still against his beloved’s forehead, squeezing back with his own hands.

** _Beloved._ ** _ I’ve waited for so long for you._

“How long have I known what?” He whispered back against Gellert’s skin. _This moment is just as good for confession as any other. And it’s **true**. I **know **it’s **true**._ Loki closed his eyes. “That I am gay… or that I love you?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

** _I love you._ **

In stark contrast to the inferno within him, a pleasant shiver ran up Gellert’s spine. It was a phrase hard won; one that others had whispered against his skin before, and one that had always filled him with a potent mixture of achievement and guilt… but _this_… this was as different as night and day.

He knew Loki’s love wasn’t simply a result of clever persuasion, of pulling the right strings, because he had vowed not to treat him that way; but neither was the phrase whispered to a disguise, to a character that Gellert had chosen to play.

No - for the first time in his life, it had been willingly, _freely_, whispered to the monster beneath the mask. The true facet that he hid away beneath charisma and charm. The one person that was **real**, and the one he had always thought completely incapable of being loved.

Gellert felt his heart physically flutter. He’d only intended to ask _how long have you know you were attracted to me_, but this was something much more. The sheer truth of it felt like an orange glow bursting over a dark horizon.

“Both,” he murmured, and his smirk grew. “All those weeks ago, when we were in your dormitory… you told me you had your eye on someone, but that it was unrequited. I thought you were talking about Cedric,” he admitted. “But… you were talking about me the whole time?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

The other’s silence scared him for a moment. Did he go too far? Was it too early? Loki wondered if he should’ve kept it to himself for a while longer before he confessed it, but he just couldn’t help it. He needed to get it out. And this, now, granted him a new sense of freedom. Whatever Gellert would reply, he’d be free of it.

At Gellert’s words, though, Loki smiled and felt ridiculously _light_. Gellert didn’t doubt his feelings. He didn’t mock him for it. He accepted them. He embraced them. Loki could say **_that_** and he **_was not judged_**. He didn’t need to explain; didn’t need to hide it. He only felt like this once, and even Gellert mentioned him, as if their minds clicked together again.

“Cedric broke up with me in June, this year”, Loki whispered back softly, his thumbs still stroking the other’s hands, his lips still brushing Gellert’s forehead. “And yes, I was talking about you. I’ve had my eyes on you, ever since you sat down next to me at Halloween.” He half smiled. “Then things… just **deepened** over time. And I thought you wouldn’t… that you weren’t…” He sighed, lowered his head and cheek touched cheek as he just wanted to feel Gellert close. He whispered, even quieter, in Gellert’s ear. “I’ve known this about myself for a long time; but I noticed your flirting with those girls in the library, and everywhere else, you know. And I endured it for the sake of our friendship… and decided if it got _too_ painful, I’d stop it entirely. It got too painful, tonight.”

Accepting his weakness was one thing. **_Admitting_** it to someone he adored was scary, but Gellert had to know his reasons, Loki knew. He’d said things that stung too much.

“I’m sorry”, Loki softly pecked Gellert’s temple, “for misleading and lying to you.”


	17. Chapter 17

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The whispers in his ear sent another shiver across his body; if he wasn’t careful, he’d lose himself - but he knew it was important that they clear the air between them. Only minutes ago, they had almost walked out of each other’s lives for good.

The apology - and the subsequent kiss on his temple - turned his smirk into a self-satisfied smile. _Misleading and lying is in our nature_, he wanted to say. He realised now that they had both been guilty of misleading the other, right from the start: he had openly flirted with Loki the very first time they had met. From the very beginning, they had been misunderstanding each other from a desire not to ruin what they had already had… and there was something surprisingly pure, and naive, about that.

When Loki explained the situation with Cedric, Gellert nodded; the puzzle pieces continued to slot together in his mind. So he hadn’t been entirely wrong, then - the day of the First Task, Loki **had** been upset about Cedric’s injuries because he cared for him. He’d only been looking at it from the wrong angle… Loki’s feelings were remnants of an old flame, not the embers of a new attraction, as he’d thought.

Gellert raised their entwined hands, turning Loki’s wrist so he could place a soft, possessive kiss on the back of his hand. His eyes had narrowed slightly; the gaze was intense, and demanding, and he kept looking down at Loki’s lips, ready to claim them.

“And now…?” he asked carefully in a silken voice. “Do you still feel anything for Diggory… or am I the only one you want?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Every touch was powerful, especially in such a fresh stage; he was still discovering his body’s reactions to Gellert and every unexpected touch and kiss set him on fire. Everything felt too nice. Especially the kiss on the back of his hand. Showing affection towards him felt alien after being alone for so long, and even back then it was him who usually spoiled his partners, not the other way around. He felt _valuable _now; even as he asked himself the question over and over again if he was truly worthy of Gellert’s affections. In the back of his mind, an uncertain voice still whispered, _is this a trap? A cruel game? A joke to be played out before I’m discarded like a used kerchief?_

Loki felt that this voice needed quite a bit of time to go silent, and even then, it wouldn’t be always quiet. In his entire life he felt unneeded, unwanted; and even as he received closure from Odin that summer and discovered that in that family he truly wasn’t necessarily wanted, he couldn’t get it out of his mind. Every time someone was nice to him he expected them to come up with a favour they’d ask of him, or a cruel prank. There was no way someone would try and be nice to him just because they wanted him to feel loved.

And yet, here he was. Opening himself up again, letting Gellert see him the way he was. **Broken, **_wretched,_ **_disgusting._** According to Thor and to those who had no open minds, anyway. And Gellert was still looking at him in a way Loki nearly burst into flames. He felt so touch-starved, so unloved, that he needed a tremendous amount of willpower not to literally cling to the other. He wanted to be _wanted_.

“Do you truly _need _to ask this question?” Loki whispered back, his tone teasing, but gentle. “I didn’t even notice him. As soon as we stopped in the Great Hall, I noticed _you_, and I couldn’t even think about anything and anyone else.”

_…and Stefanie on your side,_ he thought to himself, his jealousy rising again in the pit of his stomach, like venom… but he quickly discarded it as he captured Gellert’s lips with his own in a much more passionate kiss than their first.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert had dangled the question as bait; he wanted Loki to indulge his vanity, and he didn’t disappoint. _I couldn’t even think about anything and anyone else._

He kissed Loki back with the same fervour, disconnecting their fingers only so he could place a palm across Loki’s hard chest and push him - just a few steps back, to the wall by the fireplace; still kissing him, tasting him. His hands ran parallel down Loki’s sides, holding him in place between the wall and his own body. _I want him_, he thought, hearing their combined breaths become more insistent, more ragged. There was no way Loki could miss it. It had been so long, and now it was happening and he was finding it difficult to **stop**. _I want him so badly-_

Frustrated, he broke the kiss, his fingers coming up to rest on Loki’s pink, parted lips before he could be tempted further. They would never again have another first kiss, never again have another first night of _discovery_ like this. They had never stood this closely together as friends - and he had certainly never been allowed in this position - but now, **now** he was allowed to study the colour and shape of Loki’s lips; to brush his thumb against the beat of the pulse in his neck, to count the constellations of his ocean eyes. _He’s a work of art,_ he thought. To memorise the vulnerability and neediness between them, instead of cringing away from it. 

The pull he felt to Loki was so strong, so powerful, that it left his mind completely unfocused. Dazed, not knowing what he wanted, he leaned into Loki’s neck and gently bit into his skin. 

“_Du lässt mich lebendig fühlen_,” he whispered into his skin, knowing Loki wouldn’t understand the words but hoping his emotions spoke for him: it was raw and open and honest, a declaration of love. _You make me feel alive. _

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He smirked in the kiss as Gellert pushed him, letting him do as he wished. It felt delicious to be trapped between the wall and him and the evident dominance of Gellert turned his insides to jelly.

He wanted to please, but he didn’t want to rush. They had time. There was no need to hurry. Kissing and gently stroking each other’s face, holding hands, entwining fingers… any and all of them were enough to turn him into a mess. His mind couldn’t think further than the lips on his lips, but he knew if Gellert wanted to proceed, Loki would turn out to be quite the disappointment as he _knew_ he wouldn’t last long.

Then — Gellert pulled away. Loki’s eyes remained half closed, and he had a smile glued to his face as he’d felt the touch on his lips. He trembled a little; Gellert was touching the lips which had been bruised and split open so many times, the lips he’d kept biting when he had difficulties keeping himself **to himself** when he saw Gellert flirt with girls, the lips which lied and mislead and screamed and begged for truth.

He swallowed and twitched a bit more at the touch to his neck; he’d barely let anyone touch his neck due to bad memories, but he tried to force himself to remember that he was safe, now. Gellert wouldn’t touch him like that out of anger, and hatred; he’d be careful not to squeeze his throat. Loki slowly relaxed. His hands he’d dropped earlier now snaked to Gellert’s lower arms, then slowly slithered their way up to the other’s shoulder, wanting to feel Gellert beneath the thick fabric. His brows twitched momentarily at the bite, and he refused to let his panic rise. _I’ll be fine_, he promised himself, not noticing his muscles became a bit stiff. That was when Gellert spoke, and he understood only a word or two, but, his chest felt oddly warmer.

“Say that again”, he whispered, his right hand slipping up to stroke Gellert’s cheek, his eyes closing to _try and relax_.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

With Loki’s body flush against his own, Gellert could feel everything; every breath, every tremble, every shiver. After the sensual graze of his teeth on Loki’s skin, he felt his friend tense: only slightly, but enough to give him pause. Perhaps Loki wasn’t ready, then; perhaps he was moving too quickly. Even though it was agony to do so, he moved his lips away from the curve of Loki’s neck and instead pressed a small, patient kiss onto the corner of his lips.

One that said _I’ll stop if you want…_ _but I am **not** finished with you._

When he pulled back, his fingers lingered beneath his chin, still tilting Loki’s head upwards, ever so slightly.

“_Du lässt mich lebendig fühlen_,” he whispered again, indulging Loki’s demand of him. This time, he made eye contact, and his pupils burned black with lust. “Does that…” he trailed away to laugh lightly under his breath. “Does that _do_ something for you?” He asked, lightly teasing. He’d taught Loki some German words and phrases during their hours together (at Loki’s request), but he hadn’t imagined there had been any enjoyment on Loki’s part, listening to him speak his mother tongue. _But then,_ Gellert supposed, there was definitely something **alluring** about the way Loki formed English words too; he had been consciously learning pronunciations from him the entire time.

He looked from one of Loki’s eyes to the other, aching for him.

“If you were anyone else, I’d take you right against this wall.” His tone was almost detached, nonchalant; belying the tenderness of his fingers as he released Loki’s chin. He took two steps backwards with a sly smile - away from temptation - and the red Durmstrang cloak fell down into place, falling from Loki’s grip.

With space between them once more, Gellert allowed his mind to focus, seeing the situation more clearly: friends to something _more_ was a strange line to cross, and they had to be careful. There was still a lot they had to learn about each other - and besides, Loki probably just needed to prepare himself. Gellert could appreciate that he was _a lot_ to take in.

He casually turned to inspect the room, noticed the nearest desk, and stepped over to it - suggestively running a hand across the dark wood. _Not sturdy enough_, he thought, smirking. Instead, he pulled himself up to sit on it: he leaned back, his legs left alluringly open, and his odd eyes flashing wickedly through the semi-darkness of the room.

“We can walk out, and then ask the room for a bed,” he suggested, his tone as casual as he could muster. “Even if we only end up… talking.” He was playing up to his usual persona because he wished to tease Loki, but he hoped his friend knew him well enough to see that he truly meant it: if Loki _didn’t_ want to go further, he’d stop.

Besides, just the idea of lying beside his friend, their minds becoming one as they spilled out sensitive truths in the air between them, was _tantalising _in a different sense.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

The gentle teasing brought him almost to the edge of no turning back; Loki had been here, but he had no idea it could happen this fast. With Cedric, this was different; things escalated slowly, and by the time they reached their first time together, they were boiling with desire.

Now here he was… **already **boiling with desire in Gellert’s arms. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as soon as he felt the small kiss to the corner of his lips, and he knew what it meant. It made his blood run wild in his veins. Especially hearing how Gellert was willing to do as he asked, even if his request was a bit odd. But he didn’t regret it. Especially when their eyes met; his own emerald ones almost begging to just let him enjoy this, just this once. He blushed at Gellert’s question and didn’t reply – wasn’t it obvious? He’d always liked how the other spoke in his first language; it felt exotic to him, and he appreciated that his friend was so clever he could speak in at least two languages. Of course… Loki could, too. Although his ‘second’ language was rather an inborn gift his blood carried…

Loki trembled at the other’s statement, and he nearly threw caution to the wind. He felt so greedy, so needy, that he nearly just replied,**_ do it. _**He wouldn’t even mind if he ended up with bruises at this point; it was clear he wanted the other, and he wanted him **_right now_**.

As Gellert stepped back, he let out another sigh, this time, and glanced down on Gellert’s form to truly take him in, finally, in his beautiful outfit. He’d watched the other turn and stroke the desk; naughty thoughts ran across his mind, he knew damn well Gellert intended to make him squirm with that. _By Salazar, he does it well. _With all the tease, Loki was sure he’d pretty much be finished right after they started anything. Especially seeing Gellert sitting on top of that desk, like that… the Slytherin had a hard time to keep up his cool demeanor.

“A bed sounds good”, he agreed without thinking though. He figured that whatever would happen he’d enjoy it too much, and he wouldn’t care what Gellert thought if he finished too early. His cheeks flushed a bit more at the thought, but he still appeared to be calm. “And… spending time with you is always good. Even if we just talk.”

**_After,_**he thought, **_maybe _**_we can talk **after**._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Hearing Loki’s agreement was all he needed: Gellert’s cool countenance slowly turned into a licentious grin. Already his imagination was running wild, picturing an exchange of words disrupted by hot, needy kisses, both of them unable to keep their hands off the other.

He slid off the desk and strode across the room, capturing Loki’s hand in his own. Their fingers seemed to slot together so perfectly, it was a wonder they had never done it before.

“Agreed,” he murmured, biting his lower lip with anticipation. He eagerly tugged Loki after him, exceptionally glad to be exiting the Room hand-in-hand, happy and complete, as opposed to alone, heartbroken and empty. His decision to pause at the door and look back at Loki had changed the future so enormously that it was almost dizzying to realise how differently a path they would be living right now.

_If I can learn to control my Seer visions, it would be an exceptional tool,_ he thought. It was power to an incalculable degree, and the prospect filled him with hunger. He’d consider it another time though - now, he only wanted to indulge a very different kind of hunger.

Once outside, Gellert pressed another chaste kiss to Loki’s lips and released his hand. He took the lead, pacing before the tapestry with a merriment he could barely contain. _Somewhere we can lie down and talk in private,_ he thought. _A comfortable bed where we can-_

But his thoughts were interrupted by a babble of voices, getting louder with each second. **Students**, climbing the stairs and heading their way. Gellert’s boots scuffed the floor as he halted, his gaze finding Loki’s. _The Yule Ball,_ he realised. It was midnight, and the celebrations had come to an end.

“I can’t believe this,” he said, voice low; as he approached Loki, he could see people dressed in suits and gowns heading their way. His instinct was to reach out - to hold Loki, to touch him - but now that they had an audience, he held back. Being involved with another boy, even in the wizarding world, brought its own set of judgement and grief. Quietly, their hands still hidden at their sides in the dark, Gellert gently trailed a finger across Loki’s palm. A sad, unspoken gesture. _Our little secret._

“I have to go,” he whispered, his heart clenching painfully. “I- I don’t have the Cloak with me, and the curfew…” he trailed away just as the crowd reached them. A few of the passing students glanced at them oddly - it looked suspicious enough, both of them together, alone in the semi-darkness, far from the party - but they couldn’t do anything except act as normally as possible.

_And there were already rumours about Loki_, Gellert recalled darkly.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the smile on Gellert’s face. He knew he was about to do something which was considered forbidden for some people, and it only added to his desire to do it. Every fiber of him **wanted **and **_needed _**Gellert, and to think it wasn’t allowed made it even more exciting.

He kept himself back; but he wasn’t sure what he’d do once the Room gave them what they needed so much. As Gellert approached him, his mind had a hard time to focus; the other seemed to touch him so easily, as if this was the world’s most natural thing. Holding hands, being so close to each other. Loki felt that tickle of electricity every time Gellert touched him, and his thumb immediately stroked the hand that held his.

He felt so happy. He smiled, conspiratorially at Gellert as he kissed the back of his hand again, then let him go and watched him as he started walking, knowing full well what would happen if the Room rearranged itself again. He felt excitement twisting his guts, his skin prickled with anticipation all down his back and his palms started to sweat…

That was when he heard it.

The noises of the students came from closer and closer until they were within earshot and they turned around the corner; nicely dressed Ravenclaws. Loki’s eyes met Gellert’s, and the Slytherin clenched his jaw in frustration.

** _This just couldn’t be!_ **

Loki glanced back at his schoolmates, cursing each and every one of them as they approached the two of them, but he felt also grateful - if they never showed up, Loki never would’ve known it was past curfew, and while he could speak his way out at Snape (who didn’t even attend the Yule Ball), Gellert could’ve had some problems with Karkaroff, who came through to Loki as someone who didn’t like his heart’s other half.

_I should’ve persuaded him to just use the desk. Or the wall. Or his cape, in front of the fireplace…_

He felt the gentle tickle, and he turned his head to look at Gellert. **_Don’t go where I can’t follow,_ **he wanted to say, his emotions written on his face. He didn’t care about the others. He decided in the moment when Gellert first kissed him, that nothing in the world mattered to him anymore but him. Once the students turned around the other corner, Loki entwined their fingers again.

“It’s still Christmas tomorrow”, he whispered in Gellert’s ear, then pressed a soft kiss to the boy’s temple. “We can have breakfast, raid the kitchens, and spend all day here… if you want to.” This time, it was him kissing Gellert’s back of hand with a smile, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “And… we can still talk through the notebooks, if you’re not sleepy yet”, he added a bit cheekily.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert’s annoyance had settled in his expression, but when Loki whispered those words to him, it instantly melted away.

“That sounds perfect.” His voice was quiet, and he idly traced one of his free fingers over Loki’s bottom lip. “That sounds like a perfect opportunity to test your notebooks. I don’t know about you but… I’ve never been more awake.” He smirked.

He wanted to kiss him one last time - Merlin’s breath, did he want to - but more students were approaching again, and he still wasn’t certain how comfortable Loki was with people seeing them together. _Besides_, Gellert thought… _there was definitely something seductive about the idea of it being forbidden_. _A secret we have to keep, like a love affair. _To avoid suspicion, he decided to leave first, separately, down another stairwell to get back to the Durmstrang ship.

“_Gute Nacht_, Loki.” He said his name like a caress, cherishing the sound of it on his tongue.

In the exact second that Loki’s fingers unlatched from his, he instantly felt a magnetic pull back to him - and yet he made himself keep walking. This wasn’t going to be easy; with every step, his cloak billowing behind him, he felt Loki’s eyes on him. _Tomorrow,_ he reminded himself, descending the stairs in a daze. _I’ll see him again soon enough._

“Where have you been? What happened?”

Gellert’s heart sank when he saw the figure waiting outside his room in the dark, her arms crossed against the cold. **Stef**. The tone of her voice was insistent, anxious, and her dark eyes shined in the dark as she looked up at him. Naturally, her hand came to brush the hair from his eyes.

Again, he stopped her, his fingers circling her wrist.

“Don’t,” he said gently, keeping his voice low. He knew he had to tell her the truth - the first time he had ever done so. “I’m in love with someone else.” It was a cold statement, and he said it indifferently. He wasn’t cruel enough to keep her affections, but he didn’t have time to pander to anyone’s sensibilities. He felt her try and wrench her arm away, and released her; without preamble, she slapped him - hard.

There was a pause where he closed his eyes, his left cheek stinging, and he heard Stef gasp quietly as though she hadn’t expected it either. When Gellert looked back down at her, he noticed her eyes were filled with tears.

“I **_waited_** for you,” she hissed, holding back a sob. “I sat there _all night_, and I _waited_ for you.”

He said nothing. He knew he deserved her contempt, and could offer no comfort. At realising the futility of the conversation, Stef shook her head in disbelief, murmured something in Bulgarian, and disappeared down the steps to the deck below.

He got ready for bed quickly, his thoughts spinning wildly inside his head: all he could think about was getting into his bunk, drawing the curtains around himself, and sending a message to Loki. It was coming up for one in the morning by the time he carefully balanced his ink pot on the small windowsill, dipped in the tip of his magpie quill, and quietly opened the notebook cover. Biting his lip, he started to write.

_Are you there?_ he started. The black ink gleamed in the soft moonlight, then slowly sank into the parchment and began to dry. He waited, his heart beating in apprehension against the hard mattress.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

All those emotions he’d went through in such a short time only gave a boost to his mind, so when Gellert replied as such, Loki smirked at him.

The Slytherin saw and felt the desire of Gellert; obvious, as he glanced at his lips for a moment, which stirred lust within him again. _If he kisses me right now, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself._ But Gellert decided against it. He was both disappointed and relieved at that fact. The words warmed him up from the inside out, but also planted a strange ache he’d never felt before. Gellert would leave; to spend the night on a ship where he was cold. If only, at least, Loki knew that the other would be in the castle, but no.

“Good night, Gellert”, he replied quietly, his heartache and the desire not to let him leave both squeezed in those words as Loki let the other’s hand go.

There was a moment he nearly stepped after Gellert, but then he sighed to himself and decided to take the other way. All the way down he kept smiling to himself; when he left the Great Hall, he never thought the night would end like this. This had to be a dream, and it had to be the most perfect dream he ever had.

The Slytherin common room wasn’t empty; some students lingered there, sitting on the leather couches, talking, others sat by the fire, eating sweets. Loki decided to go straight to bed after he changed, with the notebook and his secret diary with him. He started to write down his night in his diary; the emotional rollercoaster he went through was amazing and also a bit scary. He was just about to finish it when he noticed the words in the other notebook. Loki smiled.

_I didn’t get my good night kiss. I am disappointed._

And he proceeded to draw a sad faced snake before he tapped the ink with his wand, making sure Gellert got his message, then he chuckled quietly to himself.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

In the minute he waited for Loki’s reply, he gnawed absentmindedly at one of the rings on his finger. He knew the notebook would work. Loki’s brilliance knew no bounds. 

When the words and drawing appeared, a grin instantly spread across his face. It was a strange, foolish joy that he felt: a kind he was certain he’d never felt before.

_Don’t worry… I’ll make it up to you. _

He subconsciously licked his lips, then tapped the page. After a second, he quickly added:

_I can’t sleep. It’s all your fault._

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki continued writing in his diary while he waited for Gellert to reply; one message after the other appeared, and Loki loved the way Gellert’s words were formed. It was elegant, but had a certain wildness Gellert radiated in person. He stroked his lips with the end of the feather of his quill before he dipped the tip in the ink with a smirk.

_Now, I can’t wait for tomorrow. I wish you’d make it up to me right now. My bed is big and warm enough for both of us._

Loki chuckled quietly at Gellert’s last two sentences.

_My fault? Was it me who said, I quote, “If you were anyone else, I’d take you right against this wall”? Shame on you._

Loki chuckled. Oh, he was about to make the falling asleep worse for Gellert.

_Although after everything that happened… perhaps you should’ve done…_

He tapped his messages, still smiling, then continued writing in his diary.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

His smile turned sly. How wonderfully freeing this felt: to be able to flirt so openly, to spill his thoughts on the paper without fear of rejection. 

_Do you have any idea how often I’ve already thought about doing that to you?_

Gellert bit the corner of his lip, then continued writing, hoping the sound of the quill scratching the paper wasn’t too loud.   
  
_The wall, the desk, the floor. I’ve thought about it all. Your dormitory. The empty Quidditch stands._ He paused to smirk, entirely unashamed of his own vivid imagination. _Even over the dinner table in the Great Hall…_

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

How often…? The Slytherin now definitely wondered just how often Gellert think about naughty things in his presence. Loki’s eyes widened at the replies, and he was so glad he was alone, in his bed, hidden by the curtains, because he didn’t have to force himself not to blush furiously. He mouthed_ dinner table_, then pictured it, with the enchanted ceiling above him, Gellert behind him, hands on his waist, lips and teeth on his shoulder and–

He bit his lower lip and cursed in mind at the fact that Gellert could get him aroused **_again_**, and he only wrote the words. This just wasn’t fair. He’d pay back for this.

_Honestly? I’ve often thought about how I’d love to make it hard for you to focus in the library._ Loki paused with a smirk. _Either just running my hand all the way up on your thigh. Or, I’d hide under the table and… I’ll leave the rest to your imagination._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

It was both infuriating and intoxicating to think that Loki had been having the _exact_ same thoughts about **him**, and that neither of them had ever realised it.

It would almost be funny, if not for the intense, overwhelming tension that took over his body when he read Loki’s words. He fought back a shiver of pleasure, and took a slow breath in, trying to stay calm.

_Consider me intrigued_, he wrote. _Maybe I’ll hold you to that. Although Madam Pince would definitely ban you from the library for life if she caught us._  
  
He swallowed, brushing his hair from his eyes. Merlin’s beard, he would struggle to get any sleep tonight. He squinted out of the window; everything was so still and silent. Probably at least two in the morning. He wrote a few more sentences before tapping the page, firmly shutting the notebook, and rolling over with a sigh.  
  
_Now I’m thoroughly hot and bothered, _the last line had read._ If you were here, you could help me out. I can’t wait until I see you. x_

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Falling asleep was surprisingly easy. Despite the good ending of his night, his mind couldn’t rest; the thoughts of losing Gellert were too real, and Loki had bad dreams about somehow screwing this all up. When he woke up in the morning, he stared at the ceiling of his four poster bed, and reasoned with himself that he wouldn’t be able to screw it up. There was no way Gellert would let that happen. That made him smile, and he sleepily sat up, yawning, before he opened his curtains.

The other beds were either occupied or not; he couldn’t tell, each and every one of them had their curtains closed. Loki quietly made his way around the dorm and washed then dressed up properly; deciding to put on one another of his elegant waistcoats. Purely just to impress. As he tied his Slytherin tie and glanced at his reflection in the mirror, he had to smile again. _Things would finally be alright, _he promised himself,_ he doesn’t judge me, and what’s even better, he likes me, too._

Walking out of his dorm, though, he faced the first surprise; Sophie, talking with Drake in hushed tones. Loki wished to bypass them – it’d be best if he didn’t talk to Sophie after what happened last night –, but he couldn’t, as she suddenly got up and approached him.

“Where were you last night?” She asked, and Loki furrowed his brows.

“I do not believe I owe you an explanation”, he replied calmly.

“I was worried all night”, she said, “I thought something was wrong.”

Loki stared at her in disbelief. Didn’t she understand a word of what did he tell her at the ball? Didn’t she remember how he sent her away?

“Did you listen to my advice?” He questioned then, his expression unusually cold and distant.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I will fight for you. I know you just need to see for yourself how good I’d be for you.”

Loki clenched his jaw. He could do this two ways, and the pleasant method started to annoy Loki as his patience thinned. He knew there’d be only one way to finally lose Sophie. But that would mean he’d have to say _it_, and saying _it _would result in being shunned completely by others.

“You’re wasting your time”, he told her then, and left the common room.

Much to his annoyance, she followed him up to the Great Hall which magically looked like how it was before the ball. Loki found himself a seat at the far end of the table, but then, Sophie sat right in front of him. The boy seethed silently as he got up and walked down at the other side of the table and dropped himself back down on the bench. When he saw Gellert enter the Great Hall, he breathed out in relief. He couldn’t wait to get out of there.

“_Someone _looks great today”, Loki beamed a smile up at Gellert once he reached the place where Loki sat at. “I mean, _me._ Wish I could say the same about _you_”, he snickered, teasing, “did you sleep well?” A pause. “Judging by your expression, you had difficulties”, Loki giggled.


	18. Chapter 18

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

As soon as Gellert recognised Loki within the crowd - much further up the table than usual - he swept over to him with a self-satisfied smile. The students next to Loki nudged themselves over to make room for him.

“Funny,” Gellert remarked, smiling at Loki’s laughter. “Be a smart-ass to the guy who’s offering you sexual favours. See how that works out for you.” He sounded almost nettled, but the mischievous gleam in his eyes gave him away; he **knew** he looked great, so there was no room for offence.

“It took me a long time to stop thinking about the things you wrote.” He reached for the jug of pumpkin juice. “Did you still want to go back to the Room after this?”

He looked at Loki over the rim of his goblet suggestively.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He nearly blushed at ‘sexual favours’. Nearly. But he had to control himself in front of others.

“I _see_ you **know** you look **_gorgeous_**”, Loki leaned closer to Gellert to whisper this in his ear, “is that what you like to hear?”

He knew it was. Picking up a toast, he bit into it, then smirked to himself at the question.

“Of course. There’s **much** to _discuss_.” His imagination ran wild again. As soon as the Room gave them what they asked for, Loki knew he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. Not after everything they went through last night, including the messages. He shot a conspiratorial look at Gellert. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

_That perfect hair of yours, _Loki thought,_ will be so messed up you’ll need to use a spell to smooth it out again. I promise you that._

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert had to concentrate not to shiver at the tickle of Loki’s whisper. He grinned as he selected some pieces of toast too, anxious not to be too obvious at the breakfast table but still enjoying himself _far_ too much. He couldn’t seem to stop smiling: even though many hours had passed, he still felt as though the Firewhiskey affected him.

“Oh, absolutely.” He tried his hardest to keep a straight face. “I’m considering what, ah… _position_ you might take on the topic in question.” He took a bite out of the toast, eyes sparkling. Strangely, he wasn’t that hungry anymore; his other appetite had taken over again, the one that could only be sated by Loki. Nobody else came **close** to affecting him like this.

He ate quickly, then drained his pumpkin juice in just a few gulps. With the Hall so busy, he was certain there would be no students on the seventh floor to disrupt them this time.

“Ready when you are,” he said, innocently tilting his head.

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Why did he have to say that? Now Loki pictured himself in all sorts of positions, trying to decide which would be best for a first time. Then the message of where Gellert already thought of taking him; Loki couldn’t stop himself, he blushed a little in his toast.

“Oh, I’d rather let you to lead the conversation”, he smiled innocently, “you seem to be keen on leading all the time, why not let you do that when we… _talk_ about important things?”

He finished his toast, drank some warm cocoa, then glanced at Gellert to see if he was finished. That was when he said he was ready when Loki was, and it made the Slytherin smile. It was so hard not to take Gellert’s hand… to just grab it and hold it and kiss it, like yesterday… the tension steadily built in his lower abdomen. He definitely couldn’t eat more.

“Come, then”, he smirked at Gellert, “I’ll show you something new, first.”

He led the way down to the kitchens; tickled the pear as always, the house-elves happy to see them, as always. Once they were literally flooded with food and Loki put it all in his bag, they were on their way up to the seventh floor. They were close to the Hufflepuff dormitory, and Loki saw Cedric offering them a smile. The Slytherin was amazed that the smile didn’t make him sad at all, on the contrary, it made him smile as well. _He knows_, it flashed across his mind, _and he’s glad I’m happy._

“Now. Here we are. Do you want to do the honours?” Loki teased lightly after they arrived, even if his heart was beating hard in his throat and felt even more tension in his gut.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert quirked an intrigued eyebrow at Loki’s suggestion to show him something new. The last time he’d seen that expression on Loki’s face, he’d shown him the Room of Requirement. He would never tire of learning more about the castle and its secrets, so he followed, his eyes glittering with interest. 

It was quite an experience, entering the Kitchens: upon entering, a flood of House Elves immediately swept them from their feet (’_Master Loki has brought a new friend!_’) and stuffed all manner of snacks and treats into their hands and pockets. Gellert couldn’t help but laugh when Loki had to unfasten the fingers of a particularly needy elf from his leg (’_Master Loki must come and visit us again soon!’_), and stepped back out of the portrait doorway with a bright grin. 

As Loki packed everything into his bag, Gellert briefly leaned against the wall. Cedric was stood nearby, handsome as ever. His gaze was open and friendly - as per usual. 

Now that Gellert knew the truth about him, his jealousy had been tempered considerably; he even offered a small smile back to the Hufflepuff boy. If Cedric hadn’t ended things with Loki, Gellert knew he might never have had the chance to kiss him. That had to count for something.

Once they were on the seventh floor, and the noise and chatter of other students faded behind them, a palpable tension resumed in the air between them. **They were alone again**. Gellert crossed the tapestry three times, concentrating deeply about what he wanted the Room to give them. He was glad he could finally finish his thoughts from the night before, and by the time he opened his eyes, meeting Loki’s gaze, the door had appeared between them. The veil of suspense heightened, and for the first time, Gellert felt a flutter of nerves. 

Loki wasn’t just a meaningless fuck. Loki was something so, so much more. 

“After you, darling.” They were the same words he had used the first time he had ever created the Room, and he hoped Loki could remember the moment. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Loki watched him walk up and down on the corridor, and he felt scared, aroused and excited at the same time. Would he be good enough for Gellert? Wouldn’t he be disappointing? Suddenly, he got very self-conscious about his body. He thought of the vertical scars he had on his left lower arm. The many other scars all over his back and chest and the front of his thighs. He’d learned to brew healing potions early in his life, faster than he attended Hogwarts, but many of his wounds couldn’t get treated properly. Many of them remained on his skin, and never would fade perfectly.

He’d been Thor’s _monster _too many times.

He panicked; fear of being rejected, fear of disgusting Gellert now turned his excitement into gut-wrenching anxiety. He’d rolled his sleeves up before, but he always applied an illusion charm to blur them. Now, for some reason, he forgot… his haste to meet Gellert was stronger than his calculated coolness.

He only lost it more at Gellert’s words – and despite his nerves, he remembered fondly of the time when he heard him call him ‘darling’ the first time, when he showed Gellert how to use the Room –, his cheeks grew pink because of his intense need to _please_. Would he be still able to please like this? Nobody saw him the way he truly was. He always hid it. Even with Cedric. Nervousness took over as he offered a smile to Gellert, then he opened the door.

He entered a very cozy room. His eyes, obviously, settled on the huge king-sized, four poster bed and his palms started to sweat. Everything was green; the curtains, the sheets, the pillows, the fluffy, thick carpet, and there were many lit candles, which gave the room both the mysterious and the romantic feeling. Loki half smiled and turned to look at Gellert.

“I like green”, he smiled softly, then reached out, grabbed Gellert’s coat, and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him. Loki took his time looking in Gellert’s eyes, giving himself a few moments to relax as he gently pushed the other against the door. “I can’t take my eyes off of you”, he confessed quietly, his hands gently sliding up on Gellert’s chest. “Ever since you looked at me that evening, I’ve found you so breathtakingly beautiful.” He paused, then glanced down at Gellert’s mouth, his right hand trailing a line up to them, stroking his neck in the process. His fingertips softly caressed Gellert’s lips. Loki’s eyebrows twitched a little, his voice became a little deeper. “But I guess, this is how it is. Unloved monsters always end up like this.” He leaned closer, the tip of his nose gently stroking Gellert’s from left to right, then right to left; a little eskimo kiss which made Loki smile. “Loving the one they shouldn’t, from afar…”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert considered the new Room for a moment. He’d asked for a space that would be comfortable for Loki, a space that felt familiar and calming: he wanted the experience to be nothing short of perfect. _Perhaps I was a little too specific with the colour scheme_ _though_, he thought mildly, knowing his imagination had been heavily influenced by the Slytherin dormitory. 

Loki seemed pleased though, and that was all that mattered. Gellert allowed himself to be gently nudged backwards by him, his eyelids heavy as he searched the other’s face. _Wow._ Loki looked so intensely back at him that he felt heat rise in his cheeks; he was almost overwhelmed by the yearning and tenderness he could see in his eyes. The fingertips on his lips sent a shiver down his spine, and he breathed deeply, closing his eyes to focus on the feel of Loki’s closeness, the solid feel of his hand upon his chest. 

He smiled at Loki’s words. He knew exactly what to say to make him feel special. _Mesmeric._

“Even monsters are deserving of love,” he murmured, smiling, the words almost against Loki’s lips. “And you don’t have to admire me from afar anymore. I’m here. I’m **_yours_**.”

His insistent mouth parted Loki’s lips, sending tremors to his nerves and evoking sensations he hadn’t thought himself capable of feeling. The kiss was long, and slow; Gellert wasn’t sure how long they stood there, embracing against the door and just living in the moment. 

Still kissing him, Gellert shrugged off his coat, then helped Loki do the same. His long fingers lowered from Loki’s cheek to the neckline of his shirt, and expertly undid the top four buttons with one hand. He slid his hand under the shirt to feel his skin: it was unbearably soft. 

Carefully, he steered them over towards the bed; next, he worked on Loki’s waistcoat buttons. He felt hot, fevered, his fingers tracing trails of fire across Loki’s skin. It was then that he felt the scars on his lower arms - he pulled away, looking down in surprise, and his thumb stroked across one of them gently. He waited for Loki to say something: it was entirely up to him whether or not he wanted to move past the moment or not. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

He felt so proud for a few moments when he saw how he could get Gellert blush. What he said gave Loki comfort and hope, and he didn’t resist at all when Gellert kissed him.

Loki didn’t know why, but this kiss felt _cosmic_. Those warm lips against his own, Gellert’s tongue stroking his, the slowness and gentleness of their discovery of each other made Loki wonder. He’d never felt like this before. This connected, this wholly accepted. His mind switched off; nothing mattered but the fact that Gellert was there in his arms and that he was kissing him.

He hummed as Gellert brushed off his robes, then felt hands on his shirt’s buttons. Heat flooded his cheeks when he felt that hot hand against his bare skin, and he didn’t even make an attempt to hide it. If Gellert continued in this pace, he’d be naked in five minutes. And it made him smile. Especially when Gellert moved him towards the bed.

But then, Gellert paused, and his smile faded at the questioning look. With a soft twitch at the touch of his scar, he touched Gellert’s cheek with the hand closest to him.

“I’ll explain… later, if that’s alright with you”, he said softly, stroking the cheek beneath his thumb. “_Monster_, remember?” He softly brushed Gellert’s locks out of his forehead and kissed him there. “Monsters aren’t beautiful like you, Gellert…”

He swallowed hard, hoping it wouldn’t ruin this entirely. Loki was worried; the marks on him were mostly old, but there were a few which were visibly more fresh; maybe two or three months old. The bruises quickly faded after they were made; but there were the cuts. Marks of a potion maker’s knife. An insult. Humiliation. Thin, short, white lines, in many places on his skin, but there were dozens. One day, he might even count them. But he didn’t want to think of them right now.

“If… if it’s… bothering you”, he pulled away to look in Gellert’s mismatched eyes, “we could m-make the Room dark. I-I don’t mind.”

He already felt a lump in his throat as he stuttered. This was awful for him that Gellert saw them in the first place, but if the other found them, **_him_**, disgusting because of it, then… that would shatter him. He hated himself enough as it was. It’d be too awful to know Gellert hated to see them as well. His mind replayed him the memory when Gellert saw his black eye, and Loki’s pupils shrunk with fear. _Please, don’t hate me. Please, don’t walk out…_

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

** _Monsters aren’t beautiful like you, Gellert._ **

He smiled at that. _Beauty is the most useful tool for a monster_, he wanted to say. Like the sirens of the sea, he knew beauty could be used as a weapon to lure in the foolish and unwary. 

Listening to Loki’s troubled words, Gellert met his gaze with veiled curiousity. _He thinks the scars offend me,_ he realised. In the dim flickering candlelight, they were difficult to see, but Gellert was certain it wouldn’t have made a difference to him either way. The revelation that Loki had likely done this to himself definitely unsettled him a little, but Loki’s torments could never change the way Gellert felt about him. If anything, the show of vulnerability only heightened his feelings of protection, of trust. 

As he brought Loki’s wrist to his lips, and kissed the scars, he felt a new wave of love rush through him. 

“The only thing that’s bothering me…” he whispered, dipping his fingers lower to the waistband of Loki’s trousers. “… is the fact you still have your clothes on.” 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

The smile confused him – were his worries laughable? His worried comment that they could dim the room sounded ridiculous? Did he just make a fool of himself?

He never wanted anyone to see these, because he’d be mocked and yelled at, or even worse. When the one who caused the rest of his scars on his body saw these on his arm, he just laughed and said he was weak. Loki, wretchedly, agreed. He was not strong enough to even finish what he started, not even once. He always changed his mind before it was too late. This summer, things got really bad. He sunk too deep. Everything steadily fell apart around him and he didn’t have the strength to hold on.

But, for some reason, he always saved himself, before it was too late. Perhaps this was what was supposed to happen: to meet Gellert, their friendship, and his love that developed for him. Perhaps that was the reason he stayed alive.

And now, he had no regrets that he kept living. Because this was worth it all. All the scars, all the pain, his heartbreak. If he’d known this all along, perhaps it would’ve been easier to withstand his trials.

His own lips parted when Gellert kissed his scars, the sensation made him swallow. He felt a lump forming in his throat again; but it was of the good kind. Upon feeling fingers around the waistband of his trousers, colour rushed back in his pale face, blood painting his cheeks pink. He couldn’t help but try and ease his nerves.

“Why?” Loki whispered, lips close to Gellert’s cheek. “Are you curious of my _snake?”_

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

He’d leaned close, easing Loki back onto his elbows as, with one hand, he unfastened the trousers and pushed them lower, almost to his knees. He tilted to tenderly kiss Loki’s cheek, wanting to assuage any nervousness the other boy was feeling; when he felt the other boy’s lips against his own cheek, and heard his words, he couldn’t help it - he laughed softly into Loki’s shoulder. His scent was overwhelmingly comforting, as was the moment itself. _I’ve never_ **_laughed_** with a lover before, he thought, his cheeks warm. _Especially not in this setting. _

It felt so natural, so easy and organic, and it made him dizzy with desire. 

“That’s one way of putting it,” he replied, palming Loki’s already hard length through the fabric of his underwear. His blonde hair hung down around his head like a halo. “I’ve thought about it a lot… you, writhing beneath me like this.” In his lust, his voice had taken on a low, gravelly quality, and his eyelids were dark and heavy as he looked down at Loki. 

His lips lowered again for another kiss, his tongue slipping inside. Everything was slow, teasing, tasting; he stopped rubbing only to push down the waistband of the underwear too, and gasped lightly into Loki’s mouth when he could circle him properly. He moved slowly up and down in tantalising motions, his long fingers occasionally teasing the tip, and the only sounds in the room were of their combined breaths, punctuated by soft moans. 

“_I want you so bad_,” he whispered, his own trousers almost painful with how right they were right now. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Each touch he felt, each second he’d spent with Gellert, was unbelievable. It felt unreal. His mind buzzed with questions; _what I’ve felt with Cedric, wasn’t like this. Why? What’s different now? Why are my hands shaking? I can’t concentrate…_

Then his brain went as blank as a new roll of parchment. Gellert pulled his trousers down and laughed at his joke. His laughter filled Loki with so much warmth he was afraid for a moment he’d spontaneously combust. He only had a split second to think — about _since when did Gellert think about me like this?_ —, before the white noise came back. Gellert’s hand — the hand Loki so often observed when the boy wasn’t looking, those beautiful palms, his wonderful back of hand, his sexy long and slender fingers —, **His** _hand_ was **definitely** touching him _there_.

Loki let out a desperate but quiet whine, silencing it as soon as it started to come out. His hips thrust up by instinct, and his own hands almost automatically moved up in Gellert’s hair as he kissed him again. Loki gently stroked the golden locks — _so soft_ —, kissed back — _so gentle_ —, and trembled when that beloved hand lowered his underwear and touched him, skin to skin.

Loki tried his best to hold himself back. He wouldn’t finish before they even started, but Gellert made it extremely difficult to hold on. Hurrying would spoil it, but if they went this slow and Gellert continued to stroke him like that and said things like this, Loki would come in a blink.

He needed to bring his brain back from it’s sudden mini-death, caused by his senses and Gellert himself. **_Focus_**, he forced himself as he softly stroked the golden locks. He gently kissed Gellert, his fingers continuing to unbutton that pitch black shirt the other started to do already with calculated, calm movements. It would’ve looked like he wasn’t affected by what they were doing, if Gellert didn’t feel that his hands were shaking and he was literaly _throbbing_ with need in the Durmstrang’s hand. Loki softly nibbled on Gellert’s lower lip, brushed the shirt off of his shoulders, and his own slender fingers touched the other’s, directly, for the first time.

**_I want you so bad_**, the words echoed in his mind and he needed a second to think of something else entirely, so he would not blow his load all over his own stomach. _Shit_, he dropped his head back on the bed and looked up at Gellert; his eyes swirling with desire and need and pleasure. Gellert’s expression burned in his mind. Nobody, ever, looked at him like the way he did. Loki’s hands softly rubbed against Gellert’s shoulders, and the Slytherin smiled mischievously as he started to push.

Not up and away. But to the side. Making the other lie on the bed, this time, with him rolling after him. Loki kept himself on one elbow, his other hand cupping Gellert’s cheek, the raven haired let their eyes meet for a few moments.

“I want you a thousand times more”, he whispered back gently.

He leaned down to kiss the boy’s lips once more before his hand slipped down from Gellert’s cheek, slowly trailing down across his chest — teasing a nipple on the way —, his stomach, reaching the trousers. Loki slid down on the bed and knelt just next to Gellert’s legs, and he unbuckled the belt and unbuttoned the trousers with swift but shaky movements. His heart throbbed in his throat as he pulled Gellert’s trousers and underwear down; freeing the other’s long and already hard erection, resting against Gellert’s lower abdomen.

Loki licked his lips.

“Let me help you, dearest”, he smiled, then scooted closer.

His right hand slowly made it’s way up on Gellert’s thigh, then snaked around the base of his cock. Loki pulled himself even closer, then — making sure he maintained eye contact — licked Gellert’s length from base to it’s tip. The taste of Gellert’s precum nearly made him cum again. He positioned himself properly, then let Gellert’s tip inside of his mouth before he started to suck.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s fingers felt cool against the searing heat of his skin, leaving shivering pathways across his shoulder blades. Gellert briefly paused in his actions only to help shrug his own shirt off - but then Loki pushed him to the side with a smile that made his skin prickle with anticipation. He met his eyes eagerly. 

_Is he?_ Gellert wondered, propping himself up on his elbows. Loki’s kiss was short, sweet, but full of promise. _He **is**._ Gellert grinned, and watched as Loki lowered onto his knees, feeling him map a trail down his body on the way down. He waited for Loki to unbuckle his belt, his breath shaking from the tightness of desire in his chest.

Holding back his cravings for so long, he had felt like an ocean taking in breath, holding on to the waves of longing. Now, the crash of the tide was inevitable, and he knew that when it finally happened, he’d drown in it.

When Loki exposed him, and licked his lips, Gellert had to bite down on his own lip - hard. It was like something from one of his fantasies: only it was actually **happening**. And yet, his friend’s touch was like nothing he could ever have imagined: his body jolted as he felt Loki’s tongue lick his entire length, and he tilted back his head with a groan when Loki started to suck. 

“That feels so good,” he whispered, his lips parting in a sigh. Loki’s skilful tongue had him throbbing. After a few minutes, he had to concentrate especially hard to delay his release - it had been so long, and it would be easy to finish now - but there was still so much he wanted to do before then. Instinctively, he leaned up again and reached for Loki, his fingers disappearing into his black hair.

“_Fuck,_” he hissed under his breath, helping guide the rhythm with his hand on the crown of Loki’s head. His body trembled; Loki _had_ to slow now or it’d all be over for him. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived:**

Before, he tried to imagine how it’d feel to finally be the one bringing such pleasure to Gellert. Not his own hand or someone else, but him. Now, he knew, and he loved to do it. He _wanted_ to do it. And he’d do it _again_.

Loki kept moving, his eyes searching for Gellert’s reactions; taking him in in every possible way, down his own throat, as deep as he could without gagging, with his hands touching him, and watching him with his eyes.

_I want to devour you. You’re so delicious._

Knowing the other was at his mercy now, lying beneath him so vulnerable, chasing his lust, had Loki trembling. He knew a single touch would seriously be too much for him. The verbal reassurance that he did well brought him a new sense of acceptance. He did well, and he was pleased with himself that he was visibly good enough.

So good, in fact, that Gellert reached down to slow him down. Loki couldn’t smile like this — the other’s length staying at the back of his throat for longer than before —, but his eyes were shining with mischief. The curse made him narrow his eyes at Gellert as he slowly, very slowly, started to raise his head. He loved the fingers entangled in his raven hair; and for a moment he played with the idea he’d just hold Gellert by his wrists and resume his own rhythm so he could swallow his cum he craved so much.

But then… he realised this was not what Gellert wanted. He definitely wanted something else, something more, too. Loki kept Gellert’s impressive cock up with his hand at the base, then released it with his mouth and finally smiled up at the other.

“Do you think you can take me like this…?”

Loki started to push himself up, this time. His spit would be more than enough for their next step, he knew. He got rid of his trousers and underwear as he climbed up on the bed, knees at Gellert’s sides. He kept his right gently around the other’s length, his other hand pulling Gellert’s wrist to bring his hand lower from his hair, to his chest, covered in those small, shiny scars, just where Loki’s heart was beating fast and hard with desire and love, just for him.

“Do you want it?” He whispered as he positioned himself above the other properly, waiting. “Do you want… me?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s question ignited more tongues of fire in the core of his body, and he quickly nodded, using the time it took Loki to fully undress to do the same: he kicked the lower-half of his clothing onto the floor and re-positioned himself by the headboard, feeling light-headed with want. He was glad of the pause, because it gave him enough time to recollect himself, to scale himself back. He’d held off from fucking Loki for two months - what was another ten or fifteen minutes?

When Loki crawled back onto the bed, Gellert tilted his head back against the headboard and razed his eyes over his form. Dark, seductive; a promise in his mismatched eyes. _I’m going to fuck you so good._

Now the both of them were completely naked, there seemed a mutual urge to take in every detail of their bodies: as Loki placed his knees either side of him, Gellert admired the planes of his friend’s abdomen, the blue veins in his arms, the hollow dip of his collarbone. _I’ll never question my sexuality again_, Gellert thought - Loki was nothing short of perfection. He bit his lip when Loki once again grasped his length, and dazedly allowed his wrist to be taken and raised so that he could feel the solidity of Loki’s chest.

In the pale candlelight, he could see the small, white lines, criss-crossed like a pattern across his heart. Gellert gently traced them with his fingertips for a moment, marvelling at its macabre beauty. Loki’s heart was _his_, now. It was up to him to take precious care of it. 

“Do you want it?” Loki whispered, and Gellert could feel him positioning himself above him. “Do you want… me?” 

Gellert glanced up, the shadows darkening his eyes - even the light blue one. He hadn’t asked Loki outright, but the answer was plain to him now: Loki had definitely done this before. He must know exactly what was next, and had prepared his entrance already, or else he wouldn’t be waiting for an answer. 

“Yes,” he hissed, his other hand stroking up his arm, his bicep, his shoulder, finding purchase so he could angle himself. As Loki eased himself down, slowly and gently, Gellert reacted, bucking his hips upwards slightly. The feeling of sliding into Loki was practically narcotic; he groaned at the tightness, at the soft slide as he went deeper, at the mere knowledge that it was _Loki_, **his** Loki, the one person he had longed for. 

He cursed under his breath, slipping back into his mother tongue as his brain short-circuited under the wave of pleasure. As soon as Loki seemed to have adjusted, willingly moving him deeper inside of him, Gellert’s hands ran sharply downwards to grip tightly at Loki’s hips, his own rutting upwards to find a slow, but steady pace. 

Gellert was used to taking control, but here, they worked in tandem: it felt strange to let someone else have some of the command for once, but Gellert was surprised to discover that he actually _enjoyed_ it. That was a first.

He felt his skin prickle with sweat, his limbs weaken; a slight, shaky laugh escaped from his lips, still amazed that this was _happening_. He could remember Loki’s previous reaction to him speaking German, and now, he looked up to Loki to catch his eye.

“_Das fühlt sich gut an…_” he gasped, his lips curving into a smile, still fucking him. He knew Loki couldn’t understand, but that was what made it _sexy_: the husky tone of Gellert’s voice was enough for Loki to grasp the connotation. _That feels good_ was still an understatement though - Gellert knew he had never, in all his life, felt this incredible. He grasped Loki’s arse tighter, his fingernails digging harder into his flesh as he jutted up, hitting Loki’s sweet spot. The bed springs beneath his hips creaked, but it was barely audible over their whimpers and moans.


	19. Chapter 19

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He observed Gellert’s face as he took in Loki’s form; that nervous voice in his head got quieter with each second because he could see the longing in Gellert’s eyes. Loki felt _wanted_. He was imperfect, maimed, broken, and Gellert still looked at him like this; with the promise in his mismatched eyes that he’d give Loki everything he could. The thought, and Gellert’s gasped reply, his back broke out in gooseflesh.

As he slowly lowered himself and let Gellert’s tip slip inside of him, Loki tried his best to adjust and relax as much as he could. The look the other shot him had Loki tremble with desire and lust again, and the Durmstrang’s touches made him bit his lip. Gellert was a bit bigger than he’d thought, and once the other bucked his hips up, sliding deeper inside of him, a lewd moan left Loki, obviously enjoying the penetration.

_Fuck_, he thought, feeling like he could feel that thrust in his entire body, from head to toe, _oh fuckfuck**fuck—!! **_He had to pause for a few seconds to stop himself from reaching his release instantly, but he was so tantalisingly close that it almost _hurt._ He edged himself on purpose, he wanted to feel Gellert inside of him like this, for as long as possible, to be one together. Gellert’s cursing under him raised even more gooseflesh all over his body, and Loki was afraid all of his efforts not to cum were in vain; Gellert was just too perfect like this, his hair messed up, eyes closed, expression eased into complete bliss, knowing it was him who caused it. Loki’s hands, trembling, slipped to Gellert’s chest for support before he started to move. He felt the other’s heartbeat against his palms, and Loki moaned softly again as he moved all the way down.

That was when Gellert grabbed his hips and held him tight, and he had another almost in such a short time that he bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, concentrating not to finish, his hips moving and – and Gellert moving with him. That surprised him; it was always him doing it before. Actually feeling how much Gellert wanted him to feel this amazing friction, Loki’s mind went far, far away, to a place where it never had been before.

He felt sweat at the back of his head and all over his back as he tried to hold on, but when he looked down again – his raven hair fell in his eyes as he did so, it couldn’t hold on to it’s place anymore –, Gellert’s eyes met his and he was speaking in his mother tongue again. He couldn’t quite understand everything, only _gut_, then, as Gellert kept moving, he hit right where it felt the best, a spot he didn’t even know it existed, and that was the last, final straw. It pushed him over the edge, he couldn’t stop himself. Even as it was happening, he tried to stop it, his neatly trimmed nails dug gently in Gellert’s chest.

“_Gellert!_” He came with a cry, without even touching himself, spilling his seed over the other’s lower stomach and his own wrists. “Ah,** oh,**_Gellert!_”

His orgasm never felt like this before, it was so intense he trembled uncontrollably, his toes curled and he felt tears in his eyes. And the pleasure just came, in strong, heated waves, steadily drowning him.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert had pushed Loki’s thighs further apart, taking advantage of the position to thrust faster and harder; he felt elation at seeing Loki gasp, his eyes crinkle shut from the pleasure. For a while, there was only slickness and sweat, panting, and the sound of skin slapping against skin.

Then Loki had met his gaze, and he knew he couldn’t last much longer - he was so close to unravelling, to falling over the edge - and this was the first time he had slept with someone he actually _cared_ about. As it turned out, a healthy dose of _real _emotion made sex _so much fucking better_. 

Loki looked positively **sinful** as his raven hair fell into his face; his pale skin was pink from pleasure, his open rosy lips still glossy from tasting him. He was _almost there_, and a grin broke from Gellert as he heard his name whimpered out across the room. 

Loki’s fingers dug into his abdomen, and he felt the telltale sticky heat land across his stomach; Loki’s trembling and gasping urged him on to the finish, and as he felt the clench around the base of his cock, it made the heat inside Gellert uncurl all at once. 

“Oh, _fuck_…” he moaned, his hips slamming up one more time; he felt himself cum, shooting his load deep. With his head thrown back in delirious pleasure, he hissed Loki’s name. _Take it all_, he thought, moving slower and unsteady until his orgasm fully passed. 

His limbs seemed to be made of air when he reached up to stroke Loki’s hair from his face. He was sweaty from the exertion of their first time, but he didn’t care. As he looked into Loki’s ocean eyes, Gellert felt a rush of affection stutter his heavily-beating heart. 

“_That…_” he whispered, his fingers lowering shakily to caress along his cheekbones. “That was _by far_ the best I’ve ever had.” He swallowed, the intimacy of the moment throwing his usual calculated countenance off; Loki was still sat astride him, and he was inside him, their bodies still one. Gellert would normally leave, abandon the moment, escape any emotion from whomever had entertained him -** but not this time. **

Now, he slowly leaned forward and brought his lips to Loki’s in a soft, sweet kiss, his fingers stroking up the back of his neck and into his damp hair. He could taste himself on Loki’s lips. 

“I love you,” he whispered, his heart stopping. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki’s expression distorted; what he felt was too overwhelming for him to be able to control the movements his body did.

“_Hah,_ **ahh,** oh **G-**”

There was one last time he cried out with the effort to keep himself up as Gellert thrusted up, deep inside of him, hitting that spot that blurred his vision and despite he just ejaculated, he found himself coming down from another high. His thighs tightened around Gellert’s waist, nails dug a bit deeper, and Loki could only communicate in slurred, unintelligible gasps as Gellert filled him up with his seed.

When he gained some of the control back, he glanced down at Gellert, still panting with mouth open, shocked this could even happen, and hummed at the other’s words. By far the _best?_ He was so proud of himself. What Gellert put him through now felt otherworldly. He moved his head a little to feel the fingers against his cheek more, then shivered as the fingers ran into his damp hair. He tightened up again; each touch and whispered word prolonged his post-orgasm bliss, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to move. When Gellert leaned up to him though, he kissed back softly, and smiled tiredly.

**I love you.**

His hands moved up and around Gellert’s shoulders, and he gently stroked the sweaty golden locks. Loki looked in those mismatched eyes which changed his life, and he felt tears of joy in his eyes again. He smiled; lips trembling with tiredness and his eyes shining with intense emotion.

“I love you, Gellert”, he whispered back, stroking the hair out of the other’s face as gently as possible, only his fingertips touching Gellert’s forehead. “I love you, and only you. I’ll be yours as long as you want me.” He softly kissed Gellert again. “I promise.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Despite the soft warmth in his chest, and his satisfied contentment, Gellert felt a strange, unpleasant twist in his gut as he heard his own whispered admission. He had never before said those words to someone **and meant them**. It was a point of no return, a turning of the tide; his exposed vulnerability raw and open for Loki to do with as he pleased.

He looked deeply into the eyes of his friend - _his lover_ \- and exhaled softly. He _had_ to trust Loki. That was what love was, wasn’t it? Letting someone have a piece of your heart, and accepting the risk of it breaking. _Trusting them not to. _

Then Loki _said it back_, and kissed him, and the unpleasant tenseness melted away to nothing but breathless acceptance and surety. 

“As long as I want you?” Gellert repeated, his arms around him. He ghosted his fingertips across the skin on Loki’s shoulder blades. 

“I’m not sure there’s a time limit on this. This is something special. I can feel it.” He tilted his head, staring at Loki’s lips. “This doesn’t… this doesn’t just happen to me. Everything I touch, I break. I wasn’t made to love.” He said it with cold conviction, a truth he knew in his soul. “But look at me now.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki closed his eyes with a soft smile as Gellert’s arms snaked around his still sweaty, trembling, form. The aftermath left his needs completely sated, but his skin was still very sensitive to the touch. He turned his head to Gellert’s question, and placed a kiss on the other’s forehead.

**As long as I want you?**

_Yes, darling,_ he wanted to reply._ I thought I loved someone. I told him that I did, he said he did, too, and he left me. You’ll leave me too, one day… but until then, I want to be happy with you. Until then, I want to make sure you’re taken care of, that you feel perfect and whole with me. And when you decide you’re throwing me away, like everyone else before you, I will respect your decision. I’ll let you go… to make it easier for you._

As he felt those happy tears gathering in his eyes before, now they threatened to spill.** I’m not sure there’s a time limit on this,** Gellert whispered, and his heart skipped a beat. _No time limit? _Did he mean that he’d love him_ endlessly? **Forever?**_ Loki shuddered at the thought. He imagined spending a lifetime with Gellert, he imagined both of them growing old and grey and feeble, and he smiled at the mental image. He tried to imagine Gellert with a long beard like Dumbledore’s, and he had to smile. He’d look so ridiculous. Loki would love it.

“Bullshit”, he brought a hand forward to stroke Gellert’s cheek, his thumb caressing his lower lip. “You were made to love, and I will give you all the love I have, if you’ll have me. You deserve it. I know you like to think you’re a horrible person, but you’re wrong.” Loki softly kissed Gellert’s forehead again. “Don’t be afraid, my love. Everything is going to be alright. And if you want me to, I’ll always be with you.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert smiled softly, placing his own hand over the one Loki settled on his cheek. The Slytherin saw the best of him, and that would always be an advantage. Durmstrang didn’t look upon him so favourably. He had broken bones as well as hearts in his experiments, but he knew that Loki could understand that those acts didn’t make him _evil_. That was what some of the other students had whispered, and it made him want to laugh: he wasn’t a bad person, only _human_. But the others weren’t worthy enough to understand him, his actions and desires and dreams for the future. 

This one did. 

Loki’s words were exactly the response he’d hoped for, and he kissed him lightly. His slender arms came back around his body to roll him to the side, the coverlet as soft as satin beneath their bare skin. 

“Of course I deserve it,” he said, gently pulling out of Loki with a small intake of breath. “That was never in doubt. I’ll have you. I’ll have you _gladly_.” He tilted Loki’s chin up for one more kiss, pressing the promise to his lips. _I’ll always be with you_ was a tantalising idea from Loki, and it sent pleasant chills across Gellert’s skin. _Good,_ he wanted to say. _That’s where you belong._

He sat up, swept his hair back from his face, and moved to the edge of the bed so that he could open the bedside drawer. The Room of Requirement did not disappoint - but then, he’d been fairly candid about his wants when he’d walked the corridor thrice. He tossed Loki some tissues, then cleaned his own stomach. 

“So tell me,” he said, standing from the bed and turning to face Loki so that he could admire his naked form all over again. “…are you still open to the idea of having me _all to yourself_ today…?” His eyes gleamed with mischief as he stepped towards Loki’s bag. He took out one of the bottles of pumpkin juice and uncorked it, throwing his head back to drink it. 

_Maybe we can do some research as normal, but just be naked the whole damn time for the hell of it_, he thought wickedly. _Or maybe we can lie in bed all day, touching and talking and learning more secrets about the other_. It was an intimate idea, and yet another thing he had never done before with anyone.  
  
Truthfully, he’d never had the time or energy for saccharine sentimentality with anyone else; Loki was the only exception, the only one that he had wanted to indulge. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki knew the risks. He knew if Gellert broke his heart as Cedric did half a year ago, he’d never recover. There was so much more than just finding Gellert handsome; he was talented, brilliant, underrated and genius, and Loki found Gellert’s mind just as beautiful as his body. The best of all of this was how well they clicked; both mentally and physically. Loki’s thighs still were shaking as Gellert rolled him over on his side, and the Slytherin smirked when he felt Gellert pulled out of him. He wondered briefly what would happen now. _This is the moment when he gets dressed and leaves?_ He wondered, and it made him anxious.

“I’ll have you. And I’ll have you _gladly_”, Gellert promised, and he sealed his promise with a kiss, one that left Loki’s mind buzz with white noise again.

_Soon_, he thought, now completely calm, as the other pulled away, _I’ll be one with you **again**. And **again**. And **again**… _he silently watched Gellert sitting up, and nearly laughed when he saw what did Gellert get out of the nightstand. He was grateful for those; he wiped himself clean and dropped his head back against the pillow, closing his eyes. He felt exhausted despite the fact it was still early morning. _I’ve never had two orgasms in such a short time,_ he realised and blushed before he glanced at Gellert who walked over to his bag and helped himself to a bottle of pumpkin juice. He silently adored the other’s form. _I’m a very lucky man._

“I’ve always wanted to have you all for myself”, he replied with a smile, then he ran a hand in his raven hair to smooth it back. He caught a glimpse of his own scars on his arm, and he wanted to hide under the blanket. Which, he did, just a second later, with only his head visible. Suddenly, he became very self aware and shy, which was ridiculous, given the fact what they just did to each other. “Want to join, perhaps?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

By the time Gellert had lowered his bottle of pumpkin juice, Loki had unexpectedly tucked himself into the large bed, his head comfortably resting on one of the pillows. Gellert tried to hold back a laugh, but failed, and snorted quietly into the back of his hand.

_Plan B it is, _he thought, surprised at his own rush of fondness. Loki was… **cute**_, _almost in the way a small animal might be. Even though he knew Loki was perfectly capable of protecting himself, it made him want to chase away any and all things that could ever hurt Loki. The effect the boy had on him was both wonderful and alarming. 

He tilted his head at Loki’s question, similar to how a dog might - or a wolf. Then his mismatched eyes traced Loki’s covered outline coquettishly, and, still naked, he approached the bed again.

“_Hmm._ Do I…?” he pretended to think, a small smirk at his lips. Without looking, he placed the bottle of juice on the nightstand, then crawled onto the covers, sinuous and elegant. 

“I’ll join you if you let me be the big spoon,” he said teasingly, trying to hold back another laugh.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He loved it when Gellert was this cheeky. He was smiling under the blanket, but he pulled it up against the tip of his nose, so only his cheeks under his eyes let the other know.

“You can be the big spoon”, Loki murmured softly from under the blanket before he raised the blanket, wrapped his arm around Gellert’s neck, and pulled him close. Facing each other. “When we’re asleep.”

The other’s body against his own left him drunk on happiness. Bare skin to skin contact — Loki cherished every second of it, and he snuggled close to Gellert’s neck with a smile as he wrapped him tightly with the blanket.

“I’ve wanted to do this ever since you’ve told me you’re cold on your ship. I want to keep you warm.”

He smiled, then pulled a bit away and pecked the corners of Gellert’s lips. His green eyes looked unusually gentle as his hand drew lines on Gellert’s bare back under the blanket.

“How are you feeling now, love?”

A pleasant warmth grew in his chest as he said the last word. This was unbelievable; Gellert was _here_, in **his** arms. Perhaps he died or had a very lucid, long dream. Loki didn’t want it to end. He wanted to stay here forever, with Gellert, warm and safe.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert supposed that was fair. He fell into the bed at Loki’s ministrations, tucked his legs under and wriggled down until their eyes met across the pillow. 

It was so comfortable that he let out a sigh. _If only I could stay in this bed every night. _

He could recall Loki asking him about the Durmstrang ship a number of times; it seemed a common enough question, but there had always been an anxious clip in Loki’s tone. Gellert now realised it was because he’d wanted to steal him away to keep him warm. He smiled, and pecked Loki’s lips back in silent gratitude. He slowly snaked his arm around Loki’s side at his waist, his long fingers resting close to his spine. 

“_Mmm,_” he murmured, momentarily closing his eyes as he slowly tangled his legs with Loki’s. “Content,” he said quietly, after thinking about it for some moments. “Danke,” he added as an afterthought, opening his eyes again.

There weren’t as many candles close to the bed, so it was actually fairly dark: but the gentleness in Loki’s eyes was still clear as day. Gellert exhaled softly through his nose, his fingers beginning to softly stroke Loki’s lower back. 

“And you, Liebling?” He whispered, looking back into that gentleness with carefully contained adoration. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He barely was so gentle with anyone in the past few months, Loki was afraid he forgot how to do it. His eyes memorized Gellert’s face, tried to solve the mysterious look in the other’s mismatched eyes. He wished he could read minds easily, because then he’d know for sure that he’d made Gellert happy.

**Content**, he said in a tone that made Loki smile. He let Gellert tangling their legs, enjoying the silence in which only their breathing could be heard between Gellert’s hushed words. Loki’s hand kept circling; from Gellert’s side to his back in the middle, then moving slowly up until he reached those golden locks he loved so much.

_Liebling_, Loki smiled fondly. Gellert knew Loki liked when he said German words, and he purposefully used them to make him smile. His heart fluttered with happiness. It was such a tiny act to show Loki that Gellert truly paid attention to him, and the Slytherin really appreciated it. He thought of the time he’d seen Gellert with wet hair; and a question rose in his mind.

“Thoroughly satisfied and content, too, thank you”, he replied softly, giving Gellert a soft little peck on his lips. His fingers now found their way in Gellert’s hair at the back of his head. Loki still couldn’t believe he was touching the other like this. “When we were out, in the rain”, he muttered softly, “we stopped and laughed and you raised your hand. What did you want to do back then?”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

At Loki’s relaxing touch, every last bit of tension melted away from Gellert’s body. Not only did he feel content - he felt **safe**. As though he could admit to his greatest shames and darkest secrets, and not be met with judgement. It went beyond the physical circle of Loki’s arms: it felt like an invisible embrace of something much deeper, something unseen. 

He smiled. The insanity of it. 

“When we were caught in the rain, just after I first met Diggory?” he questioned, his fingers stroking across Loki’s hipbone beneath the covers. A brief image flashed into his mind: the castle steps, the rain trickling down their necklines, their dripping hair. Loki, laughing. 

“Yes. I remember.” 

An energy had snapped into place between them - something romantic, something _sexual_ and tense. Gellert could remember swallowing with nerves, his smile fading as he’d wondered: **_does Loki feel it too?_**

“I wanted to trace your lips,” he admitted, bringing his arm higher so that he could do it now. He lazily traced the outline of them, admiring the rosy hue; first the top, then the bottom lip. Slowly, earnestly. “And then, if you’d have let me do that… I would have kissed you. Like I was drowning, and you were my only hope of air.”

His eyes shined in the darkness, recalling how enraptured he had been. He stroked a strand of Loki’s pitch-black hair behind his ear, then moved his fingers down the sensitive veins in his neck to his collarbone, and then to his heart. It beat steadily beneath his palm like a drum, a beacon of hope for the light left in his soul. 

“It took everything I had to stop myself,” he confessed, his voice just above a whisper. “You friendship meant too much to me. I made the decision to long for you in silence instead.” He moved closer, his nose brushing against Loki’s before tilting his head to lazily kiss him. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Gellert’s smile brought him unexplainable happiness. He always wanted to make the other laugh; with a stupid joke, a tease, or a prank he played on someone else. He was convinced that Gellert’s smile was as potent as firewhisky; it left Loki feeling brave, warm on the inside, and it made that bubble of happiness just grow and grow in his chest. He was definitely addicted to Gellert’s smile and laughter. He hoped he’d hear it for as long as possible.

He was surprised when Gellert actually admitted it, feeling in his heart it was true. Now, he remained completely still, goosebumps broke out on his arms when the other stroked his lips so slowly. His emerald eyes held only affection, and he felt like that bubble of happiness continue to grow. Then, Gellert stroked his hair behind his ear. It was so gentle, so caring, that he needed a moment to close his eyes and just enjoy it; trying to imagine how he would’ve reacted if Gellert kissed him right there and then, that day. That happened so long ago; could it be that the other wanted him for a longer time than he originally thought…?

He shivered at the soft touches running down on his neck, to his collarbone and stopping above his heart; being so bare and vulnerable felt unusual, but also, somehow, right. He’d have no secrets before Gellert, he knew; he wouldn’t be able to be a manipulative liar anymore to him, there was just no way he’d be able to live with himself then. His hand kept stroking the back of Gellert’s head, his other hand gently lay against the other’s chest, mirroring Gellert’s movement, his low, quiet words igniting a fire in him again. He smiled again, though, as their noses touched, then kissed back softly, a happy noise escaping him.

_I don’t want to kiss anyone else in my life anymore,_ he thought to himself, feeling Gellert’s heartbeat, lips and tongue, feeling whole again. He didn’t want to pull away, didn’t want to rush, and they kept going for a real long time before Loki softly bit down on Gellert’s lower lip. He pulled away a little, looked in the other’s mismatched eyes, then released the other’s lip and hummed. _So soft. His lips are so soft. And warm. And sweet. Like marshmallow._ He decided he was addicted to those lips, too.

“That’s a shame”, he purred. “That day I felt particularly gloomy. You kept watching the girls in the library.” Loki pursed his lips playfully. “That was the day I discovered Amortentia had your scent for me.” He offered a shy smile, his hand moved from Gellert’s hair and his thumb stroked his cheek. “I thought I had no chance, because you liked girls. So I loved you in my dreams. There, you were mine.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Their extended kiss melted away time, and Gellert immersed each one of his senses into it: the cling of their bodies, the sound of their escaped breath, the scent of sweat and faded cologne, the salty sweetness of Loki’s tongue. He even saw Loki in his mind, his vivid beauty behind closed eyelids: he recalled the look of adoration in his eyes that had been for him - **only for him**.

Gellert had kissed plenty of others before, drawing them in with a look in his eyes; ruling them, putting them off, then luring them back. Each one had been different from the other, but he only now realised that he’d never given any of his past kisses his full attention before. No matter how hard he had tried, his mind had always lingered elsewhere: on the next stage of his research, or on how long he would have to act interested in whomever it was he had deigned worthy enough to kiss. His technique had been flawless, of course - but with Loki, the kisses they shared became his entire universe. 

They felt eternal.

By the time it was over, Gellert wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He ran his tongue lightly over his own bottom lip, right over the part that Loki had pulled at with his teeth. He sank back into the pillow with a satisfied smirk. 

“I only watch them so that they think they’ve interested me,” he explained, pulling away enough so that he could look up to the canopy of the bed. He put a hand behind his head, his other arm hooking around Loki’s shoulder. “It’s amazing what people will do for you if you make them feel special. When you work out what people are looking for, you gain some control. Everyone is broken in their own way, and most wizards just want someone to listen to them. Broken people make the best followers.” 

He stopped: his words would be unsettling for most people to hear, but he held on to the knowledge that Loki wasn’t _most people_. Either way, he pushed his concentration on the next thing Loki had told him. 

“_My_ scent?” he grinned, and a giddiness blossomed in his chest; he briefly pulled Loki tighter into him. “And just what did it smell of? Dusty books and dirty old Durmstrang ship?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

**I only watch them so that they think they’ve interested me.**

Loki felt a shiver run down his spine. This was what he did with others all the time. Luring them into his pretty little trap so he could get what he wanted. Sometimes he’d play for something simple; knowledge about someone else, some nice words, affection. Right now, in Gellert’s arms, everything others could give him seemed to be nothing. A kiss from someone else before Gellert felt empty, while Gellert’s one single **look **could _melt _his very bones. Thus, this was more than just basic attraction, he knew. Loki seemed to be drawn to Gellert in ways indescribable, in ways he didn’t know it was even possible. He knew he wouldn’t look at anyone else the way he looks at Gellert, and there’d be no one else who could make him feel like Gellert did.

**Broken people make the best followers. **How brilliantly true this was. Loki was familiar with this power, and he knew how it worked; and it was strange to hear someone using this power just as he did. A part of him silently hoped Gellert wouldn’t use that power on him. Loki wasn’t sure his heart would survive if Gellert broke it.

He blushed at the question though, but still felt happy when Gellert pulled him close to himself. Loki turned his head a bit and nuzzled to Gellert’s neck with a smile. He’d never felt this happy and whole before.

“Lake. Your hair often smells like the lake. Your clothes… wood. Sometimes damp wood.” He paused with a chuckle. “Liquorice Wand, obviously. There was the scent of fresh books, parchment, ink and pumpkin juice, too. And your cologne. I don’t know what’s in that, but it’s clearly distinguishable. Somehow… dominant. Royal. Special. **_You._**” He smiled and kissed Gellert’s neck softly. “I didn’t realise this when I smelled Amortentia, but in the library, that day, you leaned close to me, and it hit me, and…” He huffed quietly at the memory. “It was bittersweet… it hurt.”


	20. Chapter 20

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert listened with curiosity. It was oddly charming to hear Loki describe the scents he associated with him… and so poetically too. He tilted his head so that he could watch Loki speak, studying the way his lips moved.

Dominant. Royal. _Special_. 

He _felt _like those things, but it was something else to hear another say it: especially someone as clever as Loki. The Slytherin appreciated his worth beyond what anyone else ever had, or _could_ \- because the person he saw was _real_. The monster as well as the man. 

Without saying anything, he moved sideways into Loki, gently rolling him back so that he could hover over him, his elbows to either side. Beneath the covers, their lower bodies were pressed together, their legs remaining tangled. 

“Does it scare you that we almost walked away from each other?” he asked quietly, searching Loki’s eyes. “We might never have lived this moment… never have kissed, or touched, or _fucked_…” He trailed away, enraptured by Loki’s eyes, and feeling his body responding to the love and awe swimming inside their depths.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

It was so strange to see how easily Gellert left his eyes on him, and how he lowered his gaze on his lips ever since yesterday. Loki’s eyes wandered down to the other’s lips, too; the lips, which, compared to his thin ones, were thick, and looked luscious and red from their kissing and his bite from earlier.

Just when he decided he’d attack those lips again, Gellert moved him; Loki smiled lazily and let the other roll him around. _I can’t believe myself, _he thought when he felt Gellert’s lower body press against his and he felt tension steadily building inside of him again, despite the fact he came _twice _not so long ago. He glanced up at Gellert with the same smile, although a certain fire started to burn in his emerald eyes again, and he lifted his hand to softly stroke Gellert’s hair back, thumb stroking his cheek. The last word caused him to blush again.

“_Scare _me?” He asked back, his other hand trailing a line up on Gellert’s arm. “It **terrifies **me, especially because now I know what I would’ve lost. But it’s alright, now. You’re here, and with you, I feel complete.”

He tilted his head and his smile softened as he brushed more hair out of Gellert’s eyes. He observed him once more, and Loki’s heart skipped a beat, realising again just how beautiful Gellert was. His mismatched eyes, his nose, his cheeks, lips and his hair… everything about him was just perfect.

“And about _that_, my darling…” He cooed softly, now both hands sliding up to cup Gellert’s face. “For me, what we did, was not, as you put it, just a_ fuck_. I’d rather say that I made love to you.” He lifted his head and pecked Gellert’s lips. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore. When he dropped his head back down, he smirked mischievously. “And, dearest… unless you’re planning to do what we did, again, I’d suggest you pull a bit away because… I’m going to have _problems_, which means I will cause_ you_ problems”, he chuckled.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Hearing Loki’s sentiment, Gellert smirked into their kiss: he’d never termed any of his sexual experiences as such, but he knew his first time with Loki had certainly been something much **more** than a casual dalliance. 

He intended to sleep with him again, of course - to touch Loki with reverence and emotion and gentleness - to _make love_ and prove to him through touch alone that he was unique in all the world. 

Gellert also intended to ravage him, to _ruin_ him, for them both to let go of all their inhibitions and fuck until Loki was begging for mercy. He imagined that even those experiences would be heightened by the connection they shared, and he _couldn’t wait_. 

“Semantics,” he said mildly, slipping his hand between their bodies to touch Loki again, knowing exactly how they could deal with the ‘problem’. He was amazed at how hard he was - and so soon after their first encounter too. “Whatever you want to call it, darling… it’s beyond anything I’ve felt before.”

He watched the other’s face intensely as his hand worked, noting every minuscule reaction and thinking, possessively, _only **I** can make you feel like this_. He then worked on Loki’s sensitive entrance, using the remaining lubrication from their last session to his advantage; after a minute, he inserted another finger and carefully scissored them, rubbing over Loki’s prostate until he writhed beneath him. 

_I like you like this_, he thought, his eyes dark with lust. His breath was once again shaking with every exhale. “**Turn over**,” he demanded. “I can take you slow and easy… or if you’re ready… fast and hard.” He swallowed, holding himself back to wait for Loki’s permission. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

**It’s beyond _anything_ I’ve felt before.**

Loki wanted to reply to that — that he felt the same, that what they did meant so much to him in every sense, physically, mentally, but Gellert’s exquisitely long fingers and skilful hand distracted him.

“I—” His voice cracked into a needy gasp as he was stroked so expertly, and he lewdly thrust up in Gellert’s hand, getting even harder. _“Hahh~”_

Being watched in this vulnerable position sent pleasant, delicious shocks down his spine, and yet another orgasm started to build steadily in my lower abdomen. _I can’t believe this_, he thought for the thousandth time, his short, neat little nails digging into Gellert’s shoulders.

Gellert unexpectedly touched his hole and he moaned softly at the intrusion. It felt a bit sore, but he was too turned on to feel it for long. As Gellert fingered him, his muscles tensed, back arched, and he instinctively spread his legs more to grant more access to the other. _I feel so filthy_, Loki blushed beet red, _and I love it so much…!_ At the second finger he whimpered in pure ecstasy. _Oh God_, the thought thundered in his mind, _I’m so wet because of his cum… inside of me…_

This, in itself, was almost enough for him to finish, just when Gellert found his prostate and teased it. A desperate mewl left him, Loki already was chasing his lust beneath the other; he had no idea anyone could make him feel like this in such a short time, and for the second time in a few hours. He vaguely heard how ragged Gellert’s breathing was; and he felt proud that his reactions could make the other feel that way. Visibly barely could keep himself back.

_Making love, I said_, Loki chastised himself, _now, I want him to fuck me silly until I forget my own name…_

Gellert’s order was rough and full of desire, and Loki trembled beneath him as he released the other’s shoulders and pushed himself up on his elbows to kiss him.

“_Fast_”, he whispered in Gellert’s lips, “and **hard**, please.”

When he was let go, Loki turned around, rolling like a snake, his hair, once again, coming undone and falling in his eyes. He smirked in the pillow and raised his butt, purposefully rubbing his cheeks against Gellert’s obvious hardness.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Loki’s _please_ was tender enough that it almost softened his heart. _Almost_. He kissed Loki back with fervent hunger, then released him and watched as he did as he was told. 

Loki’s enthusiasm was a catalyst for his own desire; the tension was almost too much to bear. Gellert’s body was gone beyond the point of no return, beyond the point where his brain could make any rational decision: he **needed** him, needed to feel Loki’s skin and muscle beneath him, needed to be inside him and take him until he was completely and utterly spent.

His breaths unsteady, Gellert got to his knees, lined himself up and pushed: moving in and out, deeper and deeper, inch by inch. A moan slipped from him. Loki’d body adjusted much quicker than before, and within moments Gellert was fully sheathed inside him; he gripped Loki’s hips tightly with both hands, and quickly fell into a deep, steady rhythm. The green covers quickly fell from his shoulders and down his back, the entire bed rocking. 

Every whimper from Loki spurred him on, but occasionally he would slow - just a little - and then slam back into him, letting a new wave of pleasure build inside of him. After a while, he grabbed a fistful of black hair to yank Loki’s head back, leaning forwards so his lips were close to his ear. “_That’s it_,” he whispered, rolling his hips. “_Take it…_”

After several minutes, he knew Loki would be suitably sore afterwards. His back was shining with sweat, and Gellert could feel his own hair sticking to him. It was ecstasy, though, pleasuring and being pleasured this way. He couldn’t believe that it was Loki writhing beneath him, completely at his mercy. 

When he felt himself nearing his edge, he started to see _stars_. His fingers raked across Loki’s skin wherever he could reach: his ass, waist, hips, then to his back again. He leaned forwards, heavy atop Loki so that they both collapsed into the bed. He was so close that he could barely concentrate on anything but the tremor in Loki’s gasps. Still roughly jutting into him, Gellert sucked on Loki’s soft skin, his tongue and teeth tracing patterns on his shoulder to leave dark, bruised hickeys. He wanted Loki to remember this experience for at least the rest of the year. 

After another minute, he knew he couldn’t last any longer - with an electric jolt that coursed through his entire body, Gellert allowed his release, spilling into Loki with a low groan. He gently bit, then kissed the skin at Loki’s neck, rolling his hips until he was sure every last drop had emptied inside him. 

Completely exhausted, still lying on top of Loki, he sighed into the pillow beside Loki’s head. He swore in German, the sound muffled. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

That smirk didn’t stay around for long on his face. Gellert seemed to be already on the edge, even if Loki didn’t touch him. It was somehow amazing to him he could get the other to this state.

His expression fell into one of focus; he concentrated to relax, to take Gellert in without any problems. His eyes rolled back up before he closed them, and his mouth opened while his hands gripped the sheets under himself for support. Being completely filled with Gellert felt amazing, and he forgot for a moment how to breathe. _Oh fuck_, he thought as a moan slipped out of him. As Gellert gripped his hips tight, he knew what was coming his way — there was no way Gellert wouldn’t give him what he needed after he turned him on so much —, and trembled in anticipation.

Gellert, of course, did not disappoint. Loki moaned in his pleasure at each thrust, hands still gripping the sheets, his mind concentrated on the feeling of Gellert inside of him only, and he’d forgot everything else.

“_Oh **fuck**_”, he whimpered, “ah **fuck**, _fuck me,_ oh my God—”

Gellert gripped his hair tightly and yanked his head back and Loki grabbed at the sheets, the whispered words heightening his pleasure. He felt it in every inch of his body, from head to toe, and he was sure he’d feel it hours later, too. There wasn’t pain; just warmth that filled him up from the inside out. Gellert only added to it as his nails ran all over Loki’s body. On his pale skin, the marks stood out at once, the thin red lines crisscrossing each other on his body. He felt Gellert’s weight pressing against him and he collapsed, his mind becoming blank as soon as his erection touched the bed underneath, his orgasm exploding; it felt so powerful he was afraid he’d die because of it.

“_Gellert_, ahh, **_Gellert_**”, he cried in ecstasy, “oh _my love!_ **_My Gellert…_**”

The bites had him shaking, his body needing more, and more, and more, even as he felt Gellert finishing inside of him.

“Ah yes, that feels good”, he whimpered into the pillow under his head, voice muffled, panting. His entire body burned, he felt sweaty, and very, very tired. He smiled at the other’s German curse. “Hnn, oh, Gellert… you’re so amazing…”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert laughed into the pillow at Loki’s comment, knowing they were both half-delirious in the afterglow. He picked himself up to carefully pull out of him, then rolled away, onto his back. He grinned up at the bed canopy, only now noticing that there were small, silver stars stitched into the drapes. 

“I _am_ amazing,” he agreed, his chest rising and falling quickly, still catching his breath. He glanced at Loki. “But then… so are you.”

He tucked his arm around him again, pulled the covers back up, and they both lay there for some moments whilst their heartbeats gradually slowed: just existing in the same space with nothing but peaceful silence. Gellert wasn’t sure his mind had been so mellow, or as calm, in several months. 

He gradually closed his eyes, and he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, he was blinking open his eyes to a much darker room. Some of the candles had winked out, and the ones that remained flickered weakly; only the fire illuminated the room closer to where the armchairs were. He could see his shoes and trousers, left haphazardly on the floor.

He inhaled slowly, bringing one hand to his face to rub his eyes. His other arm had gone slightly dead where Loki lay on it, and he softly kissed the top of his head to rouse him. There was another door across from the end of the bed, and Gellert was sure the Room had helpfully provided them with somewhere to wash themselves. 

“_Liebling_,” he whispered, smiling into Loki’s hair.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Compared to how vigorously Gellert moved before, he pulled out rather gentle, which made Loki smile in the pillow under him. Each one of his muscles trembled uncontrollably, and he had _that _certain tiredness slowing his brain. This was incredible, he’d never experienced anything like this before. He was so tired he didn’t even move when Gellert lied next to him, just continued to pant.

Loki chuckled softly when Gellert confirmed that yes, he was amazing, the added comment about him feeling like a delicious stroke to his ego. Loki licked his lips as he felt Gellert’s arm near him, then swallowed as he stirred and cuddled close to his lover’s side. His hand slipped on Gellert’s chest, feeling his heartbeat, and Loki smiled as he closed his eyes; feeling spent, complete, and loved.

He was still lying on the same shoulder who knew how many hours later, when he felt a kiss on his forehead. Loki snuggled closer to Gellert, his own cheek touching his lover’s, and he let out a soft, quiet noise, to give a sign that he was awake. His hand, which was between them, felt a bit numb, the other, still on Gellert’s chest, gently stroked the skin just above the other’s beating heart, the word making him smile.

“This was the best nap… I’ve ever had…” His voice was still drowsy, and he felt sore _everywhere_, but he loved this sweet pain residing in his body now. He pecked Gellert’s cheek. “If we get caught and I get expelled for this tonight, it was worth it”, he mumbled softly, “all of it. Every second.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert chuckled, pulling his arm out from behind Loki’s head so that he could free it. Pins and needles immediately rushed across his arm, and he scooted to the edge of the bed to shake it off. 

“If you were expelled, I’d leave with you.”  
  
He meant it - this was his last year of study, and he knew Durmstrang had already taught him everything he needed to know. In his own free time he had learned so much more than what the curriculum offered, and his dark experiments had educated him in things never taught in a classroom. 

He suspected Karkaroff would even be _relieved_ if he left. He’d caused so many trouble over the years, it was a wonder he’d lasted this long. The only thing that kept him here now, at Hogwarts, were the potential locations of the last two Hallows. _And Loki._

He let Loki use the bathroom first (he had the most cause to, after all), and after Gellert had also finished, he walked back out - still naked - to collect their clothes.

Inside the bathroom there was a large and luxurious bath, sunken into the floor with several silver taps around it. It was illuminated by another two-dozen candles, some of which floated in the air like they did in the Great Hall. The different scents that had started running with the water were so potent that they followed Gellert back into the main room.

“There are towels in there,” he informed Loki, reaching out and grasping him by the wrist. He pulled him close for another kiss, their bodies colliding. 

“You can test the water first,” he said, grinning.

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Would you?”

Loki purred softly, pleased at Gellert’s reply. He watched the boy’s perfectly sculpted back as he turned his back on him, his emerald eyes trailing down the line of Gellert’s spine. _He’s a work of art_, Loki thought to himself, _and he’s **mine**._

Loki himself slowly started to get up; he closed his eyes as the gentle pains getting a little stronger in his body. By Salazar, how will he walk down the stairs? How will he even _walk _in the first place? He had to laugh at the thought. Using the bathroom was refreshing in so many ways; he even washed his face and stroked his ebony hair back. As he stared at his reflection, he had to smile; he looked so thoroughly satisfied that he would be rather surprised if nobody guessed what went down between them today. His lips were still rosy from all the kissing, and he checked his shoulders where Gellert sucked on his skin; he’d wear those bruises so proudly.

He was so taken in with the sight of their deeds on his body that he didn’t even notice the bath. Stifling a yawn, he wanted to ask Gellert to just_ please let’s get back in the bed_, when he came back. Loki looked a bit confused when Gellert reached out and grabbed his wrist; he was just retrieving his pocket watch to check the time, and saw they still had an hour before dinner started. He softly kissed back, a jolt of electricity running down his spine yet again. He groaned in Gellert’s mouth. Will this ever cease? He hoped not.

“Water?” He had to smile at Gellert’s grin when the other pulled away, and Loki pecked his lover’s forehead. “A bath? How _kind_.”

He couldn’t resist - he dropped the watch back down, his now free hand stroked Gellert’s waistline, the other entwined their fingers, then he walked back in the bathroom, Gellert in tow. An idea occurred to him.

“Listen”, he turned with a serious face to his lover, “I’d like to go with you on your next rally.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert grasped Loki’s fingers with tenderness, feeling a rush of affection that almost floored him. This was everything he had ever wanted: someone to share his dreams with. To proudly stand by his side as he changed the world for the better.

“You do?” he asked, slightly surprised. Thus far, Loki had been happier scheming in the background, helping him organise his correspondence with the scores of witches and wizards who had already sent owls to him since his last rally in Ireland. _Your message has truly inspired me, Grindelwald_, one of the latest ones had read. _Please let me know when your next rally is. I will bring my brother and sister-in-law with me._

_I have decided to write a piece in my local magazine about your marvellous ideas, _said another. _I’m sure many of our readers would love to hear more from you_. 

Gellert had already planned his next one: it was to be held on New Years Eve, in the small Cheshire village of Barnton. There would be a rather sizeable gathering, if Loki’s numbers were correct - which they always were. It worked nicely in his favour, as it was the only night of the entire year when the Hogwarts curfew wasn’t until 1am.

He helped Loki down the first few steps into the bath, holding his hand tight in case he slipped. The red-coloured fog hovering over the bath smelled like apple and cinnamon. “I would love it if you were with me,” he admitted, carefully following the Slytherin into the water and hissing slightly at the heat against his skin. 

He let go of Loki’s hand so that he could dip down properly into the water, his eyes closed against the bubbles; upon his reemergence, his blonde hair - dark with the weight of the water - was plastered to his face. He scraped it back quickly, a thought occurring to him. “But we can’t both fit under the Cloak… we’ll have to think of a way to disguise you so that we can get across the grounds and Apparate together.”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

“Of course I do.”

Loki smiled as he walked in the hot water, and held back his moan. It was a bit too hot, but smelled amazing, and he knew his muscles needed it. He rather folded his legs under himself and even then, he gingerly sat on his heels, hand still holding the other’s to help him come in safely as well.

“I’d like to hear you speak to them.”

He watched Gellert stroking his now wet hair back, and he had to smirk. He couldn’t wait to see Gellert’s reaction. He lifted his free hand to tickle Gellert under his chin — playfully, lovingly —, and Loki softly pecked his lover’s nose.

“We’ll fit under _your_ Cloak, darling”, he whispered confidently and rather proud of himself, “because I am an animagus.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

After the nose kiss, Gellert blinked, his mouth slightly agape. 

“You’re… you’re an _animagus_?” he repeated, startled. He felt a potent mixture of pride and envy, and had to lean his head back against the cool tiles to collect his thoughts. The task to become Animagi was highly advanced magic, he knew; the potion was incredibly complex, not to mention the extensive steps one had to take beforehand. If he’d ever thought it could somehow be useful to him, he’d have taken on the task himself… _but perhaps now_, he thought, _I will never have to. _

Loki’s mind and machinations were already like an extension of himself, after all: whatever powers and talents Loki possessed, Gellert had ready access to them. He knew Loki would do _anything_ for him, if he asked… perhaps he could use **this** to his advantage, too. 

“Show me,” he demanded, his curiosity getting the better of him - although a suspicion had already formed at the back of his mind. He sat back and watched, a sly smile upturning the corners of his lips. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

Loki watched Gellert’s reaction, and he felt pride how he could shock the Durmstrang student. He truly didn’t think Loki was capable of shape shifting, but this was great; if Gellert didn’t suspect… then nobody else would.

Loki leaned closer and pecked Gellert’s lips softly, then pulled back with a mischievous smirk on his face.

“If you insis_ssst_~”, he leaned close once more, his voice turned into a long, animalistic hiss, and as he leaned against Gellert’s neck, his body started the transformation at his will.

He wasted two full moons, he screwed up a step twice, but he mastered it for the third time. His bones started to shrink, but his body became long and thin as he slid around Gellert at the back of the boy’s neck; his soft, yellow-green snake tummy slithering effortlessly on the other’s skin, the rest of his long body still hidden in the water. His scales were beautiful emerald green, just as his eyes, which looked in Gellert’s eyes, content.

Loki now, was an elegant green mamba; a snake which lived in East Africa, and which, if he bit, would be able to kill in about thirty minutes with his bite.

_“Sssurprised?”_ He asked in Parseltongue, but he suspected the other didn’t understand this, just heard a hiss.

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

The transformation happened so quickly that Gellert barely had time to process it. One moment, he could feel the tickle of Loki’s breath against his neck; the next, he felt the weight of the snake around his shoulders, the silky scales moving against his skin. There was something bizarrely biblical about it: there he was, alone and naked, surrounded in his own private Eden… and now the devil himself was entwined around his body.

Man and monster, like a mirror of their souls.

The snake paused before his face, and hissed. Gellert narrowed his eyes, completely at sea. Now it was **his** turn not to understand the other - and frustratingly, Parseltongue was not something he could just learn, either. 

“You’re even prettier like this,” he joked. He raised his hand from the water, dripping, to gently stroke the smooth scales. In the flickering candlelight, and the myriad of colours within the steam, they seemed to flash with iridescent colours. _I can definitely use this_, Gellert thought, his mind already calculating the possibilities. Many wizards feared serpents, as they were often associated with Voldemort himself. A brush of fear, as well as respect, wouldn’t go amiss among his followers. 

“Can you kill?” he asked, his tone as casual and detached as though he asked for the weather. “Can you choke a person in this form? Poison them…?”

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

He did not know what he expected to happen; perhaps he hoped for Gellert to understand what he was saying in his hissing tone? It was unlikely, really. He admitted he got his hopes a bit too high. Perhaps he’d be able to teach some words to Gellert; just as he taught Loki German, too.

He raised his head a bit more at the praise, his forked tongue tasting the air around him with a quiet hiss. Being called pretty and being stroked in this form felt so good; if he ever shifted near humans before, they ran away screaming, and Gellert’s reaction was pleasing on a brand new level. Loki gently curled his body around Gellert’s neck before he slithered away; back down in the water. His transformation back was just as quick as before, and he smirked at Gellert’s question.

“Choking is not my forte”, he admitted, somehow sounding shy about his abilities, “but taking it into consideration I chose the Eastern African green mamba as my animagus form…”

He paused. He didn’t know if Gellert was familiar with snakes; Loki himself had spent a lot of time studying them, and he chose one which was deadly but also aesthetically pleasing to his own eyes. Loki shifted closer to Gellert with a smile, leaned close to his ear.

“My bite is _fatal_”, he whispered, his hand tracing a soft line down on Gellert’s shoulder slowly. He gently brought Gellert’s hand out of the water, rested his head on his shoulder, and examined his lover’s palm and fingers. “I’ve only tested it on animals. Birds, smaller mammals, cows…” He smiled and stroked the lines on Gellert’s palm softly. “No humans, _yet…_” Loki hissed, barely audible, in fear Gellert might judge him. “But some of those cows weighed around 50 kilograms, so I theorize my venom can take down a grown man as well.”

**forthegreatergoodrp:**

Gellert’s eyes followed the snake as it returned to the water, and observed the transformation with unrestrained admiration. As dazzling as the display had been, what truly impressed Gellert was the visual proof of Loki’s brilliance and determination. He had once wondered if Loki would understand his own vicious thirst to keep learning, his need to not merely learn curses, but to **try **them - _to find his limitations… _but Loki didn’t just understand. He participated.

His own words, shouted at Karkaroff before their arrival at Hogwarts, came back to him, along with Karkaroff’s reply. 

_How else am I supposed to learn whether or not I could do it? _

_Perhaps first, Grindelwald, you should ask yourself whether you **should.**_

But Gellert didn’t like to exercise caution with his magic, Dark or otherwise. He didn’t like to be punished for being clever, for being _better, _for crossing boundaries. And now, here was another who felt the same way; who would not only allow his darker inclinations, but encourage them.

Loki’s body dripped with water as he came closer, leaning in. The whisper, and the touch, made him shiver.

“But you would do it.” His own whisper was ambitious, wild: all manner of moral pretence gone. “You could live with yourself, after taking a life.” It was somewhere between a statement and a question, a surety that Gellert could feel in his heart. He looked to where their hands were, slowly moving his fingers into Loki’s so that they interlinked. Then he kissed him, slowly and deeply, feeling more at peace than ever before. 

**yoursaviourhasarrived‌:**

For a heartbeat, he imagined how heartbroken he’d feel if Gellert pulled away now. How he’d feel if the other called him a monster, one who should be in Azkaban not only for his admittance of playing with the idea of killing humans, but, for being an unregistered animagus, too. Nobody knew he was capable of doing it, only him and Gellert. And Loki placed — _almost_ — everything he was in Gellert’s hands. His vulnerability, his truth, his darkest desire to observe his poison work in the veins of a human being. The thought aroused him and Loki shivered with Gellert.

That heartbeat had passed, and what he saw on the other’s face was not hatred, disgust or fear. It was something else he’d seen on Gellert’s face already; that wild hunger to know things, one Loki often felt but hid inside of him. He locked up those thoughts in a nice wardrobe and threw away the key years ago. Now, Gellert wandered in his life and brought that key with him, and he also started to open that wardrobe. Loki wasn’t sure what he’d find in there. It terrified and excited him at the same time.

As their fingers moved around each other’s, Loki, once again, felt filled with purpose. He softly kissed back; being bare in front of Gellert felt _right_, it felt **_perfect_**. He’d shown glimpses of his true nature and the other understood them. Loki was sure this would only happen once to him in his lifetime.

When they pulled away from each other, Loki reached out for a soft cloth and put it in the water. Bringing it up again, he softly stroked Gellert’s chest with it.

“_For** you**_”, he whispered, “I _would_.” Loki knew that this was true. “If you asked me… I’d do it in a heartbeat. And I wouldn’t have any regrets. If anyone stood in your way and they can’t be persuaded to change their mind… I’d kill them for you.”

There was darkness in his voice; his tone sounding sincere and sinister at the same time. But he’d meant them. He felt in his heart he’d never meet any other being so clever and perfect in every sense like Gellert. And he knew he’d do _anything_ to make sure he stayed alive and safe. He wouldn’t feel sorry for someone who opposed Gellert. That moment was, again, one of those moments when he realised he loved Gellert too deeply to let him go in any sense.


End file.
